Grateful. Sad.

I started off working in SBS on 22.11.2013. Exactly a year before my wedding.

It was so messy. Like, I've never worked in an office before, there were just too many papers. I had to go through many piles of papers to get a gist of what I was supposed to do. Toon, being my mentor taught me a lot of things.

Then, I also realized that it is not just limited to Soon Lee. My department stretches to other depots and bus parks as well and Despatchers are part of my department.

So in January, when my exec Jackson asked me to arrange for a department dinner, I was kind of stressed. I don't know these people. I don't know if they'd like the food. Blah3. But it went on okay. I didn't know who was who when we all met.

We went to Seoul Garden Hotpot. Guess it didnt really suit their taste bud. Lol.

As time goes by, the longer I've worked, the more I've learnt about my job (and I really love my job), I really love the people I work with. To me, they are the best team mates that I could ever ask for. Sure we get mad at each other sometimes but after that, what's done is done and we move on. That's what I like about the team. Squabbling with Despatchers, trying to come to a compromise.

So, later the year, we had another department dinner.

This time round, I knew better.

So i chose West Coz Cafe instead. It was Seafood. And I saw how they can REALLY EAT.
Lol.. Even Aunty Ah Lek said it was nice. So YAY. I nailed it!

So yeah, I was happy with my job. I really got challenged with some task that I had to do. But to me they are all learning experiences.
Researched a lot on Excel. So happy when I was sent for the Advanced Excel course.

Met and worked with so many people along the way.

Department lunch: FULL SQUAD.

2016 came and things started to change a lot.

I worked for only 14 days. During one of those 14 days I was on a project to finally digitalized my learning forms and I was briefing managers and also the AVP on work process. My manager Chee Wee was proud that he took a video of me doing so. Lol. I wish i could follow through that project. It will make so many people's jobs much easier.

So yes, I do visit them at times now to submit my MC and all.
Yesterday the dept catered to the whole office.

Soon, everyone will go their separate ways to the different depots.

It's sad that it had to be this way but the industry is changing. Wish you guys luck where ever you guys are posted and I hope to come back to work as fast as I can!

Stem Cell Transplant Story

I finally got discharged yesterday. 31/05/2016 to 11/08/2016.
I don't even want to start counting the number of days.
Just the thought of blogging this is making my mind block some memories coz it was too painful to remember.

It started off with 5 days of Chemo, which made me lose my little grown hair yet again,
so I shaved it off completely a week after that.
Then, 1 day of Radiation.
And, the setting of the pluck on the neck - which was painful to the MAXIMUM. I cried so hard during the procedure and after as well. The porter said to ask for painkillers because this procedure is known to be painful.

It was there just for the transplant which happened the next day.
The transplant was okay. I think it was just for an hour or so.
Ibuk did harvesting for 2 days.

So after the transplant, they took out the pluck, which was PAINFUL still.

I'm not sure whether the next day or the next 2 days, I had red blood and platelet transfusion.
Usually, there aren't any reaction.
But, that night, during platelet transfusion, i started to get rashes, breathless and my heart was beating so fast - it was crazy.
The nurses came, Dr came later and gave medication and all. I think it took about an hour before I started to be ok. Ya Allah, I've never experienced any reaction like that before I thought I'd go crazy with the pain.

By then, my appetite was gone. Like POOOF. I kept vomiting as well.
As usual, after the chemo, the "good" old friend decided to come and visit 3-4 times a day.
THE DREADED FEVER!

I had to rely heavily on Paracetamol that it caused some problems to my liver.
I really have a phobia on Fever and Chills right now, seriously.

After a while, I had a meltdown, what they call it psychosis.

I was feeling frustrated because:

I was having fever & chills for the longest time and not getting better.
I felt alone, like really alone. - they do not allow stay-overs.
I didn't like being in Ward 58H, facing 4 walls and can't get to see anything else - even though there was TV, It was different than Ward 56. Ward 56 isolation room at least feels "happier".

Well, mainly because i was alone, basically.

So, i did the unthinkable. Cried and cried so much.

The male nurse kept me company while the other went to get medication for me.
I kept crying. I was cold at the same time.

Somehow that started with them putting me on IV Streroids,

After that, the nurse brought me down, to sun myself with 4 blankets covering me on the wheelchair.
While sun-tanning, I told the nurse how i seriously felt like using the sharps to poke myself.

And then, that afternoon, psychologists and social worker start to visit me.
Talked and came to conclusion to get the husband to stay over with me at night.

That helped a lot.

I managed to go back for home leave on Hari Raya. Just for a day. But I didnt have much energy so i stayed in the room most of the time. Kak Ju, Abg Adam, Kak Nurul and my family came over to my in-laws place for Raya.

After that, I think that was when they started me on high dose steroids, because my liver was having GVHD, there was CMV too.

They let me go for home leave over the weekends.

With that high dose streroids, and my Father-in-Law's Nasi Lemak, GOODNESS.
I thik i ate like 5 times that day.

The effects of steroids:

So I was on and off on home leave, When another Consultant took over, there was lesser home leave. Apparently my white blood came down. So another round of fever started. Medications were changed back. Chills start to come in.

There was bacteria in the blood again, and they suspected that it was from the PICC.

So after a week of antibiotics, it wasn't ok yet. They decided to take out my PICC.
But it was so troublesome because they need to insert a pluck plus, take my blood from the veins instead. I think EVERYONE knew how difficult a task that IS.

Ok then, the next day I had to go for the Nebular(?) - It's for the lungs.Some breathing medication.
I didnt have a good experience the last time. I coughed a lot and vomited. Then my chest was tight and I started wheezing.

I remembered the last time, Nurse Yahui gave me 2L of oxygen together with this medication.
It took 20 mins or so.

But this time round, this Nurse. haiz. She gave me 5L which was like 5-10mins. So maybe my body couldn't adapt.

Then things started to get crazy. My body stiffen up for a bit. I vomited. I had a hard time breathing, felt giddy, my eyes were blurry, then I had the urgent need to pee, almost peed at the wheelchair. When the nurse came in, i quickly ran to the toilet even though I was giddy. I peed, past motion at the same time and broke into cold sweat while still feeling giddy. I didnt even listen to the nurse. I was so giddy.

After i managed to wash myself, again, I quickly got up to and went to bed, still giddy. The nurse gave me oxygen. Drs came. After checking, i started to have chills AGAIN. They pushed me back to 58H and i started having chills again. And the worst part, my pluck came off.

I asked the parents to cover me up. After a while, the Drs came in, again, trying to insert a pluck using a UV vein machine.

During this time, the Consultant changed. That helped the situation a lot. He said I was on antibiotics for 30 mins and after that I'm free, so we had the arrangement of me coming in and out everyday. Its okay, at least i get to go home.

And then before National Day, my IV Antibiotic was oralised. So, i got to stay home during NDP.

On 10th Aug, they managed to get an early slot for my PICC Insertion. This time round it's on the left hand. So stayed over and on the 11th of AUG, I WAS DISCHARGED.

Alhamdulillah. MY PICC is still a bit sore. It'll take time to get used to it but I am happy just to be discharged. Of course, this is not the end. I still have follow up check ups and if the Consultant feels that i have to stay in, then i have to. :(

In the meantime, let's just be happy that I'm discharged. Syukur Alhamdulillah.

So that's my transplant story. It was long. It was dreadful.
I really wish i don't have to go through neutropenic fever again but it was necessary.

OK OK.
Let's just take things as they go. I need to be stronger than this.