confused.

well, it's 4.40 AM and i'm still not asleep. and i'm working at 10 am today. shucks.

ouhh whatever.

and yeah, u may have noticed my blog's front page.

i wish i knew wad is wrong wif me. family, parents, friends, relationship. the pics link to all these. it sucks okayy!

i finally broke down and i screamed at my mum and told her everything that i wasnt satisfied about. and in the end, world war 3 happend in the car and i cried till my eyes got puffy. and, to top that off, she said i was stubborn and hot-headed.

sigh. whatever. i dun wanna talk abt this.

i miss my peeps. more than anything else in the world. havent been chilling wif them or going to school or back wif them. Havent been smoking wif them also. since, i dun really wanna smoke. though the temptation is there but, a promise is a promise. I promise i wont smoke. So yeah, I STILL MISS YOU GUYS LAH.

Relationship.
Do i really have to say something? Coz i really have no idea wad to say. Not that we're on the bad side. And we're not on the really good side either. So, i really dunno wad to say. The last time we met was last Thursday. And we havent been really contacting much either, due to that someone which, bof of us noe wad happend.

It's just sucky when u read about ur friends breaking up wif their partners and u, trying to hold on to ur relationship and not letting UR P****** destroy it. And i'm kinda feeling it as well. And being insulted doesnt make me feel any better.

He's just trying to play wif your heart.
He's not serious abt you.
You think this relationship is gonna last? U're still young!
U're gonna get hurt in the end.
You really think he's gonna ask you to marry him?!
All he wants is ***!

OUHH FUCKKKK OKAY!
LET ME BE HAPPY FOR ONCE!

Her: Ouhh stop it Dee! U're gonna make urself cry again. Fuck stop it okay. Stop being such a WUSSY!! U've gone thru hurt b4 and u always made it through. Ppl are not gonna like it if you're moody all the time - which is so totally not you.

Me: I noe.. But i'm no superwoman. I cant just keep everything inside me. I need to let it out too. FUCKFUCKFUCK. Till when is everything gonna be like this?! I'm not gonna give up in this relationship. That's gonna be the last thing that i'm gonna do. I'm just gonna keep saving it as much as i can. If you noe the hurt i've been thru, u'd noe how much i love dis relationship.

Her: Yeah. Haiz. Dun cry so much okays. And dun keep ur feelings too. It's really not good for you.

I wish I noe wad to do.
I wish I'm not dis confused.
I wish life wont be so bitchy.
I wish everything will be fine.

But that's just it.

Wishes.

They dun come true. Not necessarily.

I may be a hot head, but my patience and tolerance are still intact. But, for now, it's like, i'm drowning in a very deep pool (and drowning is my phobia) and there's no one to rescue me. Thus, the Each Day Passes and I'm Alone GIF on my front page.

I just dun wanna tell anybody. Coz u noe, i just dun wanna burden anyone wif my never ending problems. Esp u. It's already bad enuff that my *** is not happy wif u. I just dun wanna add anymore problems to it. And especially when u're working and stuff.

Let me just handle this alone. I think I cannot manage. I think.

Life Is A Stage.

=/