mistakes and limit.

sometimes, when i think about things,
i don't know how long i can endure.
at times, i think it has reached the limit.

but most times, i tend to ignore it,
and continue my life with new sets of limit.

still, it all comes snowballing into one.

i'm sick and tired of it.
but i'm not ready to give it all up.

sometimes, i'm exhausted of trying,
exhausted of a one-sided understanding.
exhausted of being the one who has to understand.
exhausted of being misunderstood.

exhausted of every single thing.

am i the only one, who's trying to make things better?

when trust is being brought up,
everyone should know.

trust is earned, not given.
and when trust is broken, its very difficult to restore.

i don't know anymore.
i really don't.
and i wonder, who am i to you?

a friend, or a foe?
a present, or a mistake?
the past, or the present?

if there were things which i could allow myself to say,
i'd never stop saying it so that you can understand.
but i couldn't bring myself to.
i just couldn't.

if i could bring myself to be mean,
i'd do a million things.
but, i'm not.
i don't have the heart to.

every word i say is true.
and i have not lied about a single thing.
it hurts to know you think i did.
am i that bad a person?

dear God,
all i can do is just cry.
i have no more strength in me to fight this.
no way, to think that i'm strong for the kind of challenges you're giving me.

i don't know what else to do.
i wish i could just vanish, disappear or whatever.

i'm just, not strong enough.