know-it-all.

i only had 1 hour of sleep this morning.
i saw her at woodlands this morning.
i havent had my breakfast this morning.
easily said, i am cranky this morning.
and, i'm having my period.

there's just this guy in my class who thinks he's a know-it-all. it's pissing me off. he was even lazy to move his fucking heavy butt to my place because he was in my team. And i wasn't the one who wanted to sit there. The facilitator told me so. And he told the facilitator, Team 3 can be anywhere what. So we can just sit here lah.

WTF. Just move your fucking heavy ass down to my table alright and quit arguing with the faci. And guess what, he's doing all the work and not discussing it with me or the guy next to me because, he was only telling the guy next to him what is right and what is wrong.

sheesh.

fuck. i don't feel like doing anything. i'm in such a cranky mood this morning. blame it on period, not enough sleep and hunger.

so don't any of you dare to cross my way today.

LONG POST AHEAD!

finally a proper update from me.

been freaking busy these few days. what's new aye? i've been busy eversince i'm in poly. lolz.

hmm. lemme see. My Hari Raya was crazy. The first day of Raya, I went to 12 houses. Reached home at 1 am. And the following day i didnt go for class. Last Saturday went to 8 houses, of which 7 houses, i had to eat coz they whipped up nice food. Lolz. I have a huge family. It's been crazy but, yeah, not as meriah as last time. This year, i think we missed a lot of houses coz my younger relatives havent visited our family yet.

You see, my dad is an uncle who has lots of nieces and nephews who are married. So, if these nieces and nephews have not been to our place, my dad would insist on not going to their place because the young should always go to the elders first. ouhh heck. and anyway, it'll be more difficult because we are not having any open house this year. yeah, that's why.

moving along.

Last Sunday i went back to work. Gawd i missed work. And you know what, it turned out that Cik Jamilah, my I/C was having her off day that day. And the I/C for that day was our supervisor Viknas. The guy don't know how to work. He's just down there like Raffles.

So anyway, i came in at 945 to the office, signed in and everything and called Rose, the other Transport I/C. She was busy with some other stuff. So, guess what, she put me in charge of the marshals. She specifically said, help me for this 1/2 hour.

well guess what, it didn turn out to be 1/2 hour. it turned out to be 1 day. So i had to make sure all the marshals were at their location, everything to be set up and make sure they have their breaks.

and, well.. these new kids made trouble coz they came late. they were supposed to start at 10 but they came in at 12. nevermind. but then, i found out. my boys are also causing trouble. Jimmy and Tian Chan were MIA and were uncontactable. WHY AAAHH?

So then, i was like, totally short of manpower. sigh.

And, you know what? i witnessed an accident. LOL. Right in front of me. Oklah it wasnt that major but it was my first time witnessing and reporting. ahaha.

but overall, that day was crazy. everyone was searching for me for instructions, for situations, Tango Control keep calling for Siloso Point Updates. And lastly, Abang Nazree was like, "Senior Marshal, Senior Marshal Dian come in over." LOL and i replied, "send over" and he said, "well done, good job, good job"

ahahha. and there was also he said this, "WAHH, Dian naik pangkat.. (Dian Promoted)"

i was like, "nooo. " He's not the only one who said it lah. Cik Mashud also said that. I mean, to me, i'm still the same marshal and same Dian that everyone in Sentosa knows. My working style is still the same.

But i guess 2 years working in Sentosa, it really has taught me a lot as a person. It has taught me how to be firm in my decision making, to be patient and tolerant of people of different walks of life, not be afraid of any complaints from anybody especially tour guides and also, complain kings and queens. Yes, working in Sentosa has made me a stronger and wiser person.

Which sometimes, i wonder. If they're saying that i'm a senior marshal, why not Siew Yong be I/C? I mean, he's worked here longer than me. I mean, i am more senior than him by 2 days because we both started at monorail but he was sacked then, which made him transfer to Marshal. And he's a more senior marshal than me, that's why, for that i respect him, even though no other marshals did. The other marshals never liked him but for me, i know him better.

I could imagine the look on some of the new marshal's face when they heard me on the set. I wouldnt say i like them but yeah well, my boys don't like them either. heh. they don't do much. my boys put in their hard work and everything and i really credit them for that. I think my boys are the best marshals i've seen.

my boys?

Nazmi, Faiz, Jimmy, Tian Chan.

They are my boys who worked an average of 10 to 12 hours every weekend. I really credit them a lot. And i'm proud of them because, they know the meaning of TEAMWORK. And they're not individualist. They help each other.

Unlike these new kids. And i don't see the reason why they need to hold the walkie talkie when my boys are not even holding one and the new kids are not even using it. And, when i gave Nazmi the set, so that i can communicate with someone senior at the location, when i came back, the set was with the new kid. HMM.

Look, i don't care if you're a guy, i don't care if you're older than me. I know when i'm right and when i'm wrong. And if you're new, don't act as if you know everything. That seriously piss me off. Don't act like you're some kind of hero. I'm not going to be impress.

My rule is easy.

I do not want people to slack. This job isn't for people to slack. If you wanna slack, find yourself another job. Because when you slack, you are sabotaging your other marshals with more work. It's not fair.

The seniors have taught me good. And now it's my turn to pass down whatever they have taught me. It's not because of the one day that i took charge that i'm like this. I'm still planting my feet down to earth. Like i said, it's not because that i'm regarded as a senior marshal, i've been bossy or fussy or whatsoever. My boys know my style of working. I have passion for my work.

Customer Service, you're in frontline. I do not want people to think we give bad service and bad impression. We have to be the best in everything that we do. And NEVER. And i mean NEVER, give a bad impression to guests.

People hate my guts sometimes. Say anything you want, you can never bring me down. Call me a bitch, a slut, for all i care. You don't know me so you can say whatever you want. I know myself best, my friends know me well. They know what sort of person i am. If you wanna say things about me, go ahead.

It's human nature to judge people. It can never be stopped. I'm not angry. In fact, i classify these people as shallow-minded people for believing what they read or see but not going in any deeper to find out the real meaning of the things that they believe in. So if i dwell in the matter too much, i'll be wasting my time. so why should i?

i've gone through too much to care. so don't bother trying to pull me down.

because i am at my strongest.

fuh.

luckily i bumped into Arip yesterday. And today.

And with his help, i'm finally going to get the group up and running. Insya' Allah. I'm going to hold the meeting for the girls, discuss, and then we'll be following the boy's with the training. I just hope everything will go according to plan. well, yeah. like, i have a plan like that. =.=

sleepynyer.

ah but anyways. Raya has been crazy. Like really.

okeh. i can barely open my eyes.

good night.

Janji Diana

last night i watched one of my favourite malay movies.

Janji Diana.

It was touching lah.. It's about this girl named Diana who can ride superbikes and she anti-guys because something happend in the past and also because of her dad. She went through so much in life. She's like, so not feminine. And then she met this guy Haikal who showed her the meaning of life, and made her change. But sadly, in the end Haikal died because he was trying to get revenge from Ijoy who raped his sister and also Diana.

Then i was thinking, i want a guy who will do that to me. Someone who can bring me down to earth and will help me change myself for the better. Someone who will be strict with me and hopes that i will be a good person and also, someone who will not use me to their advantage (get what i mean in this?)

But then, i thought again. Everytime i get to know a guy, i will be quick to judge. And if it happens that i don't like him, i'll give em the silent treatment. And if the guy ever wants to change me, i'll get pissed off. So, please tell me how the heck can i get the sort of guy i want, when, i'm the one pushing the person away? Lol.. I'm a contradiction.

I admit that I was a, urhm.. Bitch? no. Playgirl? Sounds wrong. HMM.

Let me just have a reflection of my life.

2005.

Chey.. Got internet already. Got to know different kinds people when i entered poly. Chat here, chat there.. Got introduced to Anak Melayu. Lols. It was crazy. I knew lots of guys then. My first chat boyfriend was Farizan. Lasted a few weeks. Then it was Ayul. That was the craziest time i had. 5 months with him. Then after we broke up, it was like, disastrous.

I think i was hanyut already at that time. I've got 3 boyfriends of whom i've never met before. But of course not at the same time lah. Damn2 crazy.

Then i stayed single for a while.

Only when i met someone (you know i know lah horzxz. LOL) in January 2006, Then, i changed a bit. Dunno for the good or for the worse. Haha. But i think for the good lah. I've never felt so loved like that before.

But of course, i couldn't keep up with the relationship because, one thing, i was too busy. 2nd, my relationship was deteriorating. We never have time for each other. It was sad laaaah. Like, cannot meet your boyfriend. But well.. What to do..

i remember, 2 days after we broke up. i cried till i went half insane. screaming and throwing my things, remembering all the memories and the promises. and the i love yous. it really hurt me bad lah. and i didnt go to school for 2 wks some more.

man that was crazy. like, seriously. i don't even know how i ended up like that. but then, i picked myself up again. i have to move on. and I DID!! hehh.

and i fell again. like nangka busuk. LOL.

Because of urhm. Mr Ranger. HAH well, i shan't remember what happened because it was fukken complicated.

then i went through lots of shit. broke down like dunno how many times.

and now, here i am.

it's hard to define the situation or the character i am now. i don't know lah. i just don't wanna fall in love.

firstly, if i get into a relationship now, my relationship with my parents will definitely suffer. i don't like it. i'm just so tired of arguing and quarrelling and lying to them. enough is enough.

secondly, i don't have time. really. tuesdays, wednesdays, thursdays are for Drama. Saturday Sundays are for work. So i'm left with Mondays and Fridays, which, i might just finish school at 5.

thirdly, i'm scared of commitment, hurt, and i'm totally not ready for a relationship right now. i'm just scared.

the fear of it.

but of course, when i went to Nami's friendster profile, i was like, AWWW. SO SWEET. haha. i still have feelings okay even though i'm as Snow Queen as it is. LOL.

okeh lah. going for lunch with sandy bo bandy. =p

toodles.

i'm supergirl

i worked like a dog.

no wait, i worked like a female dog.

and yes, i worked like a bitch.

12 hours on Saturday and 10 hours on Sunday. Cik Jamilah wanted me to work another 2 more hours on Sunday.But i said, i really cannot tahan already. I didnt fast for both days. Sheesh. But i wonder why, i mean, it's Deepavali yet there's a lot of Indians coming to Sentosa. Howells..

I didnt go school today. I feel like i'm dehydrated. Reached home last night, i was puking like i was draining water from myself. I puked 5 times last night. Geex. It was horrible. I didnt take UT too. Sighness. And! I skipped this lesson twice. pfftt.

Other than that,

SELAMAT HARI RAYA to all my Muslim friends. Salah Silap Harap Diampunkan. Ku Tau Ku Banyak Bersalah Pada Ramai Org. Dari Hujung Rambut Hingga Hujung Kaki Tulus Ikhlas Ku Ucapkan Selamat Hari Raya.

Jangan Lupa Masak Sedap2 and Banyak2 Ok.. Ahakz.. Faham2 Lah Perut Dee Ni Macam Tong Dram. =) Duit Raya Pun Takmo Lupe K..ahakz..

OUHHHH.

LOOK AT THIS. it's coolness.









HOW COOL IS THAT??!! AHAKZ. Nora Danish appeared twice!

Lols. Okok. Dream On Dee!

bleargh

ish. i should stop chatting with him. it hurts.

i'm online at 5.50 am. How great is that?? Urgh.. Shit lah.. I wanted to sleep but i know i wont be able to wake up if i slept. Argh.

Went to Vivo again last night and i went nuts at Forever 21. They have really nice tops. And quite cheap too. Whhooo. I rate Vivo City as my favourite shopping ctr! Gosh.. I have no idea though how much i spent yesterday. Okay la.. Maybe not that much. I don't remember. Nyehh.

i'm still chatting! urgh.

Eh ya.. Happy Deepavali to my Indian friends. Sid, George, Vishal and my ex classmates. Whoever they are. Happy Deepavali.

okeh. 6 am. I'll go get ready.

give up ar.

DAH. GIVE UP. I GIVE UP IN DOING PHP.

URGH. I totally didn't want to come to class today. But then i thought, my handphone havent charge yet lah.. Where the heck am i going to find a power pluck. Geex. I so hate Fridays.

This morning, i was shock-en (LOL) when HE msned me. He asked me if i was angry.
And i said.. I've no reason to be angry. And i'm not angry, i'm just disappointed.

And he didnt' reply me after that.

Disappointed ah. How can you believe a rumour about me? Like, HELLO. You know me better than he does. And he's telling you something which is NOT TRUE and you believed him?! Haiz.. And because of her, you know yourself best. I've advised you enough. You're old enough to know what to do.

and u say, u can never understand why we can't be together.
it's okay. like i've said, i'm not expecting anything from you. i never have.
i understand. i understand fully.

i'm drowning myself with these 2 songs. From The Heart and Linger. I don't know lah. I don't know what to feel or how to feel. My heart is numb.

Like what me and Jimmy said to each other.

Me: I don't want to be in a relationship now. My heart is super-glued.
Jimmy: At least your heart is super-glued, you can still open it up. My heart is cemented.

WAHAHA. How funny is that? Lol.

Sigh.

I'm just a changed person. Like someone said, "u're not the same Dian i knew. and yes, that Dian is dead"

Yes, that Dian is dead.

Hmm. Let me see. I guess Dian then was too kind, too soft spoken. She lets people get away with things and lets people take advantage over her.

But now, no such thing is going to happen. i'm not going to bother about any single thing. all i care is the people i'm around with everyday. i don't go out with guys already. it's either i have no time, i will make myself not to have time.

i'm not even home to help my parents clean the house. Okay ah. Don't say house ah, my room is still not cleaned up yet. Hah. It's now all about, school, cca and WORK.

and i'm a workaholic, got a problem with that?

i keep thinking about you and i wonder why. i've said i wanted to take my leave, and i almost did. 11 days. i kept myself away from you for that long. tell me, why do i feel so wrong without you? sigh.. it's not that i love you, i'm trying not to love you because i don't wanna hurt either of us. but, i care for you. that's just it. it just hurts.

Ramadhan

heh..

i changed my blogskin like, again. i likeee. those of you who managed to get in here and read this post, kudos to all of you. =))

well, what do i blog now?

hmm.. you know, since Ramadhan is here, i've been thinking quite conservatively. Like, i get so pissed when i see couple with their PDA. PDA? Public Display of Affection. Like, especially in school uniform. sheesh. tell me i'm getting old. SHEESH.

maybe the character of Mona Lisa, the one that i'm doing for Sanity Sense and Sex for Playtime, is getting on to me.

She's someone who's very judgemental about guys and also opiniated about sex. Someone who's very boastful, prideful, egoistic and also has high self esteem.

I have this line,

"... you know, what happens in a relationship between a man and a woman gets mirrored to the world.. people are watching us, they judge what they see..."

i find that true, actually.

it's just, i mean, if you wanna do it, fine.. but you don't have to let the public squirm with your PDA.

gosh.

okeh whatever.

i'm not that alim myself.

and maybe, i'm just having one of those moody days.

i need fan fan.

pics, pics and more pics.

Firstly, Happy Belated 14th Years Old to my Bro SHAFIKKI. LOL. Shafiq lah.

Dah besar boboy. LOL.

So yesterday went to Changi and Geylang and reached home like, at 1 am. And i haven't sleep till now. Ok, maybe i did lah in class. LOL.

So today, was in the same team as the Girls. =)

and dis was what happend.

Hahaha.. Like nothing to do seyyy.. And i was like, step hairdresser manerr jerr.. Hahaha..

Then, we cam-whored.

Presenting...

FACILITATION ROOM E24K.

The Girls.

This is our working space.

Messy ehhh..

Then today after school, thought of going to watch movie. So i asked Daniel ah. Then, the most fucked up thing happend. My parents called and asked me where i was. Then i said i was going to Vivo City la. Then they said, okay, meet you at Harbourfront, buka together.

i was like, WTF!!!!

and Dan reached Vivo City already sey. Pity him arrr. Took cab there. URGGHH. Why do they always have to do that?? URGH.

So then went around Vivo City.

i can't get enuff of Vivo City. NYEEHHH.

DANIEL!!! I'M SOOO SORRYYYY.

headspin

and so, it's my brother's 14th birthday today and what did we do?

clean the house.
*yawns*

after work ytd, Me, Limei, Louis and Melissa went to Harbourfront to eat at Food Junction. Then Melissa went off with her friends and Me, Limei and Louis went to VIVO City to look for my bro's present.

And Louis, idiot.. He didnt want to go to Vivo but then, when we reached there, he was the one who was sooo excited about the shops.. Went to Crocodile and he spent like, $115 on 2 shirts. Wahlao ehh.. Can cry siaa if i spend that kind of money on 2 shirts. But it was Crocodile and it was nice laa. And Vivo City is like, a shopper's paradise. Everything is there! Not too mention that their Banquet has nice tomyam! ARRRGHHH.

And so i didn't know what to buy for my bro.

We ended up going rounds and rounds. Till we came to Converse and i finally bought him a nice Sling Bag for $39.90.

Then reached home about 11 like that. Flat siaa. So tired.

Work was like, helll.. I felt like i was I/C ytd coz Viknas didnt do anything much. And i had to do Dolphin Lagoon thrice and had to do the traffic coz the rest didnt had their walkies with them.

Still tired. Bad headache man. Sigh..

Well, if you can see my msn nick, it says:

`ĊħĭĊķă ™ .::candle::. [[if that's the way you wanna be, i'll take my leave then]]

YES. I AM TAKING MY LEAVE. I am so sick and tired of having to be the one you turned to but you never realise that i really care. Gee. You want it to be that way. Then fine, i'll take my leave.

adios.

Iftar 2006

Yes, finally.. Iftar 2006 is over and done with.. I was one of the photographers today so, yeah.. i have some pics with me, waiting to be sent to Zul to be uploaded to MCG Sharepoint. These are the only pics with my face on it. LOL.

can you believe it?

of 70 over pics, only these few has me in it.. lol..

saw a couple of people i know from other school. like Taufik aka Mat Tau, Nizam, Isyak.. And i think Hawanis was there.. ahakz.. The ITQAN people.. I was running around and wasn't at the place to eat so, i didnt know who was there and who wasn't...

ok whatever. i think my area is haunted. no, like seriously. the road, like i don't know how many accidents there are and it's like, at the exact same place.. twice, car knocked down pri sch kids. and once, a lorry knocked down a man. exact same place. it's like as if someone push them or something.

gee. strange..

ouhh. maybe it's because of Friday the 13th. hahaha.. i'm bullshitting.

my brother's got an accoustic guitar for his birthday. gee. when am i gonna get something that expensive? lol.. i think because for him, at least he knows what he wants.. so my parents can buy for him.. i never know what i want so my parents also anyhow la buy for me.. hmmm... 2nd dec okeh.. remember eh.. hahaha..

tomorrow work at 10. wanna sleep already.

peace out.

Geylang.

ah yes. finally done with editing of the Geylang pics coz the pics were too dark and huge.

met Jalilah at Marsiling MRT Station then we went to Dover to wait for Nouru. We were at the platform towards Paya Lebar and then we saw Nouru's guy classmates. lol. That guy. Disgusting.

So anyways, we took the train and sat down and just caught up. And we were talking about Huda's engagement and talked about Mai losing weight when, Nouru said about Siti Nurhaliza. And i was like, "EH, you guys know, there's a kueh datok k.."

And it's called, 'KUEH DATUK K BERSALUT CHOCOLATE"
read: Kueh Chocolate Coated Datok K.

ROFL.

Me and Nouru were laughing like, non-stop. Jal maintain. I think we laughed from City Hall all the way to Aljuneid or something. Haha.. And i was like, "bapak aku ckp..." like so many times coz everytime i say it, i saw Nouru's face and i started laughing again. haha.. It was so funny.

Dunno how long i havent laugh like that.

So then, we reached Geylang, jalan2 and bought food and we headed to the normal place which i always buka with Kak Diana. And we camwhored. =))

So after buka, we went off..

Jalan2 around Geylang.. Saw a couple of kebayas.. Nice laaaaa... I want!! But i wanna wait for my mum to buy it with me.

So anyways, after that we got tired and went back.. At the MRT Stn...

FAV OIII!! I like that pic!!!

Then in the train...

LOL. All act cute and emo pics sey. Haha.. Macam paham lor all of us. Hahaha.

That was like, zeeee best secondary schoolmates gathering i have ever had!! =)) Too bad Ridzuwan couldn't join us.. If not, i think it'll be more fun.. Really. =)) I totally forgot when was the last time i had that kind of fun.. =) Like Nouru said, we had funS. HAHA.

ME AND JALILAH aka MissBlurtink.

ME AND MD NOOR aka FUJIHARA NOURU.

My Best Mates. <3


So Long and Good Night

it's always been you.

LOL.

Syasya went to take my first line. I wanted to put, *sesungguhnya aku sedang berpuasa*, den i left my blog for a few hours unupdated only with that line. Then at 12 plus, went to her blog, den she went to put that line. LOLZ. and she was sitting at the other side of the room. Hahaha..

But then, i can't say that anymore because i'm not fasting.

i was so angry and so mad and so upset with HIM that i went to the block opposite the school to smoke with Farah. 3 sticks one after the other.

i was close to tears when i typed what i wanted to say to him. it just hurts so bad when he said what he said this morning in the sms.

the discrimination is getting worse on me. about me and abang. and of all people, i expected him to understand. why issit so difficult for you to understand that you are the one that has been in my heart all along?

i find it weird when my friends discriminate me and him and my mum's okay with it. And so are my colleagues. Had a talk with Farah while smoking and we talked about the issue of girls our age dating older guys. not that i'm dating abang man, but yea, like, very close.. and she understood. =) talked to Linda in the morning about it also, and she understood too.. yeah.. so at least, not everyone is against me.

ok. will update about Geylang with bestest mates tonight or tmr. =)

Ramadhan Challenges

So, in another episode of My Life, A Drama.

Work was horrible yesterday. Massive congestions, taxis, buses, cars, mindless people can lead to: A COMPLAIN.

well, what's new right? I pity Faiz and Jimmy. They might be suspended. Who knows? So, after work and buka, I helped them type down their reports at the office while they were still working.

Started off with Jimmy's report. Think it was quite well done, especially when i haven't done report-writing for a while.

while typing, i heard Abang's voice outside. Gawd. I screamed from inside the office. Lolz. Haven't talked to him the whole day. And he came in and sat with me for awhile and went outside to have his break.

Then, when i finished with Jimmy's report, went outside coz i thought someone's gonna fetch me so i rushed lah. Saw Faiz's Sampoerna. I took it.

Then sat beside Abang. I guess everyone knows how close we are.

I called the someone but he never pick up. Msg him also he never reply. Heck lah. Cik Jamilah came and i helped her with her report. Then, helped with Faiz's report. They needed my help coz they said i have fast fingers. Lol.

Left Sentosa around 10. By the time i gave up. Went home with Cik Jamilah, Jimmy, Tian Chan, Faiz and Khairul. But Khairul went to Punggol then the rest of us went to the EW line. And we made loads of noise. Haha..

I love my marshals.

Then at night, i received a voicemail from the guy who wants me to be his gf. He said *blahhh3...*. So i guess, i didn't really wanted him to wait for me. So i told him that i didnt want a relationship now and blah3..

And guess what?

HE BLEW UP.

DUDE, FACE IT OKAY. I DO NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP. ACCEPT THE FACT!!!

and he told me to delete his number, delete his msn and friendster. I did.

and he said this..

"Happy kan? Dah gi jauh2.. jgn tanye diri u yg u tak saketkn hati me. Lain kali kalau kenal dgn org lain, saketkan hati dorg jgn lupe. Me bangge dgn u ah"

wtf.

and blah3. i fell asleep. and woke up this morning wif 4 unread msges. 2 from Pirlo, 1 from him and 1 from the someone.

He said, "Dah la. U kan perfect tak mcm me. Bye"

GEE. THANKS AH EH.

I've said what i wanted to say to you, so freak out from my life okay! I dun wanna care anymore. It's my life and my feelings and if i don't wanna give it to you, IT'S MY BLARDY problem! THANK GOODNESS i listened to my mum's advices and i didnt accept you. Thank you mummy dearest.

Be gone.

And today, someone msged me. I guess he's having his depression once again. And then he talked about friendship and he don't mind if he loses friends.

GEE.

EH HELLO. I just argued with your friend yesterday and you are doing this to me.

Please, i really cherish you as a friend. If not, i don't think our friendship can last this long. 10 months of friendship with someone i know from a website is unusual okay. I really care for you as a friend and i will help you no matter what. you know i will.

Abang called me just now and we talked for a while and i went back to sleep.

Woke up then went online. I AM SO TOTALLY CRANKY AND NOT IN THE MOOD.

And to that someone,

i know you're reading this. i don't blame them for turning sarcastic on you. now i am turning sarcastic on you too.

look, stop telling me who i can be with and who i can't. First Irfan, now Abang Man. Stop it okay. If my mum doesnt mind me going out with Abang Man, what gives you the right to? So what he's 40 years old? At least he does not go overboard in caring for me like you do. He doesnt tell me that i can't mix around with whoever i want to, or not to do this or do that. Coz he lets me be MYSELF.

Don't freaking talk to me that i'm for his money. I can make my own money thank you very much.

DON'T ever criticize any of my friends or loved ones. This is what you get.

I'm happy with the people in my life. I don't need new ones. The people in my life, my mum, my family, kak diana, amy thabri, abang man, my sentosa drivers and my marshals, nouru, jalilah, wan, sandy, sid, george, wan chik, kecik and those who holds good friendship with me.

and yes, i'm egoistic. it's for my own good.

my life. a soap drama.

i know i'm not doing much today in class.

but i'm still stressed up.

and my eyes hurt. either my sleepiness or because i've been crying too much last night. goodness!!

sometimes, i think.. God is being so incredibly unfair to me. The one i love, he turned away, and the one, i'm totally not interested in, is hopelessly all over me.

i'm in dire state of confusion. i do do not want this to happen nor i wish it would happen. but it did. and like it or not, i have to come up with an answer which, i can't think of right now. it's hopeless. i just can't think of anything to come up with.

it has never been you like how it's always been me for you.

i'm sorry you felt disheartened when i went there with him and you were there with them.
i'm sorry for all the things you heard about me and him.
i'm sorry that u've never been noticed all these while.
coz to me there's only him.
he's my world.

and i'm also sorry that i said i've forgotten about him.
coz i haven't.
and i don't intend to.

my life, a drama.
you, me, him.

you love me.
i love him.
and he loves her.

how much of a confusion can that be?

if it's something about me which i hate, i am soft-hearted. i have difficulty refusing people. be it help or advises. and i'm scared that i'll make the wrong choice.

it doesn't hurt to love. but to love doesnt mean to possess.

i love him. and i'm happier with the way things are with me and him, as friends. as long as i see him happy, it makes me happy.

i'm binded by a lot of people, you have no idea. no one has any idea.

Dear God,

Please help me make the right choice. Guide me to the right path in life.

Please.

of love, fate and destiny.

i'm chatting with Tian Chan now..

And i can see myself and JJ in his relationship. Like, i mean, he has this girlfriend who really loves him and he loves her too. but it just so happens that her mum is strict.

sounds familiar?

hahs. yea.. been there done that..

one thing that i've learnt from that relationship was not to go against parents. coz fate will never side you if you go against your parents.

so you may seem that you're ever so confident that the person you're going out with is gonna be The One for you. But you forget, that the Supreme Being is the one who decides everything. you think that The One is The One you're gonna marry. But if He decides that it's not. or if Fate decides that you're destined to be with another, then, the storyline changes.

i've gone through quite a lot in life to know what is right and what is wrong. of course, as human beings, sometimes, we find it hard for us to refrain ourselves from doing the wrong things. but, for me, i am trying very hard to change what i've done in the past.

of love, all i can say is that, i am still young. at 18, i just don't see myself as someone's wife. that's the point of a relationship ain't it. to develop it into a marriage. and honestly, i'm not looking into a marriage anytime soon.

and you should think, what's the point of getting into a relationship now when you know that that person is not gonna be the one for you? so why trouble yourself with the heartache?

and, i remember one thing Abang Azri used to tell me.

Your relationship isnt going to last when you don't have blessings from your parents or when your parents are against the relationship.

Take it from him.

He found his first love at 10 years old and he married her at the age of 22. Still, their parents disapproved of them. His parents disapproved of her. Her parents disapproved of him.

They had their first child at 24. Still, the parents disapproved of the marriage. At age 34, they divorced. But they still loved each other. Because, they had to divorce because of the constant poking and provokations by their parents till they can't stand it anymore. wasted.

so the point i'm trying to make, is that, without parental blessings, a relationship won't last, no matter how hard you fight for it.

take it from me. i've learnt a lot from my past mistakes.

and like i've always said..

"i don't believe in love as much as i believe in fate."

If you believe in fate, it will make you strong. Like, for example, you believe that you love this guy/girl sooo much. but in the end, you guys break up. but to you, it's okay. because you know your fate is not with him/her. you're not destined to be together.

and that your fate is with someone else. and you believe that and that is what makes you positive and strong.

like me. heh.

coz for me, i believe that there is someone out there for me. but it's just a matter of time before i meet him/her.(HAHAHA. jk.) okay.. just a matter of time before i meet HIM. And i don't have to go around looking for him coz i know he will be looking for me too, so why should i waste time looking? That said, we shouldn't be too slackish and should put in effort too. make sense?

Love is just a facade. It can be a beauty or a horror.

it's up to you to judge.

if you think that you cant handle the hurt and the pain, then don't fall in love. its that easy.

then i was chatting with my ex Farizan last night.

he said he found it hard to find someone who can fit in to his schedule.

gee. and my answer to him was...

"let's say u have someone, but you dun have the time for her, not only will u hurt yourself.. u're gonna hurt her also"

see. tell me it's true. yeah it's true! lolz.

that's also partly the reason why i choose to be single. i don't have the time for a relationship. if i'm busy and i'm in a relationship, (like when i was wif JJ), not only will i be hurting myself.. but i will hurt my partner as well..

so, get my drift?

love and being in a relationship are not the most important things in the world.

making money is. =)

booyah.

lolz. the classroom dustbin is full of tissues. and who's to be blame?

yeah me.

my neverending flu is becoming worse due to the sudden cold temperature in the class. urgh.. it's so irritating. and not to mention that my tummy roars in hunger. okay, so it's my first day fasting in school. bahh. feel like not fasting coz of this stupid flu and cough. but, i'll try to tahan as long as i can.

just hope i don't collapse.

lolz.

so cold and hungry can??

RAAAA. makes me sound like some refugee. lolz.

i am so blanked.

LOL. My HUMPS. on my player. LIKE, that is sooo R&J. Romeo and Juliet RP version. Lol. With the oh-so-*fill in the blanks* Cleo.


And Pump It. LOL. So R&J.

Okays. Sungguh keboringan. LOL. i'm typing too much lol.

i am single. but i don't feel that i am.

in a way, there will always be some guy who tries to control me, which, i totally hate - being controlled. and, furthermore, he's not my guy.

firstly, if you feel that i'm shooting you, well, it may be you. if not, it may not be you.

i know that people care about me and don't want other people to take advantage of me and stuff. but then, by restricting me won't make me any happier. look, i know how to take care of myself and if i'm hurt by them, then let me handle it.. jeepers.

i am strong-willed. i am determined and i'm not emotionally weak. you don't have to treat me as if i can't take care of myself. i can do it better than you.

so, leave me alone.

urgh.

Dee punye degil.

Stubborn.

Now, it's not just cough, flu and sore throat. it adds on. i've fever and headache now. geez. thanks ah eh.

and i'm still fasting. mum told me to go and take some medicine but i didnt. argh. heck lah.

gawd.. i hate the haze.

i miss abang.

SICK

i'm SICK of being SICK.

why am i such a SICKly child. i get SICK every few months. Isn't that just so SICK?

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