End Of Singapore Open.

11 September 2006.
-End of 9 days straight work.
-End of Singapore Open.

-No more taking 2nd and 3rd trains to work.
-No more kopis and pratas at 6.45am.
-No more Sentosa Golf Club.
-No more gaga-ing over meeting Chan Song, Gerry Norquist and Chris Rodgers.
-No more Abang Wan to share the fan with.
-No more chit chats wif Chap and caddies and the golfers.

Okay so the list goes on.

This year's Singapore Open proved to be another success and with the new title sponsor, Barclay's, more money being put in and more top players are playing. 1st prize S$3m. With the likes of Adam Scott and Ernie Els and other major players, this year's sales were more than last years'.

When the actual tournament was on the 7th, i was already there on the 4th. Covering the Player's Entrance, the SLG Office Carpark and the Sentosa Golf Club.

I remembered one of the days which i was covering the Player's Entrance, i saw this very cute golfer. He looks Asian. And He asked me if i had my lunch yet. I said not yet. I didnt know his name. But he was hott. And then, there's this caddie, who asked me for my number. His name is Aaron.

So, on the 7th, the day started at 730 am. We were kinda late coz as usual, Lala and Wawa came late when we were supposed to meet at 645 at Harbourfront. Then was placed at the Golf Club. =)

Met lotsa new people this year. And some, of which i remembered from last year. =) And I saw the golfers. Lucky me.. Heh.

And there was once, on one of the tournament days, Gerry Norquist, the golfer, actually turned to me and said, "Hey! I remember you!"

I was smiling like mad. =))

There's this Golf Course guy, Chap, a Caucasian who started talking to me. He's based in Hong Kong. He's really friendly and we talked about Cable Cars. haha.

And i keep seeing the cute Asian golfer which, i then know that his name is Chan Song, and he's a Korean but he stays in the US, considering his American accent.

Then there was this golfer who has blonde hair, blue eyes.. cute too.. I didnt get his name until I searched like mad online. He's Chris Rodgers. He's super friendly and would say hello each time. And i was supposed to take a pic with him but he didnt want to on the evening on the 3rd day coz he said he was sweating and not that good looking. So he said the next day.

Then Chandra came to relieve me but i had to teach him how to do Golf Club.We saw Gerry Norquist teaching some Amateur golfers how to swing at the Driving Range.

So then, when i was done, I saw Chris Rodgers again. And he came to me, and said, "Hey babe!" and hi-fived and lo-fived me. so, high-five and low-five me. haahaha. Chandra was like, o.0 stunned.

Last day of Singapore Open, I felt relieved and sad at the same time, to leave all those fun people. So, i brought my camera along.

Nazmi and Dian


Linda and Dian

Linda squeezed in between Dians.

Pics taken on the morning of the last day of Singapore Open. My lovely marshals. <3

And i was talking to some caddies and they explained about Golf and i finally understood it. They're the best people to ask about golf. Don't underestimate or look down on caddies okay.

And guess what, one of the caddies whom i talked to, was actually Chan Song's caddie!! And he took a pic of me and Chan!!

I was sooo excited! Heh.. Like I met Gerrard Way or something but only that this is Chan Song! Okay, i'm a big fan already. =) And if you wanna see a close-up of Chan Song, browse through his sister's webbie, http://www.areesong.com/about/e_family.asp


Anyways, that afternoon, it rained and the game was suspended for a while. Then it resumed at 1.40. And in the evening, there was a storm. Adam Groom's caddie, whom i didnt know at first and i told him to call for a cab instead of waiting for one, asked me when will the storm stop. How would i know right? Haha.. So i said not sure coz it was really a heavy downpour.

So in the end, round 4 was cancelled and Adam Scott won again. -_-" Not that i'm not a big fan of Scott, but i was hoping someone else would win this year. Like Ernie Els or someone else.

So anyways, players were already heading to the airport by 4 plus onwards. And i saw Chris again. And i told him, "U owe me a pic dude.." Hahaha and his caddie, Franky took the pic for us, and i realise that the quality of my cam sucked. -_-"

HURRR..

So Sue came and relieved me at 5.30 and i left the Clubhouse with a heavy heart. I'm gonna miss the good people there and i'm gonna miss the golfers too. Everyone of them who has made my journey thru the Singapore Open a pleasant one.


`BACK TO REALITY.`

work.

I AM SO IN LOVE WIF MY HAVAIANAS CAN??

ahaha..

I bought it with my own money okay.. Hehh. <3 Been eyeing it for a while. After work went to the Cathay wif Dian and Mazlinda and i went to buy the trekkers. Then we went to eat at Long John. And walked around the Dhoby Xchange SC. And i pierced my ear again. =) After that went home straight. Here's a pic of 2 botak drivers @ Sentosa. Haha..

Been working my arse off these week. Thursday cheong till Sunday. Everyday 730 from tomorrow onwards. And tmr, start of Barclay's Singapore Open 2006. Die. Nonono. Cannot say die. I've done it last year and I can also do it this year (hopefully).

Golf Club again this year. Howells.. These past few days i was exposed to the different locations like the Player's Entrance and the SLG Carpark aka The Sentosa Office Carpark.

So today my job was to teach the guys, as in Roger and Chandra how to do there since Siew Yong off today.. Then after that went back to office wif Dian and Rose, meeting at Pantry.. Then relieve break for Mazlinda and Kah Chong and then I relieve break for Chandra and den my break and back to office for me.

Seriously, i dunno what i job i was doing today. Ouhh whatever. As long as the money keeps coming in. And i met Mr Ranger just now. Coz i didnt want the ciggies that Uncle gave me so i gave it to him. I don't feel like smoking so much now la.

Ok that's dat.

Gotta iron my Barclay's shirt and go to sleep. Long day tomorrow.

GONNA BE THERE TILL THE END.

p/s: the 2 new mly express guys are keeeiuuut.. Hahahha.

complicated.

why can't someone just shoot me?

i don't wanna get to know you. or you. or your brother or even your uncle.
or any of the male species that does not interest me any bit.
i'm happy with the people i know now.

sighness.

if only you knew how much you meant to me, then maybe u'd have sympathy.
but then again, you never had any.
think for yourself why i never msg you anymore.
think why i'm not the same around you anymore.

Tts because YOU changed.
You're too caught up in your own hurt that you hurt the people around you who cares for you.

Ouhh fine.

You mean a lot to me, you know that?
You're not just a friend to me, you're a brother, like i've said before.
Sigh.
You're just complicated to understand.

Change Topic!!

Muddy miss ME! wahahaha... Sorry laaa.. Me no time now larr. Dun wanna repeat it again But you should know why right?

Ok. Need to leave home at 6 am tmr.

Good Night Good People.

tired

dun ask me where i've been.
if you've read my schedule, you'll know that i have no time for anything else.

i've dedicated my holidays to WORK.
And soon will be meetings for IFTAR.

sometimes, i feel that i don't have a life.
it's always been Sentosa, Home, RP.
even if i'm out, he'll be chasing me to go back home early.
geez.

and, in case you guys don't know, i'll be repeating my Year 1 sem 2 module, Maths and Computing.
It's because of my poor attendance in Yr 2 sem 1.
sometimes i feel like quiting school too.
but of course, ridiculous.

Singapore Open has started.
For us i mean..
Sighness.

Been working for 5 days straight, and 5 more days to go.
No Off.
Shld be good right?
But i guess i'm just kinda tired dealing wif all these shit.

And being the senior is not helping much either.
sigh.

sometimes, i get disappointed.
i don't show it.
i'll never say it.
and you'll never know it.
it could be you.
or you.
or even you.

i like that person so much.
but i just feel like hating him.
and i have no idea why i like him too.
and i get pissed.
i know deep inside that i like him.
but i just don't want to admit it.
coz i know he disappoints me a lot.

but my mama said..
i will marry someone from Sentosa one day.
coz it's heriditary.

gawd the heartache.

i just don't wanna think about it.
not now.
not about love.
coz it hurts too much.

i'm just not ready yet.
my heart's not open to anyone.

for the time being, the only confidante i have, is Abang Man.
he's the one who've been wif me all these while.
call it, in the hiding.
i just don't feel like being in contact wif anyone at the moment.

i need my time alone.
hence, working.

no time for me so what makes you think i have the time for you

swingy.

I was thinking of updating about Winnie's Birthday Bash but i havent ask Fion about the pics yet. And to update about today would be a little boring since, it rained all day long. BRRR~

gee. wad was it that i wanted to update on??

ouhh yaa.

it's about the break up of the once-famous gay couple. i usta read their blog and it was like, so touching on how they were so devoted to one another. gee.. sad uhh. i mean, being gay also does not make you escape being hurt. so wad' s the point of being gay right?

in the end it's still your choice. the difference between a human being and an animal is that God gave humans intellect to think wad is right and wad is wrong and humans are given choices.

howells...

my friends have been telling me to quit smoking. i want to. but.. sigh. i just need to get the right motivation first uhh. sighhness. geexzxzxxz.. HAHHAHA. wth.

It reminds me how Lin Gilerness would always mock these people.

slitzxzx moii wristzxzxzxzx... euuu dunch lubbb miee aniimoree.. miee hatexzxz euuu..

wth. why cant you all be happy wif one 'x' or 'z'. gee. seriously, i wonder what your teachers have been teaching all of you in school.. No i mean, seriously. Why do you torture yourself typing those extra letters?

ouh gee, it never made sense to me.

ouh try dis webbie.

http://museum-of-twits.blogspot.com.

heh. you'll laff der horxzzxzxzxzx

*rolls eyes*

EMO.

current mood: lost

updates.

I woke up at 4.15 pm today.. Quite reasonable since i slept at 4.30 am this morning. Dunno why i couldnt get to sleep even though i was kinda sleepy. Howells.

I've been letting my feelings get the better of me. I just don't know what the heck i want.

I was on my way to work yesterday morning and i was suprise at the fact that i teared when i was closing my eyes whilst listening to Only One Accoustic by Yellowcard. Picture: Song started on my mp3, i closed my eyes. And all the memories seems to be rushing back and i vividly saw each and everyone of them. And i began tearing in the train without realizing it.

Memories as in: Me and JJ.

Shit lah. I thought i've gotten over it.. But i havent. Sucks ar. But he knows and i know that we can never be because of our parents. That sucks more. I have to sacrifice my happiness so that he wont get screwed by my dad anymore. Sigh. I miss being with him.

OH NO. Tears rolling down. I miss him so bad. It sucks knowing that you love someone that you know you can't have ever again. Gawd! Like A Rose by A1. The song that was our background while we were at the Fountain of Wealth on the night that both of us got into trouble wif my dad.

SIGH.

But for me, break means break. I don't have the habit of asking my exes for patch.

Which, reminds me that my ex of a year ago msged me at Friendster. I unblocked him and we chatted for a while on msn. Gawd it hurts. He apologised and stuff uh.. And we're kinda okay.

Then, there's Him.

He used to be there for me in times of need. He used to be the one who would always cheer me up when i'm down. I used to like him.. And after that things change.. He changed. And his attitude just pisses me off. I don't like him like i used to anymore.

But then, he came back in my life again and he said things which suddenly made me feel that i should hope again. But then again, his attitude. Urgh.. I know who i am to you.. I am neither wanted nor needed. I'm just a friend, like i used to say to you. But you don't have to say what you did that night and made me hope for you. I'm gullible. I trust people easily. And i trusted you.

And now, i'm just trying to shun every person in my life. I just wanna be alone and sort my life out. And figuring how i should let my heart free of hurt and sadness.

I JUST WANNA SCREEEEAAAAAAMMMM!!!

SIGH... I figure that i'm not ready for a relationship yet. Well, partly because i still havent gotten over bof HIM and Him. But mainly, it's because i don't really have the time to be in a relationship.

A relationship needs time, money and love. So what if you have the love, but you don't have money to spend when you're going out and stuff. What do you do if you don't have money? And time. For people like me, i never have free time eversince i step into poly life.

I'm always busy in some kind of things. Be it Drama, Dikir or Dance. These 3 Ds. Either that, work. And since it's the holls and i dun have any Drama to think about, I'm gonna work my ass off to get the things i want. My parents are in a state where *her* jewelleries are getting lesser and lesser. Ok. I'll shut up now about my family's situation.

Sigh, so you see, i don't have the time to be in a relationship coz i dun want my bf to feel ignored coz i dun have the time for him. Haiz..

2months single and wad did i learn?

A lot. All thru hard ways.

if only i know how i'm feeling now. coz inmy mind, there's always our memories haunting me back. but in my heart, only God knows coz i too dunno. HAIZ.

i am updating...

hah.. so tired. and i owe some updating. gee.

lemme see...

TUESDAY.
Last day of school. sighness.. I came to school late as usual.. It was Database.. It was okay la.. Den had lunch wif the class, and when we came back.. ZZ came in and brought pizza for us.. And it was PIZZA HUT okaay! Must've cost him a lot! Coz ZZ, or ZhiZhen was going China the next day and his bday was on the 26th.. So he treated us to pizza lar..

so touching lah kanz.. heh..

so aniways, skipped UT and went for a meeting wif Leanna, Habib and Krishna for Playtime..

And met the girls to buy the stuff for chalet at Bedok's Sheng Siong.. So we went to Bedok, at Fion took this pic of me while i was kinda stressed out on wad to buy for foodstuff for chalet..

So then, went to Bedok, waited for Sherlyn at the Mac at Princess.. And from there we took the bus to Sheng Siong, which, actually passes by HIS place.. Sighness.. Memories..

ANYWAY, bought the stuff, spent like, $93 on the foodstuff.. And we went back to Hida's place to leave the stuff there.. And me and Nisah went to marinate the chicken. A process, which we called marination. HAHA.

We left her place at abt 1030.. Me, Fion and YiJin took cab together while Nisah and Sherlyn took another cab. So we went to Woodlands to send YiJin, Bukit Panjang to send Fion and Me last. And altogether, it costed $30.85. GEEE.

So the next day was OUR CHALET!!!

It was haywire for me. Had to go school in the morning for that CE Activity to Wincor Nixdorf.. Den went to meet Yi Jin at Woodlands at 1 and took the bus to Bedok and to Hida's place to carry the stuff..

Then took cab to the chalet at ALOHA LOYANG Bungalow 4. A few of them were already there. Then me, Nisah, Hida, Sherlyn and Ira went to rent bikes and blades. Came back at 5 plus and we played TWISTER. Was sooooo fun. hahaha

and then Jon started fire for bbq.. AND THANK GOD, this class has some sense of togetherness and helpfulness. We helped each other wif the setting up of food, shared the cooking duties.. It was fun..

Den we went to play Captain's Ball at the basket ball court.. And then the girls, excuding me, played some girls games while me and the guys played soccer. WHEE.

Then we came back to the chalet, we watched INCREDIBLE TALES.

Which, scared some of them. But if i were to scare them more, i would tell them that i saw a white cloth flew across room 2 while i was smoking at the verandah. But i didnt tell anyone about it ar. I didnt say anything till now. Hurhur.

So that night, i was actually expecting someone to come to the chalet. But, his bike had some problems so i told him he didnt have to come ar. Wasted. But anyways, mum and dad fetched me home.

Sigh. End of E35C, E37K and E26J.

You guys will be sorely missed.

Nxt Up. Winnie's Birthday Bash! See you guys!!

*hugs and kisses*

boring kiak.

mcm siaak..

my laptop damn laggy sia.. using Haiqel's lappy to blog now..

lemme see.. On Saturday started work at 9 am. Den saw Mr Ranger.. Then at night, overnight at the Beach Station office.. Kecoh seh.. There were me, mazlinda and Cik Jamilah.. That's for the girls uh.. The guys, there were Shulhul, Faiz, Nazmi, Tian Chan and Jimmy..

And that night, i tried so hard to sleep.. smoked a lot also still cant sleep.. fed up.. den summore the rest made noise.. like as if the room was being sprayed wif laughing gas.. i managed to sleep for like, 15 mins.. hurhur.. by the time it was already 445am..

den at 5, showered and alll... started work at 6am... and it was like heck arr.. cars kept coming in and at 645, the queue at Harbourfront was at the mrt station exit.. mak kauz..

luckily my job was slack lah... usher them to take the bus from Beach Station to the event site.. Easy job uhh..

den reached home at 4.. went to sleep and woke up today at 8 am..

But last night, Mr Ranger msged me at 1 plus.. Msg2 till 2 plus.. then went back to sleep..

okay.. i'll update the pics next time..

still hungry sia.. hahaa.. ciao

nyehnyeh..

hahaha!!!

i'm now at the beach carpark office.. heh.. lucky me and Linda.. we girls get to sleep at the beach carpark office and we have internet access and a pc!! hehehhhe!!

aku cam nak terbewwy arr.. haha.. so not relevant..

tomorrow is gonna be a hell of a day.. yes2.. gotta wake up at 5 am and work wif our eyes half shut. hurhur.. reminds me of how i worked during the Singapore Open.. 630 am to 7pm. hurhur...

lalalalalala~~

tak tau nak update arrr!! hahaha...

wawawa..

ok now.. heex.. i'm at the vac office.. haha.. overnighting at sentosa.. tmr starting work at 6am coz of that Real Run thingy arr.. sheesh! menyusahkan orang sia..

today never meet him seh.. haha.. if not everyday meet him.. he's starting work at Jrg Port today.. He's gonna go back tomorrow morning.. I am too.. Heh.. Boring sey never meet him today.. If not can bully him again.. HAHA...

today work like fuck lah.. A lot of people seh.. Can die arr.. Me and Faiz at VAC. OMG.. I tell you.. We were like, so freaking tiredd.. haizz..

tonight all of us will sleep at Beach Office.. Dunno can sleep or not lah kan.. Haha.. Hopefully can lahh. Tmr work damn early in the morning seh...

Just now si Nazmi was sitting beside me in the office, talking to his gerl.. aiyyoo.. so loving sehh.. hahaha.. i've got nobody to talk to.. BAHH!!

I dunno lah.. for the time being, i'm just not into a relationship yet lahh.. Just not ready yet i guess.. Somehow, i'm still hurt from the previous relationship.. I dun deny that i dun think about my ex.. I still do.. The memories still come back to me.. Especially when i still keep our pics and our card pics in my wallet...

I still think about it buti dun cry about it lahh... Its just that.. I find it hard to let go too.. so for the time being, i still prefer being single..

haaiz..

hmmm.. wad else to update ehh... haha.. mcm nothing to update jer.. haha..

anw, i saw mr ranger this morning..

he's changed a lot.. kinda hate his change.. he's not the same person i knew months ago.. haiizz..

dah malas nak update lagi.. asyik kene bully ngan bapak angkat jer.. hrrmpphh. blueks.

dead tired

okayy today.. haish.. long day sia.. so tired..

lemme see.. in the morning, was woken up by his msg about the laptop.. And it was like, only 830 am seh.. SOCIAL!! Luckily i wasnt really sleepy that time.. So i woke up, watched vcd and my mum came back home, said she wanted to pay the bills and stuff and asked if i wanted to follow.. den i was like, okay lah.. den Wan and Aken also followed..

Then went to pay the bills and went MOE den sent Aken to school. Then after that, we went to pick him up at his place den went to Acer to fix my laptop. It's the MOTHERBOARD AGAIN!! Crap.

Then we left it at Acer den went to my Aunt's place. She forced us to eat. Haha.. And then, the 3 makcik crap lah wif each other. My Mum, My Mak Busu and Mak Uteh. Hahaha.. Like, all 5 of us were in the kitchen lah. Then after eating, all of us talked.. And there were a couple of times when we were laughing like heck.. till menyembur2.. like.. burst out laffing while drinking. Goshh!

then, there was one time when he jumped out coz of.. haha.. some reason.. den i couldnt take it anymore and i totally burst out. hahaha.. mak busu lahh.. she and her selambaness.. hahaa..

ok then, we went back to Acer picked up my laptop, den went to pick Aken up. After that went to fetch Mak Uteh and family and Mak Busu and family and send Pak Uteh to Pandan for his interview and Mak Busu and her kids to West Coast Park to meet her husband.

And then we went to EAT at West Coast!!

HAHA...

funny seh.. the kids, ibu and mak uteh sat at one table and me and him at another table. They ordered rojak and mee goreng and i ordered nasi ayam and char kwey bakar and he ordered Beef Steak Kuah.

But then, in the end, he finished all the food. Rubbish bin lah.. cannot blame.. haha..

den went to pick Pak Uteh up and send the kids back home, and Ibu and Mak Uteh and Aken and Wan went to Johor while me and him went to RP to reformat my lappy but got some problems so we sat down and watched clips in my laptop instead. n yeah siaa.. my laptop damn laggy.. arggh..

den saw Habib and Krishna. =) Gonna work wif them for playtime. YEAH.

So Ibu came and fetch us... Den sent him to CCK den went to pick ayah up and reached home abt 6 plus. aiyoo.. tired siaa.

SOCIAL!!!

Along the way, i realised that my bros were like, talking non stop wif him and Aken did ask.. "Bsok nak amek abg lagi eh Bu?" read: "are we gonna fetch abang again tmr, ibu?"

i was like.. hmmmm...

haha..

okok. i'm tired. work at 9 am tmr. den gonna overnite at sentosa. and then work at 6 am the next day

ok shoot.

i'm dead.

wtf.

so fucked up can??

urghh.. mcm siak arrhh.. i feel so confused right now.. like i'm fucking stuck in the middle.. hurh.. tts just the way things are isnt it for me?? i'm always stuck in the middle... in whatever thngs i do, i am always in the middle.. hurh..

tears dun really come in easy for me.. somehow i've trained myself not to cry.. but it's just too hurting and i dun really think i can do anything about it anymore..

Irfan has been screwing me pretty bad these few days and made me cry each time.. I'm just weak.. i just need to find my old self back which, i have long forgotten.. personality issues. haiz..

the thing is.. sometimes, people try to talk sense to me but it just doesnt work.. i've always blamed it on my ego. yeah.. tts how i lost him.. my fucked up ego... Dee mane nak kalah pe.. sume nak menang jer.. urgh..

but the day i lost him, i noe that my life is gonna go back to how it was.. fucked up.. i just need someone to guide me back in life n the first person to do that was Irfan.. He guided me.. He used to talk sense to me and he's the only one who could.. Coz he listens. I dunno lahh...

I just feel so stuck.. I wanna change.. i know i can.. but at the same time, Irfan is pulling me back. Just because of that one promise..

He called me up just now.. Kena screwed again.. He said if i dun meet him, he dun wanna meet me anymore.. I'm like.. wtf. I noe it's a chance for me to change but i just dunno why i cant. To tell him that i cant meet him again and stuff. fuck he's got very bad temperaments. haiz..

i dunno wad to do arrr.. gotta meet him and settle dis once and for all. dunno lah kan..

haiz.. i just need time lah.. it's just hard for me now.. i just need time.. i got other problems too lah but like.. argh.. parents.. dad.. amy.. haiz.. wadehell...

monday i have an appointment kat NUH. stop it siaa bloodsuckers.. skit2 amek darah.. urgh.. kasi aku mampos pun bagus pe..

ok dah. nak pi bunuh diri. hahaha.

konfius and blur.

shitstuff... my lappy suddenly died when i was doing my workj just now in school. fed up sarkz.. cant even log on to windows.. howells.. see lah what i'm gonna do wif it..

hmmm.. a lot of things have been happening ar recently.. got me a little confused.. aku nie dah lah mmg konfius selalu kan.. org lagik kasi konfius.. hishh..

dear friend,

you will always have a place in my heart and you will always be someone special to me.. i noe that i kinda dissed you off wif the u-noe-what incident.. and you did hurt me in your process of change.. but i cant do anything about it uh.. but u came back again in my life.. and u're making me as confused as ever. hmm.. i dunno what your reasons are but i just hope its for the good. and remember what i told you. the one you love turns out to be the one who hurts you the most.. be strong ok.. i will always be there for you.. and i'm just glad that you're back.

hmm.. yeah..

i think i'll prolly be screwed again sey at home.. everyday go back late..

but i think life has change these few days.. havent been seeing different2 guys.. these few days i've been going out wif the same guy.. hah.. he's been helping me and i'm just thankful for that.. and i mean very thankful. thanks for giving me the courage and the will to go on in life and make myself strong and making me believe in myself.

and thank you for that free facial. =)

hmm.. wad else to update? i wont have the time to update in a while.. so if there's anything, just call me k.. sms see how lah.. malas to layan sometimes.. hehekz..

and hopefully, i get better. suara dah sek cam maknyah. wahahaha.

ok dah. chalo.

exhaustion

gosh i have so many things to update on but i'm just too freaking tired to think and to type. and it has been quite a long time since i last updated aye..

hmm.. okay lemme see..

i came to school for only one day this week and that was for Database on Tuesday. Then on Wednesday, it was NDP of coz so i had to work. I started at 11 i think. And again, i was placed at the Beach Station coz there was this new chartered service going on and i had to be there coz Viknas thought i was the most competent. I was like wtf ar.. Why does it always have to be me?? I get tired too u noe. Geexz.

Heex.. Then after work, Khai waited for me at the VAC. Was the first time we're meeting even tho we knew each other for quite some time. And we went to the Southernmost Point.. And just sit there and talked and talked and talked. Haha.. It was fun lah and he made me luff so hard. Den.. Spoil.. My parents picked me up from Harbourfront. But me and Khai took pics arr..

On Thursday, work again, didnt go school. Was late. And they placed me at VAC. And again~ Beach Station. I'm beginning to hate that place. Hurhur. Then stayed there for a while den went for the Dolphin 330 show. After that stationed at Underwater World and to VDC. Then again, my dad fetched me from work. heex.

Friday!! I LIKEE!! Hehex.

Okay.. Friday.. I didnt go school again.. But like, so freaking early in the morning, si Edy called me up to talk about the GOTHICKA Clan. Den talk2.. Den i couldnt go back to sleep and it was like, 830 am. Then si Roy msged me. Then he said he was at Sentosa and asked whether i wanted to come. I was like, okay la.. Coz i wanted to blade.. He was wif his group of friends.. Then skali went there, it rained.. Thanks arr ehh.

So i just sat, lepak2.. Then saw Vicky.. That ass also didnt go school. Haha.. and he kept saying that it was okay for him to skip coz at least his attendance was better than mine. -_-"

so aniways, went back at ard 2 plus while Roy was still wif his friends. Then that time, then at about 6 plus came back Sentosa to meet Roy again coz we were going to Esplanade to see the fireworks. Then we took 97 from Harbourfront. Heh.. Roy also kekek arr.. Very funny guy. We were like, the noisiest sia in the bus.. Haha.. So we reached at Esplanade and saw Mud there.. First time sey met him.. Hahaha..

So me and Roy were joined Mud and his fren Fatal and Fatal's friend. They're very friendly ppl.. I was quite surprised that Mud and Roy could get along step dah lama kenal. Hahaha. So anw, Mud told me that Ayien was there.. And so, all 5 of us went to meet Ayien and her friend Maznah.. And sat down and lepak2..

The fireworks were sooooo freaking nice laaa.. The best i've seen so far.. Then after the fireworks, me and Roy lost the rest of them and that time plak, my hp batt low.. So then all of us reunited at City Hall Control Station.

So Ayien and Maznah went off first.. Roy, Mud, Fatal and Fatal's friend waited for Leanna wif me.. Fatal and Fatal's friend were going to Pasir Ris and i made Mud follow me to the Post Production Party at Helmi's place at Loyang. Roy was waiting for his ex to finish work. So then, when Leanna was reaching me and the 3 of them went in while Roy went back to Marina Square to fetch his ex from work.

And then Fatal and his friend had to leave.. Left me and Mud to wait for Leanna. Heh.. And when she came... Boyyy did we have fun bullying Mud and his melatah. Heh. OOPS.

So then... We went to Helmi's place.. And yeah.. MOST of us got screwed by our parents. But i was screwed by Irfan and My parents... Dun really wanna elaborate further what happend there.. It was fucked up lah..

So my mum came and picked us up.. Us as in Me, Athena, Syurah and Mud.. And she sent all of us back home.

Yeah..

Fucked up siaa. So aniways, here are the pics for that Friday night saga. Haha..
But i think most of the pics are wif Ayien..

Me and Roy

Mud.

Mud and Me.

Mud Ayien and Me.

Dun think mcm2 okay. All of us are just friends ehk.. Me and Roy, Me and Mud, Mud and Ayien.. Sume kwn2 ok.. Heex.

But that night i cried. Coz someone cried bcoz of my problems. I felt touched. And i cried too. I've been repeating over and over again.. Save me from myself. And i'm just happy that the someone is willing to help me. Sigh.. Thanks so much friend.

Yeah.. And today work. I fell sick. argh. And now i'm at home. haish~

okok. Long post siaaa. heex.

enjoyyy~

thoughts

i'm going nuts!

seems like borefuckingdom is taking the toll on me again. and i'm in class. and i did work today, suprisingly lah. since it's Database and i havent been in this class for like, 5 weeks straight.

ARGH.

kefedupan.

sometimes, i realise that i'm living in pretence. i have to put up a strong front coz people need me to be there for them. And i cant be there for them if i'm not strong myself. But i guess, it's just a matter of your mind. As what Irfan said to me last night. It's all your mindset. You just have to convince yourself that everything will be okay and they will be okay.

Ayien said that i'm better off because i have lots of ppl around me. Hmm. I guess so. The time when i was really down and heartbroken, i ran away from school for 2 1/2 weeks and just spent time at Sentosa almost everyday and also wif my family.

And, the Sentosa ppl really talked to me and advised me on things. It was touching to see that so many ppl care for me.

I realise that wad they say is true, "You're still young, you're gonna have a lot of other opportunities as you grow older."

yesh. i'd like to think that it's true.

but i'm just thinking wad the heck is hurting me so much. The fact that i lost him? Not really. it's more to the state that i am in now. self-pitying i suppose.

so i just got back from meeting a friend. =) we watched the fireworks. it was really nice.. =) memorable as well. but after that it was horrible. terrible. the human traffic, goodness! i could've fainted coz of the amt of ppl surrounding me, making it so hot and difficult to breathe tho it was at Marina Square. Having headaches now.

My classmates have been nuts today wif phototaking and stuff. Like as if it's the last day ehh. Hahaha.. But it was fun. I love you all lah.















yeh. those are my babies. just now was e26j. but they're my e35c as well. =) love em to bits!

love always,
ChiCka

rules.

superduper bored.

it's monday. and, as you all know, i have problems going to school on mondays. and, yes, as again, Sid was after me again for not going to school again. nyehh.

that day, i sms-ed wif Thabri. And i was telling about goth stuff. And i sort of felt like i was being lectured by him. Sighness. I also dunno what to feel about what he said.

yeah, u may think like that. but would ppl think like that? what would they think about you?

i dunno what ppl think of me. But, do i really care what ppl want to think of me? I dun think so. All along, i think of it as, people can think whatever they want to think of me. But i know that i'm not what they think i am.

howells.

i've been working my ass off last weekend. Saturday worked for 12 hours, Sunday worked for 9 hours. nyeh. And this Wednesday gonna work again.

I got pissed off at the fact that the rules they implement. I mean, firstly, it's about pets on the buses. I mean, sometimes, i dun see the reason why they need to bring their pets though. But it's like, even if your pets are in their cages or what, you still have to be sensitive to the ppl around you. And furthermore, the buses are airconditioned. geez. i dun care lah whether it's cats or dogs. it's still, unhygienic.

secondly, about staff boarding the bus last at VDC, gee. I feel bad about it also ar. But it's always because of them that we kena screw. it's so not fair. they don't understand that. If they wanna go in first from Harbourfront in, i dun mind. coz, i do understand that you guys are going to work and that we dun want you to be late and stuff. but then, going back, it's like, everyone wants to go back wad.

but then, it's also not fair coz staff worked. and they're tired. sheesh. must bring up this matter already.

sigh. okay. continue tonite. ciao.

tired

firstly, i wanna say sorry to ma sis Ayien for not really entertaining her smses dis afternoon. i know you were trying to tell me something but i cant really reply coz work sucked today. was alone at UWW at 6 plus and stupid Khairul went for break and hopeless Viknas went Beach Station for i dunno wad shit. So i had to do the traffic, entertain the qns and jaga the bus stop. hope ya understand... =)

work work work. worked for 12 freaking hours today. dead tired. reached home at 12.15 am. hurhur.

Afique picked me up from work wif his company bike. Went jalan2 den.. he sent me all the way home, as in all the way HOME. wakakkaka. but i just let him send me till 2nd floor jer uh. heex. gee. noone has ever done that to me b4 sey. ookay well, maybe Malik but that was different.

eehks.. damn tired...

well, i'll update soon. adios.


TAG REPLIES:

Linsy: HAHA. I cant sia Lin. Everytime i'm wif you i become dopey. And lame. No thanks to you and your lameness and gilerness. Heheks... Set a time and date when u're free and i'm up for it alrite.

Khai: HEEX. Bump into me ehk.. I'll try drag my ass off from bed to school okaay. =) den we can meet up and stuff. =)

Nouru: haiii! I am getting dark. =)

borefuckingdom.

aww.. shucks.. i miss those 2.. taken last yr during Hari Raya. =) i noe it's like so random la but i was going thru the new MCG Sharepoint and saw this pic. =) i miss you two!

was chatting at Alamak (i find myself a regular there already, pardon me for gg there, i get bored) so aniways, there's this guy who asked me wad Sec i was in when i already told him i was from RP. And i'm like, urh.. RP is Republic Polytechnic. GEE. And he asked me how's skool and i said okok ar. and he asked why and i said i'm lazy to go school already and he asked why again and i said dunno (too lazy to ans to such stupid qn). and.. he asked me why i stayed far from school.

wtf.

Talk about mindless guys. *rolls eyes*

Aniways, i chatted wif Adek Lili about relationships and stuff. And by giving him advices, i actually learnt a thing or two myself.

i used to haf set of principles for me to follow. and i used to follow them strictly. but when i got into a relationship, everything just seemed to be a distant memory.

but now, i have to slowly work my way up again. to try and recall my principles again.

of which, one was..

"Why have a relationship now when you know that you're not going to marry your partner?"

in other words, i'd like to think of it as, YOU'RE TOO YOUNG FOR A RELATIONSHIP!
pffft.

okok, i dun want to sound like an old hag but it's true. I mean, you don't know your future right? So, why risk being hurt now by the wrong person? Tho, at the same time, they also say that, you have to go thru a series of hurt before you can find happiness.

there i go again. i always contradict myself!

so aniways, that was one of my principles. i cant think of anymore right now.

ahakz.. shitstuff.

ok my head is spinning again.. nyehh..

when everything goes wrong

FUCKING HEADACHE!!!

depression again

sigh.

thanks sid for keeping track whether i went school or not and lectured me about going to school each time i skipped. yeah, what are friends for. sighness. i dunno wats got into me. i dun feel like going to school anymore.

thanks Adek Lili, for trying to make sure that i'm okay these past few days and for lecturing me about THAT. Adek marah Kakak seh. Hurhur. But yeah, i'll try lah to avoid it. Dun worry...

Hmm.. Havent update for a few days already. HMM. So, lemme see. Yesterday morning went to eat lunch wif my mum and her friends at Serangoon. Den was supposed to meet Fairuz but cancelled it. Den went to Drama. Den met Abg Man @ AMK. He brought his bike that day. Den he told me about the termination of 3 Drivers. Sad seh kena terminate.

Last night talked on the phone wif Irfan. I've always enjoyed debating wif him. Somehow he's always slapping reality on me. I told him about my mood swings and my redbull-drinking habits. Haiz.. Like he said, i'm just living in pretence.

That's always the case isnt it? I'm always pretending i'm okay and i'm not. and i always hide my feelings. FUCK. WHY CAN'T I FUCKING ADMIT THAT I'M FUCKING MISSING JUMALI?!!

sigh.

It's been a month since we broke up and i've gone from bad to worse. i'm only lying to myself if i say that i dun feel the effects of it, which i'm actually denying. Waddehell lah. I noe i'm being whimpy and whiny but tts just the whole truth. i miss him so badddd.

been on dates and stuff but it's just not the same seh. i'm not expecting the same thing lah but there's just certain qualities about a guy that i want and i just dun see it. and esp that. memories keep playing in my mind. haiz..

and i noe that there can never be a chance of us together again. as much i really want to, but i just dun want it to be that my parents will be the obstacle again. It sucks really bad. Haiz.. When will i stop feeling the hurt?

Haiz.. No use arh. Even Abg Man can't cheer me up seh last night. I was like, on the brink of crying but i didnt lah. I just need that one point of time when i can just cry wifout me having to think that crying makes me weak.

Yes, my ego. I think crying makes one person very weak. But, i remember that day, i told Adek, no, crying doesn not make you silly. Crying lets out all your emotions, your fear, your hurt and your pain, and after you cry, you'll feel better. It's better than pent up emotions.

So aniways, I already accepted the fact that he's gone but it's just that i think of him and the memories kept playing it my mind. Haiz. I must've loved him a lot to be feeling the loss after 1 mth, which i never usually do. NONO. I HAVE TO MOVE ON. For my own good, i need to move on! And stop playing fucking jiwangkia songs lah DEE. Blardy heck. Camner nak move on nie mcm?

I need to get back my will and strength. I can't go on brooding about this. Dee never brood over breakups remember?? Yeah, I'll be fine. Time can heal all wounds but it cannot erase the scar.

So aniways, YOU FUCKING JERK!!

(sorry i haf to sound minah-ish for a while)

EH MAMAT! YOU FUCKING LIED TO ME! CHEEBYE. GOT GIRLFRIEND ALREADY DEN BUAT HAL GOT GIRLFRIEND LAH SIAL. MCM PAHAM SAKZ. STEP "KAT SINI BYK GIRLS BUT I ONLY THINK OF YOU JER". WADDEHELL. YOU THINK BY SAYING THAT, I'M GONNA LIKE YOU ISSIT?? EH ASS, I FUCKING HATE MUSHY GUYS AIGHT!

IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU ALSO, THAT I DIDN'T GET TO SEE JUMALI ON THE TRAIN YOU BLARDY ARSE!!

AND DUN STEP TELL ME THAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS ANGRY AT YOU COZ YOU WANTED TO MEET ME. YOU CAN JUST TELL ME ONCE AND I GET IT. DUN HAF TO TELL ME REPEATEDLY. I CAN FUCKING UNDERSTAND ENGLISH. IT'S NOT AS IF I'M THE ONE WHO'S CHASING AFTER YOU. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO'S AFTER ME, SMSING ME AND CALLING ME. DO YOU FIND ME CALLING OR SMSING YOU? FUCKING NO OKAY! NEXT TIME, DAH ADE POMPAN BUAT HAL DAH ADA POMPAN, PAHAM! SIAK, MLM2 TUNGGU ORG BAWAH BLOCK! KIWEK, BAPAK AKU PUN TAK TUNGGU BAWAH BLOCK!

GET FUCKING LOST OUT OF MY LIFE. AKU TAK SEBUT NAMA KAU DAH CUKUP BAGUS!

okay that was so minah-ish of me. or so, i noe a lot of ppl label me as minah. so wad right?? every malay girl has her side of a minah.

Gonna meet Afique after school. That one heck of a loyar buruk. We were like, telling each other lame jokes and riddles. nyehnyeh.

my group is nuts. they're doing the pledge in sign language. -_-"

gonna meet Ayien to go smoke later. sianz.. smoke my life away..



someone save me from me.