back in business.

and so i'm back.. from outer space..

haha.. wadderr...

i'm back from Indonesia.. i've been going to the island like, every year.. but i don't know why we go there.. i mean, like, does my family even have any relatives? coz from what i know, it's my uncle's wife who came from that island.

only yesterday, i found out from my mum.. that my granddad was from that island. and he fled to Lazarus Island and then to Singapore.

so yeah.. NOW I KNOW.

lolz. so i'm part Indonesian and Boyanese. Coz my late Granddad from my dad's side was from Pulau Bawean in the other side of Indonesia.

hah.. so i have Indonesian blood in me.

i've uploaded the pics in my flickr.

click here.

well.. talked to someone who worked in sentosa last night. he said he admire me. i was like.. okaaaay. den he kept asking if i wanna go on a date. lol. yeahh sure.. like i don't owe THAT many people any dates.

urhhh..

the most obvious is Si 'SHACUTE laaaahh! hahhhaha.. keep pestering me when to go out with her. hahaha. i totally cannot find the time. the only free time i have is today. and next tuesday which, i've already made plans with Aisyah since she's back from Australia.

other than that, i still owe a lot of other people dates. join the queue eh please. LOLZ.

okeh. now that i'm back. my schedule has been set again. nyeeehhh. and believe me, my schedule is tight. and.. i need to do my PP. arghh. stress sia. i don't know how to survive year 3 man. i guess i can work as much anymore. haiiz. suckks ahh.

and to add on, i still to prepare for the Republic Quest. Yeah, a singing competition in school. I need to prepare one English song, and a song in another language. Haiiz. i dunno what song to do. I wanna do Christina Aguilera's I Turn To You. But i'm not really confident about it. That's why i'm still searching for other songs. For the other language, i still don't know what song to do. argh. stress.

and, when school reopen, i'm gonna have to re-start the dikir girls in school.

ok, i'll be a damn busy girl.

heh, wad's new?

howells, i'll update when i have the time okay. haha.. and i wonder when that will be..

picking up.

to all my sayangs,

i'm sorry for the lack of updates. been busy, tired and the network's been on and off.

so, last saturday started work at 5.30 pm. zoukout duty 5.30 pm to 8pm. i was suprised that Cik Jamilah told me to work overnight coz usually, girls weren't allowed to. so, was stationed at Harbourfront with Siew Yong, Cik Jamilah and the new guy Farid. Me and Farid were talking non-stop while stationing ourselves near the slope. but then, he had to go in the island, left me alone there. and i saw... Ayul. LOL. i should've known. haha.. he was with Ceety and his friend which, i've forgotten the name.

i took pics. and i realise, i can make a mood story again!

One Day, a girl named ChiCka, who was a Sentosa Marshal, had to work for Zoukout and she was stationed at Harbourfront.

She soon got bored at Harbourfront after 11 pm so she requested to be proceeded to Sentosa after 12.30 pm. Then, after proceeding in, she was placed at the Gateway Carpark Entrance.

she was okay with it until Singh came to fetch her and her friends, to Beach Station. So they stayed there. And at 5 plus, she was like this...

so, looking at her condition, Singh decided to pity her so at 6.45, Singh sent Nazmi and her to go to the office to rest.

She was soooo..

but her happiness was shortlived. So.. she decided to....

Haha that's all..

Today went tanning with Sandy and Josephine. Too lazy to blog about it. Pictures will tell it all.

okeh.

MY REPLIES TO TAGS!

'SHACUTE™: Weiii. Bila Nak Keluarrr ? Set A Date Please. Ajak Orang Ramai Join The Party Too Okey? Oh2, Si Ilah To Pon Alrite. HAHAH! =)))))
==> ChiCka: HAHA. biler ehh?? i also dunno.. Maybe after i come back from Indon k.. Nak carik laki untuk kamu! hahaha.. =p

syasya: i link u alr dear..at last! =)
==> ChiCka: haha.. thanks gal~

Hikerl: relink
==> ChiCka: okeh. relinked already!

LIN: hello DEE! hope everything will turn out fine. i know u will come out of this mess unscathed. i have faith in you for that! cheers! oh, and me lup u. don't forget that
==> ChiCka: hello LIN! thanks for the faith baby.. me lurbb euu too. =))) haha.

Jalilah: its ok honey. you got me! hugs. njoy ur holiday!
Jalilah: eyy afer tuh aku nmpk name aku si ilah. hahaha
==> ChiCka: thanks sweets. haha.. nampak aje eh name kau.. ahha..

'SHACUTE™: A'aah! Nama Ilah Macam Terselit Dicelah Gigi Gitukan Kan Kan Kan. Hahaks!
==> ChiCka: HAHA. terselit dicelah gigi perrr.. LOL. pandai jerr ehh kamu..


Okeh i'm done. toodles~

=/

yes i was the bitch.
and i was the liar.

but the last thing in my mind was to treat you like a fool/bastard.

if i was thinking of treating you like that, i would have held a little longer so that it would make u crazy about me. but i didn't. the earlier i leave, the lesser pain you would feel. and it caused me some pain too. you're not alone.

i just can't bear being with someone, while thinking about another. you made me believe in love for awhile. but then, it faded.

i just don't want to lie anymore. not to you. or to myself especially. please don't do anything stupid and take care of yourself. well, that's done. just leave me alone. i'm just not ready for another relationship.

i don't think i'm high-maintenance. but i just want someone average. nice. not rude. not vulgar. haiiz.. someone like, astroboy. like, mr ranger. my 2 favourite guys even though we're not close anymore.

haiiz.. i need to pick myself up again.

haiiz.

i don't like the feeling of being attached.

i don't like being attached.

how the hell did i get myself into this mess? how can i be someone whom i don't have any respect for? or in the matter, someone whom i don't love?

been crying these few nights.. coz i can't stand being in the relationship anymore. he's so different from me. he's so different from most guys i know. and i just can't take that anymore. the best thing is to leave.

i know i've made a difference in his life in such a short period of time. i know how happy he is when he's with me. but, i have to be selfish for my own happiness. i don't love him anymore.

or, it has never been love but just pure infatuation.

Dear God,

You must have a reason for meeting him and me. But i can't stand it anymore. I don't wanna do the things which you forbid anymore, at least not in that kind of manner. I can't stand hearing vulgarities every single minute, even though it's not for me.

You know what kind of person i am, God. You know he's the exact opposite of me. i'm just not like that kind of person anymore. i've changed. please don't make me go back to my old ways. Give me strength to tell him that i want out.

You do know who my heart is for. Please guide me. I need your guidance.

Amin.

where're you astroboy? i miss you loads.

2nd December!

okay so i know that 2nd December was like, 3 days ago. but yeh.. i'm still gonna blog about it.

andd.. I'M FINALLY 18 LAAAA!

ahakz.. so, my parents planned a pit. and the night before, mummy gave me a green handbag. and inside, there were:

- 1 wallet
- 1 blusher
- 1 mascara
- 1 lipstick
- 1 face pallete
- 1 perfume
- 2 pair earrings
- 3 deodorants

like, omfg!! so happy lahh can.. and they were all from avon. geex.. must've cost her a bomb! then, on my bday, daddy came back home and gave me this plastic bag. he said his friend went to australia so he asked his friend to buy stuff for me lah. so i got a t-shirt and 6 nougats and 2 koalas. =)

and so, about 4 plus, we went to the pit at changi.. about 6 plus went to changi village to pick kak diana and her boyfie. and she gave me a red long sleeve fila top and a pair of earrings which is red and black in colour. i lup you so muchh laah! hahaha..

so the bbq went well... kak diana went back.. den about 12 plus, a guy i got to know, Apai called me.. we talked.. and when i was talking to him, i saw... a white cloth flying at the beach side. lawl...

and guess what, Apai asked me to be his gf! haha.. and i must've been crazy to accept coz we've never met b4..

i guess, it's because, i'm just so tired of rejecting ppl and losing friendships over that. and like i said, if i feel like i wanna accept, i will accept. and i did. will talk about him much later.

so, then on sunday, we went back at about 8 plus pm. siannism lah. my laptop batt flat, hp batt flat. hurhur. so reached home, quickly switched on my laptop..

and i wanna thank all these ppl..


irfan
babaji thana
abg siraj
din
malik
mazlinda
zul
daniel
nouru
songye
abang alias
jalilah
natasha
abg wady kuntare
abg man
tiara and family
jas harlequin
kecik
amir
faizul
kumar
farah
busu ayu
khairul
jumali
jae
ami chelopz
linda
aisyah
sid
leanna
tianchan
'shacute
arip
yida
manboi valentino
shast
ash
afique
krishna
yanyan
juita
sandy
lin
ernest
firdaus
hafidz

and of coz..

mr apairazkal.

god! that was a long list. nyehhh. that shows how much i appreciate all of you for wishing me happy birthday!

so here are some pics...

me and ayah

me and ibu

me and abang (my kid bro lah actually)

and lastly...

me. heh.

okay so enuff of the birthday...

let's talk about mr razkal.

yesterday was the first time i met him. and shit lah.. he's so damn tall.. i feel so short. but he's okay i guess. i mean, he's not that good looking or the pretty boy kind, but i feel so secured when i'm wif him. and he makes me happy. and i just hope that we can last long.

if only, they don't interfere. and they don't take him away from me.

baby, thanks for coming into my life and for making me believe in love again. iloveyou.