back in business.

and so i'm back.. from outer space..

haha.. wadderr...

i'm back from Indonesia.. i've been going to the island like, every year.. but i don't know why we go there.. i mean, like, does my family even have any relatives? coz from what i know, it's my uncle's wife who came from that island.

only yesterday, i found out from my mum.. that my granddad was from that island. and he fled to Lazarus Island and then to Singapore.

so yeah.. NOW I KNOW.

lolz. so i'm part Indonesian and Boyanese. Coz my late Granddad from my dad's side was from Pulau Bawean in the other side of Indonesia.

hah.. so i have Indonesian blood in me.

i've uploaded the pics in my flickr.

click here.

well.. talked to someone who worked in sentosa last night. he said he admire me. i was like.. okaaaay. den he kept asking if i wanna go on a date. lol. yeahh sure.. like i don't owe THAT many people any dates.

urhhh..

the most obvious is Si 'SHACUTE laaaahh! hahhhaha.. keep pestering me when to go out with her. hahaha. i totally cannot find the time. the only free time i have is today. and next tuesday which, i've already made plans with Aisyah since she's back from Australia.

other than that, i still owe a lot of other people dates. join the queue eh please. LOLZ.

okeh. now that i'm back. my schedule has been set again. nyeeehhh. and believe me, my schedule is tight. and.. i need to do my PP. arghh. stress sia. i don't know how to survive year 3 man. i guess i can work as much anymore. haiiz. suckks ahh.

and to add on, i still to prepare for the Republic Quest. Yeah, a singing competition in school. I need to prepare one English song, and a song in another language. Haiiz. i dunno what song to do. I wanna do Christina Aguilera's I Turn To You. But i'm not really confident about it. That's why i'm still searching for other songs. For the other language, i still don't know what song to do. argh. stress.

and, when school reopen, i'm gonna have to re-start the dikir girls in school.

ok, i'll be a damn busy girl.

heh, wad's new?

howells, i'll update when i have the time okay. haha.. and i wonder when that will be..

picking up.

to all my sayangs,

i'm sorry for the lack of updates. been busy, tired and the network's been on and off.

so, last saturday started work at 5.30 pm. zoukout duty 5.30 pm to 8pm. i was suprised that Cik Jamilah told me to work overnight coz usually, girls weren't allowed to. so, was stationed at Harbourfront with Siew Yong, Cik Jamilah and the new guy Farid. Me and Farid were talking non-stop while stationing ourselves near the slope. but then, he had to go in the island, left me alone there. and i saw... Ayul. LOL. i should've known. haha.. he was with Ceety and his friend which, i've forgotten the name.

i took pics. and i realise, i can make a mood story again!

One Day, a girl named ChiCka, who was a Sentosa Marshal, had to work for Zoukout and she was stationed at Harbourfront.

She soon got bored at Harbourfront after 11 pm so she requested to be proceeded to Sentosa after 12.30 pm. Then, after proceeding in, she was placed at the Gateway Carpark Entrance.

she was okay with it until Singh came to fetch her and her friends, to Beach Station. So they stayed there. And at 5 plus, she was like this...

so, looking at her condition, Singh decided to pity her so at 6.45, Singh sent Nazmi and her to go to the office to rest.

She was soooo..

but her happiness was shortlived. So.. she decided to....

Haha that's all..

Today went tanning with Sandy and Josephine. Too lazy to blog about it. Pictures will tell it all.

okeh.

MY REPLIES TO TAGS!

'SHACUTE™: Weiii. Bila Nak Keluarrr ? Set A Date Please. Ajak Orang Ramai Join The Party Too Okey? Oh2, Si Ilah To Pon Alrite. HAHAH! =)))))
==> ChiCka: HAHA. biler ehh?? i also dunno.. Maybe after i come back from Indon k.. Nak carik laki untuk kamu! hahaha.. =p

syasya: i link u alr dear..at last! =)
==> ChiCka: haha.. thanks gal~

Hikerl: relink
==> ChiCka: okeh. relinked already!

LIN: hello DEE! hope everything will turn out fine. i know u will come out of this mess unscathed. i have faith in you for that! cheers! oh, and me lup u. don't forget that
==> ChiCka: hello LIN! thanks for the faith baby.. me lurbb euu too. =))) haha.

Jalilah: its ok honey. you got me! hugs. njoy ur holiday!
Jalilah: eyy afer tuh aku nmpk name aku si ilah. hahaha
==> ChiCka: thanks sweets. haha.. nampak aje eh name kau.. ahha..

'SHACUTE™: A'aah! Nama Ilah Macam Terselit Dicelah Gigi Gitukan Kan Kan Kan. Hahaks!
==> ChiCka: HAHA. terselit dicelah gigi perrr.. LOL. pandai jerr ehh kamu..


Okeh i'm done. toodles~

=/

yes i was the bitch.
and i was the liar.

but the last thing in my mind was to treat you like a fool/bastard.

if i was thinking of treating you like that, i would have held a little longer so that it would make u crazy about me. but i didn't. the earlier i leave, the lesser pain you would feel. and it caused me some pain too. you're not alone.

i just can't bear being with someone, while thinking about another. you made me believe in love for awhile. but then, it faded.

i just don't want to lie anymore. not to you. or to myself especially. please don't do anything stupid and take care of yourself. well, that's done. just leave me alone. i'm just not ready for another relationship.

i don't think i'm high-maintenance. but i just want someone average. nice. not rude. not vulgar. haiiz.. someone like, astroboy. like, mr ranger. my 2 favourite guys even though we're not close anymore.

haiiz.. i need to pick myself up again.

haiiz.

i don't like the feeling of being attached.

i don't like being attached.

how the hell did i get myself into this mess? how can i be someone whom i don't have any respect for? or in the matter, someone whom i don't love?

been crying these few nights.. coz i can't stand being in the relationship anymore. he's so different from me. he's so different from most guys i know. and i just can't take that anymore. the best thing is to leave.

i know i've made a difference in his life in such a short period of time. i know how happy he is when he's with me. but, i have to be selfish for my own happiness. i don't love him anymore.

or, it has never been love but just pure infatuation.

Dear God,

You must have a reason for meeting him and me. But i can't stand it anymore. I don't wanna do the things which you forbid anymore, at least not in that kind of manner. I can't stand hearing vulgarities every single minute, even though it's not for me.

You know what kind of person i am, God. You know he's the exact opposite of me. i'm just not like that kind of person anymore. i've changed. please don't make me go back to my old ways. Give me strength to tell him that i want out.

You do know who my heart is for. Please guide me. I need your guidance.

Amin.

where're you astroboy? i miss you loads.

2nd December!

okay so i know that 2nd December was like, 3 days ago. but yeh.. i'm still gonna blog about it.

andd.. I'M FINALLY 18 LAAAA!

ahakz.. so, my parents planned a pit. and the night before, mummy gave me a green handbag. and inside, there were:

- 1 wallet
- 1 blusher
- 1 mascara
- 1 lipstick
- 1 face pallete
- 1 perfume
- 2 pair earrings
- 3 deodorants

like, omfg!! so happy lahh can.. and they were all from avon. geex.. must've cost her a bomb! then, on my bday, daddy came back home and gave me this plastic bag. he said his friend went to australia so he asked his friend to buy stuff for me lah. so i got a t-shirt and 6 nougats and 2 koalas. =)

and so, about 4 plus, we went to the pit at changi.. about 6 plus went to changi village to pick kak diana and her boyfie. and she gave me a red long sleeve fila top and a pair of earrings which is red and black in colour. i lup you so muchh laah! hahaha..

so the bbq went well... kak diana went back.. den about 12 plus, a guy i got to know, Apai called me.. we talked.. and when i was talking to him, i saw... a white cloth flying at the beach side. lawl...

and guess what, Apai asked me to be his gf! haha.. and i must've been crazy to accept coz we've never met b4..

i guess, it's because, i'm just so tired of rejecting ppl and losing friendships over that. and like i said, if i feel like i wanna accept, i will accept. and i did. will talk about him much later.

so, then on sunday, we went back at about 8 plus pm. siannism lah. my laptop batt flat, hp batt flat. hurhur. so reached home, quickly switched on my laptop..

and i wanna thank all these ppl..


irfan
babaji thana
abg siraj
din
malik
mazlinda
zul
daniel
nouru
songye
abang alias
jalilah
natasha
abg wady kuntare
abg man
tiara and family
jas harlequin
kecik
amir
faizul
kumar
farah
busu ayu
khairul
jumali
jae
ami chelopz
linda
aisyah
sid
leanna
tianchan
'shacute
arip
yida
manboi valentino
shast
ash
afique
krishna
yanyan
juita
sandy
lin
ernest
firdaus
hafidz

and of coz..

mr apairazkal.

god! that was a long list. nyehhh. that shows how much i appreciate all of you for wishing me happy birthday!

so here are some pics...

me and ayah

me and ibu

me and abang (my kid bro lah actually)

and lastly...

me. heh.

okay so enuff of the birthday...

let's talk about mr razkal.

yesterday was the first time i met him. and shit lah.. he's so damn tall.. i feel so short. but he's okay i guess. i mean, he's not that good looking or the pretty boy kind, but i feel so secured when i'm wif him. and he makes me happy. and i just hope that we can last long.

if only, they don't interfere. and they don't take him away from me.

baby, thanks for coming into my life and for making me believe in love again. iloveyou.

stress

these few days, i've been so stressed up. like, eversince i've got the mail from the programme chair, i've been like, depressed eversince.

it's all because of my high absenteeism and not taking school seriously. okay. this was what she sent.

This is regarding your high absences, weak grades this semester which will affect your module selection for next year.

If you do not intend to continue your studies here, please download the withdrawal form from myrp, get your parents' signature and bring it to the One-Stop Centre.

geez. i've been depressed eversince. i've never been a poor student. neither am i an ace student. but all along, i've never repeated any modules, until now. or, withdraw from school or whatsoever. but of course, i'm not that stupid to go withdraw from school uh. haiz. i'm just gonna suffer for Academic Year 07/08.

and that would mean, lesser work. haiiiz.

i'm so blardy stressed up okay! and i havent even finish my PP yet. urgh i need a break from all these.

hmm. it's 2 days to the 2nd December. Maybe that's just one of the things which i've been looking for. Daddy asked me where i wanna go on the 2nd December. i don't know. anywhere which can give me a good break. probably gonna go malaysia.

haaiz... i just feel like crying now lah.. i havent been crying for such a long time. =(

and, not to mention, i'm having some heart problems. Farah once told me, "yes, moved on.. but you haven't gotten over it."

well, yes i've been caring so much for him these few months and when things go wrong, i just try to deny everything. that's just me isn't it? i'm just good at denying.

haiiz... i think i'm ready to open up to someone. maybe i want a relationship now. but if i do, what about my 2 favourite guys? i don't wanna leave them.. *sobs*

howhowhow?

raaa...

abang man was surprised i was home damn early yesterday. i reached home at 6pm. and yes, i've got the much needed sleep that i want to. i slept at 9.30pm last night. and yes, now i'm in school.

it just irks me that my new facilitator kept giving me a C. i mean, i know that my good grades are gonna land me to a C for the whole module after all and they don't mean a difference. but at least, you know, it's a new class and all, just give me some time to work it out.

something's come up.

i just wanna run away and cry.

i'm baaackk!

ok so people have questioned my hiatus.

heex.. well.. i've been good. just that i was freaking busy and i just did some soul searching, threw away some feelings, and yeah, i'm back. =) i miss blogging oh so much! heh...
drama has already ended. the show was okay. the technical glitches sucked big time. however, natasha's grp which performed on friday had a much better show. howells, that's just show business.

but then! on friday, haha.. we had the flame awards.. and the theme was retro rock. and there was a party after that. omg.. drama totally rocked the night lahh. heh.. it was crayzeee!!! we owned the stage and we made the most noise eventhough we had a few people. heh.. and i danced for like, 1 hour plus.. wooh. but the songs were a bit boring coz it was retro 70s and 80s songs.

and YES! i came in as a GOTH ROCKER CHICK! hehhh!

yeah well, drama people are camera-hoggers btw. so yeah, while the show was ongoing, with crowds in front, we ran to the front stage and posed and snapped a pic. =)



well, i'm still waiting for the pics to be uploaded to the sharepoint.. then i will upload it here.
but then, urhm.. nevermind. i will only say it when the right time comes.

i've been working like a bitch again. last saturday, i worked for 12 hours.. from 9 am to 9 pm. and to think 12 hours is bad, on sunday, i worked from 7 am to 9 pm! how's that?!! haha.. i swear, my legs were all numb and my focus wasnt as sharp. like wadderrhell. it's been a crazy crazy week.

okay well.. =) i'm back. tag me okeh. hhaha..

withlotsoflove.

soul searching.

untill i find myself again, then i will blog.

as they say, i'm on hiatus.

know-it-all.

i only had 1 hour of sleep this morning.
i saw her at woodlands this morning.
i havent had my breakfast this morning.
easily said, i am cranky this morning.
and, i'm having my period.

there's just this guy in my class who thinks he's a know-it-all. it's pissing me off. he was even lazy to move his fucking heavy butt to my place because he was in my team. And i wasn't the one who wanted to sit there. The facilitator told me so. And he told the facilitator, Team 3 can be anywhere what. So we can just sit here lah.

WTF. Just move your fucking heavy ass down to my table alright and quit arguing with the faci. And guess what, he's doing all the work and not discussing it with me or the guy next to me because, he was only telling the guy next to him what is right and what is wrong.

sheesh.

fuck. i don't feel like doing anything. i'm in such a cranky mood this morning. blame it on period, not enough sleep and hunger.

so don't any of you dare to cross my way today.

LONG POST AHEAD!

finally a proper update from me.

been freaking busy these few days. what's new aye? i've been busy eversince i'm in poly. lolz.

hmm. lemme see. My Hari Raya was crazy. The first day of Raya, I went to 12 houses. Reached home at 1 am. And the following day i didnt go for class. Last Saturday went to 8 houses, of which 7 houses, i had to eat coz they whipped up nice food. Lolz. I have a huge family. It's been crazy but, yeah, not as meriah as last time. This year, i think we missed a lot of houses coz my younger relatives havent visited our family yet.

You see, my dad is an uncle who has lots of nieces and nephews who are married. So, if these nieces and nephews have not been to our place, my dad would insist on not going to their place because the young should always go to the elders first. ouhh heck. and anyway, it'll be more difficult because we are not having any open house this year. yeah, that's why.

moving along.

Last Sunday i went back to work. Gawd i missed work. And you know what, it turned out that Cik Jamilah, my I/C was having her off day that day. And the I/C for that day was our supervisor Viknas. The guy don't know how to work. He's just down there like Raffles.

So anyway, i came in at 945 to the office, signed in and everything and called Rose, the other Transport I/C. She was busy with some other stuff. So, guess what, she put me in charge of the marshals. She specifically said, help me for this 1/2 hour.

well guess what, it didn turn out to be 1/2 hour. it turned out to be 1 day. So i had to make sure all the marshals were at their location, everything to be set up and make sure they have their breaks.

and, well.. these new kids made trouble coz they came late. they were supposed to start at 10 but they came in at 12. nevermind. but then, i found out. my boys are also causing trouble. Jimmy and Tian Chan were MIA and were uncontactable. WHY AAAHH?

So then, i was like, totally short of manpower. sigh.

And, you know what? i witnessed an accident. LOL. Right in front of me. Oklah it wasnt that major but it was my first time witnessing and reporting. ahaha.

but overall, that day was crazy. everyone was searching for me for instructions, for situations, Tango Control keep calling for Siloso Point Updates. And lastly, Abang Nazree was like, "Senior Marshal, Senior Marshal Dian come in over." LOL and i replied, "send over" and he said, "well done, good job, good job"

ahahha. and there was also he said this, "WAHH, Dian naik pangkat.. (Dian Promoted)"

i was like, "nooo. " He's not the only one who said it lah. Cik Mashud also said that. I mean, to me, i'm still the same marshal and same Dian that everyone in Sentosa knows. My working style is still the same.

But i guess 2 years working in Sentosa, it really has taught me a lot as a person. It has taught me how to be firm in my decision making, to be patient and tolerant of people of different walks of life, not be afraid of any complaints from anybody especially tour guides and also, complain kings and queens. Yes, working in Sentosa has made me a stronger and wiser person.

Which sometimes, i wonder. If they're saying that i'm a senior marshal, why not Siew Yong be I/C? I mean, he's worked here longer than me. I mean, i am more senior than him by 2 days because we both started at monorail but he was sacked then, which made him transfer to Marshal. And he's a more senior marshal than me, that's why, for that i respect him, even though no other marshals did. The other marshals never liked him but for me, i know him better.

I could imagine the look on some of the new marshal's face when they heard me on the set. I wouldnt say i like them but yeah well, my boys don't like them either. heh. they don't do much. my boys put in their hard work and everything and i really credit them for that. I think my boys are the best marshals i've seen.

my boys?

Nazmi, Faiz, Jimmy, Tian Chan.

They are my boys who worked an average of 10 to 12 hours every weekend. I really credit them a lot. And i'm proud of them because, they know the meaning of TEAMWORK. And they're not individualist. They help each other.

Unlike these new kids. And i don't see the reason why they need to hold the walkie talkie when my boys are not even holding one and the new kids are not even using it. And, when i gave Nazmi the set, so that i can communicate with someone senior at the location, when i came back, the set was with the new kid. HMM.

Look, i don't care if you're a guy, i don't care if you're older than me. I know when i'm right and when i'm wrong. And if you're new, don't act as if you know everything. That seriously piss me off. Don't act like you're some kind of hero. I'm not going to be impress.

My rule is easy.

I do not want people to slack. This job isn't for people to slack. If you wanna slack, find yourself another job. Because when you slack, you are sabotaging your other marshals with more work. It's not fair.

The seniors have taught me good. And now it's my turn to pass down whatever they have taught me. It's not because of the one day that i took charge that i'm like this. I'm still planting my feet down to earth. Like i said, it's not because that i'm regarded as a senior marshal, i've been bossy or fussy or whatsoever. My boys know my style of working. I have passion for my work.

Customer Service, you're in frontline. I do not want people to think we give bad service and bad impression. We have to be the best in everything that we do. And NEVER. And i mean NEVER, give a bad impression to guests.

People hate my guts sometimes. Say anything you want, you can never bring me down. Call me a bitch, a slut, for all i care. You don't know me so you can say whatever you want. I know myself best, my friends know me well. They know what sort of person i am. If you wanna say things about me, go ahead.

It's human nature to judge people. It can never be stopped. I'm not angry. In fact, i classify these people as shallow-minded people for believing what they read or see but not going in any deeper to find out the real meaning of the things that they believe in. So if i dwell in the matter too much, i'll be wasting my time. so why should i?

i've gone through too much to care. so don't bother trying to pull me down.

because i am at my strongest.

fuh.

luckily i bumped into Arip yesterday. And today.

And with his help, i'm finally going to get the group up and running. Insya' Allah. I'm going to hold the meeting for the girls, discuss, and then we'll be following the boy's with the training. I just hope everything will go according to plan. well, yeah. like, i have a plan like that. =.=

sleepynyer.

ah but anyways. Raya has been crazy. Like really.

okeh. i can barely open my eyes.

good night.

Janji Diana

last night i watched one of my favourite malay movies.

Janji Diana.

It was touching lah.. It's about this girl named Diana who can ride superbikes and she anti-guys because something happend in the past and also because of her dad. She went through so much in life. She's like, so not feminine. And then she met this guy Haikal who showed her the meaning of life, and made her change. But sadly, in the end Haikal died because he was trying to get revenge from Ijoy who raped his sister and also Diana.

Then i was thinking, i want a guy who will do that to me. Someone who can bring me down to earth and will help me change myself for the better. Someone who will be strict with me and hopes that i will be a good person and also, someone who will not use me to their advantage (get what i mean in this?)

But then, i thought again. Everytime i get to know a guy, i will be quick to judge. And if it happens that i don't like him, i'll give em the silent treatment. And if the guy ever wants to change me, i'll get pissed off. So, please tell me how the heck can i get the sort of guy i want, when, i'm the one pushing the person away? Lol.. I'm a contradiction.

I admit that I was a, urhm.. Bitch? no. Playgirl? Sounds wrong. HMM.

Let me just have a reflection of my life.

2005.

Chey.. Got internet already. Got to know different kinds people when i entered poly. Chat here, chat there.. Got introduced to Anak Melayu. Lols. It was crazy. I knew lots of guys then. My first chat boyfriend was Farizan. Lasted a few weeks. Then it was Ayul. That was the craziest time i had. 5 months with him. Then after we broke up, it was like, disastrous.

I think i was hanyut already at that time. I've got 3 boyfriends of whom i've never met before. But of course not at the same time lah. Damn2 crazy.

Then i stayed single for a while.

Only when i met someone (you know i know lah horzxz. LOL) in January 2006, Then, i changed a bit. Dunno for the good or for the worse. Haha. But i think for the good lah. I've never felt so loved like that before.

But of course, i couldn't keep up with the relationship because, one thing, i was too busy. 2nd, my relationship was deteriorating. We never have time for each other. It was sad laaaah. Like, cannot meet your boyfriend. But well.. What to do..

i remember, 2 days after we broke up. i cried till i went half insane. screaming and throwing my things, remembering all the memories and the promises. and the i love yous. it really hurt me bad lah. and i didnt go to school for 2 wks some more.

man that was crazy. like, seriously. i don't even know how i ended up like that. but then, i picked myself up again. i have to move on. and I DID!! hehh.

and i fell again. like nangka busuk. LOL.

Because of urhm. Mr Ranger. HAH well, i shan't remember what happened because it was fukken complicated.

then i went through lots of shit. broke down like dunno how many times.

and now, here i am.

it's hard to define the situation or the character i am now. i don't know lah. i just don't wanna fall in love.

firstly, if i get into a relationship now, my relationship with my parents will definitely suffer. i don't like it. i'm just so tired of arguing and quarrelling and lying to them. enough is enough.

secondly, i don't have time. really. tuesdays, wednesdays, thursdays are for Drama. Saturday Sundays are for work. So i'm left with Mondays and Fridays, which, i might just finish school at 5.

thirdly, i'm scared of commitment, hurt, and i'm totally not ready for a relationship right now. i'm just scared.

the fear of it.

but of course, when i went to Nami's friendster profile, i was like, AWWW. SO SWEET. haha. i still have feelings okay even though i'm as Snow Queen as it is. LOL.

okeh lah. going for lunch with sandy bo bandy. =p

toodles.

i'm supergirl

i worked like a dog.

no wait, i worked like a female dog.

and yes, i worked like a bitch.

12 hours on Saturday and 10 hours on Sunday. Cik Jamilah wanted me to work another 2 more hours on Sunday.But i said, i really cannot tahan already. I didnt fast for both days. Sheesh. But i wonder why, i mean, it's Deepavali yet there's a lot of Indians coming to Sentosa. Howells..

I didnt go school today. I feel like i'm dehydrated. Reached home last night, i was puking like i was draining water from myself. I puked 5 times last night. Geex. It was horrible. I didnt take UT too. Sighness. And! I skipped this lesson twice. pfftt.

Other than that,

SELAMAT HARI RAYA to all my Muslim friends. Salah Silap Harap Diampunkan. Ku Tau Ku Banyak Bersalah Pada Ramai Org. Dari Hujung Rambut Hingga Hujung Kaki Tulus Ikhlas Ku Ucapkan Selamat Hari Raya.

Jangan Lupa Masak Sedap2 and Banyak2 Ok.. Ahakz.. Faham2 Lah Perut Dee Ni Macam Tong Dram. =) Duit Raya Pun Takmo Lupe K..ahakz..

OUHHHH.

LOOK AT THIS. it's coolness.









HOW COOL IS THAT??!! AHAKZ. Nora Danish appeared twice!

Lols. Okok. Dream On Dee!

bleargh

ish. i should stop chatting with him. it hurts.

i'm online at 5.50 am. How great is that?? Urgh.. Shit lah.. I wanted to sleep but i know i wont be able to wake up if i slept. Argh.

Went to Vivo again last night and i went nuts at Forever 21. They have really nice tops. And quite cheap too. Whhooo. I rate Vivo City as my favourite shopping ctr! Gosh.. I have no idea though how much i spent yesterday. Okay la.. Maybe not that much. I don't remember. Nyehh.

i'm still chatting! urgh.

Eh ya.. Happy Deepavali to my Indian friends. Sid, George, Vishal and my ex classmates. Whoever they are. Happy Deepavali.

okeh. 6 am. I'll go get ready.

give up ar.

DAH. GIVE UP. I GIVE UP IN DOING PHP.

URGH. I totally didn't want to come to class today. But then i thought, my handphone havent charge yet lah.. Where the heck am i going to find a power pluck. Geex. I so hate Fridays.

This morning, i was shock-en (LOL) when HE msned me. He asked me if i was angry.
And i said.. I've no reason to be angry. And i'm not angry, i'm just disappointed.

And he didnt' reply me after that.

Disappointed ah. How can you believe a rumour about me? Like, HELLO. You know me better than he does. And he's telling you something which is NOT TRUE and you believed him?! Haiz.. And because of her, you know yourself best. I've advised you enough. You're old enough to know what to do.

and u say, u can never understand why we can't be together.
it's okay. like i've said, i'm not expecting anything from you. i never have.
i understand. i understand fully.

i'm drowning myself with these 2 songs. From The Heart and Linger. I don't know lah. I don't know what to feel or how to feel. My heart is numb.

Like what me and Jimmy said to each other.

Me: I don't want to be in a relationship now. My heart is super-glued.
Jimmy: At least your heart is super-glued, you can still open it up. My heart is cemented.

WAHAHA. How funny is that? Lol.

Sigh.

I'm just a changed person. Like someone said, "u're not the same Dian i knew. and yes, that Dian is dead"

Yes, that Dian is dead.

Hmm. Let me see. I guess Dian then was too kind, too soft spoken. She lets people get away with things and lets people take advantage over her.

But now, no such thing is going to happen. i'm not going to bother about any single thing. all i care is the people i'm around with everyday. i don't go out with guys already. it's either i have no time, i will make myself not to have time.

i'm not even home to help my parents clean the house. Okay ah. Don't say house ah, my room is still not cleaned up yet. Hah. It's now all about, school, cca and WORK.

and i'm a workaholic, got a problem with that?

i keep thinking about you and i wonder why. i've said i wanted to take my leave, and i almost did. 11 days. i kept myself away from you for that long. tell me, why do i feel so wrong without you? sigh.. it's not that i love you, i'm trying not to love you because i don't wanna hurt either of us. but, i care for you. that's just it. it just hurts.

Ramadhan

heh..

i changed my blogskin like, again. i likeee. those of you who managed to get in here and read this post, kudos to all of you. =))

well, what do i blog now?

hmm.. you know, since Ramadhan is here, i've been thinking quite conservatively. Like, i get so pissed when i see couple with their PDA. PDA? Public Display of Affection. Like, especially in school uniform. sheesh. tell me i'm getting old. SHEESH.

maybe the character of Mona Lisa, the one that i'm doing for Sanity Sense and Sex for Playtime, is getting on to me.

She's someone who's very judgemental about guys and also opiniated about sex. Someone who's very boastful, prideful, egoistic and also has high self esteem.

I have this line,

"... you know, what happens in a relationship between a man and a woman gets mirrored to the world.. people are watching us, they judge what they see..."

i find that true, actually.

it's just, i mean, if you wanna do it, fine.. but you don't have to let the public squirm with your PDA.

gosh.

okeh whatever.

i'm not that alim myself.

and maybe, i'm just having one of those moody days.

i need fan fan.

pics, pics and more pics.

Firstly, Happy Belated 14th Years Old to my Bro SHAFIKKI. LOL. Shafiq lah.

Dah besar boboy. LOL.

So yesterday went to Changi and Geylang and reached home like, at 1 am. And i haven't sleep till now. Ok, maybe i did lah in class. LOL.

So today, was in the same team as the Girls. =)

and dis was what happend.

Hahaha.. Like nothing to do seyyy.. And i was like, step hairdresser manerr jerr.. Hahaha..

Then, we cam-whored.

Presenting...

FACILITATION ROOM E24K.

The Girls.

This is our working space.

Messy ehhh..

Then today after school, thought of going to watch movie. So i asked Daniel ah. Then, the most fucked up thing happend. My parents called and asked me where i was. Then i said i was going to Vivo City la. Then they said, okay, meet you at Harbourfront, buka together.

i was like, WTF!!!!

and Dan reached Vivo City already sey. Pity him arrr. Took cab there. URGGHH. Why do they always have to do that?? URGH.

So then went around Vivo City.

i can't get enuff of Vivo City. NYEEHHH.

DANIEL!!! I'M SOOO SORRYYYY.

headspin

and so, it's my brother's 14th birthday today and what did we do?

clean the house.
*yawns*

after work ytd, Me, Limei, Louis and Melissa went to Harbourfront to eat at Food Junction. Then Melissa went off with her friends and Me, Limei and Louis went to VIVO City to look for my bro's present.

And Louis, idiot.. He didnt want to go to Vivo but then, when we reached there, he was the one who was sooo excited about the shops.. Went to Crocodile and he spent like, $115 on 2 shirts. Wahlao ehh.. Can cry siaa if i spend that kind of money on 2 shirts. But it was Crocodile and it was nice laa. And Vivo City is like, a shopper's paradise. Everything is there! Not too mention that their Banquet has nice tomyam! ARRRGHHH.

And so i didn't know what to buy for my bro.

We ended up going rounds and rounds. Till we came to Converse and i finally bought him a nice Sling Bag for $39.90.

Then reached home about 11 like that. Flat siaa. So tired.

Work was like, helll.. I felt like i was I/C ytd coz Viknas didnt do anything much. And i had to do Dolphin Lagoon thrice and had to do the traffic coz the rest didnt had their walkies with them.

Still tired. Bad headache man. Sigh..

Well, if you can see my msn nick, it says:

`ĊħĭĊķă ™ .::candle::. [[if that's the way you wanna be, i'll take my leave then]]

YES. I AM TAKING MY LEAVE. I am so sick and tired of having to be the one you turned to but you never realise that i really care. Gee. You want it to be that way. Then fine, i'll take my leave.

adios.

Iftar 2006

Yes, finally.. Iftar 2006 is over and done with.. I was one of the photographers today so, yeah.. i have some pics with me, waiting to be sent to Zul to be uploaded to MCG Sharepoint. These are the only pics with my face on it. LOL.

can you believe it?

of 70 over pics, only these few has me in it.. lol..

saw a couple of people i know from other school. like Taufik aka Mat Tau, Nizam, Isyak.. And i think Hawanis was there.. ahakz.. The ITQAN people.. I was running around and wasn't at the place to eat so, i didnt know who was there and who wasn't...

ok whatever. i think my area is haunted. no, like seriously. the road, like i don't know how many accidents there are and it's like, at the exact same place.. twice, car knocked down pri sch kids. and once, a lorry knocked down a man. exact same place. it's like as if someone push them or something.

gee. strange..

ouhh. maybe it's because of Friday the 13th. hahaha.. i'm bullshitting.

my brother's got an accoustic guitar for his birthday. gee. when am i gonna get something that expensive? lol.. i think because for him, at least he knows what he wants.. so my parents can buy for him.. i never know what i want so my parents also anyhow la buy for me.. hmmm... 2nd dec okeh.. remember eh.. hahaha..

tomorrow work at 10. wanna sleep already.

peace out.

Geylang.

ah yes. finally done with editing of the Geylang pics coz the pics were too dark and huge.

met Jalilah at Marsiling MRT Station then we went to Dover to wait for Nouru. We were at the platform towards Paya Lebar and then we saw Nouru's guy classmates. lol. That guy. Disgusting.

So anyways, we took the train and sat down and just caught up. And we were talking about Huda's engagement and talked about Mai losing weight when, Nouru said about Siti Nurhaliza. And i was like, "EH, you guys know, there's a kueh datok k.."

And it's called, 'KUEH DATUK K BERSALUT CHOCOLATE"
read: Kueh Chocolate Coated Datok K.

ROFL.

Me and Nouru were laughing like, non-stop. Jal maintain. I think we laughed from City Hall all the way to Aljuneid or something. Haha.. And i was like, "bapak aku ckp..." like so many times coz everytime i say it, i saw Nouru's face and i started laughing again. haha.. It was so funny.

Dunno how long i havent laugh like that.

So then, we reached Geylang, jalan2 and bought food and we headed to the normal place which i always buka with Kak Diana. And we camwhored. =))

So after buka, we went off..

Jalan2 around Geylang.. Saw a couple of kebayas.. Nice laaaaa... I want!! But i wanna wait for my mum to buy it with me.

So anyways, after that we got tired and went back.. At the MRT Stn...

FAV OIII!! I like that pic!!!

Then in the train...

LOL. All act cute and emo pics sey. Haha.. Macam paham lor all of us. Hahaha.

That was like, zeeee best secondary schoolmates gathering i have ever had!! =)) Too bad Ridzuwan couldn't join us.. If not, i think it'll be more fun.. Really. =)) I totally forgot when was the last time i had that kind of fun.. =) Like Nouru said, we had funS. HAHA.

ME AND JALILAH aka MissBlurtink.

ME AND MD NOOR aka FUJIHARA NOURU.

My Best Mates. <3


So Long and Good Night