Unspoken Thoughts

It's day 125? I lost track.

So far, Alhamdulillah I have been able to do many things as I usually do. Just that I get tired once in a while. But today, after a long while, I felt sick again. I ate something wrong and my tummy ached so bad and had diarrhoea. Managed to drink cinnamon tea to reduce the ache.

Anyway, recently, I have been thinking about kids. Seeing how some of my friends are having 2 children already. I used to be upset that I wasn't able to get pregnant during the first year of our marriage. Now, going through all these, makes me think otherwise.

Not that I don't want to have children. Firstly, I am afraid that my genes will affect my child and I really hope that my child will never have to go through what I have gone through. But with that being said, IF, Allah wills it and I have a child, I will gladly accept. The doctors were saying that I may not be able to get pregnant but I believe in Allah and His plans. Whether I get pregnant or not, I will leave it to Allah.

Secondly, I am grateful to my husband even if I don't usually say it most of the time. No matter how difficult I was, he has always stuck by my side. He has been my main caregiver but it has been really challenging now that he wants to go back to the work industry again. He has gone for a lot of interviews but we can't fathom why none really caught on.

People who don't understand our situation can say a lot of things about why my husband is unemployed when we need money for medical costs and our sustenance. People don't know that he tries. It's frustrating sometimes. For me, it's important that I support him in what he wants to do. Of course sometimes I get irritated that he doesn't want some jobs but in all fairness, happiness in what you do is important as well. What's the point of working but you're not happy with your job? It'll be suffocating.

So, yes, we will try again and practice for more interviews.

I think I have some more thoughts but I'm getting a headache. HAHA. Till next time.