I just dunno how long i'm able to survive. The heartaches. The fear. The anger. I just cant hold on anymore. So i havent been updating for some while. Not that nothing has happend.. Tonnes of things happend.. I'm just getting fucked up about it..
Family. Him.
These two are the greatest challenge in my life.
And yesh, if u guys dunno yet, we patched.. much to the dislike of many i noe...
Why did i accept him back after all that he did?
There i go again. Chances and risks. I thought, he's changed. That he regretted what he did to me.. And so, i gave him a chance. AGAIN. It was rocky at first. Coz he's still he's idiot self. He made me raise my voice at him, something which i never did b4.. Its just hard...
And recently, i found out that he's been exchanging numbers wif girls online. like, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?! That's when i stepped in, and i told him that i didnt like him doing that. and he still did it. and.. i risked losing this relationship again. i was like, fucking pissed off sia.. waddya expect me to do? if u want to change, den fine, leave me. i wont be least upset abt it.
and that nite, i purposely sent a msg i sent to a fren to him. that fren asked me y i accepted him back.. and i said,
"Coz i still want to love him and take care of him.. he may be a jerk at times, but sometimes, he's the closest person whom i can turn to.. He's changed.. A lot.. He used to care so much for me.. and now, i think he cares more abt my laptop coz tts where his girls are.. i never once controlled him, or restrict him from getting to noe ppl.. but its just that, things that he do hurts me.. and me, i nv tell and i just hope that he'll go back to his old self.. the one that he thinks abt how i feel, and that he cares, and also when he can guess that the things that he wanna do might hurt me..he used to do all that.. nw, tts just a memory.. i tot after we break, he regrets wad he did and go back to his old self.. tts y i accepted him back... i dunno la.. i hope too much... "
and then this morning.. he sent me dis.. "haiz.. gd morning sayang.. =/"
and we settled it in the morning. funnily enuff. he didnt blow up. he cant. coz last nite i was kinda sarcastic..
it was like..
Me: i dun even wanna look at it. i'm not even at home. leave me alone.
Him: Whats wrong wif u! Dun be like this can?!!
Me: tts enuff. pls lah.. i dun wanna say anything anymore. u'll probably say i talk back if i do.. if u're angry, u want me to sweet talk to u.. if i'm angry, u scold me more..
tts y he was quite gentle dis morning when he was smsing..
Siggghh.. When will all dis end? I just want the old Ayul back.
Siggghh...
i gave too many chances..
i took loadsa risks...
And now, a friend. Yesh, miss him. Havent been talking to him the past 3 days. and i probably bore him too much wif my probs.. sigh.. i liked him once. for a few days. coz i realize, we can never be coz i love ayul more. but still, i really adore him as a fren.. i'm sorry if i have been irritating u wif my probs.. sigghh...
anw, tt saturday, went to chalet wif my peeps from RPC!!! HIP HOP IG. YESSAH. haha.. we took loadsa pics... these are the pics that has my face on it.. nyahaha...
I LOVE MY RPC CREW!!!
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