1 week of school has passed.

tonnes of project and assignments to be done in such a short time.
i can't seem to bring myself to sit down and do work.
there i go again, procrastinating;
when i really shouldn't.

plus, i need to speak and write good English again.
and the last time i probably did that was in Sec 4?

i'm neither refusing nor wanting to do my homework.
it's tedious.

GRAAAAAHHH!

on the other note,
today the Usuals will be having an Iftar together.
a tad sad that he couldnt make it today.
nonetheless, it's still a Usuals outing.
which will be heaps of fun.

and all i know, i'll be out of the house by 3pm!
and it's still raining...

imissyouverymuch

of school, and nenek.

first day of school was okay i guess.
surprisingly, the school was crowded for a private school.

and my classmates were okay.
a lot of china-girls. surprising though.
havent really made a friend yet.

as yana would say,
aku ni kan sombong..

though i guess, that wasnt the case.
shy, more like it.

i had The Dynamics of Mass Communications today. TDMC for short.
not bad, interesting.
and i need stationaries badly. i cant just rely on ONE PEN.
might ask Dad to sponsor me some.
if not, he'll just pass me some of SCDF's stuff,
like how he passed me SCDF pen, and pencil box,
which, i declined. hurhur.

so tmr, will be Human & Mass Communications.
:)

on the flipside,
nenek's been warded in CCU.
she's been denying lots of time that she's sick.
she's been enduring all the pain coz she don't wanna go to the doc.

and now, proven, she has very high diabetes and high blood pressure.
and her heart's giving problems.
haiz, nenek nenek.. tak habes2 dengan degil dier.
she cannot say anything already now that it's proven.

growing up, i've never really been close to my granny.
it was only this year that the parents brought her along to holidays,
or the frequent trips to JB.
and even to KL when fetching me.

i just hope she'll be alright.
she's a tough lady.

she'll pull this through..



and that's prolly the only picture i have of me and her.

just, stuff.

i am blardy excited about school tomorrow.
it's been 1 year since i last went to school.

oh for those of you who don't know yet,
i enrolled to MDIS, taking Diploma in Mass Communications.
it's like the course of my dreams, eversince, i was 16.

life needs to change from now on.
i'm a student working part time.
not a working person studying part time.
the course is only for 8 months.

so just deal with it.

8 months, then i find myself a full time job.
and, i can do whatever it is that i want,
without having Dad or Mom to nag at me.

and by then, i'll be 21.
all the more freedom.

i just wanna do things which i've never done before.
like, i want something, different in life.
like say, have a nightlife?
i'm tired of being in my shell.
i just wanna be the rebel again.

haiz..

i miss those younger days.
i miss sentosa days.
i just miss the life i used to have.

it was a hard period but i always manage to pull through.
but now i'm doubting myself.
it seems harder now.

or am i just making things difficult for myself?
i'm just having lots of doubts.
on a lot of things.

and i do worry about things.

i want the strength that i had.
i need my positivity back.

but how?

haiz. i need sentosa.
really.

and there i go again.
being contradicting.

haish..

i hate night time.
because thats when my lowest will emerge.
and the negative thoughts will just pop.

urgh. shuddup and sleep.

love.

To Make You Feel My Love
By Garth Brooks, Covered By Kris Allen

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rollin' sea
Down on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
But you ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
I know there's nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love

To make you feel my love [x3]

because i want you to be my last..

hate.

I FRIGGIN HATE MY LIFE NOW!

i want my strength back.
please.

challenges.

i still find it hard to believe.
that you could do that to me.
how could you..

although all is forgiven,
heart's still aching.
and maybe i just need time to heal that for me.

i don't know what else to think.
i really dont.
it's like i'm trapped. move forward, i'll die, move backwards, i'll die too.

i just need time.
and sometimes, i just don't know anymore.

and when i look at you now,
i wonder who you are.
haiz..

genting with usuals.

GENTING TRIP WAS WHAAAAAACK!
:)

especially when it's with the Usuals.



too many pictures.
430 in 1 day. haha.
when i'm free-er i'll write up.

ciao.

happy 4th bb♥

it's unexplainable how much i love my boyfriend.

sometimes i say it out too much.
sometimes i don't say it out at all.

after Monday's shock,
i realise that i am not prepared to lose a guy like him.
i realise that i need him so much in my life.

to be my guidance.
to be my motivator.
to be my friend.
and of course,
to be my lover.

and yes, i realise that i need to grow up more.
especially now that he is schooling,
i need to be more independent.

yes, we may have lesser adventures,
unlike the ones we used to have last time.
and i really shouldnt grumble each time we meet,
since we dont really meet up as often.
and i should have treasured all my times with him.

after reading some things off facebook,
i really appreciate the fact that he has been very tolerant of me.
especially during that time of the month.
haha.

i'll miss my bestfriend, my boyfriend.
i'll miss my fellow adventuror and tasting/eating buddy.
i'll miss my PakTam.
and,
i'll miss my Muhammad Hafiz.

dan yang penting.
tmr is the 10th of August.
and it's our 4 monthsary.
i will be back home late.

but i'm happy that we met on Friday.
and i was seriously very happy on that day.
i got my hugs. tu penting eh.

HAPPY 4th month (and 5th month after 1st date) baby.
i love you.



and i still find it amazing,
that you can irritate the hell out of me,
but make me smile like an idiot after that.

iloveyoubb♥

genting

GENTING! HERE I COME!

but as usual,
i still havent pack my bag yet.
friggin lazy to.
but actually, i dont have to bring that many things.
lol.

eeeeeeeh malas.

i'm so gonna miss bb. :(

hectic week

my parents got facebook lah.
haha. cute uh.
filter siak gambar. hehehh.

haiz. this week has been a tough week.
really challenging me a lot.
tmr's the last.
after that i only have Finals to think about.

it's just been tiring having to travel to and fro.
jrg-hbf-brasbasah-woodlands-jrg.
or
jrg-brasbasah-hbf-woodlands-jrg.

or whatever it is.

so tmr's finally the NDOC.
and last day at HBF.
Saturday it's back to Jurong.
and next week, everything will go back to normal.
Jrg-Woodlands-Jrg.

just 1 more week Dian.
lots of catching up to do.
i'm learning it by watching vids lah eh.
i'll do my best, but if my best is not good enuff,
i really dont mind not being in the team for the Finals. :)

i'm sorry that i cannot make it to so many trainings.
there's only so much that my body can take.
haiz.

i so cannot wait for Genting with Usuals this Sunday.
nak chillax rabak nye kat sane.
before i come back and rough it out next week.

relax. take things one at a time Dian.
you can do it. :)

emotional breakdown.

i can't believe i got shaken up that bad.
and i still am.

all the way from vivo to taking 97 to Jurong East,
and to taking 334 home.
and at home, for an hour.

developing fever again.
and headache's sinking in.

emotional breakdown.
gosh my heart is aching so much.
literally.

be strong dian.
be very strong.

i love you very much.
and i hope you kno0w that.

sicccck

gosh. every single thing requires a lot of energy.
and i'm lacking of it.
even sitting down using the PC is tiring.

i have to keep lying down.
and that is tiring too.

now its Day 3 of my MC.
fever's gone. thats good.
cough and flu's still around.
and not to mention the heavy phlegm in the chest.
its tiring man.

its been a long time since i fell sick.
hurhur.
i'll be gone nw.

PRP 09

and PRP Saringan is over and done with.
so in the morning..





and then started make up and hair, and i became this!






and did one whole set through.
and off to KCC.






on the way, the bf called saying he performed already.
graaaah. i wanted to hear/watch lah.
geez. but anyway, reached KCC,
nampaak AAAAAAIN. ahahaha.
den of course nmpk bf.

i was like so scarded the whole time.
but on stage, just did my best.
and it paid off!

ENDANG IS THROUGH TO THE FINALS!!
WHEEEE. =)

and the rest of the pics...








tapi...
training lagi... :(

scareded.

fancy changing my blogskin the day before the competition,
on the day that i'm supposed to sleep early.
hahaha.

nervous, as one would say.

i need sleep man.
i seriously doooo.

stuff

just trying hard to be strong.

i can face all these.

i can face all the busy-ness in my life.
i can face my hectic schedule.
i can do without proper meals.
i can do running around to attend to different trainings.
i can do with coming home late and waking up early for work.

but there are just some things which i cannot do.
it just hurts at the end of the day
but i can do nothing else but to keep it to myself,
and be strong about it.

it's for the best i guess,
even though it hurts.

i'm gone.
for now.

who are you?

RIP MJ.

Watching Michael Jackson's Memorial.
It's just so sad.



Another day has gone
I'm still all alone
How could this be
You're not here with me
You never said goodbye
Someone tell me why
Did you have to go
And leave my world so cold

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

But you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
But you are not alone

'Lone, 'lone
Why, 'lone

Just the other night
I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come
And hold you in my arms
I can hear your prayers
Your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand
Then forever can begin

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
For you are not alone

Whisper three words and I'll come runnin'
And girl you know that I'll be there
I'll be there

You are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart

For you are not alone...

i was shocked with his passing,
a bit unbelievable, really.

but then, after watching the memorial,
i guess i'm feeling what a lot others are feeling.

and especially when his daughter spoke,
gosh, it really made me teared laaaa.
and i loved what the Reverend said..

"There is nothing strange about your daddy. What was strange was what your daddy had to deal with"

gosssh. so sad.

i remembered when i was much younger.
kindergarten? primary 1 or 2?
i put on the CD on the CD Player..

and my most favourite song on that CD was,



it touched me a lot.
and then, it was Black and White.

and then, i didnt really keep track of his songs.
but i heard of what wonderful things he did.
and when the allegations of child molestation came in,
i didnt believe any of it.

coz i believed,
he loves children so much.
i doubt he would ever do that.

and when he passed away,
when they revealed all those videos about him,

it made me think what an extraordinary figure he was.
he started at a young age.
and he grew up, touching a lot of peopele's hearts.

Rest In Peace Michael Jackson.
King of Pop.

:(

ily.

here comes the 6th of July.

lesser meet ups.
lesser adventures.
lesser everything.

bb♥ will be starting school today.
2 years of school.
and he's school is blardy strict.
8-6 every single day.
8-1 on saturdays.

like office hours lah can.

but it's okay.
it's for his future too.
and prolly, maybe our future.

and padan muka aku.
lol.
lemak kan ade boyfriend yang selalu free untuk aku.
now, he'll be busy with school and wont have much time for me.
so, i have to understand that.

it's okay.
i'll work my ass off.
plus, i'm gonna go trainings.
and then, i'm gonna go back to school myself.

it'll do just fine.
:)

hopefully.
i'll try my best.

we'll get through this baby.
ily

loving you.

"how much do you love me?"

i love you a lot.
i love you so much.
i love you too much.
i love you so much more than i love myself.

i don't even know where to start.

you've been very patiently tolerating me.
you've been my upmost motivator.
you've been my guidance.
you've been my happiness.

gosh baby, i love you so much that i'm tearing doing this.
i'm going to do whatever it takes to make this work for us.
coz i really want you to be the last.

you may piss the hell out of me.
and then i'll irritate you like no tmr.
we argue.
we debate.
we get angry at each other.

but that's the best part about it.
i don't want someone better.
i just want you.
you.you.you.

and at the end of the day,
i still love you the same baby.



iloveyousomuchbaby.



i've dreamed of someone like you my whole life.
mytreasure.mysoul.
ily.

rindu atieeee

gua rindu sama ini budak banyak2.



Nurul Atikah Bte Sari!!
Aku rindu kau giler babi. :)
hehhehh.

please get better soon okay.
:)

love ya gf!