i miss him

Its 445 am... i cant sleep... i've been thinking abt him all dayy... i really2 miss him a whole lot...

last week he called me.. and i called em back by my home fon... the conversation was tearful... so, dis is bits and pieces of the conversation...

Him: U went missing the past few days... i miss u alot u noe... cant get to u.. cant sms u, cant call u... ur line kena terminate again... haiz... i really miss u a lot...
Me: hakz... i thought u forgot abt me coz i didnt contact u...
Him: I tried.. But i cant forget u...
Me: Why not?
Him: how can i? u're so gentle, sweet, kind, patient wif me.. it's hard...
Me: its hard for me too.. tts y i tried to refrain myself from mging u..
Him: Do u still cry when u think of me?
Me: Yeahh... I do... I tried to move on... i cant.. i still think of u..
Him: In that case, i shouldnt call u or sms u anymore... if u want to move, i dun want to hold u back...
Me: Maybe i dun want to move on...
[quietness]
Me: anw, there's dis 31 yr old driver in sentosa who likes me..
Him: Gd la.. Go for it..
Me: Nahh... I need to sort out some things first...
Him: What things?
Me: my feelings..
Him: like?
Me: well... i need to sort out my feelings.. i'm hoping for something which i dun think i can ever get... it hurts...
Him: u're hoping that bof of us will patch?
Me: Yeahh..
Him: I dunno... i just need time off now...
Me: Yeahh.. me too i guess...

and guess wad? i heard sniffles from him...

i was close to tears... and i just told him...

"Be Strong For Me..."

I tried to call him todayy... but nobody picked up... msged him, he never call back.. maybe he was outside...

its just so hard for me.. i love him to bits and pieces...
i just miss those times... i miss his care and concern... i miss him being there for me..
he called me during the chalet... he said,

"I'm sorry i cant come to the chalet... You enjoy urself k... Dun smoke, Dun drink..."

And i was thinking, "Wished you would tell me dis earlier..."

i really really miss him... he's been my strength all dis while... and when he's gone, i just felt that i'm weak.. i cant go thru my days, knowing that he's not wif me and he doesnt care for me like he used to... i'm weak without u baby... i cant help but cry when i'm alone each night...

and noeing that... something might happen to me soon... i just dunno how i'm gonna live wif it without his support...

i'm just scared of it... wad if i cant pull it through? will i be weaker physically and emotionally..?? the last time i got admitted, he was there... i had the strength.. i had the will to perservere coz he was wif me every single night...

but now.... its worse... i might be admitted again... this time, may need an operation... its worse.... even though my dad is quite hesitant on the operation, but he may give way for it too... for my own good.. so the doctor says...

i'm scared.. its not just an operation.. there're side effects... i dunno how i'm gonna surveive this without him... i'm weak... i'm just a normal girl... i need attention.. i need love... i need u...

Life's been pretty messed up since u've been gone.... Pls come back and alter this life which u have destroyed...

I LOVE U AND ONLY YOU.