i'm happy if u're happy

I just had a chat wif someone from the past..

Maybe it's just me. I just dun hate ppl no matter how much they've hurt me. All that hurting was in the past.. And i just dun wanna remember it anymore..

And now, he's got himself a girl.. And i'm happy that he's moved on wif his life.. I noe he still loves me and thinks of me at times.. I noe him well.. 5 mths wif him really makes me know him all too well.. When he was wif me, he still loves his ex.. Sigh.. It may take some time for him to love his new girl wif all his heart..

I'm just sorry that we can never be together again.. Maybe it wasnt destined for us to be together.. But i do hope u noe that we'll be friends. really good ones if u want to. And whatever that we've chat just now, i just appreciate whatever u've felt and said..

and.. i'm happy if u're happy..

Still..

I mish Ma Mister Takuhiro sho bad~ We havent been talking much coz he's bz working.. But it was nice of him to pop by msn last night just to chat wif me awhile.. But then i kinda diss him off coz he hasnt been contacting me.. I felt bad uhh~ like i was being demanding.. sigghh~ and he hasnt contact me today..

Suckyyy..

I mish Ma Mr Takuhiro.

arggghh

fuck.

depressed.

not in the mood.

totally my fault.

dun wanna lose someone like euuu.

one of the days when my mood swing totally sucked.

baby i'm sorry.. sorry for being demanding~ sorry for not understanding~

so it's just a small thing.. but i still feel bad..

i just love u so much that it hurts

and IT JUST PRACTICALLY SUCKS THAT I CANT STAND SILENCE.

ergghhh~

I LOVE U.. BELIEVE ME. I DO..

Valentine

Yes i noe its not Valentines yet.. But i'm in lurve wif that song..
Especially these 2 verses..

All of my life
I have been waiting for
All you give to me
You've opened my eyes

And showed me how to love unselfishly
I've dreamed of this a thousand times before
But in my dreams I couldn't love you more
I will give you my heart
Until the end of time...
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine

I'm starting a new life.. U guys noe how hard life has been for me.. Always getting hurt and cheated and stuff.. And now, wif Him in my life, somehow, i have a feeling that life will change for me..

So, i just wanna change my ways.
No more ciggies.
No more lies.
No more ego.
NOT gonna be naughty anymore.

Just wanna be a good girl. Hahaha..

And Edry wants me to change too.. Not that i'm compromising to him lahh.. But more like, I realize that i've made a lot of mistakes in the past and that i dun ever wanna make those mistakes ever again.. Tts why i've been running away from all those guys..

And now that i've met him, i just wanna stay wif him.. He proved to me that he was different and I love him for that.. And i just wanna be wif him for as long as I can..

*1 wk already*

I went to anakmelayu.com just now.. Took a look at one of the guys i've dated then..

Tommy Kaira.. Didnt noe his name untill now.. It's Ali.. I knew him as Celop.. Ok lahh.. He's cute.. Part time model.. Definitely a hunk.. But, he's a wanker.. Geez.. I cant stand all the whinings from him.. He's definitely one of the guys whom i'm running away from.. Not that i'm scared or what.. Just that, i've had enuff of my past.. i dun want to be that girl who's unsure of her life and was lost in life wif no directions and always being cheated and hurt by guys.. Ali, he's the typical CD guy..

I dun wanna go back to the life that i had b4 u.. i'm sick and tired of crying.. i just wanna be loved..

I'm just happy that i met u..

Now baby, do u noe why i treasure u and never gonna let you go?

Missing People

Exhausted~

Just came back from meeting Him.. =)

Okay so, early in the morning, Sandy msged me and said that she was skipping school.. And she asked me along so we could go shopping.. ok cool.. skipping school means, i dun have to do computing today.. which is totally fine.. haha..

Reached Shaw House Mac at 915 am.. Den ate breakfast till 10.. And after tt we decided to go to the movies.. So, we watched Cheaper By A Dozen 2.. It was funny uhh.. TOM WELLING IS HOTT~ Ahakz..

Den he called me up.. He said to meet earlier.. Okay ahh.. So met him at 4.. Before that Sandy accompanied me to shop for Maz's bday present.. And i finally bought her dis Adidas handbag which cost like $25.. It was nice lahh.. After that I went to meet him and Sandy went home coz she didnt want to wait in town for her bf..

And den, me and Him went to Robinson to look for my mum's bday present.. I was like, so stress lahh.. dunno wad to buy for her.. Den, went to Bugis Village.. And i finally bought this maroon coloured mat bag..

Ok so, after that we went to Changi Village.. From one village to another village.. Like WADDEHELL LAH. The bus was so packed.. Den the bus journey was soooo DAMN long.. I think abt 1hr plus ahh.. Ergghh.. Worst bus ride EVER.

After that we went to Changi Beach and just sat down there and we played that hand game where u have to thumb down the other person's thumb.. Haha.. I WON~! heh.. quite strong aye.. Stayed there till ard 9 plus.. And then we took the bus back to Tampines, den he went down at Bedok, and i went down at Jrg East.. Reached home at 1130 pm just nw..

*miss him already*

aniway, i'm missing a couple of ppl actually.. Especially my abg angkat Edry.. Havent seen him online nowadays and like, we're drifting apart ahh.. Last time, we'll always chat and he'll sometimes call me and ask how i am.. Now, i dun even see him online.. The last time we chat, it was abt something serious ah.. And he was quite... Disappointed i guess..

EDRYYYY~ WHERE ARE U?? I MISS YOUUUU~~

Yeahh.. Tts all i wanna say.. OOOOOHH YAA..

HAPPY 39th BDAY MUMMY DEAREST~!!

Truly Madly Deeply

Okay, well, if u guys are wondering, me and her solve things out and we're okay now.. Yeah.. Just forgive and forget lah..

Anihoos.. After school, I met HIM!! He came to Redhill at 640 after work. Luckily he's working at Queenstown area seyy.. If not it'll be hard for us to meet.. Siggh.. I mish him so much seyy..

So, okay, met at Redhill.. Den we sat down at the void deck of one of the blocks at Redhill.. And, he said. "I've got something to give you.."

And i was like, okayy... And he took out this pinkish red plastic and THERE WAS A PRESENT INSIDE! OMG.

And i took out the wrapper, and THERE WAS A PINK COLOUR BOX!! And i opened the box.. THERE WAS A SILVER NECKLACE WIF A PINK COLOUR HEARTSHAPED DIAMOND THING.

Omg~ That was like soooo sweet of him.. Argghh~ Love him sooo muchhhh~ Thank euuu hunnyy~

After that we just spent some time together till 830 b4 we went back home..

Oh my GAWDD~ My wish came true.. All along, i've been wishing for someone who really really loves me.. And now i found him.. And i'm never ever letting go..

Baby, you asked me why i love u..
And i told u, coz u're different from the other guys i've known..
Yes you are.. U're different.. U're special..
You're just too nice to me baby..
Your Love is my courage..
Your Love is my will..
Because you loved me..
And now i'm loving u.. With all my heart..
I've never found someone so special in my life. Tts the truth baby.
No more lies. I'm telling the truth now.
That I could never love anyone else better than I love you.
I LOVE YOU.
WILL ALWAYS WILL.

Truck loads of Love,
ChiCka

Such As.. Drifting Apart and Meeting New People.

* Hearts *

To the wonderful being who made me believe in love again...

I just want you to noe that it's been real great noeing u and i wouldnt dream of cheating on you or making you feel less loved that u should be loved.. I'm yours.. All yours.. Believe in baby that i would love no other than you.. Because u're my everything from now on..

Love,

ChiCka

Okay well... Finally the show is over... Now i can go home early everyday.. Yessah... But.. It's not just about enjoying that the show is over.. The aftermath of the Show still lingers.. And it's quite upsetting as well..

Me and Her. We were damn freaking close. Not just best friends. But sisters. However, it just didnt seem that way during Drama. To me, she's like this person who's my best friend but she's NOT during Drama. I was being ordered around. K fine. I was being pushed aside. Hey. No prob. And the worst thing was: HEY. I WAS BEING IGNORED. BY MY OWN FRIEND. SHEESH.

It's not about popularity. Coz i have some good friends at drama. But it's more like, she met new people who has the same interest as her, who belongs in the same, hmm, race as her and she chided me aside. I dun care if she wants to be friends wif them but she doesnt have to push me aside right?

During the whole Cleo-not-being-at-rehearsals thing, yeah sure, she took in charge.. K fine.. I had nothing to say to that coz she was the dance expert. So i just kept quiet and just tried to work along no matter how pissed off i was because i just felt like i was being ordered around. And after i listened to her side of the story the next day, i thought, what the hell right, she had no choice but to be like that.. AND I ACTUALLY GAVE IN.

But it seems like things werent getting better. And we were practically like strangers. Even Leanna noticed it. I was beginning to talk to her less. And when she came up to me, i dun feel like talking to her at all. Coz i practically feel that i dun even noe her anymore.

And the performance day came, she wasnt there. I didnt noe about it till someone else told me.. K fine. The next day, she turned up.. She was looking everywhere for someone to do make-up on her and i was standing right in front of her, and she didnt even ask me.. NOT UNTIL I MADE MYSELF NOTICEABLE THAT I CAN DO MAKE UP. WHAT THE FUCK!

And the way she talked to me, it was as if that i was sucha total stranger to her. OH WADDEHELL. AND OH YA. I READ THE TAGS THAT YOUR FRIEND TAGGED. AND FRANKLY. NO COMMENTS.

Love And Feelings

Just felt like updating today..

Been sick the whole day.. Woke up at 7pm just now.. Den went to Harbourfront to grab a bite wif my family.. Ahakz.. I miss Harbourfront.. And Sentosa too.. heh..

Well.. I noe i've not been blogging like the way i used to blog.. I mean, i used to blog about my feelings and stuff.. But recently, its like, i've been blogging about my daily activities and such.. sighh..

It's been kinda hard for me to fall in love again.. Coz of what i've gone thru in the past.. Everytime i fall in love, i get disappointment in the end.. Phobia.. I'm sick of all those short term relationship.. Just a few days, den break.. Crappy uhh.. Like, geee.. I oso got feelings siaa.. Of coz, i dun cry about it laa but it hurts to lose the one u love..

But i dun deny that i want to be loved.. I mean, who doesnt right?? But i just havent found the right one i guess.. Okay well, not exactly the RIGHT one.. But someone who really love me as much as I love him.. Who really2 cares for me and stuff..

I learnt my lesson. Never ever to go on a relationship wif a guy i have not met.. Coz in the end, confirm it wont last..

Haizz..

I'm unsure of my feelings right now.. Haiz..

If i give my heart to u, will u promise to take care of it? U're different from all the guys i've known. Yes, u're such a sweetheart.. i'm really looking forward to meet u.. U've been the one who's been filling my empty nights.. Sigh.. I dunno wad i'm feeling either..

"there's something in me.."

*winks*

Woah-ism.

Ok well, that day's dikir barat performance was A BLAST!! I mean, okay lahh.. I terlepas clap and my pants and samping were wet.. but.. IT WAS STILL GREAT. THANK EUU ADIRATNA!!

So.. PICS! (Adiratna girls are CAM HOGGERS by the way.... hahakz..)

Nadiah And Me

Su, Nadia, Me

Nadia, Illya, Dee

Dylaiticas: Tina, Nadiah, Me

Well.. yeahh.. It was great performing wif them.. Seriously.. But now, its back to Sry Dylaila..

Yesterday. Was one heck of a day for me..

So after school, Jae decided to treat me to Sakae Sushi. So we went to Wheelock Place. And when i was entering Wheelock, someone bumped into me. I turned. He was so familiar but i just forgot his name.

Den he said: Kevin laa

And i screamed. And the whole Coffee Bean at Wheelock looked at me.. Hahaha.. KEVINDREN NAIDU! One of my primary school bestest guy friends. He's like, 1 1/2 head taller than me. And he still looked the same. OMG! hahakz.. And we did some catching up ah.. He said he was working at the Coffee Bean there.. Wooh.. ahah..

Den after Sushi, me and Jae went back to school, she went for her emcee meeting, i went for Drama.. DRAMA SUCKED YESTERDAY OKAY! it was the first time i hated rehearsal so much. erghh.. Due to some reasons. Daymnn..

Went home, there was a kenduri at my place and i wasnt really in the mood. So, i went to my room and switched my lappy on when someone called me. And it was.. EIJAL. AKA MR BONCET. omgg.. It's been such a long time since he contacted me. And he was telling me that he broke up wif his gf and stuff.. and began telling me his problems laa.. I just layankan je lah..

Den that time, my ex, Farizan, msned me.. Den i just chat laaa...

Den while talking to Eijal, someone else called. And i swapped.. And guess wad?? AYUL CALLED. So, i just put down the fon wif Eijal and talked to Ayul uhh..

And Ayul was really nice yesterday. He said he missed me and stuff.. Awww shucks.. I just cant hate him.. Dunno y..

Okay well.. Tts all for yesterday i guess. Going out later for Hari Raya Haji thingy.. So, Selamat Hari Raya Haji to all..

=)

TAGGERS REPLY!

Hi-Kerl: Insya Allah. I'll work on it.

Lil Ti: Ahakz.. Thanks darling.. Just hope i can maintain it. I changed my blog song already la..

m0nkee: wahh.. first time m0nkee saying she miss me siaa.. hahaha..

Fida: oohh.. thankiu.. hahakz.. i loike ur blog tooo...

PatPat: Really lo.. U never talk to me already.. BLUEK. U IGNORING ME LOR..!! muahahaha..

droolS: Ahakz.. thanks dudette.. the show was great maan..

Hi-Kerl: Slamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha to u too maaan..

END.

Sigh~

meow~

hahakz.. okay.. i didnt noe y i wanted to type that down.. haha..

Well, been feeling fucked up lately.. But dun worry, i'll be fine..

SHOW TODAY!!

Ouhh sheesh.. I'm like so nervous uhh.. I just learnt the ragam and juara part yesterday.. And i sucked at the practice.. Especially wau bulan nye part.. grrr..

i wished u knew how much i love u.
i wished u'd hold me in ur arms again.

i cry thinking of u baby.
i'm missing u so bad.
i just want u back.

please come back baby.
i need u so..

With Love,
ChiCka

New Year New Life: Flashback on 2005

Ahakz.. Yeahh.. HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!

Okay, 2005.. Was one heckk of a year for me..

~Got retrenched in March.. Monorail gone~!!! *wails*
~Got into RP in April
~Went on wif Farizan on April 24
~Declared Silent Break wif Farizan on May 15.
~Went on wif Ayul on May 21
~Got back to work in Sentosa as Marshall in June
~1st theatre work: Redhill Blues in July
~Hospitalized in August
~Broke up wif Ayul on September 1
~1st Malay Dance performance: RepFus3 @ Civic Ctr on September 16
~1st Hiphop Dance performance: Hip Hop IG Recruitment Drive September 17
~Patched up wif Ayul on September 29
~Broke up wif Ayul on October 17
~1st Dikir Barat performance: Sry Dylaila DeepaRaya Show on November 8
~Went on wif Lutfi and broke up in November. Not sure when though..
~1st Clan meeting: Dylaitica Meeting on November 11
~Happy 17th!!: 2nd December 2005
~Went on wif Md Nor on December 05
~Declared Silent Break wif Md Nor on December 13
~Went on wif Ridzuan aka Chickanos on December 24
~Broke up wif Chickanos on December 25th
~Got to noe Zaki on December 24th
~Met Zaki on December 26th
~Met Zaki on December 28th

So, yeahh... Those are the highlights of 2005 in my life... Mostly, i think that the relationship i had wif Ayul is the one that made me stronger and motivated me a lot in life.. So, in December, i haf like, 2 exes... hurrr.. And i had quite a number of performances last year.. Which was totally cool..

RESOLUTIONS.

So for this year, i'm hoping that i can come do more shows for Sry Dylaila or RepFus3 (kalau ade motivation uhh.. haha)

Haf a meaningful relationship wif ONE guy. Not 2 or 3.. But ONE. *winks*

To be a calmer and wiser person. As my colleagues would say, "CHICKA! U'RE 17 ALREADY OKAYY!! HAIYAA.. ACG!"

Not to skip school so much.

Be more responsible

AND

STOP SMOKING!!!

ahakz.. yeahh.. tts it..

Okay.. I'm done wif my resolutions..

Ciao!!

whooo wheeee

YESSSAAAAHHHH!!!

END OF MARSHALL WORK. NO MORE MARSHALL WORK FOR ME FOR THE NEXT 2 WEEKS.. HURRR...

Howlls, been working from last Sunday to Monday straight.. Hish.. Tired siakk.. I was quiet arh today.. Maybe coz my kakis were at different places.. Ahakzz.. But then i took the chance to cam-whore here and there.. hehh..

@ Dolphin Lagoon

In The Van

Eric n Me. He's a driver btw..

Me and Vickkkkyyyyy!!!

Thevan n Me

Magesh, Me, Muthu..

Huahuahua... So basically, i got bullied a lot by the 4 of them.. Idiot! Peacock.. They called me ACG.. Act Cute Girl.. Hurhur.. But okay larh.. They called me ChiCka also.. hehhhe..

Okay well, so far been bz wif sch and work.. Luckily Zaki understands all that.. I mean, we want to meet up and stuff.. But then, it's like so difficult even though we stay near each other.. He's working and i'm working.. we barely haf time... haizz.. no news abt him today.. his prepaid low.. and just waiting for 2 am.. tts when he usually calls me.. haizz..

*missing him loads*

overwork, overexhaustion and... a new friend.

Wooaaah... TTs like 1 whole week of marshall work for me.. Plus 3 more days to go.. Geez.. It's really tiring u noe.. I've got rehearsals in the morning at 10 till 2 den i have to rush to work at 3.. Geezz.. And i reach home at 11 almost everyday.. Haiz.. Exhausted...

And marshall work isnt easy.. U have to stand the whole day, control the crowd, get fucked by the tour guides, and have to be nice no matter how fucked up u are coz it's a service and tourism industry..

But then, now, marshalls are like family already to me. So are the drivers. I'm pretty close to the new marshalls. Ahakz.. There's Muthu, Magues, Vick (Vickyyyyy!), Pandian, Thevan, Yusuf (ADEKKKK!!), Eileen and Hazmi. The other new ones not so close uhh.. Hurhur.. Joker larh all of them.. I'm closer to them than the marshalls who worked there longer..

Okay well, working today.. Hurhur.. Adek not working uh.. Boringg... Haha.. If not we'll probably go bonkers again.. Haha.. Den Hazmi.. Haiz.. Where u la?? Very difficult to meet him during work.. I only meet him like after work... Hurhur.... But he only work weekends.. Like me la starting from next week..

Okay. the new friend part.. His name is Zaki.. Firstly, we didnt start of the friendship on friendly terms. Because tt time i was still wif that Chickanos guy.. The 2 days relationship arh.. On the first day of the relationship la actually, Zaki msged me to get to noe me.. Then i asked him how he got my number.. And he said he dunno.. Coz some alien sent him a business card.. Gee.. I was like, waddehell.. Hurhur... I said i was attached la.. Then he didnt disturb me until after i broke up, which is just the nx day la.. Hurhur... I broke up in the afternoon, Zaki msged me at 1 am.. So i just decided to just let him a chance la..

And we just smsed and i called him larh.. Den we had a long chat.. Sheesh.. Hurhur.. And i found out he wasnt a dumbo.. Haha.. He's pretty smart.. More to street smart also.. And we just had long chats eversince then.. And smsed the whole day.. And on Monday, i worked till 7.. He picked me up from work!! Heh.. Then we went to Jrg Point by bus.. And we just walked at that area.. He stays near there..

Sigh.. It's been really cool noeing him.. We've met up twice.. =) Happy larh... But then... Sheesh.. Ppl from the past have been haunting me... If its one of em, it's okay.. But it's 2!! Hurrr....

I wont let anything destroy this friendship.. Its been a week that i knew Zaki.. Yes i noe i have some feelings for him.. But i just dun wanna develop that feeling coz i just dun wanna be heartbroken anymore.. Just slow and steady, get to noe each other and have fun as friends.. yeahh... =)

Okayy2.. Need to go for Drama rehearsals... Ciao!

overwork, overexhaustion and... a new friend.

Wooaaah... TTs like 1 whole week of marshall work for me.. Plus 3 more days to go.. Geez.. It's really tiring u noe.. I've got rehearsals in the morning at 10 till 2 den i have to rush to work at 3.. Geezz.. And i reach home at 11 almost everyday.. Haiz.. Exhausted...

And marshall work isnt easy.. U have to stand the whole day, control the crowd, get fucked by the tour guides, and have to be nice no matter how fucked up u are coz it's a service and tourism industry..

But then, now, marshalls are like family already to me. So are the drivers. I'm pretty close to the new marshalls. Ahakz.. There's Muthu, Magues, Vick (Vickyyyyy!), Pandian, Thevan, Yusuf (ADEKKKK!!), Eileen and Hazmi. The other new ones not so close uhh.. Hurhur.. Joker larh all of them.. I'm closer to them than the marshalls who worked there longer..

Okay well, working today.. Hurhur.. Adek not working uh.. Boringg... Haha.. If not we'll probably go bonkers again.. Haha.. Den Hazmi.. Haiz.. Where u la?? Very difficult to meet him during work.. I only meet him like after work... Hurhur.... But he only work weekends.. Like me la starting from next week..

Okay. the new friend part.. His name is Zaki.. Firstly, we didnt start of the friendship on friendly terms. Because tt time i was still wif that Chickanos guy.. The 2 days relationship arh.. On the first day of the relationship la actually, Zaki msged me to get to noe me.. Then i asked him how he got my number.. And he said he dunno.. Coz some alien sent him a business card.. Gee.. I was like, waddehell.. Hurhur... I said i was attached la.. Then he didnt disturb me until after i broke up, which is just the nx day la.. Hurhur... I broke up in the afternoon, Zaki msged me at 1 am.. So i just decided to just let him a chance la..

And we just smsed and i called him larh.. Den we had a long chat.. Sheesh.. Hurhur.. And i found out he wasnt a dumbo.. Haha.. He's pretty smart.. More to street smart also.. And we just had long chats eversince then.. And smsed the whole day.. And on Monday, i worked till 7.. He picked me up from work!! Heh.. Then we went to Jrg Point by bus.. And we just walked at that area.. He stays near there..

Sigh.. It's been really cool noeing him.. We've met up twice.. =) Happy larh... But then... Sheesh.. Ppl from the past have been haunting me... If its one of em, it's okay.. But it's 2!! Hurrr....

I wont let anything destroy this friendship.. Its been a week that i knew Zaki.. Yes i noe i have some feelings for him.. But i just dun wanna develop that feeling coz i just dun wanna be heartbroken anymore.. Just slow and steady, get to noe each other and have fun as friends.. yeahh... =) He's been giving me the attention that i've never had in my life.. It's just amazing uh... =)) *stickwitu*

Okayy2.. Need to go for Drama rehearsals... Ciao!

*end*

*end*

thats it!

Me and him are over.. Just one msg and it ended everything.. Ah well.. 2 days of relationship.. Sheesh.. He said i was too good for him and stuff and he's just not the right guy for me..
Guys will be guys.. Haiz.. And to think that i was starting to love him.. Hurr.. Its over.. And i shall move on in my life no matter how hurt i am.. Ahh well.. I wont cry about this.. I dun brood over breakups okayy.. =)

Okie well. tts all i gues..

AND I'M FINE!! haha.. dun worry k peeps! =)

*hearts*

Oohh wheeee.. Okay well, i'm pretty sure u guys would prolly get sick of hearing me say "Hey i've got a guy.." and u guys will practically say, "so soon??"

Hurhur.

Okay well, have a new guy larh. He's more real than the previous one. Coz he msges me like, everysingle day. And we talked on the fon just nw for like 3 hrs..

Well, the thing i like abt him is that he's different. Not those perverts or sex maniacs.. He's principled. He takes charge and he just makes my day lah.. Plus.. He's uber cute.. Hehe.. I just hope it wont be like the last relationship. Hope it wont be. Please please please.

He melts me. hurhur.. and his pic got Chikanos. And i was like, HEYYY!! I'm ChiCka!! Hhaha.. Cool huhh..

Sigh.. Will be alone nx wk since he'll be gg to KL. haizz.. Sian-ness..

Feels loved again.. =)

MuCh Love,

ChiCka

PIX FOR GIRLS DAY OUT AND ITQAN CAMP

Been really2 bz these few days.. met up wif Aisyah, Mazlinda and Shae (my primary school friends) that Thursday after Drama.. Hurhur.. I came the latest.. as usual.. haha.. okie.. so here are the pics..

Ahakz.. Tts all..

Den, on Friday... Had this ITQAN CAMP.. Students from the other polys also there la.. So, RP, we had me, Fadilah, Adila and Suhaila.. For guys, there were only Fir Olive and Big Zul.. Only 6 of us compared to 20 SP students.. hurhur..

But then i think RP students were the kecoh-est.. Haha.. Fir and Zul were the kecoh-est siakk.. haha.. Of coz la.. Zul was the made the Amir (leader) of the whole ITQAN grp. And Fir mcm assistant la g2.. He volunteered ah.. Haha.. Den the girls, Fadilah was like.. The selamba-rest la.. Haha.. Ade je dier nye comment.. Hahaha.. Kecoh2.. haha..

On the first night, we made a new friend.. EEN!!! hehe... We look alike u noee.. touching kan?? Only that she wears a tudung la.. she's so huggable.. aha..

But i think the camp benefitted me a lot la.. made me realize how much i have ignored religion in my life.. it's sad la.. and den, the last day, some of the girls cried coz of the mind travelling thingy.. something abt family la.. u noe, the close-ur-eyes-the-teacher-made-u-visualize-the-situation-wif-music-on thingy..

Then there was this Ishak guy.. ahha.. funny.. he present, and he kept on hee-heeing wifout realizing it.. ahaha... then like, everyone kept on disturbing him.. including the Ustaz and Pak Utih.. haha..

Okay so, wad does ITQAN means..

I - INTEGRITY

T - TEAMWORK

Q - QUWWAH

A - AMBASSADOR

N - NEW AGE

It's based on the Al-Quran. Its meaningful lah..

And my team name was Vroom. But then, the whole ITQAN, for year 2005 batch, we named ourselves ITTIHADUL QULUB. which means.. UNITY OF THE HEARTS.

PICS!!

Me not co-operating. Coz we're told to make work difficult for the leader.. So I DID.. Sorryyy Haswani..! hehh..

Su, Me, Fad.. Sempat aje tgk cam.. aha

GAMES!! Hehe..

The Guys

The Girls

ITTIHADUL QULUB

And there were the funny ones.. ahaha...

Tts Ishak.. ahaha.. noo... HEEHEEE..

FIR PUN KENE!! haha..

OKAYY... Haha... Tts all... Now, i wanna pack my stuff.. Going to M'sia later.. Will be back on Friday or Saturday...

Take Care ppl!!!

Muaxx!!

One Wish

One Wish By Ray J

Damn baby
Just don't understand where we went wrong
I gave you my heart
I gave you my soul
I gave you...

As a matter of fact I was the one who said I love you first
It was about eight years ago, don't act like you don't know
We were sittin' at home in your mama's livin' room
Cause, we couldn't be alone
See your mama knew I was something else, she knew how I felt
Back then we were in school; and that's your favorite excuse
Growin' up I was a fool; and I can't deny missin you
Listen and don't trip
I think I need a bottle with a genie in it
Here's my wish list

First one, I would create a heart changing love
Second one, I'll take yours and fill it all up
Third one, but I don't need a lot of wishes cause I'll be okay if I get one

If I had one wish, we'd be best friends
Love would never end, it would just begin
If I had one wish, you'd be my boo
Promise to love you, trust me I'll trust you
If I had one wish, we'd run away
Makin' love all day, have us a baby
If I had one wish, I'd make you my whole life
can you be my wife, make it right this time

If I had one wish
One wish, one wish, one wish
One wish, one wish, one wish
One wish, one wish, one wish
One wish, one wish, one wish

Now tell me is this the only way I can get you right back in
If so then searchin' I’ll go, then I can have you for sure
Then you’ll be lovin' me, holdin' me, kissin' me
So girl don't tell me what I'm feelin' is make believe
I swear if I lose a second chance with you
I wouldn't know what to do
I'd probably check myself into some kind of clinic
I couldn't be alone because without you I'm sick

Here's my wish list
First one, I would create a heart changing love
Second one, I'll take yours and fill it all up
Third one, but I don't need a lot of wishes cause I'll be okay if I get one

If I had one wish, we'd be best friends
Love would never end, it would just begin
If I had one wish, you'd be my boo
Promise to love you, trust me I'll trust you
If I had one wish, we'd run away
Makin' love all day, have us a baby
If I had one wish, I'd make you my whole life
can you be my wife, make it right this time
If I had one wish

I don't even know how we ended upon this road
And, even though we are grown, Girl I just want you to know
If I had one wish, we'd be best friends
Love would never end, it would just begin
If I had one wish, you'd be my boo
Promise to love you, trust me I'll trust you
If I had one wish, we'd run away
Makin' love all day, have us a baby
If I had one wish, I'd make you my whole life
can you'd be my wife, make it right this time


Ayul made me listen to this song on the phone. He said, just focus on the lyrics.. But then i didnt noe the song b4 so i had a hard time listening out for the lyric arh..

But then i checked out the lyrics just now.. It was quite meaningful lah.. But i wondered why he wanted me to listen to that song. *wondering* bleah..

Well, u noe, i think i'm not attached. hurhur.. well, yeah.. i'm single.. dun ask me y.. it's impossible.. but, i give up on guys already.. i just wanna be single for now, i just wanna concentrate on my life, in making money and also on my ccas..

Okay well, been really2 tired these few days.. Saturday was Zouk Out at Sentosa.. And i worked from 10 am to 10 pm.. Whoo.. Hakz.. Den reached home at 12 plus.. Went online for a while.. Den sleep, had to wake up at 9 the next day coz work starts at 1.. Anyway, that Zouk Out nite, i there was this cute new guy who just started work the day b4.. His name is Hazmi and he's 18.. Cute lah..

Ahakz.. Den the nx day, worked from 1-9.. Den reached home at 11.. Went to Johor wif my mum at 12 plus wif my aunts and their friend.. Reached home at 5 am.. Didnt sleep.. And went to breakfast wif my family at 10.. Hurr.. Den went to meet Nadia and Shyla for Dikir at NP.. But then Shyla couldnt join us for dk coz her grp marah2 her.. so she just sat at the side lah..

Hurr.. Bz siak dis few days.. my body is aching.. ergh..

Now, a 32 yr old guy thinks i'm interested in him.. just bcoz i sent the msg,

"though we hardly meet, it doesnt meet that u are forgotten coz u haf never left my mind.. c0z u're always somebody so special and nice to me.."

and he thinks that i like him!! GOSH! He's a driver wif Sentosa lah.. Not married.. I treat him like a big bro only.. And he's like, msging me evryday, calling me syg and stuff.. ergghh.. irritating lah pulakk..

eishh2.. okie2.. wanna eheemm.. hehe.. ciggies2... haha..

NITES!!

Overworked..

OHH MYYY!! I havent sleep for the past 30 ++ hrs... Sighh.. Work at Zoukout was fun.. 10 am to 10 pm.. den yesteday was 1 pm to 9 pm.. Whee... Okay2.. Dun wanna talk abt work..

I got this quiz thingy from Ika's blog.. Quite fun lahh.. hee.. Let's see wad my results are..

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Well... I guess that's true abt me..

OKAY NEXT!!

Your Ideal Relationship is Casual Dating

Maybe you're looking for love... But mostly you're looking for fun. You could get serious with the right person. For now, though, you're enjoying playing the field.

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

THIS IS SO TRUE!!!

Your Personality Is

Guardian (SJ) You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented. Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules. You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader. You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you. A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do. You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up. In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly. At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions. With others, you tend to be polite and formal. As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself. On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

The Three Question Personality Test

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

Howells... that's basically about it.. tired to do another one.. i need sleep.. sheesh..

i'm in love!!

wheeee... back to being in a relationship.. ahakz..

okayy.. got myself a new boyfie.. ahakz.. well, we're like 4 days old?? ahakz.. yeahh.. hehe.. can't believe that this is happening again!! =)

So anw, got to noe him thru friendster.. he added me there.. and den add in msn.. and we chat2 lahh.. and he's like, so cute... (he's hott btw... ahhhhhhh!! hehe.. ). He's staying in Sengkang and skooling and Ite Tamp.. Ouhh geez.. Tts where Ayul is staying and skooling too... bahh~

well, just hope that we can last for some time.. hakz.. and i really hope this relationship would be a lot2 better.. i dun want it to be like my past relationship arh.. and i really hope he's not like THAT guy..

speaking of which, i've made up my mind not to be nice to him anymore.. him as in THAT guy larh.. i mean, i admit that it was my mistake to type about him in my blog thus making everyone hate him.. howells, if he's not gonna be nice to me, then i dun see the point in being nice to him.. coz he's never gonna change..

apart from that, well... how has my life been??

okay, so been busy wif drama.republic rehearsals for open house.. we're doing physical theatre based on the epic story of romeo and juliet.. and i'm the gang leader of juliet's buncha frens.. hehh... basically loadsa dancing... so, just ended drama camp at fairy point chalet 6.. haks... i went back on the 2nd day coz i was really2 sick.. bahh~ missed out on all the fun..

ouhh yaa.. busy wif mcg also.. though i didnt go for tarian practice for 2 wks already... i've been sick for a week already and its still not getting any better.. maybe it's because of the ciggies??

OKAY SO I REALLY2 NEED TO STOP SMOKING!!!!

It's really affecting my health... But i'm happy that i've cut down a lot already.. One pack can last me like 4 or 5 days.. like, i take 2-4 sticks per day now.. it used to be 7-10 sticks per day.. now okay lahh.. can manage...

ooh!!! it's gg to be 2 oclock soon.. gotta get home.. i'm in the school library now.. had mcg meeting dis morning till 12 plus.. and my hands are numb now maaan.. shucks.. got like a patch of blueblack on my hand coz of the coldness... and i'm hungryyyy!!

WORK TML!! WHEEE!! ZOUK OUT!! but then i'll be working from 10am to 10 pm tml.. and 1-9 on Sunday.. Okay. Wheee.. ahaha..

I FINALLY UPDATED. *Alhamdulillah*

Egotrip

My heart is crying so much.

I've been hurt too much.

I've been egoistic. I'm forced to be that way. I dun want to be seen as weak. By being that way, i noe i've hurt u a lot. But it's nothing compared to the hurt u've given me in the past. I've been mean. But I have to be.

I dun want to be the same person u knew in the past.
I dun want u to noe that i've missed u so much.
I dun want u to noe that i still think of u.
I dun want u to noe that i dun want a replacement for u.
I dun want u to noe that i still love u.

I've moved on. Yes, i do have all those feelings above. But..

I dun want to be the weakling u thought i was.
I dun want to be the one chasing after u like i did the last time.
I dun want to be the low self motivation girl u said i was.
I dun want to be everything that i was when i was wif u.

God knows how I've been these few days. I'm torn apart inside. Memories flash themselves in my head. My heart stabs me wif insecurities.

DO YOU EVEN REALIZE HOW MUCH I LOVED U THEN??

The feelings never fade. It was the most challenging relationship that i've ever had. But it was one of the best relationship. U made me realize a part of me that i never thought existed.

Wif u, i gave so much love and patience. I never thought these 2 existed in me until u came along. But now, i dunno if i can ever be like that to anyone again.

U've been my motivation. But now, let ME by MY OWN motivator. Let me cure the pain in my heart and decide what i want in life.