confusion

i've always been caught in the middle.
and i've always hated it.

but these few days,
i've been thinking,
the 2 persons that i've been in the middle of,
are 2 of my close friends.
who happens to be having problems of the heart with each other.

then, i was thinking.
oh love.

haiz. i dunno larh eh.
to me, it's just difficult to give my heart to anybody at the moment.
and when i think of people fighting for love,
i try as best to support but at the same time,
if i was in their shoes, i'd prolly forget about it and move on.
and maybe that was why i lost him.

maybe, i've come back to my secondary school mindset.
buat per nak ade mataer2, bukannye nak kahwen ngan orang tu per.
yeah maybe true.
i'm only going 20
i've so much more to accomplish in my life.
like, how i need to finish poly and get diploma.
and work, enjoy and travel.

and i actually don't know what i'm trying to prove here.

it's not that i do not believe in love.
yes, i do believe in it. but maybe not fully.

boyfriends?
hah. i don't know.
i guess it's not the right time for me to open up to a guy yet.
6 months single. gerek per.

maybe, it's about the C-word.
COMMITMENT.
something which i'm terrified of.
haiz.

but, i'm having strong feelings for arman. yes, absence makes the heart fonder.
haiz. i don't know larh.

aper cakaaaaap?

see larh.

SAGITTARIUSES! THEY ARE FOREVER CONTRADICTING THEMSELVES!

oh, and sorry atie pasal de private blog. =(
suddenly, i've got a heavy heart.
BENCI LARHHHHHH.
i think, i should just mind my own business from now onwards uh.

damn this uneasy feeling. wtf larrrhh

reminiscing.

when i was 16


when i was 17


17 years old with Shaffie (a friend). point is, look at MY HAIR! panjang giler kan!


18 years old with me then-ex-now-good-friend, Jayjay


first time clubbing at China Black with Sandy


one of ma favourite pictures.






and i miss this hairstyle. can i have my emo hair back pleaaaase?


i DEFINITELY miss this hairstyle.


oh. i guess you'd be wondering why the pictures.

i was going through my archives and then i went to look at my old photobucket accounts and i spotted a few pictures like these and made me miss my hairstyles in the past. and i NEED TO LOOK LIKE HOW I LOOK 3 YEARS AGO. damnit.


ok dah thats it. =)

busy weekend

ohh my weekend was such a long one.

well, it started out on friday when, i went for Amirza's birthday party at Tavern. It was so fun lah to see my uncles and aunts singing and laughing themselves crazy. Pictures, have been uploaded to my multiply.

http://diandeey.multiply.com/photos/album/5/Amirzas_Birthday_23.05.08

okay, on Saturday, had training in the morning. We were like pushed hard and tough during the training and some of us teared i guess. it was exhausting okay but, yeah.. you've got to feel some pain before you can feel the pleasure.

after that, me and some of the girls went to Sembawang Park coz i wanted to re-write my lyrics and we just wanna take a breather.

http://endangdk.multiply.com/photos/album/53/24th_may_-_lepakz_sembawang_pk

then on Sunday, started work at 8 am and ended work at 9.30PM. gosh. it was exhausting. but fun too i guess coz Certis Cisco had their family day at Sentosa and there were 7000 over people at Tanjong Beach and lots of cars.

So then, i came back from Harbourfront and then stayed on at Dolphin to jaga the entrance of the Tanjong Beach road. and abang Ranger tu, Khalil, he was so fun to talk to arh. a lot of sound effects ah bebual ngan dier. hahaha. and he was also the one who aided my wrist when it was torn during the incident last year.

uhm ok.. other than that, OH! OH!!!

Arman msged me on Saturday night while i was on the way home from Sembawang park. heh. =D happy giler can?

ok dah. =)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

BABY MONTEL IS ONE YEARS OLD TODAY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAYANG KUUU!

and best part, his parents are gonna have his party at a KARAOKE CLUB at Tavern(Environment Building). So off i go straight after school.

=)

yesterday.

when one is bored in class, one blogs.
when one has too many things to tell, one blogs.
when.. there's so many things happening at the same time, one blogs.

ok i think we all get the picture.

yesterday, i was so semangat lah. i woke up at 5.45 am hoping to reach class in time. but then, of course, Atie was late. Then, so i msged her this,

"Atie, aku mcm nak makan macgriddles."

and.. HAHAHA.

she said something like today she got lab and den if wanna skip, must skip the whole day coz she had lab class yesterday and if she skipped first meeting she'll be lost.

ade link tak?

so then, yes, i bought my macgriddles, and yes, we caboted and went to Sentosa coz i wanted to write lyrics for comp.

and we saw Ashik as soon as we reached harbourfront. haha. and he said, "korg ni pagi2 dah kacau aku.." haha.

so anyways, we went to the Southernmost Point, my most favourite place in Sentosa. and we just chilled facing the sea and we saw this.



so you think it's all rocks? look again.



there's a monitor lizard.

and so, out of fear, we walked towards the hut and just sat down there for hours. Atie went to walk around while i was writing my lyrics. then it drizzled. and then it rained. and, it stormed.





and i had to put down the phone with Zoul coz absolutely inaudible. The wind was freakingly gusty. And soon enough the whole place got wet. So, to save ourselves, we decided to make a run for it, sheltering our heads with these things.


a labcoat and a shawl.

so atie led the way. haha. look how heavy the rain was.



so we reached to the tower, soaking wet.





haha. the whole place was like, a getaway temptation island thing. it was cool la. so anyways, i got restless staying for too long there and so, we made the run again.

which ended like this..



we were freakingly wet with no extra clothes. danggg.

and then went to washup at my offices' toilet and borrowed Ahmod's toiletries. and you know what, after we washed up, the weather was dammmn blooody hot and bright. ouhh geez.

so we went out and did this..





we just lay our stuff there to dry while i waited for Abang Omar. So yes, i managed to get him to send us back to RP coz he stays in Woodlands as well. But yeah, he will only end work at 4. So, that gave me and atie time to go around.

in the blue line..







went down at Siloso Point, hoping to see Abang Shangri-La yang hansem tu but he wasnt there. And then we took Pinky the double decker.





so then, while waiting for Abang Omar, saw Uncle Zul. Haha. asked him for some sticks. gerek per uncle ni mcm. huhu.

so then, yea lah. tumpang-ed Abang Omar back to RP and had training till 9pm. Yesterday was like the first time a lot of Endangduts cabot-ed class but not together lah. and yesterday, most of us.. haiz. nevermind.

i love them.

exhaustion

IDEAS.

i need ideas badly.
but..
SLEEPY and HUNGRY.
hahaha.

i've concluded that i have a very busy schedule this month and the next.

Tertiary Silat Competition: Gelanggang Crew.
Layar Citra 2008 Dikir Competition
Yellow Ribbon Project Show

on top of that,
job @ Sentosa
new job as tutor

plus
family's need of going to holiday on top of a busy schedule.

and plus again,
FYP and PP

and plus plus again,
endless trainings.

ohhh great. no life sia.
and it's very exhausting.
urgh.

MACAM MANER NIE?
REALLY WRITER'S BLOCK.
WHAT THE HELLLL.

boost!

i'm in love with CADBURY BOOST.
so in love and addicted.

howells, today, had fyp at 10.
so early in the morning sehk.
yesterday slept late to do work.
been freakingly tired these few days.
so many events.

so i would be in school till 9pm today.
mcm giler kan.
on a WEDNESDAY!
shucks.

i'm supposed to write some lyrics.
and i tried,
ABEH WRITER'S BLOCK.
what the heckkk.
i'll try to continue at night uh.

and you know, sometimes i think.
i should just remain single.
makes me and my parents happy.
and we have good communication when i'm single.

thanks jay and jayjay (jumali) for listening out to me.
=D

oh and dis morning, i walked past this short fat 30plus-ish guy.
and he looked at my boobs!
what the fuck.
and he commented.
"koosmangat!"

cheebye larh!

binget saks.

oh what the hell la.

cant wait for training later! huhu!

Your Heart is Feeling Broken

Your heart is pretty much destroyed right now, and it's hard for you to think of anything else. You are in deep despair, and sometimes it feels like you will never love again. Your hear may be at its lowest point right now. Things can only get better from here. Deep down, your heart is susceptible to: Being swept away by the wrong person Your current outlook on love: You find yourself wondering if love is ever worth it Your love life will improve if you: Take a lot of steps back. You're in no shape to fall in love right now. Watch out for: Anyone who may try to take advantage of your fragile state.

What Is Your Heart Feeling?

oh the food haven's radio in school is playing that knock 3 times song.
the song that abah played time the launch of the peranakan museum.

ok dah. ku diam.

damn it big time.

i know it's gonna end up like this.
shit lah.
i dunno what i want anymore.
contemplating huh..

merepek lah dee.
i'm just so pissed off with myself.
i know i shouldnt.
but i still did it.
and now, i'm regretting it.

ARRRRGGGGHHH.
DAMN IT.
DAMN IT.
DAMN IT!

haiz. i need time alone.

and i miss mama and abah sey. =(

THURSDAY

ohh life is such a whirlwind these few days.

i havent been to class for a week already. and i feel so bad about about it.
Monday cabut
Tuesday overslept
Thursday, cabut
Friday slept at home.

urgh.

so anyways, the Thursday i cabut-ed. Called Atie and asked her if she wanna go in for 2nd meeting since we're late, might as well be late. So, yeah.. Waited for her at CWP Mac and then we had McGriddles.



Look at the packets of sugar we took. KENCING MANIS! haha



Atie, does not like the sausage. So i made her trade the sausage for the egg with me. Haha.. So it turned out to be like this..

Before.



After



haha.

then, my chilli sauce plate stuck together - TWICE, while i cecah my burger onto it.



haha. it was so funny la. and me and Atie talked like a lot. since its been a long time since we hung out together eventhough ade trg. Pity Jay wasnt there.

So we decided to go to the library. But i had to go Watson to my pressed powder. Huhu and this was what we left..



Litters neatly in place. Haha. A lot too.

Then at the library. Sheesh, if the librarian was strict, she'd prolly throw us out. We were so noisy lah. Haha. Who wouldnt be, when you do silly things like chatting when u're just separated by a pillar and WEBCAMMING away..








Atie the Minah Tudung.


Atie the Rocker


Atie the Emoshit.

Then i was lookin at this profile on my multiply.
Songsang lah okay! Satanism stuff.

and i said.. "Bile budak nie nak pergi ke hujung pangkal?"

Haha. den Atie burst and said,
"BILE NAK PERGI PANGKAL JALAN LAAAAHHH"

=) *malulah saye*

Then after that JAY joined us. Slack2. And then we went to watch CONGKAK!



Seram lahhh oi. Tsktsk. Sound effect ISHHHHK.. Happening. The storyline also seram uh. A must watch i say.

Then after that, we went to eat School's Haven. Then i went for UT and met them back for trg.



and yes, after training that wrapped up the day.

oh yesterday was MCG Welcome Tea Party. Another day yeh? Dah cukup panjang seh post ni.

short.

i planned to blog.

but i ended up deleting over 300++ contacts in my msn.

and now, it's 2.50am.

and i'm sleepy.

next time.

night.

weird.

somebody landed on my blog after searching for my ex's full name.
hah. how weird.

i havent been to school these 2 days.
network security and banking.
the 2 worst modules ever.

so yesterday,
firstly, i couldnt find my ezlink in the morning.
got fed up then i just left home and at Lakeside, it was freakingly crowded than usual.
squeezed in the train like i've never done before.
so then decided not to go to school.

went to Mac, had McGriddles.
Then decided to go to the library and slack.
and the library wasnt due open till 10 am.
which was an hour later.
so i sat at Civic's Mac. bluetooth some pics to the laptop.
and decided, to go to Sentosa to do my PP.

ok so went to Woodlands Interchange for 963.
then the worst thing happened.
i couldnt find my handphone.
and i thought i left it at Mac.
So i went back to Civic.

and when i reached Civic, i realised,
i didnt buy anything. so, the table was empty.
so i looked thoroughly in my bag.
and yeah, it was there.

so yes, i went back to the interchange.
queued up.
and 963 came.
i was thinking how come the queue wasnt moving?
so then, i looked again.
i was queue for 161.
BLEARGH.

reached Sentosa.
and it rained on me.
GREAT!

WHAT A MONDAY AYE?

today,
actually... the plan was to go in during 2nd meeting.
but overslept till Bas called me at 10.30. haha
finee.

so anyways,
work tmr.

oh oh. i tried the webbie that atie recommended.
kekekness.























kelakar sey.

ok, i'm done.