glimpse of the past.

yeps,

for those who do not know, my hair is back to black. (maaaaakaaaaaaaau fedd up seeeeyaaaak!) this is because, abang zaid has been tegur-ing me non stop about my hair and he even gave me the money to dye my hair black back. and, now, it's really black. like, after all this years, my hair is finally black. like, all black. and its even darker den usual natural black. jet black. arrrggggggh.

but the good thing is that, it matches my all my kebayas for raya. =) i'm gonna leave it for a few months then i'm gonna dye my hair again. i don't care.

OH HEHHH. After all these months, haha.. Abang Shahid talked to me. The Abang Ranger with floppy hair. =) So, okay laa.. I HAD a crush on him last time but he's married and has 2 kids. Back to my story.. I was at work on Saturday at Dolphin Lagoon. And he was there. I gave this look, something to do with my lips, which i have no idea how to explain.. And he gave me the exact same look while he was riding towards me. Then he stopped and we had this conversation:

abang shahid: tuari nampak kat ni...
deey: kat toys'r us kan??
abang shahid: tu kat toys'rus lain.. tu memang nampak.
deey: so it was u lah that time..
abang shahid: yaa. takde nie, semalam nmpk u kat anak melayu
deey: (terkejut giler babi) anak melayu?! u have anak melayu?? abeh nampak kat anak melayu.. malunyerr..
abang shahid: (tersengih dan ketawe and rode off)

paiseh lah ok. hahaha.. of all places seh. mak kaoz. malu lahhh. i mean, i know that one of the Abang ranger has an AM. His name is Hazri. I talked to him before while waiting for my uncle (who also works as a ranger). And i got to know Amy (Thabri), also a ranger, from AM as well and we got really close before all the drama happend.

But, Abang Shahid is like, the last person i want to know that i've got AM. Like, viewing all my pics there.. Not that it's obscene or what. It just feels weird thats all.

But i shouldn't care anymore lah actually.

i have a boyfriend and i'm very much in love with my boyfriend and i also know that my boyfriend is very very much in love with me. khekhe. and my boyfriend's just the greatest boyfriend i've ever had. =)

This Saturday, not only will be it be Hari Raya Aidilfitri, but, it will also be our 2nd month together, Insya Allah.

I'm so happy that, i've finally found myself a real relationship after all these years. the relationship which i've been waiting for with the person whom i love unconditionally. He was there all along in my life, for 2 years. But i guess, we were too caught up with our own lives that, we've never really thought that we could ever be who we are today. Everything's just so surreal with him. He's not only my boyfriend, but he's also my best friend, my listening ear and my comfort. Sure, we argue but, he sure does give in a lot and i should stop picking fights with him.

ku terpaut sejak pertemuan itu, hatiku berkata ingin mengenalimu

the first line Ku Ukir Namamu by Lovehunters. he felt that way. the first time he saw me was back in 2005. he saw me, i didn't see him.

then, as fate would have it, we got to know each other from Anak Melayu. We'd chat once in a while, we've got that common interest. The next time, we saw each other was when he was out in Sentosa with his friends back in early or mid 2006. One of his friends was my friend, so i was talking to my friend and he said Hi to me. i was like, ohh hi.. haha.. Then, we were just hi-bye friends. We didnt msg each other. It was only his once in a while good night msges or take care msges.

and he would be around. like late last year, around October 2006? saw him once in a while. he was preparing for an event, i was preparing for another separate event. and then, we would bump into each other once in a while. he would disturb me but i was shy and step mane peh sombong uh and we didnt really talk that much.

and then there was this event, last march 2007. i was preparing for this event. and the day before the event, i msged him if he was taking part in the event but he said he wasn't and he was just watching. so, i was like, ok. and during the event, while watching, i saw him on stage. he was the lead singer. and it was the first time i saw him sing and boy was he good.

after the event, i saw him again. i said to him sarcastically.. "dengar2 orang tu kate tak main aper.." and he just smiled and i walked off. 2 days later, he called me up. and we talked for hours. 3 hours? 4 hours? i can't really remember. but that was the day when i found out, that he liked me eversince the first time he saw me in 2005. and we became a couple. and we broke up a few days later coz of my dad. that was like, at 4 am and i was asleep and i woke up and read the msg and cried on the spot. and a week later, we got together again. and then we broke up again coz he said his mum found out. He promised me that we'd be close friends.

and after that we never got together again till 13th August 2007.

i've never really loved anybody else ever since we broke up the 2nd time. there was never anyone like him. i tried to love another but i could never bring myself to love anyone else except him. i waited for 4 months, everyday in pain and hurt. Initially, the pain was that, you know that you love someone, and that someone loves you too, but you two just cant be together coz the situation doesnt permit it. it hurts effing bad. and then, as time goes by, the anxiety and curiosity thinking whether he still has feelings for me hurts me.

but patience.. helped me through. the day that he said he still loved me was unforgettable. and the day that we got back together was unexplainable. this time round, no more excuses. no more obstruction. his love was what i wanted the most in the world. and i've got it now. and this time, i'm not letting go that easily.

he's the best thing that has ever happened in my life.

lautan api sudah pun ku renangi, ku ukirkan namamu di hati yang jadi pujaanku