Egotrip

My heart is crying so much.

I've been hurt too much.

I've been egoistic. I'm forced to be that way. I dun want to be seen as weak. By being that way, i noe i've hurt u a lot. But it's nothing compared to the hurt u've given me in the past. I've been mean. But I have to be.

I dun want to be the same person u knew in the past.
I dun want u to noe that i've missed u so much.
I dun want u to noe that i still think of u.
I dun want u to noe that i dun want a replacement for u.
I dun want u to noe that i still love u.

I've moved on. Yes, i do have all those feelings above. But..

I dun want to be the weakling u thought i was.
I dun want to be the one chasing after u like i did the last time.
I dun want to be the low self motivation girl u said i was.
I dun want to be everything that i was when i was wif u.

God knows how I've been these few days. I'm torn apart inside. Memories flash themselves in my head. My heart stabs me wif insecurities.

DO YOU EVEN REALIZE HOW MUCH I LOVED U THEN??

The feelings never fade. It was the most challenging relationship that i've ever had. But it was one of the best relationship. U made me realize a part of me that i never thought existed.

Wif u, i gave so much love and patience. I never thought these 2 existed in me until u came along. But now, i dunno if i can ever be like that to anyone again.

U've been my motivation. But now, let ME by MY OWN motivator. Let me cure the pain in my heart and decide what i want in life.