tummy full of butterflies

I'm starting my new job tmr at a good local company and in an industry that I'm familiar with. Apart from the fact that for once in my life, I'm not doing a customer service position. It's really making me nervous.

But at the same time, I'm actually feeling very excited that it's not a position that I'm familiar with. I get to learn new things and not be stagnant with my knowledge. Yes, I am very nervous. I hope it doesn't go like the previous company. Hopefully not. It better not be.

Ok. Maybe just a short post for now since it's almost 2.15 am.

Update more tmr or something. :)

Personality Profiling

INFJ Personality

The INFJ type is believed to be very rare (less than 1 percent of the population) and it has an unusual set of traits. Even though their presence can be described as very quiet, INFJ personalities usually have many strong opinions, especially when it comes to issues they consider really important in life. If an INFJ is fighting for something, this is because they believe in the idea itself, not because of some selfish reasons.

INFJ personalities are drawn towards helping those in need – they may rush to the place of a major disaster, participate in rescue efforts, do charity work etc. INFJs see this as their duty and their purpose in life – people with this personality type firmly believe that nothing else would help the world as much as getting rid of all the tyrants. Karma and similar concepts are very attractive to INFJs.

These tendencies are also strengthened by the fact that INFJ personalities have a unique combination of idealism and decisiveness – this means that their creativity and imagination can be directed towards a specific goal. Few other personality types have this trait and this is one of the most important reasons why many INFJs are able to eventually realize their dreams and make a lasting positive impact.

INFJs are masters of written communication, with a distinctively smooth and warm language. In addition, the sensitivity of INFJs allows them to connect to others quite easily. Their easy and pleasant communication can often mislead bystanders, who might think that the INFJ is actually an extrovert.

INFJs should be careful to avoid “overheating” as their zeal and determination can sometimes get out of hand. As introverts, INFJs need to have some “alone time” every once in a while or otherwise their internal energy reserves will get depleted really quickly. If this happens, the INFJ may surprise everybody around them by withdrawing from all their activities for a while – and since other people usually see INFJs as extroverts, this can leave them both surprised and concerned.

INFJs take great care of other people’s feelings and expect others to return the favor. Unsurprisingly, people with this personality type are very sensitive and vulnerable to conflicts – even the most rational INFJs may find it quite difficult to not take criticism personally. This is the INFJ’s Achilles’ heel – if someone with an INFJ personality cannot escape the conflict, they will do their best to deal with it head on, but this will result in a lot of stress and may also potentially lead to health problems or highly irrational behavior.

taken from http://www.16personalities.com/infj-personality

INFJ Strengths

Determined and passionate. INFJ personalities work very hard for causes they believe in. This passion can easily surprise people not used to seeing this side of the INFJ, but it is an inseparable part of their personality.
Altruistic. It is very rare to see an INFJ do something just for their personal benefit. People with this personality type tend to be very warm and altruistic, even though these traits may not be clearly visible.
Decisive. This is one of the most important strengths of any INFJ. Their imagination, combined with decisiveness, usually allows INFJs to achieve incredible things – not only they can come up with interesting and unusual ideas, they also have the willpower and planning skills necessary to implement those ideas.
Creative. INFJs possess a vivid imagination and rarely have any difficulties expressing it in one way or another. Most of their solutions revolve around people or ideals, as opposed to technical strategies – this strength makes INFJ personalities excellent counselors and advisors.
Inspiring and convincing. People with the INFJ personality type know their way with words and are known for their fluid, inspirational writing style. INFJs can also be convincing speakers, especially if they are talking about something they are very proud of or passionate about.
Very insightful. INFJs find it easy to decipher other people’s motives and are rarely affected by manipulation or sales tactics. They tend to know instantly whether someone is being honest. This strength shields their sensitive inner core, protecting the INFJ from disappointment.

INFJ Weaknesses

Extremely private. INFJs may appear expressive and passionate, but they are actually very private individuals. People with this personality type often find it quite difficult to trust a new friend or open up, even to people who are closest to them.
Can burn out easily. That strength and passion that INFJ personalities are known for can exhaust them quickly if they are not careful. INFJs also tend to internalize most of their feelings – this trait is not necessarily a weakness, but it deprives them of the “exhaust valve”.
Very sensitive. INFJs are highly vulnerable to criticism and conflict situations, and can get hurt very easily. People with this personality type are also likely to react strongly to anything that challenges their inner principles and values.
Perfectionistic. INFJ personalities are inherently idealistic and do their best to achieve their ideals. This is a great trait, but it can quickly become a weakness if the same approach is applied in every area of life. For instance, INFJs may find it difficult to settle down in a romantic relationship, always looking for an ideal partner.
Always need to have a cause. INFJs may find it difficult to focus and force themselves to complete tasks which are not linked to one of their goals, e.g. some routine administrative work that must be carried out. People with this personality type always want to know that they are moving towards a worthy goal, and may feel disappointed and restless if this is not the case.

This is by far the most accurate result i've ever gotten!

Don't Stop Can't Stop?

I'm so obsessed with 2PM right now.

I just find that they're very inspiring and totally unlike other Kpop acts. They're more manly and they're definitely the real deal. Nichkhun in particular, i thought that he's cute and romantic after watching We Got Married. But after much Youtube-ing and whatnot, I am seriously in awe of this guy. Yes, he was scouted because of his good looks, but seriously, how do you keep pushing yourself to sing and dance AND speak/read Korean when you don't AT ALL. Seriously, inspirational.

I've been listening to their songs and their particular Don't Stop Can't Stop got to me. Really made me feel I can do anything I want to be if I work hard.

That being said, on Wednesday 23rd October, was supposed to be my first day of work at some tuition center. I was excited. I didn't sleep. Since work starts at 12pm, I went for a jog at 7am. I was so pumped up, listening to Don't Stop Can't Stop, thinking this job is going make a career for me.

I reached Bedok early. Was at McDonald's at 11.30 WHEN another company (which I thought would never call me back, which job post was what I wanted) CALLED!

I was so distraught. Here I was, half an hour before I started work and my dream job and company called me! What was I going to do? But I was so honest, I told them that I had already found a job.

So, I still followed with the plan. But the moment I entered that tuition center, I was in such a shock. They were doing some sort of filming for ad. I had to wait amongst all the chaos while the person in charge did some preparations for me. It was super awkward I wanted to cry.

And the fact that, there we so many foreigners! I have nothing against foreigners, really. I just felt small being with people who are in a better position than me, like really afraid. And I found out that my boss is an angmoh, waaaah!! Panic mode. I have this fear for working with Angmohs. Really, nono, it's not because of they came to Singapore to work steal our jobs thingy. No. It's more like, they're like, superior? I guess.

So you'd think, Don't Stop Can't Stop huh.

Lol. And then, the worst thing is when the person in charge started to introduce to me all the products. OHH seriously! Not was what I was expecting. I cannot absorb at all! It was all so alien to me. I've worked in the transport, retail, insurance and customer service line but education line?? Really? Not me.

I was so distracted still by the fact that the other company called. So while the Person in charge was doing some other work, I emailed the other company if they still had the position available as i was still interested.

And midst all the chaos, they asked to go for my lunch. OHHH WOW.

SO, in almost 10 years of working, I did what i have never done before.

I ran away. I lasted for two hours in that company. I was so scared. I had culture shock. I knew I didn't want to work in that company. If I stayed, I knew I was going to be in trouble. I didn't want that. The fact that the other company called was definitely a wake up call.

It really was okay if I didn't get a job with the other company. I would be really comfortable with any local company. Really.

If i look at it negatively, I ran away without trying. I was being a coward.

But, when I look at it positively, I wanted to be available for the company that I wanted to work with. I wanted to work in an admin post. I have done too much of customer service. I really want to sit down and do work on my own. Even if i don't get it, it's okay i guess.. Maybe I'll fit in in some local company. I'm chasing my own dreams. Not what people expect of me.

This experience really made me open my eyes and be more mindful about the companies that I apply for.

Well, let's just home the next job won't be disastrous as this.

In the meantime, don't stop can't stop.

Annyeong

I think since i'm unemployed, i should start blogging again.

when you're older, pouring your heart out just feels off. especially when its online. but then again, no one reads blogs anyore. so, it doesnt really matter now.

I just celebrated my 4.5 years anniversary with bb. who would have thought? really.

i remember the days when i would celebrate monthsaries and thinking, "WOW! Six months with the same guy!" and then, it was 1 year, then 2 years, and got engaged on the 3rd year and then, 4 years.. how time flies!

i really don't wanna type down what i'm feeling right now coz i'll get nonstop anxiety. coz it's about the W word. no. not now. i don't want to think about it. 

Being in a relationship, this long, hasnt been easy. the first 2 years were very difficult. we almost broke up many many times. maybe for one, we didnt understand each other. we were very different. he was a free spirit. i was an old soul. 

we still are. he was egoistic. he wouldn't give in. i was the needy and clingy one. and i would cry everynight.

but over the course of time, we grew up. and we became more tolerant of each other's behaviour. And so, for the past 2.5 years, i've been happier. he's giving in a lot. and he's smothering me with so much love. and i'm guilty of having a bad temper recently, which i feel very bad of.

but i'm still learning. 

i've started to wear hijab now. And i've started to solat, which honestly, i have been guilty of not doing. Allah SWT has opened up my heart to change. And i will try to be a good Muslimah.

For now, i'm still looking for a job. so most of my days are filled with housework and solat, which i find it to be very therapeutic.

Well, that's about it. For a first proper blog post in years, this is kinda long. well, till next time. 

hello

it's been a darn long time since i last blogged.

and this blog has been discovered and read by my Fiance. i feel bad that he had to read all of that deep embarrassing feelings that i had. i think he was hurt and it's just that he doesnt show it. :'( if the roles were reversed, i would have been crushed. haiz.. such is life.

but even through everything, i know that i only have one person in my heart and that is him. no one else. he's been the most loving fiance. even though he has his shortcomings but i know that there is no one that can love me as much as he does.

we just have to face this hardship of being unemployed together.

what more getting married in exactly one year. sigh.

i dont want to think about it. i'll get stressed up.

goodnight lovelies. we'll see how life goes from here.

coz it's Adele

totally on repeat mode. making me tear A LOT.

reflections. a month..

it's been a month into the job.
my business manager, Martin, gave me a thinking/reflecting question.

is this something which i wanna do, for the next 5 years of my life?
let's dig deep inside and ask.

hmm.let's see.
i was very excited when i first came in to the job.
i was very confident that i'd do a better job than the rest of them because i have working experienceS.
and, of course, very happy at the fact that it's a fast pace career path to becoming a manager.

after theory lessons, and going into practical itself, i was stressed up, more than ever coz I HAVE NO KNOWLEDGE OF POSTAL STUFF!!it's hard having no control of the situation or yourself when you have very little product knowledge!

i admit, my passion has always been in the transport industry. from monorail, to being a crowd/traffic marshal to SMRT's CCL CSO. Of course, being in NTUC Income to me, was a lot easier than being in Singpost. Probably, because it was just a part time post. no doubt, i had fun with all of the jobs that i've had. each and everyone of them.

it was really a blow for me when i didn't get Sentosa Express' Train Captain job.

Anyways, I thought being in Singpost, as a Management Trainee, will be challenging. No doubt that it is and i thought that i was going to do EVERYTHING to make this work.

With what Mr Loh Choo Beng said, about the 5 years target, i am going to do it. I'm really going to work hard to be a Branch Manager within this 5 years. I'm not gonna give up. I have to start from scratch and work my way up.

I know the other MTs don't really have the same vision as i do. Efa just resigned one month into the job. But, for me, I have been working for the past 7 years of my life, i know how it is to work on the ground. I've had enough of that and now, a rare opportunity has been given to me. The management is going to groom us into leaders. HOW OFTEN IS THAT?!

I'm really blessed with the opportunity. I know that i lack in certain areas (read: creativity) but, I'm going to work hard to make this happen.

Angela and Jene visited me ytd at CMC. Of all people, ANGELA?! I absolutely adore her slightly English accent! Anihoos, i felt kinda appreciated. they came ALL THE WAY down to CLEMENTI to talk! like wooots! I find it easier to talk to them than to talk to Martin, prolly coz it's a female thing.

After the conversation with Angela and Jene, i felt, motivated. I felt, happiness in doing my job coz I know, i can do it. I have this newfound confidence in me, that I WASN'T GOING TO LET ANYONE STEP ON MY HEAD ANYMORE!!

So, to answer to the question, about seeing myself in Singpost?

Bring it ON!

struggling

it's contradicting when my previous post is about being positive but here I am, admitting that it's indeed not an easy to task to be in the company as a CSO. And i was thinking, what more a BM!

Unlike Income, this is more stressful because there are so many products and product knowledge must be on the tip of your fingers. On top of that, we need to do sales as well. Seriously, every single day that I go home from the branch, I've a headache. lol. that taxing.

On the flipside, there's no timing! And we can be sooo FUN with the customers.. :)

It's definitely a hard transition. Maybe it's because I'm not used to it yet. I've to study hard.

In another note, I really miss trains. I miss the monorail, I miss my PVs. I miss CCL, but I really don't want to go back with a pay like that.

I really miss being in transport operations. If only their working hours are not shitty.

I miss the people there too, just not the drama of it all. lol.

I miss being a part of the CCL family coz Everyone knows Everybody!

Here, 62 branches, how to know everyone?

But I'm very glad that Clementi Central staffs are so welcoming and helpful. Not forgetting family-like. I like it here, but I think they're stress with me coz I did a LOT of errors! Lol..

So, another day tmr.. Let's make it better! :)


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taking a large step forward.

i intend to have a meaningful post tonight.

just a brief update,

i have resigned from SMRT, it was sad but i had to let it go for career advancement. i may be passionate about trains, but, as far as i'm concerned, my cert does not allow me to advance too much in the field.

so, after 1.5 months of being unemployed (which honestly, i thought, was fun at first. however, when little brothers constant squabbles are concern), i'd rather be out at work)

after, Bas mentioned that her workplace has an opening, i applied for the exact post that she is in, thinking that it was just another job. Being the paranoid me, i applied BOTH online and gave her my physical application form for her referral.

and on the following Monday, i received a call and I MADE IT.
that was fast.

on the 16th May, i began working again.

read: Singapore Post Limited. MANAGEMENT TRAINEE. cool huh?

i really find that the speech given by the Business Managers, Head, VP,AVP, and AVP interesting.

HOWEVER, i am utmost inspired by the speech given by the Executive Vice President (Retail & Financial Svcs) Mr Loh Choo Beng.

i think, basically, most of us MTs, brought up the issue of leadership and attitude. yes, i find that what Mr Loh said was right,

Psychological strength is equally as important as physical strength. The willpower to forget a negative instance with one customer should be there. I remember Mr Goh, (the SMRT customer svc wshop trainer) once said, it may be your 100th customer for the day, but he came to your counter, to visit ONE you. so, you can't be piling the burden of 99 other customers on just one customer. each customer is different.

Mr Loh, asked a question, which till now, still left me a little clueless.

What is the difference between a leader and a manager?

according to my iphone dictionary:

leader: a person who rules or guides or inspires others
manager: someone who controls resources and expenditures

two very separate approach altogether.

yet, they intertwine. but, not all managers are good leaders. a good leader can manage.

what i reallt picked up on that speech was target setting.

I admitted to all the heads/managers that I am not one who set a target/goal. However, after listening to Mr Goh's speech, i really want this job badly and i'm going to set a target for myself.

He mentioned about the 5 year goal.

Out of 5 years, what do you target to achieve?

in 5 years, I AM TARGETING FOR THE POST OF BRANCH MANAGER.

I am so driven, i have no idea WHERE this is coming from.
I am just being positive, and i want to work hard to achieve my dreams. This job is not easy to come by. MTs are usually for undergrads. But this, is for Dip holders.
I AM NOT letting anybody pull me out/down from/on this.

so, today.

being in Clementi Central Branch today was OVERWHELMING. yes, of course i made mistakes. but hey, we're not perfect right?

i still find it OVERWHELMING when my Business Manager spoke to me. I didnt get a chance to actually speak or meet him during orientation coz he was on leave. I had a long talk with him, which I find to be very beneficial.

being an MT, you have to be humble AT ALL TIMES.
people won't respect you if from now, you dont plant yourself on earth and be humble. if people do not respect you now, they most certainly won't respect you in the future.

or, say, be PRO ACTIVE.
instead of waiting for people to approach you, why not you approach them?
doesn't it just give more impact on the other person?

i have been trying very hard to find the old me.
the person who was a leader.
i have been trying to find her.

the maturity.
the ability to LEAD.

been asking myself a lot of qns.
telling myself motivational things.

and i shall continue to search.

till then, dear readers, if there is still any. :)

firework

baby, you're my firework.

i'm loving it.

hey life.

can i just say?
i'm loving you so much now.

i have the best boyfriend ever!











i love you la Muhammad Hafiz!

even if most of the time, i dengki with u, or i never listen to you,
pls know that I LOVE YOU very much.

there is nobody else that i want to spend the rest of my life with.

you're always there for me.
you always listen for me.
you even gave up things so that i'll be happy.

i have never met anyone like you.
you changed my life, in ways, where i am so grateful for.

i know i've been a terrible gf (sometimes). hehe.
and i really hope i'll be a better one.

coz

i love you.

Dear life,

there is so many things i wanna update here.
i just can't bring myself to.
i have no idea why.

work

And so, I have tendered from this job. No surprises that almost everyone in CCL found out about it after 4 days.

I'm loving today. Feel that justice has been served in certain situations. I only have God to thank. :)


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Location:Airport Rd,,Singapore

undecided much?

I've already typed my letter of resignation. it's only waiting to be printed and handover tomorrow.

I'm feeling nervous. It's not because I have not found a job yet. It's more like, it has been almost a year being with this company and the whole getting used to not working in this company is weird.

Get me?

No more free rides. (lol)

I just want a new life. Or A Life, for that matter. I'm tired of this kind of working shift. I'm tired of standing and having to hold my pee.

Don't get me started on the pay. I feel that it's unfair for a diploma holder to get this kind of basic pay.

Bottomline, I need a change from all that.

I'm not confident that I can get a new job soonest. Take a look at this:






These are all the applications I sent out and I'm not really sure if I can get any of them.

What I really feel like doing, is study. Get a degree or something. But I don't want to have anymore financial burdens and as it is, I'm trying to save up.

my life is basically grey at this moment. what I do know is, I want to get out of here soonest.

I just have to be strong. For now.


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Location:Kallang Paya Lebar Expy,Singapore,Singapore

credit card? And a lotta other stuff.

I've gotten myself POSB's Multitude card. If you must know, it has debit and credit functions on top of the normal NETS function.

So far, I do not remember how much I've spent on the credit. It's scary.

What if I'm unable to pay?

Serves me right, huh? I don't know how much I'll be getting for my next pay.

That sucks.

Good luck to me.

Again, second day of being a rover.

I figured, let's just make the best out of things. Maybe I can say this coz I've not done the oh so popular/sucky 0445 hrs. Afternoon shift is nothing. I can just stand in the train like no one's business (provided my iPhone battery is still running).

Probably, the most important thing about being a rover is to eat properly. Have enough food and water, to last you for the next few hours. That should do the trick.

If you're doing morning shift, enough rest would be mandatory. I mean, think about it. You have to wake up 0300 hrs (for me) to report to work at 0445 hrs. Sleep/rest is very important so that you'd be fresh at work.

I'm making the best out of my stay here. I've learnt from the past.

The most important thing I've learnt?

well, let's just keep our lips sealed, aye?

You never know who's behind you.

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work is overrated.

I've just downloaded this app. Don't know if it's good or not. it has to be.. $2.99 you know.

I'm back being a rover. After more that 4 months? I really don't know how that feels. First day seems fine. I'm surprised that I can actually tahan. But then, I'll end at Dhoby Ghaut. I just hope that they won't close the roller shutter so that I can take the lift and not the fireman staircase.

I really intend to resign as soon as I'm over with the bond. Mainly because of the pay.

Secondly, the job is too taxing on me.

Thirdly, I need an office hour job. Screw what I said about working shift back then. Haha! I really need office hr job. So that I've more time on my hand.

Well, that's about it. It's chingay tonight. Crowd expected. So.. We'll see about that.


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urghh

seriously, merepek nak mampos.

kau ade hal dengan orang tu, kau gi lah settle dgn orang tu.
seriously, kau tak pernah terfikir pe orang lain peh susah?
suke, buat org gado?

suar.

money issues.

i am seriously annoyed.

i don't earn much. i'm already pressurized by that.
i don't have enough money for myself as it is.
i skip some bills, pay few this month, some next month.
my pocket money that i pushed aside, is just enough to last me till my next pay.
that, is also after some days which i refused to eat.

yes, i go out a lot.
but i don't spend.

i really get stressed up and pressurized when things are being raked up.
urghhhh.

whatever lahhhhhh!

love.

in january 2007, i wrote this.

"someone who can change me.
someone who can change my perspectives.
someone who can guide me in my life.
someone who can make me respect them.
someone who can always prove me wrong.
someone who can shut my ego up.
someone who can understand how busy i am.
someone who can make me have the time for them no matter how busy i am.
someone who is strong-willed enough to tolerate me.
and for once,
someone who respects me and my decisions.

i know it's hard to get that someone.

but i do know, there will be someone out there for me. but i guess, maybe not now. in the future. yes, hopefully."


i've found that perfect being.. =)

i love you Muhammad Hafiz.

missing you. too much.

MyHotComments


the last time we met was last tuesday. =(
the next time i'm meeting him, is a question mark.
haiz. hate fulltime job.

miss you so much baby.