fucked up.

i am probably one of the last few who would complain about anyone/anybody/anything.
but seriously, this is pushing my patience to the limit.

firstly, we all know how bias things can be. *rolls eyes*
and that, makes people too blind to actually see the talent or ability or willingness to learn that the other person might have.
just because, you have someone who can do the work right, doesnt mean that other people can be shunned or not bothered.


secondly, issit-my-fault-that-i-cannot-come-for-selection-because-i'm-working issue?
okay fine. i'm not gonna be selected just because i cannot come on the selection day.
because i'm working.
korg nak bayarkan gaji aku keppa?
aku ni bukannye full time student cam korg.
aku keje kat a leading Singapore company.
fikir senang2 pe aku nak mintak off?

aku bukan part time tuition teacher ke, atau salesgirl tau.
bukan keje remeh temeh ni sume.
aku keje ade KPI. ade target.
target tak achieve, contract tak renew.

kalau contract aku tak di renew, ape korg bleh kasi aku keje gaji same pe?
fikir aku senang2 nak give up keje aku pasal hal ni?

so fine, if i'm not playing, i dont care.
but i'm not playing for any other positions.
thats final.

seriously, aku dah bosan.
ape gunanye kan aku ni senior tapi krg takde respect ke atau adab bile bebual dgn aku?
ape gunanye aku nie FOUNDER ENDANG tapi treated as one kan.

suke hati korang lah.
aku dah malas nak amek tau hal2 korang lagik.

plus, kalau org nak dtg, biar orang dtg dengan rela hati kerana die minat dan die boleh luangkan masa untuk berseni,
bukannye atas dasar terpakse atau diUGUT.

fikir2 uh sendiri.
kalau aku boleh unsubscribe to sms2 tu sume, dah lama dah aku unsubscribe.

hurhur.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Disorder:	Moderate
Borderline Disorder:	Moderate
Histrionic Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Disorder:	Very High
Avoidant Disorder:	Moderate
Dependent Disorder:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

lazy sunday

twitter.
facebook.
blogger.

so when exactly am i gonna do up my report for GP which is due next week?
grahh.
one final push lah dian.
come on. you can do it.

happy bday Yaty!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SITI SURIATI!!!
:)

wish you all the best in the future and happiness be with you always!

actually her bday's on 11th March!
:)

more pictures, more updates!
ciao.

first anniversary with love.

first year anniversary was a simple yet fun affair.

he fetched me from home at 2pm and we took 502 to Suntec.



Went to Suntec Convention Hall for the Bodyshop Warehouse Sale.
and HE WENT CRAZIER THAN ME!
so anyways, WE bought:

1 Cherry Blossom Shower Gel (mine)
1 Love ETC Shower Gel (mine)
1 Mango Shower Gel (his)
2 Shower Puffs (his)
1 Cherry Blossom Body Butter (mine)
4 ehems (Yaty's Bday Present)

yeah, and it all cost $58.
relatively cheap.

as we were q-ing up to pay, this filipino lady behind me was like,
"excuse me, you got stain"

sialla.. panic sia.

so yeah, after the whole washing up ordeal,
the stain was still there and what's worse was the fact that i wore white.
and so, went to Cotton on and bought 2 tops,
which was rather nice.

after that, went around Suntec to find Yaty's presents.
and bought tickets for Alice in Wonderland 3D.

while waiting, we went to have early dinner at Pizza Hut.
























so after pizza hut, we went to watch Alice in Wonderland.
as usual, Johnny Depp is superb!
i kinda find the movie a little scary coz of the Red Queen.
but, not sure why the movie was so dark.
probably coz it was 3d?
idk.

so after movie,he was still hungry and he bought himself doughnuts.
and we had bubble tea.




and sat by fountain of wealth, like what we did on our 2nd date. :)
only, dis time was better.

so then, he sent me all the way back to jurong.
with all the bags in his hands.
and i got my hugs. :)

iloveyoubaby.
no matter how many times, i've said i hated you,
or how many times i screamed i do not want to talk to you anymore,
but the truth is, i'm no one without you.
i'll struggle everysingle day if you're not in my life.

i love you so much.

and i promise to be your life..

alone

it has come to a point that my feelings have become numb.
it has become so cold.
so stoned-hearted.

and nothing can change it for now.

i just want to be left alone.
i want to be alone.

thisiswhatyouwant

shitstuff

so many things have been happening the past few weeks.

it's not that i'm showing off that i'm happy,
and it's not that i'm forgetting my real self, now that i'm happy.
and it's not that i want to be kurang ajar..
whatever i said, is how i feel.
but if that's the way you want to react,
then i guess, there's no point for me to be around anymore,
if i cant tell you the truth.

and i'm not gonna be the one who's going to give in.
it just hurts too much this time round.

whatever makes you happy.
coz that's the only thing that i have, and always be hoping for you.

that aside.

february has been brutal.

barred from exams.
suck at exams.
losing.
hurting.

whatever la.
i seriously cannot be bothered anymore.

life

some unsettled feelings.

i'm not sure if anyone has heard of this.
but, people say..
the longer you are with your partner, the more you two will look like each other.



don't know what to make out of it.
similar, no?

i am hating myself a lot for a lot of things which i've been doing to him.

i've been a total nuisance.
say mean things which i will later regret.
and him, being the lovable being that he is,
will always take the blame in the end,
so that i will shut up/stop crying and end the argument.

after everything's fine,
and when i think back.
it's all baseless arguments which can be avoided
but noooo, i insisted it to go on.

i can never get it in my thick skull,
that he's trying his hardest to change, for my sake, for my happiness.
but all i'm giving him is shit after shit.
and not making it any easier for him.

what the bloody fuck do i want more??!!!

haiz.
it hurts me a lot to see him trying to change,
trying his very hardest to give in.
or just be as sweet as he can.

and it hurts me more,
when i'm hurting him.
like when i scratched his arm till it bled.
or when, i don't trust him enough.
or the things which i'm doing to him now.

and he's right to think.
how am i going to survive if he's not around?
and the answer is never.
i cannot survive without him being around.

if he's not going to be around,
let it be that death do us part in a very old ripe age.
i don't know how i'll face every single day,
without him in my life.

i can barely smile or hold my tears when a night goes by
without his voice being the last that i hear before i go to sleep.
like as if a part of me is missing and being ripped off.
it's a horrible and miserable feeling.

i still don't know what i want from him.

my colleague farinah said,

love someone who loves you to death.

he loves me to death,
i'm the one who is doubting him.
but deep inside, i know there is no one who can love me like he does.
and i love him beyond any words can explain.

i know, he thinks i don't trust him.
but as a matter of fact, i do.
i trust, that he wont do things which will ever hurt me.
i trust, that he will love me unconditionally.
i trust, that i am the only that he loves.
and,
i trust him, with my life.

haiz, maybe i'm just being too hard on him.
what can i do to just, be a better me?
and a better girlfriend to him?

:(

i love him so much.
it's, unexplainable.

it's just so tiring.

I swear, my feelings are numb right now.
I dont feel sad, angry or whatever.

i'm just tired of the feelings.

i've given up in hoping for a change.
I've given up, hoping to be surprised.

i just want to be far far away.
Just wanna be alone.
without anyone in it.
at least for a while.

I'm doing everyone a favour.
Especially you.
So that i wont be a nuisance to everyone.

i'm just so tired to think, to even say anything.
i'm even more tired to cry.
i don't have that much strength in me to keep on fighting.
fighting, for the things that i want.

i just cannot do anything right anymore, can i?

Friggin Long Post. My January.

i'm in serious need of blogging. it's been sucha long time.

first up, 17th January 2010.
went out with babylove, Yaty and Akie and had lunch at Miramar.
Superb i tell you!







and the people, were great companies of course.




so first, we were having lunch at Miramar.
then, we walked up to Clarke Quay.




then towards City Hall, we stopped by Central Fire Station for the Heritage Gallery.





then went towards suntec city.








then yaty and akie had to go coz yaty had her part time work.
so me and babylove went to watch THE SPY NEXT DOOR. :)



oh i just find that this pic is so adorable finally.



and the day ended by him sending me back home, and my parents sending him back home.
HAHA.




okay next, GIRLFRIENDS MEET UP on the 20th January!!!




and the next day, ibu's birthday!
had dinner at the Hawa Restaurant somewhere Mackenzie Road.







the next day, met up with Yaty and her friend Ain!









last monday, on the 25th January, met up with babylove after school.
had late lunch at QIJI at Funan. :)






den went out to watch Tooth Fairy at Marina Square. :)



and then babylove sent me home. so sweeeeet of him. :)

LASTLY: 27th January.
Went out shooting with the class at Fort Canning.
gazillion pics but i'll publish a few only. haha..






and then chilled at Starbucks Plaza Singapura.
then, BABYLove came!
with his friend Alvin.

and we went to watch DAYBREAKER!



so after that, Alvin left.

and i was still hyperactive and wanted to walk.
So, we walked to Fort Canning again.




and walked to Esplanade, and we took 97 back to Jurong East.
he took 51, i took 334. :)

and that was that. =)