done.

one rainy night, u put a camera in front of these people, and this is what you get. =)

it's been a long time. since everything.

when was the last time i went to class? (surat dah sampai lah ok)
when was the last time i went to my fyp meeting?
when was the last time i blogged?

and like, of course, lots more.

had a tiff with the boyfriend last night. cried like no ones business. it's only natural ok. he doesnt like to hear or see me cry. he thinks its weak. talked to zoul. then talked to faizal from ma workplace. felt much better.

faizal said, to give up.

hah, well.. maybe the old Deey would give up in a relationship. But not this one. Not this time round. i love him.. went to sleep after that and lost track of time until he msged me in the morning and asked me out.

and out we went wif yayan to wild wild wet. it was nuts but, yeah, was fun. =)

ok well so enuff about that.

my blardy brother lost my laptop charger. fucccck. urggh.

ok i'm done.

baby, i love youu.

us

reading those 6 words, you just don't know it cheered my night up in just seconds.

i've really missed you a lot. you know i do, and i'm glad that you felt that way too. we've just been too distant lately, minding our own lives first before minding our lives together.

i love you. i mean it.

randoms.

i kinda hate today. i hate the module.

ok so whatever larhh.

went to school with Nua. every break went out to smoke coz both of us were effing sleepy lah. i went to fetch my cousin from the Airport this morning, reached home at 5am. woke up at 6.50. and went to school.

boredom.

oh anyway,

HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY TO MY YOUNGER BROTHER SHAFIKKI.



huhu.. kids nowadays, they just grow up so fast.

i miss my boyfriend. alotalot.
baby, i need you.

about 13th oct

oh yess. after a year plus, i've finally edited my blog template a little bit. nyahhaha. not my best work coz aku malas. so, just a change to refresh the look of this berlapok blog.

reply to tags first:

ahmad: alamkk,rabak uhh question number 36.malu,..ehh im still studyin laarh..
ChiCka: aah sey.. like so SPOT ON kann. haha. iyekeer.. study kat sentosa keppe.. alah. ko belum start skola lagik per..

Nouru: LOL! Black head again!I'm black head 24/7/
Nouru: Btw, abt the Sentosa thingy, give me 2 weeks (probably 2nd week of Raya) to give you a definite answer. Need to gauge my schoolwork the load de...
ChiCka: what black head? u got blackheads again? oh alright.. just tell me when u're ready for it.

Aky: Melampau eh... Sesungguh nye aku tk fren ko agi. haha
Aky: kat sane aku mkn dengdeng babat DIAN..haha
Aky: LoOk at my blog
ChiCka: Aky melampau sey spam aku tags. aku pun tk fren ko lagi ahhk. EHKK! babat2 slow sikit okeh.. stop it ehh. haha. ko nye babat lagi byk sehhk!

okay enough of the tags.

TOMORROW IS MY 2ND MONTH ANNIVERSARY WITH BOYFIE AND TOMORROW IS HARI RAYA TOO! And.. TMR,
HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY KHAIRULANUAR!

ok, so everyone's posting blogs about raya tmr.

Selamat Hari Raya to all who's reading this. i apologise if whatever i said pissed some of u all off, especially to the Endang girls, i apologise if my actions hurt some of you and yeah, maaf zahir dan batin, ye.

this Ramadan, was the toughest ever Ramadan period i'd have to go through. I did improve on fasting. I remembered when i was in:

Year 1, i only fasted for a week. 3 1/2 weeks gone on smoking and period.
Year 2, better by a bit. Fasted about 2 weeks, 2 1/2 weeks on smoking and period again.
Year 3, 3 weeks, 1 week by period, 2 days coz of smoking, 2 days cause i was injected, 1 day coz i couldnt stand the hunger.

Alah, even so, tak tentu whether some of my puasa days are batal-ed or not.

So anyways, if you all had known, i dyed my hair orange during 2nd week of Ramadan and after that, my parents drifted apart from me. They didnt talk to me and going back home is like going back to a hotel room. Nothing went right. I got picked on for every little thing that i didnt do.

Had a major war going on with my dad one night. and it was the first ever time that i screamed back at him just to defend myself. i know, it wasnt right. but enough of the sarcasm, enough of just saying but not helping. all these while, i've kept quiet and just take whatever he said of me. but that night, it was pretty bad. and the same night, my parents fought and mum went out of the hse at blardy 1.30 am, something which she's never done before.

and it was the first time too, that my 15 year old brother actually knocked some sense to me. a 15 year old boy, scolding a 19 year old girl. whatever he said was true, i'd admit that. it hurts but, it was true.

and for the first time too, abang zaid actually scolded me when he read my brother's msg.

and i had to, dye my hair black again, and try my very best to get my parents' trust again, and just be my parent's little girl again.

he gave me the money to dye my hair black again.

and when i dyed my hair black again, miraculously, my parents were nice to me. imagine what colors does to your life aye? haha. corny.

what i'm trying to get at is, i'm definitely hating the fact that my hair is black. hating it to the core. but, in order to get my parent's attention and trust, i have to give in.

i never liked to give in. i hate giving in. my ego would not have allow me to give in. but i did.

and this, i learnt, giving in does not mean that i lost. it gave my parent's attention back to me.

DearGod,i've sinned again.

long long survey

Answer the following questions:

1. The person who tag you is?
NOURU! AIYOH! Very long sia the survey.

2. Your relationship with him/her is?My secondary school best mate. =)

3. Your 5 impressions of him/her?
-unpredictable thoughts
-may seem gentle but he bites.
-he's definitely enjoying life nw then before in sec sch
- TSUKIKO AMANO FAN~!
- he's a rojak blood. =) ahah

4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you?
ohh gosh. tonnes and tonnes of em. he gave me dis heart he drew and cut out when i was 13 and he was 14. i still keep it.

5. The most memorable words he/she had said to you?
we talk a lot. i can't really remember.

6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will?
been there done that. and we're like soooo much better off as friends.

7. If he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be?
uhhh. i don't know. he's just unique the way he is.

8. If he/she becomes your enemy you will?
i can't imagine that sia. really.

11.Your overall impression of him/her is?
Look at Qn 3.

13.The character(s) you love of yourself is/are?
i'm pampered. but no matter whatever that pulls me down, i still manage to keep calm. i'm patient i guess

14.On the contrary, the character(s) you hate of yourself is/are?
i'm too patient till people take advantage of me.

15.The most ideal person you want to be is?
someone who's strong in whatever obstacles i face.

16.Pass this quiz to 10 people.in alphabetic order.

1. atie

2. ahmad

3. aky

4. diana_vanderh =)

5. farah

6. jay

7. lee

8. linda santos

9. shacute

10. syasya

17.Who is no.6 having relationship with?
WAKAKAKA. i know whooo. his name is MR S.

18.Is no.9 a male or female?
Female.

19.If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
nah. they don't know each other and they're both females



20.How about no.8 and 5?
oh, they were classmates. aha. and they're both females, again.


21.What is no.2 studying about?

He's not studying.He's working in sentosa.


22.When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?
Last August during Endang's chalet.


23.What kind of music band does no.8 like?
she's a bit of rockish and indie.

24.Does no.1 has any siblings?
yepps.

25.Will you woo no.3?
AKY?! Giler pe? He's got a gf and i've got a bf. kalau aku single pun aku taknak. huahuahua


26.Is no.4 single?
i would like to think that she's finally found mr right, but, what do i know?


27.What's the surname of no.5?
farah bte maz'ali?


28.What's the hobby of no.4?
she loves to sing, and play the guitar. she loves music. =)

29.Do no.5 and 9 get along well?
they don't know each other

30.Where is no.2 studying at?
for the 2nd time, he's not studying!

31.Talk something casually about no.1?
no.1 would be someone i think is very straightforward and very talented.

32.Have you try developing feelings for no.8? '
brewww no~ we'll be like, i hate you bitch. ahaha.

33.Where does no.9 live at?
yew tee? choa chu kang? agaknye lah tu.


34.What color does no.4 like?
oh my god. i don't know.

35.Are no.5 and 1 best friends?
they don't know each other.


36.Does no.7 likes no.2?
haha. no but 2's trying to ask 7 out for a date.


37.How do you get to know no.2?
at work. he's my colleague

38.Does no.1 have any pets?
i don't know.

39.Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?
HAHAHA. Ohh yesss.. hornily yes. =) ahha

glimpse of the past.

yeps,

for those who do not know, my hair is back to black. (maaaaakaaaaaaaau fedd up seeeeyaaaak!) this is because, abang zaid has been tegur-ing me non stop about my hair and he even gave me the money to dye my hair black back. and, now, it's really black. like, after all this years, my hair is finally black. like, all black. and its even darker den usual natural black. jet black. arrrggggggh.

but the good thing is that, it matches my all my kebayas for raya. =) i'm gonna leave it for a few months then i'm gonna dye my hair again. i don't care.

OH HEHHH. After all these months, haha.. Abang Shahid talked to me. The Abang Ranger with floppy hair. =) So, okay laa.. I HAD a crush on him last time but he's married and has 2 kids. Back to my story.. I was at work on Saturday at Dolphin Lagoon. And he was there. I gave this look, something to do with my lips, which i have no idea how to explain.. And he gave me the exact same look while he was riding towards me. Then he stopped and we had this conversation:

abang shahid: tuari nampak kat ni...
deey: kat toys'r us kan??
abang shahid: tu kat toys'rus lain.. tu memang nampak.
deey: so it was u lah that time..
abang shahid: yaa. takde nie, semalam nmpk u kat anak melayu
deey: (terkejut giler babi) anak melayu?! u have anak melayu?? abeh nampak kat anak melayu.. malunyerr..
abang shahid: (tersengih dan ketawe and rode off)

paiseh lah ok. hahaha.. of all places seh. mak kaoz. malu lahhh. i mean, i know that one of the Abang ranger has an AM. His name is Hazri. I talked to him before while waiting for my uncle (who also works as a ranger). And i got to know Amy (Thabri), also a ranger, from AM as well and we got really close before all the drama happend.

But, Abang Shahid is like, the last person i want to know that i've got AM. Like, viewing all my pics there.. Not that it's obscene or what. It just feels weird thats all.

But i shouldn't care anymore lah actually.

i have a boyfriend and i'm very much in love with my boyfriend and i also know that my boyfriend is very very much in love with me. khekhe. and my boyfriend's just the greatest boyfriend i've ever had. =)

This Saturday, not only will be it be Hari Raya Aidilfitri, but, it will also be our 2nd month together, Insya Allah.

I'm so happy that, i've finally found myself a real relationship after all these years. the relationship which i've been waiting for with the person whom i love unconditionally. He was there all along in my life, for 2 years. But i guess, we were too caught up with our own lives that, we've never really thought that we could ever be who we are today. Everything's just so surreal with him. He's not only my boyfriend, but he's also my best friend, my listening ear and my comfort. Sure, we argue but, he sure does give in a lot and i should stop picking fights with him.

ku terpaut sejak pertemuan itu, hatiku berkata ingin mengenalimu

the first line Ku Ukir Namamu by Lovehunters. he felt that way. the first time he saw me was back in 2005. he saw me, i didn't see him.

then, as fate would have it, we got to know each other from Anak Melayu. We'd chat once in a while, we've got that common interest. The next time, we saw each other was when he was out in Sentosa with his friends back in early or mid 2006. One of his friends was my friend, so i was talking to my friend and he said Hi to me. i was like, ohh hi.. haha.. Then, we were just hi-bye friends. We didnt msg each other. It was only his once in a while good night msges or take care msges.

and he would be around. like late last year, around October 2006? saw him once in a while. he was preparing for an event, i was preparing for another separate event. and then, we would bump into each other once in a while. he would disturb me but i was shy and step mane peh sombong uh and we didnt really talk that much.

and then there was this event, last march 2007. i was preparing for this event. and the day before the event, i msged him if he was taking part in the event but he said he wasn't and he was just watching. so, i was like, ok. and during the event, while watching, i saw him on stage. he was the lead singer. and it was the first time i saw him sing and boy was he good.

after the event, i saw him again. i said to him sarcastically.. "dengar2 orang tu kate tak main aper.." and he just smiled and i walked off. 2 days later, he called me up. and we talked for hours. 3 hours? 4 hours? i can't really remember. but that was the day when i found out, that he liked me eversince the first time he saw me in 2005. and we became a couple. and we broke up a few days later coz of my dad. that was like, at 4 am and i was asleep and i woke up and read the msg and cried on the spot. and a week later, we got together again. and then we broke up again coz he said his mum found out. He promised me that we'd be close friends.

and after that we never got together again till 13th August 2007.

i've never really loved anybody else ever since we broke up the 2nd time. there was never anyone like him. i tried to love another but i could never bring myself to love anyone else except him. i waited for 4 months, everyday in pain and hurt. Initially, the pain was that, you know that you love someone, and that someone loves you too, but you two just cant be together coz the situation doesnt permit it. it hurts effing bad. and then, as time goes by, the anxiety and curiosity thinking whether he still has feelings for me hurts me.

but patience.. helped me through. the day that he said he still loved me was unforgettable. and the day that we got back together was unexplainable. this time round, no more excuses. no more obstruction. his love was what i wanted the most in the world. and i've got it now. and this time, i'm not letting go that easily.

he's the best thing that has ever happened in my life.

lautan api sudah pun ku renangi, ku ukirkan namamu di hati yang jadi pujaanku

wednesday

back.

so anyways, havent got the mood to go to class these few days. been really shagged.

Monday, went to school for training. went back to playing awok. boyyy oh boyy it felt good. all these while, i've been slacking and been playing anak. and then, i'm back to being an awok. it felt really good, though my wrist hurts a little. but yea, it will mend.

Tuesday, went to Geylang (like, again. geez, its like i go to geylang every week.). This time, went with Sentosa and Pizza Hut people. From Sentosa, there were Ahmad, Hilmi and Me. Pizza Hut, uhmm. maybe 4 of them whom i don't know, one was my classmate Anuar. And the 1/2 Sentosa and 1/2 Pizza Hut, Fadly and Fuad.

Left them at 9 to meet the family at City Plaza to get the family's baju kurung.

And, THANK GOD I ONLY HAVE TO SHOP WITH MY MUM ONCE A YEAR.

She spent 3 hours just to get me and her a set of kebaya each! She's like a blardy worse shopper than me lah ok. I got so pissed off ler. Mums. They just can't make up their minds sometimes. Sheeeesh!

So anyway, was watching Live The Dream. And By Definition's lead singer's like soooo cute lah can! I just like their concept and their costumes. It's cool lah. But i kinda prefer the Catinecradle's lead singer. His voice rocks uuhh. And anyway, Victor Tang sucks, big time.

I kinda hate the fact that my dad goes, "AHHH Melayu, tak boleh menang! Fendi mesti kluar punye. Yang Singapore Idol dah dua2 melayu menang takkan ni nak kasi melayu menang lagi!"

read: "AHHH MALAY can't win. Fendi will go out. Both Singapore Idols were won by Malay so don't expect another to win this time round!"

i was like, hello??? Society has changed ok. And it's proven, TWICE. I think our society is mature enough to not let the race win over a person's talents. If society still thinks that way, i doubt Taufik Batisah and Hady Mirza would even win. But i do think that it's kinda ironic that in the all 3 finals, SI1, SI2 and Live the Dream, the final 2 would be 2 guys, 1 chinese and 1 malay. Oh anyhoos, i would much prefer Shauna Simon to be in the finals so that it would give the finals a more cutting edge coz she definitely has more talents then Victor Tang, who, i'm just thinking that he's just a lucky fella who has many rich friends.

Like seriously!! Oh well.. By Definition's gonna win anyways. =)

fucked up

generally, i'm a patient person.
and i try not to be emotional because all these while, i've considered myself to be a thinker and not a feeler, and everything should have a rational explanation.

but these few days, i've just been pushed so hard that i just feel so down and stressed and useless. and i cried myself to sleep yesterday. it made me feel better, yes, but just a bit and the hurt is just so intense. i just couldnt stop myself from feeling the way that i'm feeling.

first of all,
my handphone bill is still not paid. yes, athousandfivehundred all in all. and i'm freaking broke.

secondly,
i'm feeling the stress in school. i can't stand finance and banking. i hate it like so much. i can deal with the other modules but this, it just sucks.

thirdly,
ahh well. we don't need to dwell in this third matter.

i don't know whether it's just me. or the situation that i'm in.

thank goodness i met Sandy Bobandy just now and i just told her whatever that was troubling me coz she knows me and how my temperaments are. felt kinda better after talking.
Well, at least i know, even though we don't meet that often, we're still as close as ever.
o
i love sandybobandy. =)

siggh.

should i just voice it out? but the thing is, i don't want to make it seem as if i'm finding faults. but if i don't then, it will just go on and on and on.

i'm really not in a good mood today. and i think it's gonna last the whole day. plus, i'm gonna have FYP meeting before training. thats gonna add in to the bad mood.

and when it comes to training, that's where all the accumulated bad mood will be at. and plus, haizz.. takmo cakap lah. the more stress i'll be.

not a typical thursday

kalau nak ikotkan hati,
nak aje aku pekik2 and nangis2 sekarang sebab aku terlalu stress.
nak aje aku angkat kaki and cabut dari class nie.
nak aje aku ckp dengan budak sebelah aku ni yang dia ni selenge bacin and tak tolong langsung and bebual konek jer.

tapi, nak kene banyak sabar.

so anyways, i was just going through my pictures yesterday. my life journey. =)


Back in those days in Hua Yi Secondary School. 1st picture when i was in ELDDS, 2nd picture, Sec 3 and was a school Sheriff. =)

When we were young.. =) My Malay Class of 2004
Just look out for the 2005 pic. we look sooo different.

My first ever job. Monorail Operator in Sentosa. Those were the best times in my life. Met the bestest and funnest people ever. =) That's when i learnt how to grow up coz i was the baby amongst the group and they showed me nightlife. But the stint ended for only 4 months. =(

And then came, the days in RP. I joined a lot of IGs. Student Ambassador, MCG, Hip Hop IG.


okay that's for my 2005. compare la the Hari Raya pic to the 2004 pic.. Sume muke mcm decent mane je dulu. khekhe..

Now for 2006!!

2006, i focused more on Drama because i quit Tarian coz i couldn't do Malay dancing. So in MCG, I was more of the floater. And, i helped Adiratna in one show.

here comes 2007!!


My 2007 is full of Endangs. =) The highs and the lows.

REPLY TO TAGS:

SYASYA: thanks dear. =)

NOURU: I DID!! HAHA

ATIE: abeh aku nak buat ape? aku dah type. and pun its obvious. ahaa

Ridz: i wasnt in jurong east anytime dis week. hmm. u guys plan ah. i just follow.

diana_vanderh: ahaha. yeah right. pfftt.

i'm fucked up. bye.

sunday

its time to update.

last weekend, major war took place at home. don't ask. fucked up.

and last sunday, went to work and i didn't last long. 5 hours work. a pathetically 5 hours work. thats like so unlike me not to tahan with the weather but that day was really bad lah. freaking hott and bright. and not to mention my hair was obvious and wearing a cap didnt help. fyi, service people are not allowed to be in that colour hair.

so i went home, thinking, should i go to the CDM show or not that night coz i was flushed and really tired and burnt. and also the boyfie, aware of the situation at home, told me not to go and told me to spend time at home. so i tot, ok lah. aku pun cam malas.

but then, in the bus, si Atie msg. asking what time to meet later. so, then, i changed my mind. then met Atie to Geylang and buka-ed wif the boyfie, Hakim, Hakim's gf and the superstar Zoul.
and then went to Singgahsana and saw YAYAN!!!!

hehhh.. rindu bangert lohh. and.. of course, sebelah Yayan.. Mak Bapak dia lah. haha. heh. Mak Bapak dia pun mak bapak detu. =)

so then salam2.. and then, their Wawak (grandma) came wif their Uncle. So i was going to salam his grandma and his Dad was like.. "Ah niee.. Salam ni.. Nenek *si Dia*"
sungguh Paiseh lah ok. i mean, i'm okay wif his parents lah. met them a couple of times. but then grandma?? khekhe.

ok den show started.

and it happened. those who went to the show and those who saw what happend, you'd understand why. he tried to make it right. but it wasnt enuff. coz it already affected the group.

bukan salah u k sayang.. its just your habit to sing that song like that. and dorg tak sampai.. dey tried their best. you tried your best too. and u did make an effort to lower it.

"sometimes even good singers have their bad days."

ohh.. and its so cute that after like sooooo long.. me and the boyfriend, we're chatting on Anak Melayu.. the webbie which we got to know each other. den mcm cute lah pulak.. khekhe.

reply to tags.

diana_vanderh: 'i feel loved' heh. ;p hehe. k k understand. nice iftar pics
ChiCka: hehhhh. yesyes! u know how i feel. =)

atie: haha. obit benar. haha. bt ur hair clr lukin nicer. [js tu make u feel beta. hahaha] ouhouh, gmbr tk senonoh seyy aku yg de 2nd one. lau tgk btl2 den nmpk. sheesh
ChiCka: aku tau! kau tgh button baju kau seh atie. aku nk tgk lah seh kebaya pakai zip.. haha. ouuhh jut to make me feel better lah?? haha. thanks ahh.

Ain: Eeeeww! Muka Zoul kelakar seh! Haha! ish3! Tergelak seh!
ChiCka: BUROK KANNN? hahaa

Wirni* <3: Ahaha dian!!! I gt our picture up in my blog tooo!!!!!!
ChiCka: wakakaka!! yayness! haha.. good job to iftar comm btw!

'SHACUTE™: Makcikkkk! Warna Rambut Lawaaaa. Saya SUkaaaaaa! Anywya, Bila Nak Keluarrr!
ChiCka: AWAK SUKE SAYA PUN SUKE. hahaha. adoiii. soalan cepumas tuuhh. awak pegi lah kol si ilah tu. die yang busy bebenar.

marciano: i received a letter from sentosa.was like duhh,viky ada kasi kau ZAPP??
ChiCka: tkde pun. aku agak aku belum check mail. ZAPP or wadd. if i get this ZAPP, its the 2nd one. YAHOO!

ok. thats for the tags.

ok. well.. thats it.