thanks sid for keeping track whether i went school or not and lectured me about going to school each time i skipped. yeah, what are friends for. sighness. i dunno wats got into me. i dun feel like going to school anymore.
thanks Adek Lili, for trying to make sure that i'm okay these past few days and for lecturing me about THAT. Adek marah Kakak seh. Hurhur. But yeah, i'll try lah to avoid it. Dun worry...
Hmm.. Havent update for a few days already. HMM. So, lemme see. Yesterday morning went to eat lunch wif my mum and her friends at Serangoon. Den was supposed to meet Fairuz but cancelled it. Den went to Drama. Den met Abg Man @ AMK. He brought his bike that day. Den he told me about the termination of 3 Drivers. Sad seh kena terminate.
Last night talked on the phone wif Irfan. I've always enjoyed debating wif him. Somehow he's always slapping reality on me. I told him about my mood swings and my redbull-drinking habits. Haiz.. Like he said, i'm just living in pretence.
That's always the case isnt it? I'm always pretending i'm okay and i'm not. and i always hide my feelings. FUCK. WHY CAN'T I FUCKING ADMIT THAT I'M FUCKING MISSING JUMALI?!!
sigh.
It's been a month since we broke up and i've gone from bad to worse. i'm only lying to myself if i say that i dun feel the effects of it, which i'm actually denying. Waddehell lah. I noe i'm being whimpy and whiny but tts just the whole truth. i miss him so badddd.
been on dates and stuff but it's just not the same seh. i'm not expecting the same thing lah but there's just certain qualities about a guy that i want and i just dun see it. and esp that. memories keep playing in my mind. haiz..
and i noe that there can never be a chance of us together again. as much i really want to, but i just dun want it to be that my parents will be the obstacle again. It sucks really bad. Haiz.. When will i stop feeling the hurt?
Haiz.. No use arh. Even Abg Man can't cheer me up seh last night. I was like, on the brink of crying but i didnt lah. I just need that one point of time when i can just cry wifout me having to think that crying makes me weak.
Yes, my ego. I think crying makes one person very weak. But, i remember that day, i told Adek, no, crying doesn not make you silly. Crying lets out all your emotions, your fear, your hurt and your pain, and after you cry, you'll feel better. It's better than pent up emotions.
So aniways, I already accepted the fact that he's gone but it's just that i think of him and the memories kept playing it my mind. Haiz. I must've loved him a lot to be feeling the loss after 1 mth, which i never usually do. NONO. I HAVE TO MOVE ON. For my own good, i need to move on! And stop playing fucking jiwangkia songs lah DEE. Blardy heck. Camner nak move on nie mcm?
I need to get back my will and strength. I can't go on brooding about this. Dee never brood over breakups remember?? Yeah, I'll be fine. Time can heal all wounds but it cannot erase the scar.
So aniways, YOU FUCKING JERK!!
(sorry i haf to sound minah-ish for a while)
EH MAMAT! YOU FUCKING LIED TO ME! CHEEBYE. GOT GIRLFRIEND ALREADY DEN BUAT HAL GOT GIRLFRIEND LAH SIAL. MCM PAHAM SAKZ. STEP "KAT SINI BYK GIRLS BUT I ONLY THINK OF YOU JER". WADDEHELL. YOU THINK BY SAYING THAT, I'M GONNA LIKE YOU ISSIT?? EH ASS, I FUCKING HATE MUSHY GUYS AIGHT!
IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU ALSO, THAT I DIDN'T GET TO SEE JUMALI ON THE TRAIN YOU BLARDY ARSE!!
AND DUN STEP TELL ME THAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS ANGRY AT YOU COZ YOU WANTED TO MEET ME. YOU CAN JUST TELL ME ONCE AND I GET IT. DUN HAF TO TELL ME REPEATEDLY. I CAN FUCKING UNDERSTAND ENGLISH. IT'S NOT AS IF I'M THE ONE WHO'S CHASING AFTER YOU. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO'S AFTER ME, SMSING ME AND CALLING ME. DO YOU FIND ME CALLING OR SMSING YOU? FUCKING NO OKAY! NEXT TIME, DAH ADE POMPAN BUAT HAL DAH ADA POMPAN, PAHAM! SIAK, MLM2 TUNGGU ORG BAWAH BLOCK! KIWEK, BAPAK AKU PUN TAK TUNGGU BAWAH BLOCK!
GET FUCKING LOST OUT OF MY LIFE. AKU TAK SEBUT NAMA KAU DAH CUKUP BAGUS!
okay that was so minah-ish of me. or so, i noe a lot of ppl label me as minah. so wad right?? every malay girl has her side of a minah.
Gonna meet Afique after school. That one heck of a loyar buruk. We were like, telling each other lame jokes and riddles. nyehnyeh.
my group is nuts. they're doing the pledge in sign language. -_-"
gonna meet Ayien to go smoke later. sianz.. smoke my life away..
someone save me from me.
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