Suspicion arouses.. Fuck!

Fuck. I noe i shouldnt have done it.. But yeah, i did it.. SO BEAT IT! *rolls eyes*

I checked his email.. and there were 2 mails. one from a girl name shahidah.. like, who the heck is that?! and another was from his ex nisha.. The mails were unread so i cant exactly read em... Ergh! Wtf!!! WAD THE HECK IS GOING ON?!

I'm soooo friggin pissed right nw.. I'm tired of crying! And the silent treatment... Like, wad the heck.. he jolly well noes that i hate silent treatment for one and he's doing it! Fuck.. Look, i'm not trying to be the over possessive girlfriend.. Its just that, 4 days of no news is UNACCEPTABLE! I have never been demanding or possessive to him and i'm the more patient one.. It's just that this time, i'm impatient. I NEED ANSWERS. I WANT TO KNOW WAD IS GOING ON.

*cools down*

Its just unlike him to keep things from me, thats y i feel so tense... i need to know coz i dun wanna lose him.. He should understand that.. I wish i can tell him all the stuff that i've been saying in my blog for the past few days... Well, thats kinda useless since he doesnt even want to talk to me in the first place... Or even meet me... He was online yesterday night... i wasnt in the mood to chat either..

Me: is dis u or is it someone else?
Him: huh? wat u mean?
Me: nth.. just wonderin..
Him: Who signed in my msn?
Me: huh?
Him: Did u sign in my msn?
Me: No. Why would i wanna do that?
Him: ok
Me: i tot u asked someone else to sign in fer u.. tts y i asked
Him : smbarang je (anyhow say)
Me: hmm.. was just wonderin
Him: ok

I didnt have the mood to chat if he's giving me that kinda answers... well, before the whole chat thing, i sent him a msg an hour b4.. i said..

i dunno wads up with u nwadays, i can feel something wrong but since u dun wanna talk abt it then i dun want to force it out of u.. its sad that we havent been talking much..den again, if u're not ready to talk, den dun call coz i wouldnt want to talk either.. i want to be there for you but i feel so hopeless.. Just take care of urself and if u need someone, i'm just a call away..

he has no idea how much he's hurting me dis few days.. and honestly, i've slipped to my weak self.. i'm crying every single night.. just like when the same thing happend the last time.. FUCKK!!!

i havent slept for 2 days nw.. Sighh.. I dun friggin care.. Its 730 am.. Going to bath and out to work later..

I NEED TO SMOKE.