30Sept

Yayyay! Hari Raya!

ok besides that point,
i've had a freaking long day today.
my mom woke me up at like 8.30am.
coz the parents wanted to go to Geylang.

grrrrr!

so then, picked the brother up from school and went to Geylang.
saw that ITE silat guy coz he attended to my mom.
so then, shopped and got these.



don't ask why they're both blue.
argh.

then went back to Jurong and sent Aken to school.
went to CK to buy my Adidas Fruity Rhythm.
and.. they changed the bottle again.

presenting.. THE LATEST BABY.



which adds to the collection.





at night, went to kenduri at the aunt's place.
it feels weird coz, my maternal side hasnt been contacting us eversince we got back from Indonesia.
The only ones in contact was my aunt and my ranger uncle.
howells.




but i guess, even tho my grandma refuses to talk to my mom,
i'm just glad we came coz finally, i met my babies again.






yeah, guess that's all then.

terpukau mata sekilas pandang

raye mood.

the song that i performed tarian to during Deeparaya 2005.
been searching for this song siar.
i keep confusing the song with this one.



so anyways,
went to the job interview at NTUC.
and got it!!
so now, i've got to go for training for 1 month.
=) hehehh. suke.. =)
thanks Naj and Naj's kakak. =D

and so, i have been cleaning my EXTREMELY FILTHY room.
finally got the bajus off the floor.
and now my shelves are empty coz i threw away every single thing.
even these.



giler peh keje.

and i got myself these.





nyahhuhuhh.
konon nak decorate lah kan.
and it ended up like this..



not bad lah kan.
and i think my mom won't dare to go into my room ever again.
not that she does lar,
but its just that the smell of the flowers are damn strong.
and she gets dizzy smelling these kinda things.
hahahaha.

i need to go to Geylang again siar.
i still havent gotten myself a bag raya.
but the nice ones that i saw was $30 over.
mak aih, might as well, i get a FILA handbag which cost me $37.90,
and i can use it for all events.



LAWA KAN.
but if i buy it,
i'll be broke. ALURH.
hmmm. tapi shld be ok kan?
the parents will pay for all the raya expenses,
and it's only left with 1 day.
den Raya already.
Insya Allah lar maseh dpt duit raya.
economy aku dah drop sia.
HAHAHA.

dunno larh.
wanna go Jrg Point, den the brother said he needs to be at home coz my mattress and the PC is arriving today.
ALURH.

MUM. =)
hehhehh

EDITED!

me and my brother,
we're intending to open up a lighter shop.
coz apparently while cleaning our rooms,
we found a lot of lighter.
=)




mau challenge pah?
ohh. anw, gudang garam tuh, bapak ku punye dier sembunyikkan.
hahaha

these days.

Iftar was okay i guess.
I've had better Iftar's from the previous years.
But still, congrats for at least making it happen this year.








supposed to follow the Endangduts to Geylang.
but had to teach the brother maths coz he was failing.
and not to mention it's only 2 weeks before his O levels.

and not only that,
eversince i quit school,
i've been locking myself in my room.

sleeping after sahur,
waking up at 4plus in the afternoon.
helped mum with buka.
and yeah do the same for that night.

the day before the iftar was worst.
i didnt sleep the whole day.
in the morning, i decided to clean my filthy room.
the weather outside was great.
rain and strong wind.

i still havent finish cleaning my room.
haiz. i've so many things to throw.

and each time i wanna throw papers or something,
i keep telling myself,
"memories aren't worth keeping. they just make things messy"

and i threw a lot of stuff.
and i'm still gonna throw more stuff.

yeh.

a preview of my next movie: NENEK CIK LEH.



ciao.

archives

i think, i'm okay already, surprisingly.
i mean, physically, i'm still unwell.
but, emotionally, i've been good.

everytime i feel like i'm at the crossroads,
i read my archives.

and then, i realise how i've grown from an adolescent,
to who i am now.
and certain things i wrote back then,
has helped me a lot in realising how strong i was back then.

from overcoming a two-timed relationship,
to getting over a relationship which was stolen by someone else,
to getting betrayed,
and lots more.

i have gone through so much in this past few years.
i wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world.

coz, these are the things which has made me to who i am now.

but the funny thing is,
when i read back on the posts,
sometimes, i don't know who i was referring to.

ahakz. selenge bacen.

and i've decided to copy and paste some stuff which i liked,
from my previous post.

dec 06, 2005:

"I've been egoistic. I'm forced to be that way. I dun want to be seen as weak. By being that way, i noe i've hurt u a lot. But it's nothing compared to the hurt u've given me in the past. I've been mean. But I have to be."

"U've been my motivation. But now, let ME by MY OWN motivator. Let me cure the pain in my heart and decide what i want in life."

sept 29, 2006:

"sometimes, i really don't understand. Like, why issit difficult for some people to just console themselves when they're hurt? Or why do they still hang on to memories?; when memories are the things that hurt you the most"

oct 05, 2006:

"so you may seem that you're ever so confident that the person you're going out with is gonna be The One for you. But you forget, that the Supreme Being is the one who decides everything. you think that The One is The One you're gonna marry. But if He decides that it's not. or if Fate decides that you're destined to be with another, then, the storyline changes."

"If you believe in fate, it will make you strong. Like, for example, you believe that you love this guy/girl sooo much. but in the end, you guys break up. but to you, it's okay. because you know your fate is not with him/her. you're not destined to be together."

"and that your fate is with someone else. and you believe that and that is what makes you positive and strong."

and my most favourite would be:

"i don't believe in love as much as i believe in fate."

yeap. that's all.
=)

realisations

i had fun chatting with Kak Tini about jantan caberet tuh.
hurhur.. there's more to what i know and she filled in a lot to what i don't.
and i thank God, i have kept my distance from him.
if not, i won't know what will happen to me.

and chatting with Ruby was deliriously fun.
Ruby's a secondary schoolmate.
and of course, we were talking about guys.
back then, me and Rubs always change guys every few weeks.
haha. i don't know whether she still does ar,
but i am. heee. :)

but chatting with Rubs makes me realise that,
no matter what happens, i still love my man.
coz guys will come and go,
but the man, will always stay with me.

hmm, then again, chatting with Kak Tin makes me think a lot.
like, why do some people cheat?
and in general (not trying to point fingers or anything),
why are married or engaged couples, proned to cheat on their spouses?

haiz.
maybe, i'm not up to the age or the maturity to understand.
maybe not yet.

oh wells,
then again when i think of what my cousin said to me,
"are you sure about using the word love?"
at first i was.
and now, i'm just doubting the whole thing.

Kak Tini told me this.

"yeah.. enjoy.. work earn big bucks.. manja kan diri sendiri.. love yr life.. kalau u really love that someone keep it.. sial cam mane pon sabar je.. ada hikmah di balik kesabaraan tu.. Or keep going around to look for 1..

sampai tua pon tak pe.. asal kan kita puas ati.. bak kata kak baya.."

ahakz. thanks ah Kak Tin~ =)

i shouldn't be crying.
i've cried to much in my life.
you're just another setback in my life.

like i've said to myself,
"tak attached but there's someone to be manje with.
but, of course lah, at the end of the month,
i just have to bear the hurt of being left"

i shldnt have gotten myself involved with you.
everything's just wrong.
i used to know everything about me.
i used to be able to control things in me.
but now i cant.

like why i still can't forget about you when i want to.
like why it hurts when i go to work and see the places we went to?

it's fine i guess.
the 3rd one in 2 months.
hah. i should be getting used to this.

myman.

i don't think you need to say anything.
i think i get the drift.
it's okay, i'm used to it.

i'll just be getting along.

last night, i dreamt about the man.
i woke up and i felt sad.
coz i dreamt that the man had someone else.
and i didnt want that to happen coz i want the man all to myself.
i felt jealous of course.

this dream has happened before a few months back.
oh well, i don't really believe in dreams anyway.

but the funny thing is,
the man, being him, being my angel,
will always pop up at a time, when i feel down.

and he did it yet again.

after a week of not msging me,
he sent me a good morning msg this morning.
of course, i felt happy.

he always does that.
he always knows when i need him.
and for that,
he's always a dear in my heart.

EH SUDAH LAR.
takmo jiwang2 lar siar.

ihategoingtoworkbecauseitremindsmeofyou.

life's a bitch

in times like these,
i'd realise how the man is integral in my life.
i am seriously missing the man a lot right now.
i guess i would probably have to wait till next month to meet the man.

i know sometimes it's not right to assume things.
but then again, sometimes you use logic when assuming.
so right now, i am assuming some things,
and it definitely makes me turn to my denying and blocking mode.

as sweet as life can be sometimes,
life can so harsh and cruel at times.
i'm not ridiculing life.
but life itself is a bitch.

in these few days,
life has thrown me so many challenges.
one way or another, it still affects.

right now, i just need to be the person who i was.

i seriously need sometime to be alone.

randoms

i have learnt that blogging is actually quite a conflict starter.
2 years in a row. woots!
tsktsk. let this be a lesson learnt to all of us.

whatever happens next,
WE're prepared for it.
let's just say, WE know it all too well.

haiz.
just so tired of cleaning up after his shits.
this is so not the first time.
ahaa. because i am such a good friend.
BAAAH. =/

ok. fine. thats it fullstop.
no more about this topic.
case (half) closed.
i am just so tired

tomorrow's the 2nd interview with DUCKtours.
i have only memorised 3/4 of the first page out of 5 pages.
haiiya. cannot make it siar.

haiz, now i know what it feels like to be job-searching.
i feel like i'm like a penganggur. unemployed.
but, i still have my sentosa job. and my tuition job.
yet, i feel like i'm totally jobless.

nyeaaah.

NAJ, kalau besok aku tak dpt that job, cepat2 e-mail kakak kau k. :)

okay well, i am blardy tired.
legs are cramping up.
tu uh. dah lama never play rebana.
dah main kaki cramp.

toodles.

sick of it

i don't know what to feel about it.

i think i might need a better reason to be understanding about it.
it happens year after year.
no, it happens, ALL THE TIME.

this time round, i just can't be bothered to ask why.
"sbrg lah"

why was i even so stupid to believe that this year, all 4 of us could go out again?
why so confident aye?
only to find out later that it's cancelled at the very last minute.

he was right.
"it's time somebody teach you 3 about promises and sticking to plans"

honestly, it wasnt me.

i always have to be the one who's organising.
and in the end, i'm always the one who kena played out.

just for a very small reason.
it's not as if, he's not gonna join us.
he's just gonna join us after buka.

i just don't understand your mentality lar, really.

that's it lar.

i am NOT gonna plan any outings anymore.
i am NOT gonna waste my bloody time/money to contact for a gathering,
when i know it's gonna be cancelled at the very last minute.

you know,
i'm not angry coz today didnt happen.

i am fucken angry coz this is the umpteenth time this happened.

thanks, friend.

on the contrary,
i did buka with my cousin today.
and i had fun.

had subway and kfc.
both mine coz i was superhungry.





after that we went to Suntec to get the instant macaroni and cheese.
and i couldn't find my dilmah blackcurrant tea.
fine. but there's this clairol herbal essence shampoo which i wanted to get.
wooh, so gonna find it at CK tmr.
but i saw this thing.



and i really thought there was a crab inside. HAHA.
selenge bacen.

ok gtg.
need to memorise 5 pages of script.
ciao.

missingtheman

today.

in summary.

BEFORE.



THE PROCESS.



THE RESULT.



went to meet the fam at Serangoon.
bought lotsa stuff.
buka-ed at Kamala Vilas.

Geng G6PD

Low Platelet Crew.

huhuhu!

that's done for today. =)

work tmr,
and monday will be the interview with Ducktours.
HUHU! GEREK OR WHAT?!
after that to Carrefour to buy me and cuzzy some instant macaroni and cheese.
and hopefully, i'll find my Blackcurrant Dilmah there.

Aku ni asek merayap jer..
tsktsk.

anw, THANKS EHK ZOUL PERGI MENTION ABT IT TO SHAFIQ! grrr.

oh and i'm awefully happy today when Love msged me this.

quote of the day: 'to the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world.' have a nice sat ya'

i've seen that phrase truckloads of time but, when someone actually refer it to me, it just feels so good. =)

missingtheman.

chemical reactions

yesterday, Sept 11th 2008,
my brother Shafiq has found a new element.
it is called:

SHAFIQium.

i guess while studying extensively (while minimally absorbing what he studied) he managed to actually discover this element.

While there, i asked him what element would i discover and was a DIANOgen.

and he simply replied,

"Carbon DIANoxide"

and today,
he sent me msges on MSN.


S.H.A.F.I.Q says:
sodium dianoxide...
S.H.A.F.I.Q says:
dianium...
S.H.A.F.I.Q says:
diandium...
S.H.A.F.I.Q says:
dianogen...
S.H.A.F.I.Q says:
potassium diandite...
S.H.A.F.I.Q says:
potassium (VI) Dianchromate


and the best part of all,
was his personal msg.

"New Element Found! SHAFIQIUM! And Its Related To Carbon DIANoxide [="

oh save that kid from coming up with more of these things. hahaha.

oh and,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOURU! =)

and2..
this is the new hair dye look.





it was half as bad as last year lar.
but i wanna go rebond my hair tmr.
let's see how that is gonna turn out.

ok ciao.

NS or whaat?

sept 11th.
two of my good friends are gonna go away on "vacation" for 2 years

HAH. vacation larh sangat.
they're gonna go NS.
both kat Tekong, both report at the same time.
Selamat larh eh. =)

first is Hilmi (Sentosa). Known him for a year already since he started work at Sentosa. Kaki gerek punya. =)




Mi, aku tak tau whether kat saner at Horlick ke tidak, kalau takde, minom Milo ok. Badan kau dah sekeping. Kau gi NS, takmo lose weight lagi ok. Takmo geli2 dengan apape bende yang ade kat sane. Especially bende yang brown bergerak tu. LOL. Take care k bro. Selamats!

second, IMRAN (A.k.A WANTIN Chingx3). Used to call him Tengkorak coz he wore a Tengkorak jacket when we first talked after the Jelutung CC training. ahakz. Dier dgn kawan dier kacau aku nan Liyanak. Kurang asam. haha.. last2 jadi members.



Im, selamat berjuang ehk. Jaga diet kau tuh. Jangan asek nak lapar jer. Sikit2 lapar. Huhu.. Jangan tanning banyak sgt, nanti muke tak cine lagik. hahaha. apapepon, take care bro. =) tkmo leGONG2 ok.

ok dah. nak continue tgk Home Alone.

Buka with Bdk2 Pulau

yesterday, i had the best buka-ing session ever.

i met Sentosa friends from the past and present and we went down to Geylang. But of course, we were supposed to meet up at 4.31 pm but at 5.15pm, the only ones at Jurong East Mrt Stn were me and these 2..



Erul has a fetish for nose digging recently. ahaha.. so yeah, then Ahmad, Hilmi and Fahmy Tong (and i wonder why they invited him along) came. and off we went to Geylang. Hilmi went down at Redhill to fetch his friend. Kat Geylang, we waited again for summore people.

then, saw Nida and Shidah, Faizal, Fadhli, Hairul and FAIZ! woohoo!
and Hilmi came with his friend, i forgot her name.
and then we walked twds Joo Chiat.
i had to go to the ATM, and was accompanied by Fuad and Faizal. =)



then we went to meet them, and saw Ainah and Iqbal, and Farhan and GF, Syamsul and Radiah.
bercouple2 pulak dorg. :)
berlambak per orang. =)
after buka, smoked, and went off to jalan2.
it was chaotic. we keep having missing people. ahhaha



this was while waiting for Radiah, Syamsul and Fahmy Tong who went to pray.

after that we jalan2 again.
went to City Plaza.
Macam BO LIAO siak jalan2
in the end, abg kite (Fad coz he's the eldest) ajak gi minum.
ok lar.
so went to dunno what stall near city plaza.
had late supper.
me and Erul shared Satay.
60 sen siar one stick. mahal pe. 20 sticks dah $12.
rokok lagi murah. ahha



the supper was the best ever.
we laughed soo much that we teared.
they bullied Hilmi until he couldn't retort.
hahaha.
i had such a good time then. =)

so after that went home. =)
sat beside fuad and we critic on ppl's choice of clothings.
haha. he's not bad after all (coz we always argue and quarrel).

ahakz.

and today..
i'm dying my hair!
HOORAY!!
i'm missing this look.

weekends and stuff

last weekend, surprisingly i didn't work.
not that i didnt want to,
it's because they don't allow me to.

so, Saturday, went out with Linda to S'pore Expo.
There was this book fair, John Little Mega Sale and some bag apparrel sale.
the book fair was kinda boring.
but i found this.



same book, 2 different prices.
but actually 3. at the bottom, there's one going at $4.
huhhu.

but once i stepped in to the JL hall, i'm like..
OHMYGOD! freaking cheap okeh.

and i only had $14 that day.
i was cursing and swearing lar.
so in the end,
i bought myself a pair of Charles and Keith heels,
which cost $9.90!



and i saw this weird footwear. haha.



so anyways. the next day,
RETURN SIA.
i went back to Expo with my family.
and we shopped like there's no tmr.
hahaha.
i managed to grab one more C&K pumps, and 2 boxes of eyeshadow.



it's 9.90 too.
CHEAPO. =)

so after that, waited for Kak Comel and Abg Madi,
who wanted to bring the boys to watch Thomas and Friends at the Expo.
while waiting..




after that, we went to Geylang.
Nth much uh.
and then to Serangoon.

I thought we're gonna eat at our favourite place at the Tekka Market tu.
ingat tak Atie? yang kite gi malam2 tu lepas NDP?
but noooo. my dad had to explore Serangoon and dragged us along.




then we went to eat at this very yuckish tepi jalan hawker.
i wasnt really happy about it ok.
coz i wanted to eat at that kedai and have my Teh Sarbat.

so buka time.
the food was tasteless and plain.
the curry which was supposed to look dark orange looked like strawberry milk.
sheesh.
and the horror! when we wanted to walk to the carpark,
I FELT LIKE I WAS A TOURIST IN MY OWN COUNTRY.
tsktskk. badd.

and then we went HOME!
yay!

i didnt sleep again.
:(

dear friendSISTER,

thanks for being the sister which i never had. knowing you and the girls was the best part of my stay in RP. among all, i think you're the one whom i'm closest with. you're like, a call-an sms-an msn away from me like all the time.

we won't stray ok. we won't part. tuition kan ade.. we'll still meet. trainings masey ade. if i'm free, i'll come for sure. =)

i'll still be around.


❤
diandee

no future

there are only 2 persons, who almost made me cry while talking about my grades and future.

one is, miss choong siew ling, my program chair (course chair).
the other one is jasman (silat).

maybe because, they don't damn what i did in the past.
and they know that there are other options for me in life.

i felt a tinge of rebellion in me, when talking to my parents about this.
ok, maybe Dad. Mom has always been understanding about it.

"you will never learn.."
or
"when will you learn?"
or
"your teacher can't be bothered with you anymore thats why she's asking you to withdraw"

truth is,
i figured out myself.
she didnt ask me to.
she didnt encourage, neither did she discourage me from withdrawing.

maybe RP isn't for me.
the whole PBL system.
the whole 8.30 to 4 class.
the team work thingy.

it's just not me.

and, scoring a B, would just be like, aiming for the sky.
when was the last time, i've got myself a B for a module grade?
WHEN I WAS IN BLOODY YEAR 1, SEMESTER 1!

she's right.
i can do it.
but i've just lost my momentum in studying.
i havent pick up the habit of PBL again.

true enough.

and no, everyone.
relationship is the last thing that is on my mind right now.
and it's definitelt not affecting my studies.

seriously,
i don't know what is.

definitely not dikir you know.
i havent been active eversince Citra.
i still came to school even though we had trainings the night before.

i don't know where my life is headed to right now.
i'm just a waste.
and i wasted myself for 3.5 years in bloody RP.

i damn myself.

i have no idea what to do now.
oh God, give me Your grace.

i have lost all hope to study.
i have lost all hope in my future.