geylang~ again~

Wheee... Haha.. Went Geylang again todayy.. Hurhur.. Yesterday went wif ma family.. Den today went wif Ducky~! Hehehe.. I let u guys see the pics first.. Haahaa..

OoOo.. Cheese Sausages... Haha.. U noe i noe lah kanz ehh Ducky.. Haha..

CHEESE SAUSAGES!! I WANTT MORE LEHH! LIKE.. SUCKING.. HAHA... OMG.

Model for First Lady's Scarf.. Haha..

Caught off guard.. DUCKYY!!!

Sume muka dier pe.. Hahaha...

Wheeee

Haha.. Okay.. So, we met at 5 at Jrg East Mrt Station.. Den, yeah.. took the train to Paya Lebar.. Walked to First Lady.. But didnt get the kebaya i had in mind.. So, decided to walk around the bazaar lah..

And, I SAW FARHAN. Omg. The guy who was my dad's NSMan in 2002. Craps.. He still looks the same and i still cant forget his looks.. *lubang hidungmu tetap menjadi pujaan hati ku* LOLZ. no lahh.. But his nose is wad makes me remember him.. Hahaha..

ok, so, me and ducky went round the bazaar, and i bought this VERY NICE KEBAYA CINA for $45.. hehe.. and funny thing was, i tried M, and it cant fit coz my b**** were too ***.. hahaha... SHUTTUP DUCKY! haha.. So, yeah.. HAHA. it's white anyways.. So my colours dis yr are BLACK AND WHITE. Cam ska pulakk.. haha..

Okay den, we walk2.. Till buka.. And guess wad??!! We were so obsessed wif CHEESE HOTDOGS!! hehe.. Nice lehh~!! Haha.. i had 3 cheese hotdogs.. =X

HAHA. okie, den walk here, walk there.. aah.. den went back to the First lady, bought the black scarf... and we went back.. CAM WHORED IN THE TRAIN. hehe...

Fun le.. ahha..

I STILL WANT THE HOTDOGS. OMG.

SOMEONE BUY FOR ME PLEASE.

typical ex boyfriends

i just dun get it.. he's the one who wanted this break oh so badly and now, he's msging me AND.. Like whaddehell... he's scolding me now.. geez.. it all started frm Shae's friendster msg to him... geez..

He got fucked up.. and he said...

Him: U told her??

Me: I didnt tell her.. She read my blog..

Him: What the fuck did u put in ur blog?!

Me: I just put in whatever i felt like putting in.. Geez.. U think i was gonna keep quiet when i was heartbroken and just swallow everything in?? The ppl who noe abt this are my frens and dey've expected this all along..

Him: Whatever uhh!

Me: Suit urself.. Nth u say is gonna hurt me one bit.. Coz i dun care.. I've moved on.. I got my confidence back n i'm not the weak dian u knew.. U disgust me.. Seriously..

Him: Fine.

And i didnt reply him.. But then, he msged me again at 2 am..

He said:

Him: I disgust u huh? Thx a lot dian.. Tats a nice word to say. Thks.

Me: Does it bother u tt i said tt? U haf the right to be angry.. so do i... U cant expect me to give in to u all the time.. U used that word on me.. nw i'm giving it back to u.. Haizz.. Do we really hafta argue nw tt we're friends? i'm sick of arguing wif u over small things.. haizz... i really wanna treat u like a fren.. i lost my feelings twds u tts why i dun care whatever i said.. hmm.. if u're hurt by wad i said, then i'm sorry for tt..

Him: Fuck u and the sorry.. yah, u have the right to be angry! but u dun haf the right to write abt me and publish them!!
Him: N by saying wad u think we gonna be friends?! Hell no! i disgust u rite! Everything i did disgust u! 4get every moment we spent! 4 get me visiting u at the hospital!Its juz bullshit! Thks a lot dian!

Me: Ouhh geez... Whatever i put there is my feeling n i haf the right to put how i feel.. stop telling me wad to do k.. i'm sick of it.. i wrote it then and then i was angry and mad at u and i had nobody to turn to.. So fuck.. u dun understand all tt coz u're nv alone!

Him: Alone? Hey i'm always alone! I dun talk to Baby anymore! I'm just concentrating on games tts all! 4 get abt being friends! i totally hate u dian!

Me: Waddehell.. Just for one freaking word u let out everything? i've tolerated more than u ok?! All those times and stuff.. Does the times we spent really matter? Coz i didnt mean a single thing to u.. Stop denying.. No matter how hard i tried to make u happy wif me, in the end all i get is hurt and more hurt.. Fuck u okay! U're being fucking immature for a 19 yr old! Fuck you!! i hate you!!!

Him: Dont even dare to go to my msn, friendster and am!! Apa2 aku cari kau! Nie aku peh last msg.. Jgn msg aku lagi! We're not even friends! we're nothing!

Me: U noe wad? Dun worry k. i disgust u coz i had no self motivation.. Herhh.. I've moved on Ayul.. Dun worry abt that.. And i'm not gonna care abt ur friendster or whatever shit.. Think y i havent been msging u.. I dun wanna think of u coz u hurt me.. And u c wads happening nw.. U will never change Ayul... U're so full of urself.. Kalau sendiri boleh sakitkan hati org, Sendiri mesti terime sakit hati yang akan dtg.. Wad goes ard comes ard... Rmb tat...


Like, waddehell!!! FUCK YOU OKAYYY!!!! STOP PULLING ME DOWN WHEN I WANT TO MOVE ON!! AND I FUCKING HATE U MORE THAN EVER NOW!!!!!

DIE U BASTARD!!!
I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!!
I REGRET KNOWING YOU!
I REGRET THAT I EVER LOVED YOU!

FUCKKKKKK YOUUUUUU!!!!!

mwwwwwuuuuaahhhh

MWWWWWUUUUUAAAAHHH to ma darling Jalilah aka Miss Blurtink for these 2 pics.. =)

Hehehhe.... THANK EUUU JAL!!!

Okay lahh... Hurhur.. That is the guy whom i have been saying in my previous post... Ma Boncet.. Hurhurhur... Ok lahh.. Not exactly so boncet lahh.. haha..

What happened was that i met him thru Anak Melayu uhh.. The first time he asked for my num was last mth.. aha.. but i didnt wanna give coz i was wif ayul... den 2 days after i broke up wif Ayul, i chat wif him again.. And he asked for my num again, and well, yeah.. decided to give him a chance and haha... yeahh.. get to noe him a lil better..

Then the next night, he called me up... And we talked uhh.. OMG!!!! He can really2 sing... and i mean REALLY!! *MELTS* but then, had to put down the fon coz someone else called me and that SOMEONE turned out to be AYUL. WTF.

And then the next day.. hurhur.. i wanted to go to the hospital to visit my aunt.. But nobody could accompany me, so, yeah, i asked him.. and he said can.. wooohhooo.. And that day, i skipped sch at 12 coz me and my pantats went to town to celebrate PAPA JOEL'S BDAYY! hurhur...

Okay den, i went to meet him at Bedok, went to his place at Serangoon, i mean, i waited at the void deck uhh coz he wanted to change first before we went off... so ok uhh.. and that day, bof of us werent fasting coz we were onto ciggies.. hahaha.. okay so, we took 100 to Harbourfront and 97 to NUH..

And gosh, he made me laugh sooooo much in the bus.. and then when we reached the hospital, it was already 630 uh.. cant possibly go up coz it was already nearing the break fast.. so we sat at the lobby and made fun of dressing senses of the ppl ard us... gosh we laughed so much.. ahah..

okay den when we went to visit my aunt, she was crying and i started to tear as well... and on the way out of the ward, in the lift, he let me cry on his shoulder.. but i didnt cry uhh.. haha.. and he held my hand sehh... touching... hahaha...

then i wasnt in the mood to go home yet, so we went to west coast and he PARKOURED! OMG. den sprained his wrist.. shucks.. and we went to the west coast park and sat there and talked.. =) and suddenly like, we were poking at each other coz haha.. we were ticklish lar... funny sia..

and we took 51 back to jrg east interchange.. in the bus, goshhh... we were still poking at each other and tickling and stuff.. haha.. and suddenly.... he gave me a peck on my cheeks.. i was like...

*STUNNED*

haha.. den, that peck, led to a SNOG. OMG. but honestly, HE WAS SUCHA BLOODY GOOD KISSER. Damnnnn goood!!! Better than Ayul.. I was so weak in the knees... Seriously.

I WANT MORE KISSES PLEEEEAAASSEE!!!

And he waited for the bus wif me at Jrg East Interchange.. And then when the bus came, we kissed again.. Awwwww shuckss... And then he took 105 back to Serangoon...

am i in love?? thats a qn which i have no answer at the moment.. i mean, i like him a whole lot.. and he just made my life a lil better after Ayul left.. But then, i just got to noe him and its really fast.. But i noe that i really really really like him a lot and that i cant bear to lose someone like him... its been sucha long time since anybody made me so happy and laugh so much.. issit his kiss that made me fell for him?? or the way he made me so happy?? i dunno... but i'm certain of one thing...

i dun wanna lose him. thats for sure.

mwwwwwuuuuuahhhh...

Quizzical

Haha... Actually i've quit doing quizzes la.. But since mah darling Shahidah tagged me to do this, haha.. so yeah.. haha..

7 things that scare me:
`God
`my sins (i've done loadsa sins in my life mann!! argghh!!)
`my health (irritating la)

`losing HIM (its NOT AYUL uhh... *winks*)

`losing myself (i dun wanna lose my confidence and my esteem)

`jabs (fuck the blood tests!!)

`drowning (phobia ah siakk)

7 things that i love most:

`Myself

`PJ01-02

`Sry Dylaila

`RePfuS3

`My Laptop

`MONEYYY!!!

`Ouhh.. And Him~ hehhe... (muackz! muackz! muackz!!)

7 important things in my room:

`Laptop

`Make Up kit

`My bed!!

`My bantal busyuk.. ahahaha...

`Clothes??

`Mirrors

`Contact lens

7 random facts about me:

`i get over break ups fast

`Walking Contradiction. (i'm patient yet impatient)

`picky, fussy,choosy

`i'm willing to skip sch just to give in to my sleepiness

`i work at sentosa (Yippee!)

`i give in a lot

` im falling in love again wif HIM.. Ma Boncet.. (THAT IS FAST!!!)

7 things i plan to do before i die:

`repent

`haf kids

`travel

`see Sry Dylaila go far into the scene

`haf my own car

`get rich-quick

`To Have HIM. muahahaha.....

7 things i can do:

`Forget about Ayul

`Make ppl give in to my request.. hahaha...

`Sing/Dance/Dikir

`Smoke 1 pack of cigarettes when i'm depressed..

`Skip sch for 4 days in a wk... (hurhur)

`scream at my mum when i'm mad.. =(

` snog HIM.. awwww.... Falling in Love wif Boncet... =))

7 things i can't do YET:

`proper air freeze and 7

`mly dance

`go out as and when i want.. arghh!!

`like Basic Science and Computing

`Finish School

`Getting back at the ppl who has hurt me in the past

`TO HAVE HIM... (At least not yet..)

7 words i say the most:

`pape ar ehh

`suka hati ah ehh

`wtf

`siakk uhh

`yelahhh2

`Sheeeshh

`Ouhhhkayyyy

7 celeb crushes:

`Adam Brody

`Ben McKenzie

`Sean Biggerstaff (Oliver Wood in Harry Potter)

`USHER!!!

`Jesse McCartney

`Johnny Depp

`The whole McFly ... haha...

7 peeps i love doing this:

`Ash

`Sandy

`Sherlyn

`Shae

`Yan

`Miss Blurtink

`You

I'm done.. Oh Shoots. Gonna be late to school.. I mean, Iftar...

Skip sch todayy.. Hahaha.. sheesh...

Ciaoo!!

being bitchy is my game now

ouhh geez.

i'm tired of being nice.. i just wanna haf fun.. harhar...

Ouhh YESSAH!

kJ iS baCk!! UHHUH.

sesungguh nye pade sape2 yg dah kene ngan aku, mmg padan muka korg lah ehh.. i'm not ur nice girl anymore. so shoo! i dun need u to help okay. especially when u dun even noe me. cant help it if i was being a hypocrite to u.. coz i didnt like u the first time i chat wif ya.. cant stand ya actually.. but then, i WAS the nice girl so yeah, i WAS nice to u.. but nw, sorry ar eh.. it just doesnt work that way. i speak wad i think. and even if it means that i carik pasal (find fault) to diss u off, i'll do it man.. coz kJ is in my blood baby and sarcasm is my game..

FREAK.

Dun judge when u dunno.
It pisses me off.

Lalalalala...

U can say anything u want about me, i'm not gonna care.. i'm not weak anymore.. and sorry i had to do this wif the help of my darling fren cum ex Ayul.. Thanks a lot for ur help mann.. Hahaha...

i lurp my kJ self...

So wad is kJ??

okayyy.. i cant exactly say out the real meaning uh.. coz it'll spoil the fun.. but ridz would probably noe the meaning.. if u wanna noe the meaning then msn me lah k.. haha...

so half of the concept of kJ is actually... hmm.. wait ar... i search for my list.. haha... i usta haf em... its been a yr mann...

okayy... its like,

1. EGO
2. SARCASM
3. SELF CONFIDENCE
4. LOVE MYSELF.

and loads more lah.. haha..

but i noe myself best.. i noe when i gotta use em.. my patience is running low.. becoming very very impatient nwadays...


namun sifat srikandi ku tetap diingati..

willful

assertive

intelligent

decisive

assertive

courageous

combative

sry dylaila..

srikandi muda..

The End.

I'm drained. Emotionally and physically tired. More towards the former.

LIFE IS SCREWED. for now.

Qn: What are the factors leading to my breakdown? (12 marks)

-Ayul
-Hip Hop IG
-Dian Farini

Ayul aka The Liar. Two timed me thrice and didnt want the patch in the first place. Imagine how hurt i was and I'M STILL FREAKING HURT!!!! I dunno how anybody can be so heartless and cruel.. All i ever gave was endless love, care and concern. And all that i get in the end is hurt, hurt and more hurt. And pain. Did i mention more hurt? Siggh..

After breaking down on the fon, i tot to myself. He wanted to remain as friends. I didnt want to in the first place. After putting down the fon, i thought, maybe letting go is the best thing to do. And he mentioned about self motivation. I'm challenged. I noe i can do it. I haf to move on. If i stay wif him, all i'm gonna get is hurt and pain. Even though its gonna hurt me if i leave him, at least i wont be hurt anymore in the future. I just need time to move on.

I just dunno why i cant seem to let go of him in the first place. Maybe i've never really been in love before. All i ever did was cheat guys. When he came along, i fell in love. Deeply in love. In the end, i got cheated and hurt. Karma? Retribution? I should think so. I just want my strength back. The will. The confidence. The motivation. The Dee who used to love herself more than anything else in the world.

I need time.

Hip Hop IG. Just when i thought, i was part of the IG, they made me an outcast and start putting me down like nobody's business..

"U dance like malay dance style.. U should've listened to what L said.. He is complaining and he didnt think u improved."

"No D, u're doing very good already.. better than the others..."

-_-"

I cant stand plastics. What the heck's wif malay dance?? HOW CAN I DO IT MALAY DANCE STYLE WHEN I SUCK AT MALAY DANCE!!! geezz... its not that i cant accept ppl telling me abt my flaws.. u dun go ard saying good things in front of me and u talk bad behind my back.

HYPOCRITES.

I cant stand u ppl.. I'm quiting the IG. I've been patient wif u guys. Cliques dominating the IG, bias president, selfish ppl.. i cant stand u guys anymore. But for ppl like Bryan, Kelvin, Shao Xia, Wen Lian, Wei Jun and Anitha, thanks so much for all ur help and straight forwardness... I'll miss the 6 of u...

Dian Farini.

Aka Dee.

Aka Me.

Ok.. Well, maybe i'm just not vocal enuff.. i miss my old self.. i miss my kj self... its just.. ppl are taking advantage of my patience.. gimme time.. i'll go back to my old self.. i will go back to my old self.. my peeps frm hyss noe how my old self was. heh.. yesh.. i'm going back there. woooowhee... haha...

Okay so, conclusion, uhmm... take away all these things frm my life?? except for me la tt is.. haha.. i suck at conclusion...

Ahhh.. aniway, yes, its over and done wif.. i've said it... yes, we're better off as friends.. i'm not upset.. its better this way i think.. the sad thing is that, tml, will be our 5 mths anniversary.. haha.. i guess its gonna be nth nw.. y do i always break wif the guys i love a day b4 anniversary? haha.. last time wif md noor also the same siak... 27 february 2001 to 26 march 2002... oops.. haha... 1 mth extra.. hehhe... but still, 26 is befor 27.. LAHHH!!! correct lar...

hahaha..

but in case u guys are wondering, i'm okayy... seriously.. never felt better... ive let him go, gonna quit hip hop ig, and i have friends who are super duper caring and always there for me when i need them.. i have my pantatsters who always cheer me up and keep me happy...

i love my pantats.

ashz.

sandy.

sid.

wan.

george.

alam.

and my pj01-02 peeps.

shahidah.

nawa.

joel.

josephine.

sherlyn.

yong quan.

kian wai.

samuel.

eugene.

hong yuan.

izzu.

michelle.

esther.

thanks for being there for me peeps..

and again, i'm strong to face all this.. i'm gonna be okay. i dun wanna shed a single tear on him coz he's not worth it... but he's still my friend. so i guess, it wont be that bad.. but even if he's not gonna be a friend, i think it'll still be the same..

=)

I LOVE MYSELF.

time out

Time: 5.40pm
Venue: Phoenix Park Dance Studio

Ok so, i'm in the middle of breakdance practice. but i sprained my knee coz i was doing air freeze and seven over and over again.. So, yeah.. I thought i might as well blog for awhile den continue dancing again...

Well, its been hard for me... My thoughts are haunted each time i'm alone.

*Ouhh Gosh! Rey is playing Selfish by 'N Sync. Smacks! Rey step touchin maner jer.. hahaha*

Yeah so, anyway...

I've been thinking a lot.. It's really been hard and confusing.. I seriously dunno wad my decision will be... Its really a tough one...

*Dilemma*

I just dun wanna regret later on.

i love you. y cant u see that?

its really2 driving me nuts!!! but i gotta thank hip hop ig for making me come for practice EVERY SINGLE DAY since tuesday. its been keeping me busy and making me not to remember abt it...

sorry ppl for being so ermm, mysterious? secretive? yeah... sorryy... but its just... things are way complicated nw. and i'm not getting the confirmation i want either so yeah.. things cant be helped...

ARGHHH

i dun make sense. i noe.. i wish i can help it but i cant. i'm stuck in the middle of a rut. in a hole which i cant get out from. i wonder if it was my fault. no. it cant be my fault. all i did was loved you wif my whole heart but i end up getting hurt over and over again. help me to help you. i'm clueless right now. do i need more time? am i rushing things? can i make a decision wifout regretting it in the future. WHY DO I LOVE YOU???!!!

its a decision i have to make.

" Sorry to msg u but i really need to vent my anger on u.. I'm beginning to hate u for all the stuff that u did.. For being unfair to me and that u're always full of excuses n for everything else that u have done to me... i hate myself for loving u too much.. sorry for being honest but as long as u're in the clan, i can never have a peace of mind.. Fuck all the times i've been patient with u.. For respecting u too much.. I'm freaking pissed off coz i dunno if u're worth it.. I dunno if i can take ur word that u're gonna change coz u nv did... i still cant believe tt u considered me as one of the girls that u cannot believe after all that i've done for u... and money-wise, dun even talk abt it k... i feel so fucking pissed for all the times u cheated me n if dis patch is a mistake to u. I really need to cool down n think before i make any decisions.. A thousand sorries is NOTHING if u dun mean it. That's all that i want to say."

Its up to me now. i'm clueless.. i need help.. but from who? no one else can help myself apart from me.. and i haf to make a decision which is probably going to affect my life greatlyy...

i am damn fucking hurt. not because of wad happend between the 4 of us.. but yes, truth hurts.. i finally got to noe the truth and sorry i had to cry there and then coz it hurts me too much to noe..

It's like, "Us, a mistake?"

Seriously... I'm damn FUCKING hurt... sighh...

I need time.

YES. thats wad the time out is for...

wtf.


TIME: 5.05 AM.

Edited Geylang

Like wheeee~

Ahakzz...

Went geylang wif baby and my cousin... hehe... had loadsa fun... den me and my cuzz, kept bullying him and stuff.. haha... so, like we just walked ard geylang and break fast at a void deck nearby... Missh him so much..

This is the first time in 1 mth that i'm meeting him...

*Awwwww*

haha... well, just glad that he could get along wif my cousin ar...

Ok so, met my cousin at 430 at Jurong East mrt stn... den took the train to Paya Lebar.. Met him at Tanjong Katong Complex... Aww.. Could've just kissed him right there and then... Haha...

But then cannot.. Coz later batal puasa.. HAHAHA.... U noe lar all those restrictions and stuff then later ur fast like, wont be counted.. something like that lah.. ahha.. So just kissed his hands, den he kissed mine.. tts all.. hehh..

then the 3 of us went to the bazaar and me and my cousin bought these...

Earrings at only $2 each!!! Like omg.. dey're so pweeety.. but then in the pic, its quite blurry la.. but ITS SO PRETTTYYY!! haha... i noe ash will be veryyyy verrryyy envious.. yesssahhh! haha...

okay then, we went to buy food and we sat at the void deck of a block and break fast there.. was so fun.. i had roti john, baby had burger and my cousin (kak diana btw) had finger food.. and we had fun bullying baby's slowness...

Kak Diana: W-O-L-S siak u...

Baby: W-O-L-S?? Wats that? No such word wad...

I was like laughing and laughing non stop already sia.. den kak diana did something wif her head and he finally got it..

Baby: Ouuhhh~!! Slow..

LOL!

den after that we walked around geylang again.. and he finally hold my hands.. ahha... so we left geylang at abt 845 like that ar... hehe...

reached home at 10..

HAD SOOOOO MUCH FUN~!

So here are some pics...

Like Wheee

Firstly,

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST SHAE~!
luv ya tonnes babe...

Yesh, next...

Uhmm.. Sry Dylaila?? hehhe... Had tonnes of fun wif u girls... Nadia... U're freakkin nuts! haha.. Nunu.. *slaps forehead* ahaha... So in the end, its NanaNunuBabyjr. Geeez! Cikgu tarian uhh.. He calls me Baby.. Dun ask me y.. haha.. i dun even noe.. So, there Wawa and Wawa Jr. which is actually Nawa.. Lala and Lala jr. which is Fadhilah.. And Baby and Baby Jr. Baby is Sue lah.. heh.. And ya.. Rai and Rai Jr. which is Raifanah.. LOL! Dylz madness... Anw, we're having a show in school on the 8th Nov during lunchtime. Debut show~!! YAYNESS!

Fun sia..

Next...

Going out later wif my cousin and my baby!! hehe... Like so happy.. Haiz.. Just hope that he wont cancel on me again... haiz.. still, gg to GEYLANG uhh~! WHEEEE.... I used to hate going there.. but nw, its like, Geylang = Shopping.. Hahaa... But i only haf like, 30 bux on me.. Sigh.. Used up my money on rebonding already.. ahakz... okie.. gonna come back later wif pics... =))

Cya peeps later..

And ouh ya.. more pics.. =)

Conclusion: DEE LOVES JAE'S WEBCAM.

AND DEE LOVES TO CAM WHORE.

hahaha...