What else is there to feel?

I have another blog post on hold, yet i'm penning this one down.

It's not much i guess. Just, a little sad, a little disappointed but it's just a forbidden feeling.

Its been 6months.
It's getting annoying.

Ada?
Dah ada?
Tak try?
Tak plan ke?

Astaghfirullahalazim.

I just have to smile and say belum or belum ada rezeki.

People dont realise how painful that qn is. Yes, questioning out of curiosity, if the other party is really pregnant - then u add in to their happiness.

But if  the other party is not - then you're rubbing it to their pain.

It's not that we tak try. We do. But on why until now tak sangkut, only Allah knows. I dont have an answer to that. No one does.

Yes, i buy a pregancy test kit every month. How stupid of me right? Just to see if there is a + at the end. But, not my luck.

Haiz.

My only form of consolation, is that i feel Allah thinks I'm not ready to have a baby. For whatever reason.. Maybe i'm not a good enough human being yet. Or that now is not the time.. with the house on the way and with my dad' repayment and all.

It's okay then. I will wait till the time Allah thinks i'm ready to be a mother, In Shaa Allah.