The End.

I'm drained. Emotionally and physically tired. More towards the former.

LIFE IS SCREWED. for now.

Qn: What are the factors leading to my breakdown? (12 marks)

-Ayul
-Hip Hop IG
-Dian Farini

Ayul aka The Liar. Two timed me thrice and didnt want the patch in the first place. Imagine how hurt i was and I'M STILL FREAKING HURT!!!! I dunno how anybody can be so heartless and cruel.. All i ever gave was endless love, care and concern. And all that i get in the end is hurt, hurt and more hurt. And pain. Did i mention more hurt? Siggh..

After breaking down on the fon, i tot to myself. He wanted to remain as friends. I didnt want to in the first place. After putting down the fon, i thought, maybe letting go is the best thing to do. And he mentioned about self motivation. I'm challenged. I noe i can do it. I haf to move on. If i stay wif him, all i'm gonna get is hurt and pain. Even though its gonna hurt me if i leave him, at least i wont be hurt anymore in the future. I just need time to move on.

I just dunno why i cant seem to let go of him in the first place. Maybe i've never really been in love before. All i ever did was cheat guys. When he came along, i fell in love. Deeply in love. In the end, i got cheated and hurt. Karma? Retribution? I should think so. I just want my strength back. The will. The confidence. The motivation. The Dee who used to love herself more than anything else in the world.

I need time.

Hip Hop IG. Just when i thought, i was part of the IG, they made me an outcast and start putting me down like nobody's business..

"U dance like malay dance style.. U should've listened to what L said.. He is complaining and he didnt think u improved."

"No D, u're doing very good already.. better than the others..."

-_-"

I cant stand plastics. What the heck's wif malay dance?? HOW CAN I DO IT MALAY DANCE STYLE WHEN I SUCK AT MALAY DANCE!!! geezz... its not that i cant accept ppl telling me abt my flaws.. u dun go ard saying good things in front of me and u talk bad behind my back.

HYPOCRITES.

I cant stand u ppl.. I'm quiting the IG. I've been patient wif u guys. Cliques dominating the IG, bias president, selfish ppl.. i cant stand u guys anymore. But for ppl like Bryan, Kelvin, Shao Xia, Wen Lian, Wei Jun and Anitha, thanks so much for all ur help and straight forwardness... I'll miss the 6 of u...

Dian Farini.

Aka Dee.

Aka Me.

Ok.. Well, maybe i'm just not vocal enuff.. i miss my old self.. i miss my kj self... its just.. ppl are taking advantage of my patience.. gimme time.. i'll go back to my old self.. i will go back to my old self.. my peeps frm hyss noe how my old self was. heh.. yesh.. i'm going back there. woooowhee... haha...

Okay so, conclusion, uhmm... take away all these things frm my life?? except for me la tt is.. haha.. i suck at conclusion...

Ahhh.. aniway, yes, its over and done wif.. i've said it... yes, we're better off as friends.. i'm not upset.. its better this way i think.. the sad thing is that, tml, will be our 5 mths anniversary.. haha.. i guess its gonna be nth nw.. y do i always break wif the guys i love a day b4 anniversary? haha.. last time wif md noor also the same siak... 27 february 2001 to 26 march 2002... oops.. haha... 1 mth extra.. hehhe... but still, 26 is befor 27.. LAHHH!!! correct lar...

hahaha..

but in case u guys are wondering, i'm okayy... seriously.. never felt better... ive let him go, gonna quit hip hop ig, and i have friends who are super duper caring and always there for me when i need them.. i have my pantatsters who always cheer me up and keep me happy...

i love my pantats.

ashz.

sandy.

sid.

wan.

george.

alam.

and my pj01-02 peeps.

shahidah.

nawa.

joel.

josephine.

sherlyn.

yong quan.

kian wai.

samuel.

eugene.

hong yuan.

izzu.

michelle.

esther.

thanks for being there for me peeps..

and again, i'm strong to face all this.. i'm gonna be okay. i dun wanna shed a single tear on him coz he's not worth it... but he's still my friend. so i guess, it wont be that bad.. but even if he's not gonna be a friend, i think it'll still be the same..

=)

I LOVE MYSELF.