Updates

Okay.. Finee.. Updating here... Sheesshh.. Haha..
Howells.. What have i been up to lately??

FRIDAY.

Went to TP's Gemilang wif Nadia and Aiman. Okay, well, i met them at TP arh coz Nadia tumpang Aiman.. So yeah, me solo lah kanz.. Okie, so, we waited for Nadia's cousin to pick us up from the bus stop.. And guess wad?? Her cousin is Yan.. The juara of Panjy.. Lolz.. Den we went to the "auditorium" or smt.. The decoration was nice lah.. I mean, reallyy nice... But then the whole show was a bit boring coz it was all mly dance.. And the game, haha.. hafto blindfold and stuff... gee.. But i enjoyed PST's performance arh.. Totally great.. I thought Nira was going to perform.. but they didnt.. howells, was still glad to meet Lela, Ain and Munira.. =)

Den saw Ayul Dux, Abg Naim and Mamat... And the Oh So Famous IRFAN KASBAN. Lolz. He's the president of TP's Malay Arts Grp. Liked his outfit. And yeahh, I talked to Amin Diva, the Vice President of MAG.

the moment i stepped into that room, my eyes searched for u.. i asked around for u.. but it seems that u weren't there that day.. disappointed as it may seem.. but i actually came to see u that day.. and that night when we chat, i felt nothing.. coz u're so dear to me that i cant love u.. if i love u i'd lose u.. so it's best that i be frens wif u than to lose u..

SATURDAY.

Show at Arif's condo!! Lolz! Imagine uhh.. The show was at 615 but we reported at 1130.. Okay so me and Nadia came the latest.. We reached Simei at 1215.. Hurhur.. But the waiting time for the performance was great lah.. We jammed wif the instruments.. Hehe.. And the term KANAK-KANAK ISTIMEWA terkeluar.. coz of Fadilah.. Nyahahas.. K.I num 1 is Fad, K.I 2 is Tetsu. K.I 3 is Nadia.. Heh..

So, the show was great lah.. It went well.. *Alhamdullillah* And we got a cert of appreciation and also $100 gift.. WHEEEEE... Lurveee Dylz!

*********

Okayy.. So, these few days... Been feeling lonely... Well, there's this guy who's been msging me and stuff.. But i just feel so empty inside.. I dun haf any feelings for him as well..

Wad's suckier is that i've been thinking abt Ayul these few days.. It's just so irritating.. Okay, Ayul as in my ex Ayul.. Not Ayul Dux.. Haha.. Kinda missed the times wif him.. But i noe that he's not worth it.. Raaaaa... The torment!!

I'm just afraid to be in a relationship again. I'm afraid the same things will happen again.. It sucks.. But at the same time, i'm kinda lonely coz no one's been calling me up to talk to me at night.. I'm bored maaaan...

I'm in a state of confusion.

Somebody please save me.

Lonely

Ahh yes.. Loneliness seems to set in...

Did i mention that HE, as in AYUL, called me a few days back? Yeap.. he did.. He said he just called to tell me that i called him the other day.. Gee.. Thanks.. Like as if i didnt noe about that stupid incident which -i-forgot-to-lock-my-keypad-and-his-name-was-the-last-name-on-my-phonebook-so-it-just-dialled.

Lol.

Been feeling rather lonely recently. haha. well... its just that, Ayul kept popping in my mind.. its weird. Haizz...

I'm having weird feelings as well.. dunno how to explain it.. i'm confused. tts all i can say.. its one or the other..

Nyahhh~

Drama rehearsals start tml.. Wheee!!!

Okay..

Nites ppl..

*Sigh*

A day in History.

lalalala~

FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME THIS SEMESTER, I ENJOYED CLASS!!

Ouhh yess!! It was fun!!

Okay, so my team was supposed to do a research on this building in Queenstown. The abandoned one beside the cinema.

So yeah, we took loadsa pics!!!

Hahaha.. yeappss.. it was reaaaaallyy fun...

And i bet u guys didnt noe that the abandoned building was once a market, a food center and a storey of provision shops... Nyahaaha... And it was opened my Queen Elizabeth II in 1957..

Cool Stuff..

Yeahhh.. Hurhur.. So that was in the morning..

Ouhh geeee.. Sleepy maaan..

Nitess.

whoo wheee

OoOoh WHeee...

Yesterday was Sandy's and my brother Aken's bdayy... *muacks* But because my dad was working yesterday so we celebrated Aken's bday on Wednesday night... So, yesterday i went out wif the PJ peeps to celebrate Sandy's bday!

WHEEEEE~!

Okie so, after sch, went to Sandy's class.. I gave her a makeover... So pweeety alreadyy.. Haha.. Den we go town to watch Just Like Heaven at 7... Den, we went to Shaw House arh... After that they decide to eat at Pizza Hut.. Sandy belanja'ed us.. OMG! it was nice lahhh... hehehe.. ppl belanja of coz nice rite?? hehe... den we took loadsa pics.. =)))

Sandy and Kian Wai

Sandy and Josephine

Jo, Sandy, Ash, Me. Black tops and skirt.. =)

Bully lar Sandy..

Yong Quan and Sandy

Yong Quan, Kian Wai, Sandy

Yong Quan, Kian Wai, Sandy

Jo, Ash, Me

Us again..

Us...

That INNOCENT look

Yes, i've put on a bit of weight.. STOP LOOKING AT ME ASH! haha.. blueh..

PJ Angels.. heh

Us...

Ash and Me again.. =)

It was WHACK!! Hahaha... Den after Pizza Hut, we went to Cineleisure to watch the movie.. But we were late, so decided to go shopping.. So, went to Heeren and SANDY GOT THIS NICE LEVIS SHIRT!!! OMGG! AND IT COST $45.50. *faints*

Den, we walked to Plaza Singapura... And SANDY BELANJA'ED us Secret Recipe.. OMG!!! I bought a CHEEZE CHOC and Hot Mocha.. Omggg!! It was.... *faints*

After that, i went home...

And when i was at Jrg East Mrt Stn, there was dis guy who "accidentally" stepped on my flip flops.. Okay fine.. so i just got dis pissed off face on me.. And he said sorry.. He's a mly guy abt 24 yrs old lah..

And he was like, wad's ur name? how old r u? y the pissed off face lah.. AND GUESS WHAT?? HE TRIED TO HOLD MY HAND!!!

WTF

And i pulled back my hand and walked as fast as i could.. den i called Ash and she didnt pick up.. BLEAH. So, i called HIM. Hehe.. first time talking to him.. heh.. And he was like, "tak penah2 umur deni nak call, ape hal sehh... haha..." okayy lah.. den he talked to me till i reach home...

=)

Happy Nyahh~

Hehehe

Ok dahhh~

Debating stuff

Ouhh shucks.. Do i have to???

Gee.. Thanks arh Ashz...

Hurhur..

So... Yeah...

here's the game. introduce 10 quirks or idiosyncrasies of yours on your blog, following which you are free to pick 5 more people to do the same thing..

1. i get over break ups like freaking fast.. (2 days enuff? haha..)
2. i have a fetish for black stuff. try gg shopping wif me.. i'll buy all stuff black..
3. i contradict myself most of the time.
4. different personality wif different people
5. horrible mood swings
6. short attention span
7. i'm slow. (takes me a few secs later to get a joke.)
8. i have short term memory.
9. i'm quiet most of the time
10. I'M NOT LAME. PERIOD. ;)

5 people to do this:

1. Sandy
2. Shahidah
3. Jalilah
4. Yan
5. Patrick

Haha..

Gee i'm bored. Enterprise is killing me.

Haiz... Apai msned me just nw.. But, i just dun wanna chat wif him. He reminds me of Ayul. It sucks.

REFLECTION TIME!!!

Howells... Kinda feeling down today.. Wondering whyy.. Did something go wrong? I just cant take my mind off it.. I'm feeling a glinch of sadness in me but i cant put a finger to wad it is.. Missing him?? Kinda.. But not that bad i guess.. Its not about love.. Well, okayy.. maybe relationships and stuff arh..

Being single is weird.. I mean, u dun get ppl calling u anymore and saying gd nites and i love u to u.. U're just being free. Is that bad? Well, thing is, i dun really mind about being single and stuff.. but sometimes, yeah.. i do get lonely.. i do want someone to talk to and be manja ard wif.. but then, its hard when there's no one who can replace Him.

Yeah, he IS an idiot. He IS an arse.. But, somehow.. after being alone for awhile.. i thought that, no other guy understood me better than him.. Ouhh no.. my eyes are swelling up... gee.. It's just, his style, his way of making me feel loved before all those shit happend.. It's something which i've never felt before.. I'm not saying that i wanna patch things up wif him.. Its just that.. i want someone like him, but better. Someone who'd call me everyday just to talk to me, to manjakan me.. someone to guide me in life and someone who is firm in his beliefs.. And of coz, he shld get along wif my friends and my mum (coz she's also my friend.)

Howells, i'm not expecting any miracles to happen.. i dun want to go around searching for a guy.. hakz.. u noe, it'll be nice if someone just pops up to me and say "hey can i have ur num.." haha.. tt'll be cool.. but gee.. if only life is that easy..

a friend once told me..

" i have gone thru too much that now.. i am no more mister nice guy oredy.." "Jus pissed off at the fact that we gif so much but we get shit in return.." "So i wanna go out n get my retribution.."

all i can say is that, been there done that...

For my age, i think i've gone thru a lot in life.. stuff which ppl would never think of doing and stuff.. i'm not saying that i'm a lover.. nor am i saying that i'm a fighter.. but dun u think that it's a bit passe? U hurt others just to satisfy urself JUST so because u hurt by another person... that's so immature..

I've done all that bastarding and cheating guys.. It wasnt worth it.. Always remember one thing.. Karma. What goes ard comes ard.. I've had my retribution. I learn from there..

Howells, i can go on and on abt dis and it'll never end..

Gtg nw.. Celebrating my bro's bdayy.. Ciaoo..

Him

In class now. Yesh. I'm bored. I'm left out. and I hate my new class. Do i need to emphasize more? Geee...

My previous posts have been damn long indeed.. So unlike me uhh.. And they're like, about what i did on that day and the previous days.. I rarely write about all that..

HoOoo Life is so mundane now.. Apai didnt call me for 3 days... Ouhh heckk... He's not the one that i think about nwadays.. Its another whom i never talk about at all.. Ahakz.. Been liking him for a while lah actually but i kinda shrugged it off coz he's sucha good friend of mine.. Bleah.. I'm just liking him larh.. Not really sure of my feelings though.. Bleargh! Suckkyy...

Known him from chat a few months ago.. So, he's gonna be 17 by the end of the yr (like me) haha.. den he's in TP (i lurve TP guys! haha..) Howells, we kinda lost contact for a while coz we didnt chat wif each other online and stuff.. den a few days after my performance at TP for their cultural awareness thingy, he msned me.. He asked me if i was the one performing wif Nira (TP's dikir girls) and i was like, yeahh.. And he said, he saw me arh.. haha.. but he was afraid it'll be the wrong person tts y he didnt called me up.. geee..

den from there, we chat almost every day.. ALMOST la.. haha.. And we have loadsa things in common... Like, breakdancing, dikir barat and punk music.. =)

And i can chat wif him about anything lar.. He's like, there for me when i need him online la.. =)

But then, i just dun want to encourage myself wif the feelings coz i really love and adore him as a friend..

There was once that he wasnt online for sucha long time.. and when he msned me, i gave him a kiss wink.. and he was like, uhh.... what was that for?? haha... geee..

i havent met him yet.. only pics arh.. and also the dikir pics.. and gee, we're like so closely affiliated sehh... haha..

is he just a fren or more? i wonder.. shld lose the feelings mann.. i dun want lose him as a fren.. bleah...

AYUL DUX! u're the only one who noes who i'm talkin about.. ---eeeeeeeeeeps!--- Haha.. U noe i noe lah kanz... haha.. tk perlu blg ehh.. haha..

And anyway, its just a phase in my life.. mane tauu sooner or later it'll pass...

I'm happier being single.. I'm happier being alone.. Tts me.. I dun want to be tied down now.. i need my space..


BLEARGH.

FUCKED UP DAY

Seriously, i'm seriously, seriously fucked up.

Okay so lets start from the morning..

Went to school.. okay arh.. dah semangat to go to school.. den, i opened my laptop.. i saw dark patches.. den.. my worst fear came true.. My laptop's lcd screen cracked.. BAIK ARH! I was so pissed off that i went out of the class.. cabut larh..

Den me, Sandy and Josephine went to town.. and there was dis salesman hu sold perfumes.. was nice arh.. we bought it for $19.90 each.. it smells nice arh.. Mirage by Giorgio... haha.. den me and Sandy went out of Lucky Plaza arh while Josephine went back to sch to get money.. SEKALI, i saw a familiar pair of specs worn by a guy.. i didnt really see the face arh.. den i asked Sandy to turn back to Lucky Plaza.. Den the guy was walking the opp direction from us.. And u noe wad?? That guy was Mr Boncet!! Omgg!! He's auburn! okay, den talked to him for awhile lah since he already saw me.. kwengs.. and we exchanged num since he changed number..

Den, meet Josephine.. Okie, den.. I was on the way to the mrt stn coz Sandy and Jo had to go back sch.. And i saw Nigel.. A fren online arh.. Haha.. was surprised to see him for the very first time.. aha.. funny sia..

Okay den, i went to Bishan to meet an old friend.. Faizal.. So, yeah.. met him for a while coz he hadta meet his frens after that... Sigh.. By then it was only 445.. Sheesh.. So i walked around Junction 8 till aroun 515.. Den took the train to Bugis..

Damn! Reached there at 545.. So, i went to Seoul Garden and asked the person lah how much each person would hafto pay.. I've got like 6 wif me later on.. And he said, $23.65. Okay fine.. Den after that, one by one msged me and cancel.. Okay so, 2 cancelled on me.. Fine.. Left wif 4.. So i called Ayul Dux and Edry to get a hold of where they were.. And i sat at Starbucks from 615 all the way to 730! Edry came at 7, Ayul Dux came at 730.. They took cab seh.. Kesiannyer..

So yeah.. We went to Seoul Garden and i said table for 4 coz i thought the other guy would be coming.. Den i msged him arh.. I said, "come lah.. we paid for u already.." Like, we paid 30 each sehh.. Den he called me up and started scolding me for paying for him first and stuff and that he said he wasnt about to go to the dinner and that we can meet afterwards wadd.. Like crappy.. I said can pay us later wadd.. And he said whatever lah..

AND HE DID NOT TURN UP!!!

FUCK.

Wasted our time and money sia.. Fuck larh.. Pape larh...

So then after that, me, Ayul Dux and Edry walked to Suntec.. And we talk2 lah.. Werent in good mood either.. So, yeahh.. Me and Edry went back.. Den si Ayul dunno where he went.. Hahaha...

BLEAAHH..

FUCKED UP SIAK. DUIT HILANG G2 AJER.

Update liao!

ouhh crap!

i cant skip sch already maan.. i'll die!! sheesh.. i only come to school like, twice a wk only each week.. and i've skipped basic science like, thrice.. ouhh goshh! i dun wanna retake or repeat sia.. but its like, so difficult when there's no motivation to study in this class... haiz... whatever lah ehh..

sigghh

craps..

i'm like so freakingg tired. haiz..

okay lahh.. I'll update you guys on wad happend recently.. aha.. been bz (and lazy) so, haha.. nw its basic science, so i'll update k... hee...

MONDAY

Okay so wad did i do on Monday..? Okie, Monday kan.. I went to NUH for hospital appointment.. Kwengs.. It's like, i hafta take blood tests every 2 weeks.. its like, so crappy.. coz of the low blood platelet thingy... aaccks..

And THEN, i went to meet Lutfi. aka the Skimmer.. Well, it's a bit weird thoughh... I just dunno how to put it.. We're different.. totally.. i cant just dun think that it can ever be continued.. He's definitely not the type of person that i'd want.. i mean, he doesnt care, doesnt even bother to call or msg.. so wad the heck rite? so, yeap.. silence is the only way.. and i was like sooo shocked to noe that he's Ain's cousin! omgg! small singapore...

howells...

TUESDAY

PERFORMANCE!!! YAY!! haha... i haf a heeeeeeuuuggggeeee announcement to make...

I DID NOT MAKE A SINGLE MISTAKE DURING TARIAN AND I DID NOT FORGET ANY STEPS EITHER...

WHOOO WHEEE!!

Haha... Cant help announcing that out... Coz i totally suck at tarian and when i did that i was like, so HAPPY!!! Still cant believe it sehh... And DYLZ!!!! u guys rockkk!!! Seriouslyyy!! I'm sooo happy to be part of u guys girls.. hehe...

okay after that....

JALAN-JALAN RAYA!!!

Wheee... But b4 that, MY DARLINGG CAME!!

Apaii came to RP to follow us for jalan raye.. aha.. we wore white.. like so cute kan?? hee... but he was shy lah wif the MCG ppl... hehe.. but his smoking habit is... OMFG... heavy giler sehh.. satu rumah 2 sticks.. rabakz.. but then he had to leave at 6... shuckss....

i talk about him later can? haha.. k.. so raye.. omggg!!! i was like so freakingg tired sehh.. we went like 12 houses i think... and each house 15 minutes.. kaoz... den i reached home around 1230am like that... But then kan, Ariff's house is realllyyy reaaaallyyyy niceee!! Condo kat simei.. really larh.. i wan that kind of house lehh.. haha... but bo lui lahh...

kwengs...

now about ma darlingg!! hehe...

Him... Cute tu, okay lah.. cute jugakk.. but then, he made me feel so loved.. aha.. and so cuddlyy... haiz.. can cair u noe.. haha.. and den we talk on the fon almost everyday and stuff.. he reminds me of Ayul a little.. Is that good or bad??? i dunno lah ehh.. haiz...

SPEAKING OF THAT IDIOT AYUL!

WAD THE FUCKING FUCK. U STILL DARE TO ASK ME FOR MONEY! EH, GET A LIFE ARH EH.. KO SIAPE AKU NAK KASI DUIT?? DASAR JANTAN KEPARAT! PEGI LAH KAT POMPAN2 KAU TU SUMER.. ASL CARIK AKU SIAL?

herrhh... so basically, wad i said was.. Who are u for me to give money? Bastard.. Why're u still finding me? Go to the other girls arhh.. Why find me sial?

ahh..

idiot asked me for $480.. Den 50 and den 20... Wad the heck... He thinks i'm his Walking ATM arh?? herh.. whatever arh eh...

i hate you Ayul. GET THAT IN UR THICK DUMB SKULL!

I just hope that me and Apai can somehow work things out... we're not a couple yet if u guys are wonderingg.. aha... but we kissed alreadyy.. haaha... bleahh... love kisses!! hehe...

okie.. done updating! freaking longg.. ahha..

presentation. three letters.

.DIE.

.Open House.

END OF OPEN HOUSE.

END OF MY BRO'S BDAY.

THE END.

I'M EXHAUSTED.

Lol. But then lotsa food lah.. And i kinda enjoyed myself today uhh.. hakz..

So, for starters, the first fren to come was Nadia!! She came wif this cute guy from TP. Yeah, he's cute and cool as well.. Den we chit chat and stuff, and went to the block behind my block to smoke.

While smoking, Shuhail called me.. They were already at my block void deck. Whoo.. And they joined me, Nadia and the Fauzi guy.. And went back, whee.. Shuhail, Aiman and Zuraidah came.. Had a fun time relieving all those monorail times.. hahaha.. whee.. Then Mazlinda came.. And she went.. And Edry came.. Along wif the other guy.. i forgot his name.. Wahaha.. Edry, u're kinda cute u noee.. haha.. and i still wonder y u're not photogenic... aha..

Okie, den, Eijal.. AKA Mr Boncet called. He wanted to come. But i said, it was already to late.. he was at Bugis.. And it was like 9 plus already.. Heck lah.. So i told him no need to come la.. And i think he patched wif his ex.. Huhu..

I think i'm in love. Wif a guy name Apai. Lol. I'd rather call him Afai. haha.. Me and Afai msg like, i dunno how many times a day.. Morning, afternoon, nite and early dawn.. kwangs.. and i talk to Afai like at least 4 hrs each day.. okay like, it's always 12 plus to 4 plus everynight... sigh...

and i'm definitely feeling something for Afai... Siggh.. He's a bit like my ex Ayul... Only that i think, he has more self control and he's more straightforward lah.. sighh... i'm too gullible in love... shucks...


i hate it when my feelings are vulnerable...
i hate it when i'm unsure of ma feelings..


STRESSED UP!

Selamat Hari Raya

Okayy.

I havent been updating for sucha long time.

Damn!

haha... No mood lah.. Becoming lazy to blog.. Ouhh geez..

And yesh, HARI RAYA IS HERE. OMG! Enjoy ya peeps.. I wanna go collection alreadyy.. Haha.. I'm broke.. And i mean, freakingg broke.. Haha.. Ouhh wells.. At least wif Hari Raya, i'll get some income.. Wheee...

"Kepada Semua yang mengenali diri ini, ku susun 10 jari meminta ampun dan maaf jika ada salah dan silap atau terkasar bahasa pada masa yg lalu.. "

(ok, interrupted by a call frm someone. spent 2 mins guessing who he is.. and it turned out to be SID. PANTAT. and it's like 1.50 am?? haha.. miss ya pantats maaan.. dunno abt the sheesha lah... confirm wif u guys soon k...)

geylang~ again~

Wheee... Haha.. Went Geylang again todayy.. Hurhur.. Yesterday went wif ma family.. Den today went wif Ducky~! Hehehe.. I let u guys see the pics first.. Haahaa..

OoOo.. Cheese Sausages... Haha.. U noe i noe lah kanz ehh Ducky.. Haha..

CHEESE SAUSAGES!! I WANTT MORE LEHH! LIKE.. SUCKING.. HAHA... OMG.

Model for First Lady's Scarf.. Haha..

Caught off guard.. DUCKYY!!!

Sume muka dier pe.. Hahaha...

Wheeee

Haha.. Okay.. So, we met at 5 at Jrg East Mrt Station.. Den, yeah.. took the train to Paya Lebar.. Walked to First Lady.. But didnt get the kebaya i had in mind.. So, decided to walk around the bazaar lah..

And, I SAW FARHAN. Omg. The guy who was my dad's NSMan in 2002. Craps.. He still looks the same and i still cant forget his looks.. *lubang hidungmu tetap menjadi pujaan hati ku* LOLZ. no lahh.. But his nose is wad makes me remember him.. Hahaha..

ok, so, me and ducky went round the bazaar, and i bought this VERY NICE KEBAYA CINA for $45.. hehe.. and funny thing was, i tried M, and it cant fit coz my b**** were too ***.. hahaha... SHUTTUP DUCKY! haha.. So, yeah.. HAHA. it's white anyways.. So my colours dis yr are BLACK AND WHITE. Cam ska pulakk.. haha..

Okay den, we walk2.. Till buka.. And guess wad??!! We were so obsessed wif CHEESE HOTDOGS!! hehe.. Nice lehh~!! Haha.. i had 3 cheese hotdogs.. =X

HAHA. okie, den walk here, walk there.. aah.. den went back to the First lady, bought the black scarf... and we went back.. CAM WHORED IN THE TRAIN. hehe...

Fun le.. ahha..

I STILL WANT THE HOTDOGS. OMG.

SOMEONE BUY FOR ME PLEASE.

typical ex boyfriends

i just dun get it.. he's the one who wanted this break oh so badly and now, he's msging me AND.. Like whaddehell... he's scolding me now.. geez.. it all started frm Shae's friendster msg to him... geez..

He got fucked up.. and he said...

Him: U told her??

Me: I didnt tell her.. She read my blog..

Him: What the fuck did u put in ur blog?!

Me: I just put in whatever i felt like putting in.. Geez.. U think i was gonna keep quiet when i was heartbroken and just swallow everything in?? The ppl who noe abt this are my frens and dey've expected this all along..

Him: Whatever uhh!

Me: Suit urself.. Nth u say is gonna hurt me one bit.. Coz i dun care.. I've moved on.. I got my confidence back n i'm not the weak dian u knew.. U disgust me.. Seriously..

Him: Fine.

And i didnt reply him.. But then, he msged me again at 2 am..

He said:

Him: I disgust u huh? Thx a lot dian.. Tats a nice word to say. Thks.

Me: Does it bother u tt i said tt? U haf the right to be angry.. so do i... U cant expect me to give in to u all the time.. U used that word on me.. nw i'm giving it back to u.. Haizz.. Do we really hafta argue nw tt we're friends? i'm sick of arguing wif u over small things.. haizz... i really wanna treat u like a fren.. i lost my feelings twds u tts why i dun care whatever i said.. hmm.. if u're hurt by wad i said, then i'm sorry for tt..

Him: Fuck u and the sorry.. yah, u have the right to be angry! but u dun haf the right to write abt me and publish them!!
Him: N by saying wad u think we gonna be friends?! Hell no! i disgust u rite! Everything i did disgust u! 4get every moment we spent! 4 get me visiting u at the hospital!Its juz bullshit! Thks a lot dian!

Me: Ouhh geez... Whatever i put there is my feeling n i haf the right to put how i feel.. stop telling me wad to do k.. i'm sick of it.. i wrote it then and then i was angry and mad at u and i had nobody to turn to.. So fuck.. u dun understand all tt coz u're nv alone!

Him: Alone? Hey i'm always alone! I dun talk to Baby anymore! I'm just concentrating on games tts all! 4 get abt being friends! i totally hate u dian!

Me: Waddehell.. Just for one freaking word u let out everything? i've tolerated more than u ok?! All those times and stuff.. Does the times we spent really matter? Coz i didnt mean a single thing to u.. Stop denying.. No matter how hard i tried to make u happy wif me, in the end all i get is hurt and more hurt.. Fuck u okay! U're being fucking immature for a 19 yr old! Fuck you!! i hate you!!!

Him: Dont even dare to go to my msn, friendster and am!! Apa2 aku cari kau! Nie aku peh last msg.. Jgn msg aku lagi! We're not even friends! we're nothing!

Me: U noe wad? Dun worry k. i disgust u coz i had no self motivation.. Herhh.. I've moved on Ayul.. Dun worry abt that.. And i'm not gonna care abt ur friendster or whatever shit.. Think y i havent been msging u.. I dun wanna think of u coz u hurt me.. And u c wads happening nw.. U will never change Ayul... U're so full of urself.. Kalau sendiri boleh sakitkan hati org, Sendiri mesti terime sakit hati yang akan dtg.. Wad goes ard comes ard... Rmb tat...


Like, waddehell!!! FUCK YOU OKAYYY!!!! STOP PULLING ME DOWN WHEN I WANT TO MOVE ON!! AND I FUCKING HATE U MORE THAN EVER NOW!!!!!

DIE U BASTARD!!!
I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!!
I REGRET KNOWING YOU!
I REGRET THAT I EVER LOVED YOU!

FUCKKKKKK YOUUUUUU!!!!!

mwwwwwuuuuaahhhh

MWWWWWUUUUUAAAAHHH to ma darling Jalilah aka Miss Blurtink for these 2 pics.. =)

Hehehhe.... THANK EUUU JAL!!!

Okay lahh... Hurhur.. That is the guy whom i have been saying in my previous post... Ma Boncet.. Hurhurhur... Ok lahh.. Not exactly so boncet lahh.. haha..

What happened was that i met him thru Anak Melayu uhh.. The first time he asked for my num was last mth.. aha.. but i didnt wanna give coz i was wif ayul... den 2 days after i broke up wif Ayul, i chat wif him again.. And he asked for my num again, and well, yeah.. decided to give him a chance and haha... yeahh.. get to noe him a lil better..

Then the next night, he called me up... And we talked uhh.. OMG!!!! He can really2 sing... and i mean REALLY!! *MELTS* but then, had to put down the fon coz someone else called me and that SOMEONE turned out to be AYUL. WTF.

And then the next day.. hurhur.. i wanted to go to the hospital to visit my aunt.. But nobody could accompany me, so, yeah, i asked him.. and he said can.. wooohhooo.. And that day, i skipped sch at 12 coz me and my pantats went to town to celebrate PAPA JOEL'S BDAYY! hurhur...

Okay den, i went to meet him at Bedok, went to his place at Serangoon, i mean, i waited at the void deck uhh coz he wanted to change first before we went off... so ok uhh.. and that day, bof of us werent fasting coz we were onto ciggies.. hahaha.. okay so, we took 100 to Harbourfront and 97 to NUH..

And gosh, he made me laugh sooooo much in the bus.. and then when we reached the hospital, it was already 630 uh.. cant possibly go up coz it was already nearing the break fast.. so we sat at the lobby and made fun of dressing senses of the ppl ard us... gosh we laughed so much.. ahah..

okay den when we went to visit my aunt, she was crying and i started to tear as well... and on the way out of the ward, in the lift, he let me cry on his shoulder.. but i didnt cry uhh.. haha.. and he held my hand sehh... touching... hahaha...

then i wasnt in the mood to go home yet, so we went to west coast and he PARKOURED! OMG. den sprained his wrist.. shucks.. and we went to the west coast park and sat there and talked.. =) and suddenly like, we were poking at each other coz haha.. we were ticklish lar... funny sia..

and we took 51 back to jrg east interchange.. in the bus, goshhh... we were still poking at each other and tickling and stuff.. haha.. and suddenly.... he gave me a peck on my cheeks.. i was like...

*STUNNED*

haha.. den, that peck, led to a SNOG. OMG. but honestly, HE WAS SUCHA BLOODY GOOD KISSER. Damnnnn goood!!! Better than Ayul.. I was so weak in the knees... Seriously.

I WANT MORE KISSES PLEEEEAAASSEE!!!

And he waited for the bus wif me at Jrg East Interchange.. And then when the bus came, we kissed again.. Awwwww shuckss... And then he took 105 back to Serangoon...

am i in love?? thats a qn which i have no answer at the moment.. i mean, i like him a whole lot.. and he just made my life a lil better after Ayul left.. But then, i just got to noe him and its really fast.. But i noe that i really really really like him a lot and that i cant bear to lose someone like him... its been sucha long time since anybody made me so happy and laugh so much.. issit his kiss that made me fell for him?? or the way he made me so happy?? i dunno... but i'm certain of one thing...

i dun wanna lose him. thats for sure.

mwwwwwuuuuuahhhh...

Quizzical

Haha... Actually i've quit doing quizzes la.. But since mah darling Shahidah tagged me to do this, haha.. so yeah.. haha..

7 things that scare me:
`God
`my sins (i've done loadsa sins in my life mann!! argghh!!)
`my health (irritating la)

`losing HIM (its NOT AYUL uhh... *winks*)

`losing myself (i dun wanna lose my confidence and my esteem)

`jabs (fuck the blood tests!!)

`drowning (phobia ah siakk)

7 things that i love most:

`Myself

`PJ01-02

`Sry Dylaila

`RePfuS3

`My Laptop

`MONEYYY!!!

`Ouhh.. And Him~ hehhe... (muackz! muackz! muackz!!)

7 important things in my room:

`Laptop

`Make Up kit

`My bed!!

`My bantal busyuk.. ahahaha...

`Clothes??

`Mirrors

`Contact lens

7 random facts about me:

`i get over break ups fast

`Walking Contradiction. (i'm patient yet impatient)

`picky, fussy,choosy

`i'm willing to skip sch just to give in to my sleepiness

`i work at sentosa (Yippee!)

`i give in a lot

` im falling in love again wif HIM.. Ma Boncet.. (THAT IS FAST!!!)

7 things i plan to do before i die:

`repent

`haf kids

`travel

`see Sry Dylaila go far into the scene

`haf my own car

`get rich-quick

`To Have HIM. muahahaha.....

7 things i can do:

`Forget about Ayul

`Make ppl give in to my request.. hahaha...

`Sing/Dance/Dikir

`Smoke 1 pack of cigarettes when i'm depressed..

`Skip sch for 4 days in a wk... (hurhur)

`scream at my mum when i'm mad.. =(

` snog HIM.. awwww.... Falling in Love wif Boncet... =))

7 things i can't do YET:

`proper air freeze and 7

`mly dance

`go out as and when i want.. arghh!!

`like Basic Science and Computing

`Finish School

`Getting back at the ppl who has hurt me in the past

`TO HAVE HIM... (At least not yet..)

7 words i say the most:

`pape ar ehh

`suka hati ah ehh

`wtf

`siakk uhh

`yelahhh2

`Sheeeshh

`Ouhhhkayyyy

7 celeb crushes:

`Adam Brody

`Ben McKenzie

`Sean Biggerstaff (Oliver Wood in Harry Potter)

`USHER!!!

`Jesse McCartney

`Johnny Depp

`The whole McFly ... haha...

7 peeps i love doing this:

`Ash

`Sandy

`Sherlyn

`Shae

`Yan

`Miss Blurtink

`You

I'm done.. Oh Shoots. Gonna be late to school.. I mean, Iftar...

Skip sch todayy.. Hahaha.. sheesh...

Ciaoo!!

being bitchy is my game now

ouhh geez.

i'm tired of being nice.. i just wanna haf fun.. harhar...

Ouhh YESSAH!

kJ iS baCk!! UHHUH.

sesungguh nye pade sape2 yg dah kene ngan aku, mmg padan muka korg lah ehh.. i'm not ur nice girl anymore. so shoo! i dun need u to help okay. especially when u dun even noe me. cant help it if i was being a hypocrite to u.. coz i didnt like u the first time i chat wif ya.. cant stand ya actually.. but then, i WAS the nice girl so yeah, i WAS nice to u.. but nw, sorry ar eh.. it just doesnt work that way. i speak wad i think. and even if it means that i carik pasal (find fault) to diss u off, i'll do it man.. coz kJ is in my blood baby and sarcasm is my game..

FREAK.

Dun judge when u dunno.
It pisses me off.

Lalalalala...

U can say anything u want about me, i'm not gonna care.. i'm not weak anymore.. and sorry i had to do this wif the help of my darling fren cum ex Ayul.. Thanks a lot for ur help mann.. Hahaha...

i lurp my kJ self...

So wad is kJ??

okayyy.. i cant exactly say out the real meaning uh.. coz it'll spoil the fun.. but ridz would probably noe the meaning.. if u wanna noe the meaning then msn me lah k.. haha...

so half of the concept of kJ is actually... hmm.. wait ar... i search for my list.. haha... i usta haf em... its been a yr mann...

okayy... its like,

1. EGO
2. SARCASM
3. SELF CONFIDENCE
4. LOVE MYSELF.

and loads more lah.. haha..

but i noe myself best.. i noe when i gotta use em.. my patience is running low.. becoming very very impatient nwadays...


namun sifat srikandi ku tetap diingati..

willful

assertive

intelligent

decisive

assertive

courageous

combative

sry dylaila..

srikandi muda..

The End.

I'm drained. Emotionally and physically tired. More towards the former.

LIFE IS SCREWED. for now.

Qn: What are the factors leading to my breakdown? (12 marks)

-Ayul
-Hip Hop IG
-Dian Farini

Ayul aka The Liar. Two timed me thrice and didnt want the patch in the first place. Imagine how hurt i was and I'M STILL FREAKING HURT!!!! I dunno how anybody can be so heartless and cruel.. All i ever gave was endless love, care and concern. And all that i get in the end is hurt, hurt and more hurt. And pain. Did i mention more hurt? Siggh..

After breaking down on the fon, i tot to myself. He wanted to remain as friends. I didnt want to in the first place. After putting down the fon, i thought, maybe letting go is the best thing to do. And he mentioned about self motivation. I'm challenged. I noe i can do it. I haf to move on. If i stay wif him, all i'm gonna get is hurt and pain. Even though its gonna hurt me if i leave him, at least i wont be hurt anymore in the future. I just need time to move on.

I just dunno why i cant seem to let go of him in the first place. Maybe i've never really been in love before. All i ever did was cheat guys. When he came along, i fell in love. Deeply in love. In the end, i got cheated and hurt. Karma? Retribution? I should think so. I just want my strength back. The will. The confidence. The motivation. The Dee who used to love herself more than anything else in the world.

I need time.

Hip Hop IG. Just when i thought, i was part of the IG, they made me an outcast and start putting me down like nobody's business..

"U dance like malay dance style.. U should've listened to what L said.. He is complaining and he didnt think u improved."

"No D, u're doing very good already.. better than the others..."

-_-"

I cant stand plastics. What the heck's wif malay dance?? HOW CAN I DO IT MALAY DANCE STYLE WHEN I SUCK AT MALAY DANCE!!! geezz... its not that i cant accept ppl telling me abt my flaws.. u dun go ard saying good things in front of me and u talk bad behind my back.

HYPOCRITES.

I cant stand u ppl.. I'm quiting the IG. I've been patient wif u guys. Cliques dominating the IG, bias president, selfish ppl.. i cant stand u guys anymore. But for ppl like Bryan, Kelvin, Shao Xia, Wen Lian, Wei Jun and Anitha, thanks so much for all ur help and straight forwardness... I'll miss the 6 of u...

Dian Farini.

Aka Dee.

Aka Me.

Ok.. Well, maybe i'm just not vocal enuff.. i miss my old self.. i miss my kj self... its just.. ppl are taking advantage of my patience.. gimme time.. i'll go back to my old self.. i will go back to my old self.. my peeps frm hyss noe how my old self was. heh.. yesh.. i'm going back there. woooowhee... haha...

Okay so, conclusion, uhmm... take away all these things frm my life?? except for me la tt is.. haha.. i suck at conclusion...

Ahhh.. aniway, yes, its over and done wif.. i've said it... yes, we're better off as friends.. i'm not upset.. its better this way i think.. the sad thing is that, tml, will be our 5 mths anniversary.. haha.. i guess its gonna be nth nw.. y do i always break wif the guys i love a day b4 anniversary? haha.. last time wif md noor also the same siak... 27 february 2001 to 26 march 2002... oops.. haha... 1 mth extra.. hehhe... but still, 26 is befor 27.. LAHHH!!! correct lar...

hahaha..

but in case u guys are wondering, i'm okayy... seriously.. never felt better... ive let him go, gonna quit hip hop ig, and i have friends who are super duper caring and always there for me when i need them.. i have my pantatsters who always cheer me up and keep me happy...

i love my pantats.

ashz.

sandy.

sid.

wan.

george.

alam.

and my pj01-02 peeps.

shahidah.

nawa.

joel.

josephine.

sherlyn.

yong quan.

kian wai.

samuel.

eugene.

hong yuan.

izzu.

michelle.

esther.

thanks for being there for me peeps..

and again, i'm strong to face all this.. i'm gonna be okay. i dun wanna shed a single tear on him coz he's not worth it... but he's still my friend. so i guess, it wont be that bad.. but even if he's not gonna be a friend, i think it'll still be the same..

=)

I LOVE MYSELF.

time out

Time: 5.40pm
Venue: Phoenix Park Dance Studio

Ok so, i'm in the middle of breakdance practice. but i sprained my knee coz i was doing air freeze and seven over and over again.. So, yeah.. I thought i might as well blog for awhile den continue dancing again...

Well, its been hard for me... My thoughts are haunted each time i'm alone.

*Ouhh Gosh! Rey is playing Selfish by 'N Sync. Smacks! Rey step touchin maner jer.. hahaha*

Yeah so, anyway...

I've been thinking a lot.. It's really been hard and confusing.. I seriously dunno wad my decision will be... Its really a tough one...

*Dilemma*

I just dun wanna regret later on.

i love you. y cant u see that?

its really2 driving me nuts!!! but i gotta thank hip hop ig for making me come for practice EVERY SINGLE DAY since tuesday. its been keeping me busy and making me not to remember abt it...

sorry ppl for being so ermm, mysterious? secretive? yeah... sorryy... but its just... things are way complicated nw. and i'm not getting the confirmation i want either so yeah.. things cant be helped...

ARGHHH

i dun make sense. i noe.. i wish i can help it but i cant. i'm stuck in the middle of a rut. in a hole which i cant get out from. i wonder if it was my fault. no. it cant be my fault. all i did was loved you wif my whole heart but i end up getting hurt over and over again. help me to help you. i'm clueless right now. do i need more time? am i rushing things? can i make a decision wifout regretting it in the future. WHY DO I LOVE YOU???!!!

its a decision i have to make.

" Sorry to msg u but i really need to vent my anger on u.. I'm beginning to hate u for all the stuff that u did.. For being unfair to me and that u're always full of excuses n for everything else that u have done to me... i hate myself for loving u too much.. sorry for being honest but as long as u're in the clan, i can never have a peace of mind.. Fuck all the times i've been patient with u.. For respecting u too much.. I'm freaking pissed off coz i dunno if u're worth it.. I dunno if i can take ur word that u're gonna change coz u nv did... i still cant believe tt u considered me as one of the girls that u cannot believe after all that i've done for u... and money-wise, dun even talk abt it k... i feel so fucking pissed for all the times u cheated me n if dis patch is a mistake to u. I really need to cool down n think before i make any decisions.. A thousand sorries is NOTHING if u dun mean it. That's all that i want to say."

Its up to me now. i'm clueless.. i need help.. but from who? no one else can help myself apart from me.. and i haf to make a decision which is probably going to affect my life greatlyy...

i am damn fucking hurt. not because of wad happend between the 4 of us.. but yes, truth hurts.. i finally got to noe the truth and sorry i had to cry there and then coz it hurts me too much to noe..

It's like, "Us, a mistake?"

Seriously... I'm damn FUCKING hurt... sighh...

I need time.

YES. thats wad the time out is for...

wtf.


TIME: 5.05 AM.

Edited Geylang

Like wheeee~

Ahakzz...

Went geylang wif baby and my cousin... hehe... had loadsa fun... den me and my cuzz, kept bullying him and stuff.. haha... so, like we just walked ard geylang and break fast at a void deck nearby... Missh him so much..

This is the first time in 1 mth that i'm meeting him...

*Awwwww*

haha... well, just glad that he could get along wif my cousin ar...

Ok so, met my cousin at 430 at Jurong East mrt stn... den took the train to Paya Lebar.. Met him at Tanjong Katong Complex... Aww.. Could've just kissed him right there and then... Haha...

But then cannot.. Coz later batal puasa.. HAHAHA.... U noe lar all those restrictions and stuff then later ur fast like, wont be counted.. something like that lah.. ahha.. So just kissed his hands, den he kissed mine.. tts all.. hehh..

then the 3 of us went to the bazaar and me and my cousin bought these...

Earrings at only $2 each!!! Like omg.. dey're so pweeety.. but then in the pic, its quite blurry la.. but ITS SO PRETTTYYY!! haha... i noe ash will be veryyyy verrryyy envious.. yesssahhh! haha...

okay then, we went to buy food and we sat at the void deck of a block and break fast there.. was so fun.. i had roti john, baby had burger and my cousin (kak diana btw) had finger food.. and we had fun bullying baby's slowness...

Kak Diana: W-O-L-S siak u...

Baby: W-O-L-S?? Wats that? No such word wad...

I was like laughing and laughing non stop already sia.. den kak diana did something wif her head and he finally got it..

Baby: Ouuhhh~!! Slow..

LOL!

den after that we walked around geylang again.. and he finally hold my hands.. ahha... so we left geylang at abt 845 like that ar... hehe...

reached home at 10..

HAD SOOOOO MUCH FUN~!

So here are some pics...