sick! sick! sick!

i'm bloody sick. Runny nose, Fever and Cough... Ergghhh.... It's so irritating me...

Herh... Had a totally bad weekend man... I was caught in the rain yesterday, in school. Coz i was the student leader for the NDP Mass Signing thing for a while... and i had to be this Bus i/c.. Like, get the students in the bus, count how many ppl in the bus and hafta report to the fac and hafta follow that bus ar. So i was already reporting... and when i came back, the bus was GONE! Like, wtf! the bus left w/o me man! and it was raining then! erghh!

When we reached the Marina Padang, it started raining again... wtf... and the poncho wasnt helping much... and by that time, i was already freezing sehh.. and the headache and fever started.. haizz... den i told cedric i wanted to go home.. and he said okay... so i waited for my parents at marina bay mrt stn... and guess wad?! they couldnt locate me! LIKE, WTF! i spent 1 hr plus just waiting and they couldnt locate me... and i had to take the train and drop at redhill to wait for them.. ergh.. and i was already freezing and freaking headache irritating the hell out of me.. sighhh...

But i felt sooo much better after talking to my syg.. haha... really cheered me up ar... he and his stupid biol antics.. hahhaa.. and there was once when he had to call me back, and the next minute, he called back.. and i was like, "tt was fast.." and he said.. "of coz! my darling is sick.. of coz ar fast.." hehe... he never fails to make my day everytime i was down.. so sweet of him.. hehe..

and den dis morning.. erghh! fucked up man.. had to follow my family to this family day... and of all the places, it was held at THE ZOO. *rolls eyes* it was soooooo boring and i was having fever and headache and my cough... ergh.. totally pissed off abt tt...

he hasnt call me.. hmm.. maybe not home yet... my runny nose is getting on my nerves....

wheeeeee

i had sooooo much fun today...!! I've been super hyper since this morning... I guess coz i met him TODAY!!! aah!! Haha... And, He came down to Redhill~! Wheee...

Okay, so what happened was that it was Basic Science today and everyone was already in a bad mood since the start of school coz of UT and all... And that Basic Science Fac was being sucha bitch as usual.. So we ended the class early at 330 and she left.. After that, me, Kian Wai, Shirlyn and Hong Yuan kept banging the table and stuff... And Samuel started the sign language thing... It was pretty fun...

I left at 4 with Ash.. Went to Redhill MRT Stn to meet him.. Hehe... I missed him soooo much... We walked to the Bukit Merah Cntrl McDonalds and slacked there fer a while... Then, we went to the usual void deck and started talking and i took loadsa pics, using his hp... haha... they turn out to be quite nice actually.. well, not exactly quite nice but its UBERRR NICE! haha.... yay! and we took like, those controversial pics also... ahahha... so fun!!!

he sent me all the way to jurong east... and i just kept on hugging him in the train.. just missed him alot ar... and also the times with him...

hmphs... he just called me.. i dunno y he said something abt shahrain's msg.. coz i clearly remembered i onli msged shahrain coz of the meeting thingy.. dunno y he sounded quite jealous.. hmphs... ouhh well... he's always been like that... used to it already...

yay

OFFICIAL: DEE AND AYUL ARE OKAY!
HAPPY! GOING HOTT! AND IN LUUURRVVVEEE!

It wasnt easy though.. We nearly broke up that Tuesday. Like, wtf right? Coz i insisted in going Pasir Ris by myself to take a breather out of my overly depressing life...

And he scolded and forced me to go home thru sms.. When i reached pasir ris, he called me and started shouting and stuff.. keep telling me to go home... and also threatened me, "if u dun go home, u noe wad's gonna happen 2 u..." and i got so pissed that i screamed back at him... and i told him that i'm feeling hurt by him and also my parents.. and gave him a piece of my mind.. abt him hurting me and stuff... sigghh...

then at nite, when he called, he sounded more cooled down and we started talking la.. and he asked me what's wrong and things like that and we had a heart-t0-heart talk... and we talked till 1240 am... we sang and just talk crap as usual...

i noe he was trying to make me feel better and happier.. i'm glad he did... things are going slowly between me and him.. sometimes he can just make me laugh and sometimes cry the shit out of me.. haizz...

gonna meet him tml.. i think.. no.. its i hope he can make it... sighh.. miss him so muchhh!!!! and he still havent call... tt gundu! haha... getting sleepy arr... lol.. well, toodles peeps..

time heal all wounds

I'm not okay. I think I'm gonna die of heartbreak soon.

He's hurting me every single day without realizing it. I just want things to be back like before. Even before the deal. I’ve been crying for the past 4 nites and yet he's not doing anything to make me feel better.

He didn't even call me yesterday! Like, wtf! What wrong have I done to deserve dis kinda treatment? He didnt even msg me or call… Oh please dun… not silent treatment again pls! it's killing me…

He rejected meeting me for 3 times already. How can I do this when he's already in the wrong? He's already made a mistake and instead of being there for me, consoling me, he's now pulling himself away from me. I just need him be my side, to be a shoulder to cry on. But how the fuck am I supposed to do that when he wouldn't even want to meet me?!

It's just hurting me so bad, and he doesn't even realize that. I just cant seem to stop crying. It's as if there’s no more special spark between me and him. But thing is, I just dun wanna let him go.

I love him so much. Too much, I guess. I noe that I'm in self denial, but there's nothing much that I can do. I realize that I dun deserve all this. But, I need some time for this. And I emphasize again, I do not want to ask him for a break up! I swore that if ever our relationship fails, I wouldn't want to be the one asking for the break up. Let him do it. That is how much I love him. I would sacrifice anything for him.

I'm not as strong-willed as I was.
I'm not as determined as I was.

For all I can do is wait. Be patient.

TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS.

HURT!

It's been a long time since i've been hurt and cried. It's just so sudden. I didnt expect it to happen. He noes i'm jealous of her and he still met her. and he claimed that he still loves her a little. i didnt think much b4 he said that. the minute he said that, i felt my heart was gonna drop. okay, it's not like what u guys think it is.

It's actually like dis...

he has this ex who still likes em.. and dis ex is already attached to another guy. hmphs.. and she still love him.. like wth lahh... among all his exes, i'm just so jealous of her.. maybe coz i haf the feeling that he really loved her a lot last time.. anyway, when he called me last night i just dunno how to react, honestly. He said he with that ex of his just nw... and i was like, uhhh ouhhhhk... and he told me to go to his Hotmail Inbox and looked at the pics. And i said to him, "I saw it already b4 u told me bout it" and he was like, and u nv asked me abt it... he said tat the pics were taken quite recently (when i tot it was a last-time-when-they-were-in-a-relationship pics.. sigh) and i asked him how recently is recently and he said abt 3 weeks ago.. Haiz.. i totally got nth to say coz he didnt tell me that he was gonna meet her back thenand neither did he tell me that he was gonna meet her yesterday.

He said he wanted to find the right time to tell me bout it and he said he wanted to tell me earlier but i told him that among all his exes, i'm just jealous of her.. i can tell u noe.. The thing abt his ex was that her bf is in brunei doing some army thingy. and Ayul said luckily he came back today and he called him and told him what she's been doing behind his back and told me to send the pics he and his ex took 3 wks ago. I wasnt hurt much when he told me all dis..

But when he said he still loved her a lil, my heart totally felt like crashing.. it hurts me a lot when he said that... I was right all along. He still has the feelings for her.. I held back my tears when i was talking to him.. i didnt want him to find noe that i wanted to cry when he said that...

I'm not mad or angry at him.. it's just that i'm disappointed that he didnt tell me abt dis earlier. And when he said that. But i guess, i can be ok coz he realised what he did totally hurt me alot and he's feeling really guilty abt it... and he has been apologising profusely.. shucks..

I love u sweety. Pls dun ever hurt me in any way. I'm already as fragile as it is. I LOVE U.

TOTALLY

Science is uber boring. Totally bored. I just luuurrrrvvvveeee my blog song.. haha... i noe u guys love it too rite?? hehe..

The song is totally touching and meaningful to me. Okay, even though he doesnt have brown eyes, i still love em.. heh.. lurve his eyes.. his eyelashes are long.. haha.. he admits that he has girl's eyes.. LOL. Well, i just got sooooooo jealous that there's dis girl in his school who likes him.. argh! And den, his fren gave her his num... WTF! Aargh!! Bitch lahhh........ Haiz... Its not that i'm afraid that he will go to her or whatever... it's just that.. i feel so pathetic coz she gets to see him everyday and it's like bloody difficult for me to meet him.. haiz.. I trust him to make his own decisions lah.. It's been a long time since we argued and i just dun want us to argue and squabble anymore... it hurts me a lot to argue.. and the fact that he's changed me a lot just amazes me.. Its just that....

i've never had dis kinda strong feelings of love and care for someone... Never had someone who cares so deep for me and pampers me so much, yet at the same time, made me haf total fun with him.. sigh.. i dun look up to guys easily ok.. he's the first one that i do... he gave me the will to be happy again and he definitely gave me hope.. the hope of love and to be loved. I just cant believe this is me... hakz... yeah, well... i'm just friggin in love with him.. and there's not a chance that i will do what i did last time to him... no way. never again. i love him

Just another Day

omg. i'm so getting depressed. Guess Gloomy Sunday is getting on to me. GOD NO! i dun wanna commit suicide. But seriously, its so haunting. Ergh. I shall not play that song anymore. Loads of ppl have commited suicide listening to that song and its been banned for 13 years. It's really haunting. WaD the heck! Stop it lah Dee!

Okay. Think of something happy. THINK!!!

Hokay. I luuurrrrvvvveeee my blog song. Got it from a fren of Ayul's blog. Haha... It's so nice and touching.. Heh...

I'm just so guilty of being busy again. Haf cca almost everyday. And now, i'm in MCG. Okay.. MCG is Malay Cultural Group. Most probably i'll be in Tarian. Hahahaa..... Dee??? Tarian??? That's something new.. Hehe... Well, it's good to try something new right? haha... And i cannot believe that Jazz is the president of MCG. Hahaha... well, i guess it wont be a prob for me to blend in. And Nawwa is also in MCG.. so i guess that's ok lahh.. haha...

Have hiphop dance later... Den tml, will be going out with Aisyah and Maz. I'm seriously missing him. A LOT. It's been 2 weeks since i last met him. Aarrrgghh... It's driving me crazy. It's strange lahh.. Haha... Wheee... Love him so much! hehe..

Okay.. I'm in Hip hop class now... hakz... dunno anybody here... it's like, only my 2nd session.. sheesh... they're far more advanced den me sia.. hmmm... but then, among the girls, can say i'm the more daring one la.. Heheh... Larry (the instructor) told Sam (the president of Hip Hop IG) that i was quite good for a beginner... *blush* well, okaylahh.. i mean, i'm a dancer for one... heeh.. i guess thats an advantage lah... erm.. but i'm pretty much enjoying myself despite all the aches and the cramps. i mean, at least i can lose weight sia.. eheh.. so enjoying it... well... gonna start soon... buhbyyyeee~!

Do Best Friends Exist?

There's so much sadness around me but here i am, happy and contented with my life despite all those family squabbles that i have once in a while. I'm just grateful for this happiness and also with the people who have been with me all this while.

I've never really had close frens or best friends. Maybe Aisyah if she's still in Singapore or in RP. I really realised that the duration of a friendship does not determine the closeness and understanding. I've seen Ash and Sandy suffered because of this. What about me then? I've known Maz since i was 7 and been frens when we were 11. I still dun feel the bond even though i consider her as my best friend. Then again, do i even haf best friends? To me, best friends are just terms ppl use to show how close their friendship is. If they understand each other so deeply, good for them. But to me, i havent found that best friend. Maybe not yet. Maybe i haf. I'm not sure.

But i realise, ppl do change. I mean, me, Maz and Aisyah were really damn close last time. But we've gone our separate ways. And to me, Aisyah is still the same person as she was and i can talk to her abt anything. But thing is, me and her are miles apart and we're always busy. As for Maz, i dun really understand her nw. I mean, i never have understood her much. I guess I'm just experiencing wad Aisyah is experiencing in Sec Sch. Yes, she puts her new found friend first b4 me. But, i cant really blame her for that coz i'm busy with CCAs and stuff. Which leads back to the whole trigger.. What's a best friend for?

Hmmm.... Maybe i wont understand all this. Den again, would i let it a chance? The only frens i haf now are my schoolmates. Hakz. My secondary school frens haf all gone separate ways. Was it my fault to be away from them? For thinking that we haf no common interest therefore, breaking away from the clique? To tell u the truth, i've never really regretted it. But i still consider u guys as frens. Its just that, i hate being in a clique. I want to be free. To be myself and live my own life. I just couldnt go on with u guys. I can never understand y. Farah and Ika.. I really treat u guys as my friends. It's just, i haf no clue on the stuff that u guys talk abt and i noe that this cannot go on. Tts y i broke away from u guys. I hope u guys understand.

Poly life came to me in a different manner. I knew ppl who are more in-depth in their thinking, always supporting each other thru thick and thin and also had issues in life which requires a lot of emotions. Yet, they never give up and always stuck with their principles. This is where i blend in. Still, the term best friend may and may not apply here. I dunno. I'm just a lost soul.

Fret not, i have never regretted meeting the people i've known. No matter how hard it went or how tuff it gets, i have never regretted knowing u guys. I'm just a little lost in friendship. Maybe i cant commit. Or the fear of it. Or i never haf the time to haf frens. I dunno.

But to me, for now, the best friend i haf is my boyfriend. Well, does that count??? I'm not sure though. The endless conversations on the phone that we haf are the only thing that is keeping me happy all this while. I cant even meet him. THAT IS SO PATHETIC. Shucks. Hmmm... He's been thru my ups and downs all this while, be it my family problems or whatever. He's been there. I'm just grateful for that.

Pardon my language for this post. I'm just feeling blue all of a sudden. Haizz... Sorry if i've offended anybody, which i guess i have..

Like, WHATEVERRR!

So fucked up in this stupid world. I dun even noe who my dad is anymore. He doesnt trust me anymore and even thought i stole my mum's money this morning.. Wad the fuck?! I dun steal okay... All he do is nag, scold and get mad at me at the littlest thing i do. Like, whatever.. I'd rather be outside than at home. At least, far away from him or the rest of my family, i'd be happy enuff.. he never understands me and his needs are always more important than my happiness. Like, he rather see me suffer than happy... i am sooo sick of all these... I just feel like running away... To a place where i'd be all alone without any sufferings and heartbreak.. Or maybe get hit by a car and get hospitalized or in a coma or something. I just dun see the happiness that i once had..

It's just a pain to go home to a house that seemed to be dead. It's utter useless.. Sighh.. Dinner just now was so quiet. Nobody talked anything. Yeah... It seemed like the HOUSE OF THE DEAD.

Monorail Peeps

woke up at 1 pm just nw... haha.. was really tired la.. came back at 11 yesterday.. Work was pretty darn boring.. Like, Group Arrival Center and Ferry Terminal weren't really crowded... Sighhh... Sooooo Bored at work yesterday... Heard that Venga was suspended.. Hahaha... Coz he was rude to the visitors.. Lol.. Tt is so him... I woudnt be surprised if Siew Yong was next..

Speaking of which, hmm.. I wonder where mah monorail peeps haf gone to.. Miss them so much... Shucks... Shuhail, Anis and Kadir are still working in Sentosa... Kasturi also... Wad abt the rest???

Me and Ismail...

Me and Hasyer...

Me and Hairi...

Me and Shuhail...

Me and Aiman...

Me and Kasturi...

tHe hUnks (??) of MonoRaiL..

Hahaha.. Well, miss these peeps a lot... They're the coolest bunch of ppl i noe and the maddest and craziest... Hahah... Taught me a lot also... Had so much fun with them.. and yes, not forgetting......

DAYANA!

She's the ticketing girl hu always hang out with us... =)

Miss ya ppl..!

OMG!

OHHHH MYYYYY GODDDD! I did Science today!!! Hahaha... Tts a change... Well.. Not really uhh.. Haha.. It's just that it has a lil Chemistry on it.. Tts y i can do it.. If not, ergh... dun even think i wanna read the worksheet if i'm not told to.. ahah... well, yeahh... prefer Chem to Physics.. I HATE PHYSICS!!!! I skipped like 3 lessons of Basic Science already.. Hahah.. I think i hafta retake Basic Science 1.. OMG! Noooooo!!! I HATE SCIENCE!!!!

`nuff of science.. hmm... *waiting for my fries* haha.. lost some fats.. ahha.. well, still trying to lose further.. hmm.. Need to lose some more weight la.. Even tho i look okay.. but, i'm still not satisfied. And i wanna prove to HIM that i can do it.. Haha.. Even though he said he was proud of me nw.. haha.. nahhh.. still wanna lose weight.. ahah.. not just for him.. but for myself.. hehe.. But the bod is really getting on my way fer nw.. it's aching all over the place coz of Hip Hop... herh....... wad the heck....

Freaking bored now.. Sighh.... Maybe going to JP with Maz later... Aaahhh! Wanna Sleep lahhh!!! haizz... I'm making myself deaf.. haha.... Full blast music from my laptop to my ear phone to my ears... hahaha.... WAHLAO EHHHH!!! FREAKING BORED LAHHH!!!!

Sigh...

OH MY GOSH! I didnt blog in class today.. What a surprise.. Hahah... Sir was strict i guess.. Or maybe i was just too bz.. Sigh... Negotiation.. Hmmm... I always lose the negotiations when it comes to him... Haizz....

Speaking of which... i think he's already asleep. It's 945pm and he still havent call yet.. I just came back from Hip Hop Dance... Haiz... Why hasnt he call??? It's not even 10 yet.... Dun tell me he's really sleeping... Shucks... This is not fun anymore... I mean, me coming home late and him sleeping too early... Haizz.... I miss him so much..... Please, Please, Please call me.... *hoping really hard* haizzzzz....

Hip Hop dance was Okay. I mean, i learnt some stunts here and there but the peeps there weren't so great. It's like, they're so stoned and no initiative to perform.. ergh.. so hate that... i mean, they're like, a bit egoistic arr... herh.....but now i can do baby freeze, swipe, 6 steps...

YAY!!!!! *squeals* *grins*

Hehe.. Okay... Now my mood is up a lil.. Heheh.. I told him abt me and hip hop dance thingy and he was like," Oh no! Who abducted my baby? I want my baby back.. I dun want some Missy Elliot or Ciara as my gf.. Or the Avril Lavigne or whatsoever.. I want my sweet lil baby back..."
Hahaha... So the funny sehh the way he put it just nw.. aha...

Aniway, abt hip hop dance, i was thinking of gettin Shaffie or whoever at jYc to teach me more.. hahah... yeahhh well.... it would be awkward.. but can get benefit frm it wadd... dis is called negotiation... kakakkaka!!!

heeeh... crapping outz........

Awwww

Awww so touching rite my blogskin and song? haha... Thks so much to Wawa and Ashz... =) SOrry i didnt use ur pic Wawa, coz the colour too bright lahh.. but i love it sooo much... hehe.. Thanks yeah.. and Ashz too... Thks sooo much.. =)

I blogged late today.. Herh... It's like 2.30 now... Haha.. Late... And here HE comes.. Presenting Mr Cedric Tan.. I luuurrrvvveeee today's topic.. Debate. DEBATE! Like, eversince Sec Sch, debating was my thing.. Haha... Just hope i can do it... Getting the jitters sia..


Done with Debate and i SO ROCK at it... Hahaa... Yay!!! So the happy abt it... Hehe... ok, anw,

Totally feeling lonely.... Waited for his call but he never did... Sigh.. I hope he'll call tonight... My nights are so quiet and lonely without him.. Shucks... I really want to talk to him tonight and also for the rest of my nights. Ok... Maybe he just slept early yesterday.. tts y he nv call... ahh! i'm like being so paranoid. It's just that it's been a long time since we had an argument and i dun want an argument nw.. He's waaaaaaay better now... and sweeter and more considerate and everything... Sigh...

EHHH... I think gonna continue later ar.. no mood to type ahh.. haha... i promise... later.. haha...
=)

ermz

uhhh... was totally freaked out today in school... i think the class noe y.. i shall not go into the details specifically... but, seriously.. it was, like, omg! really spooked me and yeahh, eeks... all we did was merely asking qns.. didnt noe tt it would turn out to be smt like tt.. weird. strange. and freaky. I'm not in favour of her, honestly. And so is Sandy and Ashz. Ergh. Tts y i didnt talk and console much. totallynotinthemoodifudistruptedmyconcentrationandalsomystudies. herh. really! and i must say i wasnt happy abt it. sorry to say tt but yeah, tts how i feel k. No offence to anybody and to the class if u think i'm being self centred.

okay. totally not feeling too good tonight. even though my "son" is wit me today. totally no mood. just feel empty all of a sudden. Sigh.. Maybe because i havent talk to him yet. Sigh.... Everytime he called today, i'll be in the car. And i cant talk to him in the car. I just came back. It's 1015pm nw.. AND HE STILL HAVENT CALL! *nearly crying* I miss him..... yesterday we didnt talk on the phone coz he said he was sleepy... and it was 10.. sigh... maybe he's already asleep... *crying*

How Do I Live

How do I,
Get through one night without you?
If I had to live without you,
What kind of life would that be?

Oh, I need....
I need you in my arms, need you to hold,
You're my world, my heart, my soul,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,
And tell me now

How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

Without you,
There'd be no sun in my sky,
There would be no love in my life,
There'd be no world left for me.

And I,
Baby I don't know what I would do,I'd be lost if I lost you,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything real in my life,
And tell me now,

How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

How do I go on?
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything,
I need you with me,
Baby don't you know that you're everything,
Real in my life?
And tell me now,

How do I live without you,
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
How do I live without you?
How do I live without you baby?

tts the new look.. Haha.. minus the hair.. was hot lahh tts y i clipped it like that.. SO JOEL, STOP LAUGHING!!! i look gd man.... haha... Lost quiet a lot of weight too... can see my shoulders are much narrower... Hahaha... Wheeeeeeee..... So happy.... Need to lose more weight... Sandy! U too... Stop those indulgence...

*Grins*

Today's problem solving is abt arguments... Whee... I noe i can ace this man... Hhaha... C'mon Dee... It's English.. U hafta score... I saw my English teacher dis morning.. Hehe... Miss Dalina is the bestest teacher there is... Even though she's fierce and stuff (cant even put my head on the table), she's the one who motivated me to improve on my english... I mean, my english has always been a c6 and c5... not good, i noe.. but ppl always assume that I'm gd in english... And she put me down to the ground man... She said, "those of u who has been going around and pretending that ur English is good, STOP IT. stop being a hypocrite" and i was like "uhh... ouhhk..." haha... of coz i wasnt going ard pretending.. its just that i so happen to speak better english than my other classmates. Hahaha.... Hao Lian ahh Dee.. Haha... But of course, i do realise that i am gd in my verbal english but my written English sucks man... Haha.. So i worked on it, and with her help, i got a b3 for EL.. hahah.. but now, quite rusty sia my English..

*So the Haolian ahh*

*paisehh*

Hakz... `Nuff abt that... haha... Erk... What to talk abt ahh?? Sigh... So many thing to do lah.. Ergh..

Wheeee

Okay.. I am feeling so happy that i cant imagine that dis is me... Hahaha... Wad the heck am i talking man?? Haha... I dunno... But i noe that i'm happy... hehe.. Very happy to meet him just nw...

Met him at Tampines... Heeheh... Then he went on and on abt government and ITE... erk... BORING!!! he knew i hate him talking like ye ye ohh like tt... Hahha... And he still did it.. Hahaha... Wahlao... Haha.. Then we took a bus to Sengkang and we just walked and talked abt us.. And went to Mac to play wit my lappy.. Nth much lahh today.. But was soooo glad to meet him.. =)

Just happy to be there in his arms, feeling his hugs and his kisses on my cheeks... and lips.. just feel right where i belong... even though we rarely meet up, our closeness is still there... I just felt love, care and concern... i mean, who's bf is ever the kind tt can be called belo, giler, gundu and blah3.... haha... MINE! haha.. ouhhk.. those are some of the names tt we call each other ahh.. haha.. we're mental.. haha...

Its a week b4 our 2 mths.. hehe.. so excited man... ahaha... dunno y i am but i am.. Being with him is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.. and he's quite impressed wit me tt i can still tahan his attitude till now... well, tts love for u baby... hehe..

I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!

I am so friggin happy today... The class can tell.. Hahha... i was running ard in class disturbing ppl and askin them loads of qns... esp Samuel.. Hahah.. I'm just so happy to be back in class... =) Even though its computing ahh.. Hahah... Dee is friggin noisy today... Hahaha...

I'M MEETING HIM TODAY!!!! I'm so excited!!! Hehehe... AAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhh!
*still shrieking*
*smiling like mad*
Heheh...

***ok ppl... i'm gonna talk abt him a lot... I noe u guys are probably bored of reading abt us... Hahaa.. Well, just telling ya, i'm gonna talk abt him.. So if u're not interested den navigate k.. Hahaha.... But wouldnt want u guys to stop reading my blog tho...***

Omg... I'm seriously mental today... Really! I'm like desperately missing him... And i mean, real bad missing him... Cant explain it... And it's been, erm, 2 wks? i think so lahh.. 2 wks tt i nv meet him... Eeeeeeeeehhhhhhh!!!! Miss him so much... Yesterday was so touching... He totally made my day.. Heheh... And he remembered tt nx week is our 2 mths!!! OMG!! 2 mths is long for me... Hehe... I'm so glad tt i met him and got to noe him...

Even though our relationship started by co incidence and it wasnt really intended, my love for him grew as times go by.. He gave me hope again... Like, my frens noe that i'm such a flirt.. and ok, first relationship 1 yr 1 mth is smthing lah but tt one first relationship wadd... No biggie... Den after tt, it was always by day.. Longest was 9 days.. Hahah.. Ok, maybe Farizan was 2 and a half weeks... But 2 mths is something to me... Considering the fact that i was a FLIRT.. Major flirt... And now, i just wanna be in love with him and only him... Maybe its the way he shows his concern... Indirectly thru his possessiveness... and i never had a bf who is tt kind... herh... i was always the one dominating in a relationship... so tiring... hehe... now i found him... hehe... so happy and so in love... and i dunno if i changed much... physically and also mentally...

I learnt alot abt love wit him.. Something which i didnt thought tt i would... Sacrifices, happiness, tears and squabbles... This is what i'd say a proper relationship... hehe... so touching right?? hehe... LUUUUUUUUUURRRRRVVVVEEEEEE HIM SOOOOOO MUCH!!!!

So Not Happy

I'm so fucked up today! Ergh... Why am i to be blame for the house bills? I mean, i'm not even home half the time... ergh.... Whatever... I dun feel like talking bout family stuff.. WHATEVER!

I am so disappointed with myself... Only worked for 3 hrs just nw... Wad the heck! Fell sick again... Now i'm sick of being sick... 3 hours of work!!! Siak ahh! I noe i can tahan but just had to go back... Ergh... So pissed off man... I'm running a fever now... Eeeks! I need to go to school tml! I dun give a damn.. My grades have sufferd enuff coz of the drama.. Now i have to do the damage control... Ergh... Hating dis...

Damn, life is boring... School, CCA, Work... My life revoves ard these 3... No time for me to enjoy myself... Cant even go out.. Herh! Coz my dad wont allow me... Ergh.. Whatever... So whatever... Totally feeling shitty today...

End of Redhill Blues

YAY!!!!

*jumps for joy!*

*squeals*

*grins*

Hehe... Yesh!!! Redhill Blues is done and over with... Sigh... So happy and relieved that its over.. But on the other hand, quite sad that all dis has to end... and now, no more excitement.. Hehehe... With Lala, Wawa, Sue, Lee, Apiz, Nita, Marc, Maddy and Elton.. Hehe... Really had so much fun with them... Hehe..

Lala, Sue, Lee and Apiz.. My smoking kaki.. Heheh... We can become

Smoking.Ethnic Drums.Drama.Republic

Haahaa... Siao lahh... Den, Wawa, the ever so cute Wawa.. So the kecoh even though she's small.. Haha.. She's loud and has a lovely singing voice... =) Erk.. Den Marc... Marco... Hehe... Dunno when i started becoming close to him... Hehee.... I think coz of the disgusting acts of the parameswara and sok lian's mum... erk... so irritated by it... herh... and mah MADDY!! hehe... he has officially made me his personal make up artist... *grins* heh... coz i did good! i'm the only one who can do make up on him.. hehe... the rest dun seem to be able to get his make up right except me.. hehe.. and i'm so honoured and proud that ppl actually like my makeup on them.. hehe.. and i am so damn freaking proud that I AM SO MUCH BETTER IN MAKEUP DEN HER! hahaha... Hmm.. Elton... OMG! ELTON GAVE ME A PECK ON THE CHEEK JUST NOW... eek! hahaa... i cant do anything coz my hands were dirty.. i was eating wadd.. and he also did like.. eeek!! hahaa.. maddy shld noe abt dis... i kept screaming while make up-ing maddy coz of elton's legs... erk.. ahaha... and i danced with Elton also... hahaha... had fun though.. *muackies*

Like Hemi (the director) said... It was a beautiful journey... all those memories, rehearsals and all the stupid stuff we did... it was amazing... seriously.. had so much fun... =)

and i owe HIM for being so understanding and tolerant all this while... it was hard at first.. and i'm glad that i pulled it through.. with HIM by my side every night.. talking to me and making me forget abt the play... i'm really grateful that he's been really patient with me... thanks so much baby! love ya...

Happynyerr!!!

Omg... Like, i'm so happy that we talked today... =) i think like, more then 3 hrs already... hehee... Gawd i miss him so much!! I was sick today and had to go home frm drama... actually happy to be home... and talking to him again... on the other hand, quite worried bout drama... but still, happy to be talking to him again... heheheh....

Happy! Happy! Happy!

*Grins*

*Smiles*

*Giggles*

Hahaha... I mean, i've been so busy and not having time for him and i just feel so bad abt it.... I really missed him a lot.. It's already bad enuff that i cant msg or call him or even meet him.. And i'm just so happy that he's being understanding abt it... Yippee! And i told him how i felt and stuff.. (Just to be on the safe side u noe.. Wont want him to feel neglected so much...) Haiz... I love him.. =)

Hmm... Drama today was ok i guess... Fell really sick... Dunno y... Haiz... Breakdown again... Exhaustion lah... Cant help it though.. Haiz..

*Strong willed!*

*Determination!*

It'll be over before i know it... Yeahh... Must stay positive! Everybody else is also suffering the same thing... Not just me... So, at least i'm not alone in this... They're also tired... Sigh....

GO RHB CAST AND CREW!! JUST 3 SHOWS AND IT'LL BE OVER!! STAY STRONG YEAH PEEPS!!

I think i need to sleep.. There's UT tml... Shucks... Computing some more.... Eeeks!!! Will Update soon if i'm not tired...

So Long And GooD Night!

eek

Haiz... Reached home like, midnight yesterday.. still sleepy... this drama thing is really taking up my time... shucks... reaching home late evrynight and waking up early.. haiz... tiring sia... just hope that everything will end soon... haizz... Think i'm suffering from overexhaustion.. still havent recovered yet from the june holidays overworking thing.. haiz... freaky how i can stand this long...

I feel that i am not myself.. something is bothering me but i just cant explain what it is... I dun even have time for myself anymore... My busy-ness overwhelms me.. Everyday for the past month, i've been really busy with school and work.. I dun even go out shopping anymore... or just plain "merayap-ing" err... like, loitering ah... i just miss my old self... carefree... no restrictions (the parent thing is a totally different situation) and just have fun... looks like poly life really made me busy...

'nuff said abt busy-ness... i'm like, smoking again... i mean, not heavily smoking like i used to... but thing is, i'm smoking again!! ergh... it sucks... i smoke when i'm stressed up and i realise that i only smoke when i'm in drama... erk? not that the drama ppl are bad influence on me... its just that i'm freaking stressed up in drama... ok... stupid reason... but u just noe when u need one... i dun need to say more abt this...

Ergh... Communications is stressing me out... Eeeeekkk!!!! Headache laa.... Hate today's topic... Ethics and stuff... ergh.... totally not liking this... dunno wad to do laa... everybody like, slacking and stuff... it's 1 and we're still not doing anything!!! omg....

think i gotta do it... sheesh!

Haiz

Herh... Cognitive's abt codebreaking... Erk... Oklaahhh... Quite interesting ah... But damn... its so troublesome and long.. On top of that, we'll still need to analyse it... Shucks... Its so freaking difficult!!!

*SOS*

*HELP*

Freaking exhausted now... Not enuff sleep... Waited for his call but he didnt... Sigh... I'm like so exhausted now... And its only noon... Sigh... Dis codebreaking thing is giving me a headache man.... I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE!!! herh.... after school, will be the SA meeting... after that straight to The Substation.. Eeeks... Will only reach home like 1145... ergh... so routined siakk these few days.. i hate routines...

EEEEKKK!!! Still trying to figure out the code..........

I Miss You

Just came back from Drama at the Substation. OMG! I'm hating it already...Its taking sooooo much of my time that Ayul didnt even call me tonight!!! WTH... He's never missed calling me evryday... even if he's mad with me, he'll still call me.. but HE DIDNT CALL ME TONITE!!

*sobz**sobz*

~Feeling Lonely~

=Missing Him So Much=

Yesterday we didnt have a proper gd bye like we used to... Sigh.... Not that we argued.. Its more like accidental kinda thing... Haiz....den today he didnt call me the whole day.. all i got was a missed call from him.... Huaaaa~!!!! I was practically laughing to myself when i read our previous conversations in msn... sigh... I MISS HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!

sorry for being lovey dovey but i'm kinda down la... sigh.... Missed him alot.......

sheesh

ervryone is having the bored look.. it's onli 12.25 pm... herh... bored to the max sia... haiyoo... anw, i just fucking realise that Farizan and Ayul are in the same sch... wad the heck! sheesh... whatever la... me and Farizan are over and no point talking about it...

Ashz, i noe u're strong to face this and whatever it is, u noe that u will always have me, sandy, joel and ur frens by ur side....we'll be there when u need us k... just ignore that freak/jerk. There's no use anymore... Just stay strong k!!

Ashz situation really made me think abt me and Ayul... I admit that we do get into each other's nerves at times... Still, he's quite fair to me and he opens up abt his feelings.. I respect that... I just feel lucky to have him with me... He asked me yesterday... What would i do if we happend to break? I seriously have no idea... I'll be damn lonely for sure... No one to talk to and argue with everynight... No one to sing love songs and make songs of me anymore... Heeh... I noe he can be unreasonable and mean, and hot tempered and always bullying me... haha.. but he cares and has always been there for me... i really appreciate that...

heez.. 3rd meeting starting... *toodles*

Hmmm

Sigh... Actually i have no idea wad to type... Shucks... But feeling abit down tho... Dunno abt wad but i'm feelin depressed... Maybe abt him, i'm not sure... haizz... i came up with these 2 phrases.. And I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT!

IF ONLY THE MIND CAN DECEIVE THE HEART..

+

MATTERS OF THE HEART TO WHO SHALL I IMPART

i noe the first one is a fragment.. but who cares.. i love it.. haha... i want to compose a poem but i just cant figure out how to start.. heez... crappy me... i came up with this on my way home from sch...

I just don't wanna know

How it'll be like to let you go

Leaving me helpless and low

Knowing that your love will never again show

Baby with you I learnt to be

A spirit that is ever carefree

The tender love that u have showered to me

Can never be replaced by what the heart can see

Matters of the heart

To who shall I impart

When our sights will forever be apart

Then i know the hurt is so hard

Well, maybe the last part is a bit cheesy.. haiz... But i dunno y i feel like poetic these few days.. Haiz..

+++++++++

Yesterday was crappy man at work.. Ergh... Was placed at Costa Sands the whole day and it was super boring... But the fun came at night coz the queue to Harbourfront was freaking long.. Haha...Up till half of the roundabout... Sheeesh... Damn long sia... Haiz... Nv see Shulhul already sia for so long.. Wonder how's he.. hmm... I miss my monorail peeps.. Wonder where they are nw... Aiman, Ismail, Hasyer, Hairi, Zuraidah, Razak and Ganesan are all not working in Sentosa... Shucks... They're the greatest buncha ppl i noe.. ehehe... had fun working with them.. and of coz... monorail is waaaaaay better den marshall... Haiz... *sobz*

++++++++

Heez.... Recently got to noe dis guy from ITE Yishun.. Ashrul's fren actually... name's Yat.. hehe... He's ok laa.. Like Ash also.. hmm... but of coz, only treat him as a fren arr...

My sweetie hunny is really important to me k... i dun think i can adapt to anybody else if ever i broke up with him... Sometimes i wonder.. Why do i still cling to him after all the hurt and pain that he's given me? It's not because of his looks that made me stay, or his money or even his popularity... Trust me.. It's definitely NOT because of these things... Its just, i realise that in a way, he guides me through terrible times I had with my family and advices me when i'm in need of it.. I asked him: "Y do u love me?" and he said: "you gave me hope in everything i do." and really, he gave me a lot of hope to go through difficult times... Honesty, trust, commitment... tts wad he wants in a girl.. i dunno if i have fulfilled those.. all i noe, is that he has fulfilled mine... i wanted a guy who can always be there when i needed him and also guide me in my lost life.. Even b4 we stead, i told him that and he's always been there for me and helped me alot in life.. and i nv told him this one criteria that i wanted that i cant find in everyother guy... it's acually: can contol me when i'm over my limits... sighh... he just called and came up with this stupid, crazy, out of his belo mind and whatever other freakin stuff!!!! aaacckzz!! quite shocked when he said that.. coz i was typing this and he said that.., haiz... abt the deal again.... haiyooo...... RIDICULOUS IDEA BABY!!!

haizzz... gtg.. will update soon......

Erk?

Hmm... There seems to be problems with tagboards... Dunno wad happend laa... harhar

Erk... Basic science now... SO NOT MY THING!!!! Freaking bored!! Sigh... i really feel like sleeping now... Yesterday drama finished at 930... Sigh... Still tired though... There'll still be the preview for Redhill Blues later in the library...

Anw, I CANT USE MY HP IN 2 DAYS TIME!!! wtf... coz i havent pay my outstanding bills for 2 mths... shucks... and my parents dun wanna pay for me... ergh... hafta pay myself.. shucks... tt means, i can onli receive incoming stuff...

SO PPL!!! IF THERE'S ANYTHING, DUN MSG ME!!! CALL ME OK!!!

erk.... hating this.....

Just came back from the drama preview... ergh.... tiring... costume dis, costume that.. haha... headache....

Sigh... Will be back to blog later... Boring Science lesson starting... eek!!