wtf.

so fucked up can??

urghh.. mcm siak arrhh.. i feel so confused right now.. like i'm fucking stuck in the middle.. hurh.. tts just the way things are isnt it for me?? i'm always stuck in the middle... in whatever thngs i do, i am always in the middle.. hurh..

tears dun really come in easy for me.. somehow i've trained myself not to cry.. but it's just too hurting and i dun really think i can do anything about it anymore..

Irfan has been screwing me pretty bad these few days and made me cry each time.. I'm just weak.. i just need to find my old self back which, i have long forgotten.. personality issues. haiz..

the thing is.. sometimes, people try to talk sense to me but it just doesnt work.. i've always blamed it on my ego. yeah.. tts how i lost him.. my fucked up ego... Dee mane nak kalah pe.. sume nak menang jer.. urgh..

but the day i lost him, i noe that my life is gonna go back to how it was.. fucked up.. i just need someone to guide me back in life n the first person to do that was Irfan.. He guided me.. He used to talk sense to me and he's the only one who could.. Coz he listens. I dunno lahh...

I just feel so stuck.. I wanna change.. i know i can.. but at the same time, Irfan is pulling me back. Just because of that one promise..

He called me up just now.. Kena screwed again.. He said if i dun meet him, he dun wanna meet me anymore.. I'm like.. wtf. I noe it's a chance for me to change but i just dunno why i cant. To tell him that i cant meet him again and stuff. fuck he's got very bad temperaments. haiz..

i dunno wad to do arrr.. gotta meet him and settle dis once and for all. dunno lah kan..

haiz.. i just need time lah.. it's just hard for me now.. i just need time.. i got other problems too lah but like.. argh.. parents.. dad.. amy.. haiz.. wadehell...

monday i have an appointment kat NUH. stop it siaa bloodsuckers.. skit2 amek darah.. urgh.. kasi aku mampos pun bagus pe..

ok dah. nak pi bunuh diri. hahaha.