no future

there are only 2 persons, who almost made me cry while talking about my grades and future.

one is, miss choong siew ling, my program chair (course chair).
the other one is jasman (silat).

maybe because, they don't damn what i did in the past.
and they know that there are other options for me in life.

i felt a tinge of rebellion in me, when talking to my parents about this.
ok, maybe Dad. Mom has always been understanding about it.

"you will never learn.."
or
"when will you learn?"
or
"your teacher can't be bothered with you anymore thats why she's asking you to withdraw"

truth is,
i figured out myself.
she didnt ask me to.
she didnt encourage, neither did she discourage me from withdrawing.

maybe RP isn't for me.
the whole PBL system.
the whole 8.30 to 4 class.
the team work thingy.

it's just not me.

and, scoring a B, would just be like, aiming for the sky.
when was the last time, i've got myself a B for a module grade?
WHEN I WAS IN BLOODY YEAR 1, SEMESTER 1!

she's right.
i can do it.
but i've just lost my momentum in studying.
i havent pick up the habit of PBL again.

true enough.

and no, everyone.
relationship is the last thing that is on my mind right now.
and it's definitelt not affecting my studies.

seriously,
i don't know what is.

definitely not dikir you know.
i havent been active eversince Citra.
i still came to school even though we had trainings the night before.

i don't know where my life is headed to right now.
i'm just a waste.
and i wasted myself for 3.5 years in bloody RP.

i damn myself.

i have no idea what to do now.
oh God, give me Your grace.

i have lost all hope to study.
i have lost all hope in my future.