haiz.
the more i try not to think, the more i will think. i know i shouldn't. i know i should be strong and not think about it. but i just can't stop.
it's been a long time since i've been like this. i want it. all for myself. not seeing it, not having it, just makes me a weaker person.
haiiz.
this is wad i got off from some friendster bulletin. quite true i guess. hahaha. and they keep emphasizing that december ppl are horny. shut up laaaah. hahaha. i'm horny so wad? lolz.
DECEMBER= BEAUTY
Loves to chat.
Loves those who love them.
Loves to takes things at the centre.
Great in bed.
Inner and physical beauty.
Doesn't pretend.
Gets angry often.
A meaningful love life partner.
Treats friends importantly.
Brave and fearless.
Always making friends.
It is all about love and fairness.
Easily hurt but recovers easily.
Daydreamer.
Horny but does fullfill.
Opinionated.
Does not care to control emotions.
Knows what to do, to have fun.
Unpredictable.
Someone to have close to you.
Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all.
and with the new year here, i guess it's resolutions time, yeah? but let's kick it off with some reflections.
A review. Of 2006
2006. A year of ups and downs of the extremes. It was a year of unexpected things happening. It was a year, of happiness, joy, sadness, and strength.
i've got 2 exes in the year of 2006.
one being, my now-good-friend-and-then-boyfriend J. It was a good relationship i think. Only that both of us were always busy and never had the time for each other that, i think the love failed. and also, because of my dad. i ran away from home for the very first time of my life. met his siblings. met his mom. his mom doesn't like me. neither did my dad liked him. it was hard on us. and it was especially hard on me when i got that tag from someone. and it ended everything.
it was such a terrible period of time for me. i was really looking forward to the 6th months anniversary. but before we got there, we went our separate ways. it was horrible. the memories, was so vague, so clear. the promises. the sacrifice i did. i went totally berserk. and the only people who stood by me, were my parents, my brother, and also my sentosa family.
it wasn't easy, to let go of a good guy. but then again i thought, if he's happier without me, then i will let him go. and i wanna see him happy. if it means being with me makes him unhappy, i'd let go. and i did.
all sorts of advices came to me.
and i will always remember what abang azri told me.
"a relationship without parent's blessings, will never work out"
and from then onwards, i respected my parents. i changed. abang man was with me every single day because i used to skip school for 2 wks after my break-up. he'd advice me. talk to me.
and uncle goh would tell me.
"kamu masih muda... masih byk lagi lelaki di luar sana.. tidak apa kalau satu tidak mahu kamu, pokoknya, ramai lagi org yang masih sayang kamu.."
i guess that's true. i may have lost one person. but there are lots of others out there who loves me as their friend, their sister and also their daughter.
that period was one of the craziest period in my life but, i sure did learn a lot from it.
then, the highlight for 2006 was my first ever theatre performance. I PERFORMED AT ESPLANADE!!!
it was cool. totally.
and then, i performed for create.fiesta.
and, then i turned 18. ahhh. the legal age.
and i got myself into another relationship. and it was a 5 day relationship. it was a total mistake. i should've known better. tattoos? sec 3 education? went to prison b4? tagging? what was i even thinking?
i know i had a lot of impact in his life. but i'm sorry that the only impact that i've got was just pure hate.
2006 saw me made a lot of great friends. and i lost a few of them.
amy. scandalous. his friend liked me. i liked him. he liked filzah. how much of a conflict can that be. i've been thinking of typing a script about it. because it was so controversial and so much drama in it that no one would ever believe me if i told them. and i lost this dear friend of mine. we were so close. but now, everything just feels so distant between us.
irfan. the one i have intellectual conversations once in a while. the one who made me think and woke me up from lies.
abang man, nazmi, faiz, tianchan and those in sentosa who are close to me. these people are like family to me. they're not just colleagues. they're my brothers, and also my godfathers. <3 these people to bits.
and then, now, i've got it and it makes me happy. lol.
i just hope 2007 will be a good year for me.
2006 was a good year. really.
my resolutions for 2007 will be..
- quit smoking. like every other year's resolution.
- make more money
- come to school more
- get good grades
- lose weight.
- have faith in myself.
- don't sin too much. lolz!
- get a bike.
and lastly,
bring myself closer to God.
yeah, i guess that's my new year's resolutions. might have summore though. but i can't think of anymore for now.
okay. that was a long post. toodles all~
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
school's in.
and school is in.
baahhhh. first day of school reopen and i've got a China faci for my maths class. lolz.. he's okay lah just that the accent is a little distracting. nyahha..
guess what. last night talked to Fan. i was sleeping then he called lah. somehow i woke up but i checked, i got another 2 missed calls from Izhar. Lol.. So then we talked. And we cried. It was quite emotional lah. I guess everyone has their own weak points and it's kinda unavoidable.
ok well, i'll reply to my tags first before i begin rambling about other stuff.
TAG REPLIES.
Ilah: awak semua takde..tinggal saja jer sorang.wahaha..dee!! aku miss ko!!
==> ChiCka: aku pun miss kauuuuuu!! hahaha.. alaaa. kan dah cakap.. aku nie busy woman.. ishk kau ni pun!
syasya: i was here..heh bz giler yea kamu? hehe
==> ChiCka: hey babe! yeahh busy giler these few weeks. i miss you girls!
ninishasha: i was here!
==> ChiCka: EH HELLO! thanks for dropping by.
Nouru: HEYA! Hmm...I think U find a song w/o and high vocals.That is your limit.Try Tsukiko Amano =P
==> ChiCka: HEELLOO! Tsukiko Amano song? GILA! She's got a high pitch voice.Mine is low pitch. LOL. Jordan Hill would be good. or Christina Aguilera. And how to get Minus 1 song?!! Argh!!
ok, back.
ok now, i don't feel like updating much, lol. laters~
i miss you.
baahhhh. first day of school reopen and i've got a China faci for my maths class. lolz.. he's okay lah just that the accent is a little distracting. nyahha..
guess what. last night talked to Fan. i was sleeping then he called lah. somehow i woke up but i checked, i got another 2 missed calls from Izhar. Lol.. So then we talked. And we cried. It was quite emotional lah. I guess everyone has their own weak points and it's kinda unavoidable.
ok well, i'll reply to my tags first before i begin rambling about other stuff.
TAG REPLIES.
Ilah: awak semua takde..tinggal saja jer sorang.wahaha..dee!! aku miss ko!!
==> ChiCka: aku pun miss kauuuuuu!! hahaha.. alaaa. kan dah cakap.. aku nie busy woman.. ishk kau ni pun!
syasya: i was here..heh bz giler yea kamu? hehe
==> ChiCka: hey babe! yeahh busy giler these few weeks. i miss you girls!
ninishasha: i was here!
==> ChiCka: EH HELLO! thanks for dropping by.
Nouru: HEYA! Hmm...I think U find a song w/o and high vocals.That is your limit.Try Tsukiko Amano =P
==> ChiCka: HEELLOO! Tsukiko Amano song? GILA! She's got a high pitch voice.Mine is low pitch. LOL. Jordan Hill would be good. or Christina Aguilera. And how to get Minus 1 song?!! Argh!!
ok, back.
ok now, i don't feel like updating much, lol. laters~
i miss you.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
back again.
ahhhhh yes. i'm back again.
been busy working after i came back from Indonesia. From the 23rd December to the 2nd January, i only had 1 day off. That means, 10 days of work.
And yeaaa, it was 10 days of hell.
Let me see..
Sat: 0900-1900 = 10 hrs work
Sun: 0900-1900 = 10 hrs work
Mon: 0900-1900 = 10 hrs work
Tues: OFF
Wed: 0900-1930 = 10.5 hrs work
Thurs: 0900-1930 = 10.5 hrs work
Fri: 0900-2100 = 12 hrs work
Sat: 0900-1900= 10 hrs work
Sunday to Monday: 1300 - 0800 = 19 hrs work
Mon: 1200 - 2200 = 10 hrs work
Tuesday: 1200 - 1900 = 7 hrs work
TOTAL HOURS OF WORK: 109 hours.
WHOAAAAAA!!
Siallah. I must be superwoman. Like, really. Who is human enuff to do 29 hours of work wifout any sleep?
yeah, only me, Faiz, Tian Chan and Khairul.
gila..
But it was cool lahh. We thought the countdown was gonna have a lot of people since, they said the expected was like, 15,000. but guess what, the ticketing ppl said, it was about 3,000++ only.
but it was kecohrable at the Beach Station. People fighting, drunk. Crapstuff. So, i was the only girl again. As usual laahh kan. and so, we finished work at 8. 6 of us slept. 5 of us continued work at 12. And 4 of us finished at 10 pm.
Mcm siak lor.
But the best part was at Ferry.
I feel that Sentosa is not just a workplace for me. It's like a 2nd home and that's where my 2nd family is. =)
yeah well. school starts tomorrow for me. yeahh so, now back to Republic Poly.
and tell me, my new uniform is ugly, isnt it?
urgh.
OFFICE CLEANER!
merepekness. what was the designer even thinking! the color. urgh.
merepek.
been busy working after i came back from Indonesia. From the 23rd December to the 2nd January, i only had 1 day off. That means, 10 days of work.
And yeaaa, it was 10 days of hell.
Let me see..
Sat: 0900-1900 = 10 hrs work
Sun: 0900-1900 = 10 hrs work
Mon: 0900-1900 = 10 hrs work
Tues: OFF
Wed: 0900-1930 = 10.5 hrs work
Thurs: 0900-1930 = 10.5 hrs work
Fri: 0900-2100 = 12 hrs work
Sat: 0900-1900= 10 hrs work
Sunday to Monday: 1300 - 0800 = 19 hrs work
Mon: 1200 - 2200 = 10 hrs work
Tuesday: 1200 - 1900 = 7 hrs work
TOTAL HOURS OF WORK: 109 hours.
WHOAAAAAA!!
Siallah. I must be superwoman. Like, really. Who is human enuff to do 29 hours of work wifout any sleep?
yeah, only me, Faiz, Tian Chan and Khairul.
gila..
But it was cool lahh. We thought the countdown was gonna have a lot of people since, they said the expected was like, 15,000. but guess what, the ticketing ppl said, it was about 3,000++ only.
but it was kecohrable at the Beach Station. People fighting, drunk. Crapstuff. So, i was the only girl again. As usual laahh kan. and so, we finished work at 8. 6 of us slept. 5 of us continued work at 12. And 4 of us finished at 10 pm.
Mcm siak lor.
But the best part was at Ferry.
I feel that Sentosa is not just a workplace for me. It's like a 2nd home and that's where my 2nd family is. =)
yeah well. school starts tomorrow for me. yeahh so, now back to Republic Poly.
and tell me, my new uniform is ugly, isnt it?urgh.
OFFICE CLEANER!
merepekness. what was the designer even thinking! the color. urgh.
merepek.
Friday, December 22, 2006
back in business.
and so i'm back.. from outer space..
haha.. wadderr...
i'm back from Indonesia.. i've been going to the island like, every year.. but i don't know why we go there.. i mean, like, does my family even have any relatives? coz from what i know, it's my uncle's wife who came from that island.
only yesterday, i found out from my mum.. that my granddad was from that island. and he fled to Lazarus Island and then to Singapore.
so yeah.. NOW I KNOW.
lolz. so i'm part Indonesian and Boyanese. Coz my late Granddad from my dad's side was from Pulau Bawean in the other side of Indonesia.
hah.. so i have Indonesian blood in me.
i've uploaded the pics in my flickr.
click here.
well.. talked to someone who worked in sentosa last night. he said he admire me. i was like.. okaaaay. den he kept asking if i wanna go on a date. lol. yeahh sure.. like i don't owe THAT many people any dates.
urhhh..
the most obvious is Si 'SHACUTE laaaahh! hahhhaha.. keep pestering me when to go out with her. hahaha. i totally cannot find the time. the only free time i have is today. and next tuesday which, i've already made plans with Aisyah since she's back from Australia.
other than that, i still owe a lot of other people dates. join the queue eh please. LOLZ.
okeh. now that i'm back. my schedule has been set again. nyeeehhh. and believe me, my schedule is tight. and.. i need to do my PP. arghh. stress sia. i don't know how to survive year 3 man. i guess i can work as much anymore. haiiz. suckks ahh.
and to add on, i still to prepare for the Republic Quest. Yeah, a singing competition in school. I need to prepare one English song, and a song in another language. Haiiz. i dunno what song to do. I wanna do Christina Aguilera's I Turn To You. But i'm not really confident about it. That's why i'm still searching for other songs. For the other language, i still don't know what song to do. argh. stress.
and, when school reopen, i'm gonna have to re-start the dikir girls in school.
ok, i'll be a damn busy girl.
heh, wad's new?
howells, i'll update when i have the time okay. haha.. and i wonder when that will be..
haha.. wadderr...
i'm back from Indonesia.. i've been going to the island like, every year.. but i don't know why we go there.. i mean, like, does my family even have any relatives? coz from what i know, it's my uncle's wife who came from that island.
only yesterday, i found out from my mum.. that my granddad was from that island. and he fled to Lazarus Island and then to Singapore.
so yeah.. NOW I KNOW.
lolz. so i'm part Indonesian and Boyanese. Coz my late Granddad from my dad's side was from Pulau Bawean in the other side of Indonesia.
hah.. so i have Indonesian blood in me.
i've uploaded the pics in my flickr.
click here.
well.. talked to someone who worked in sentosa last night. he said he admire me. i was like.. okaaaay. den he kept asking if i wanna go on a date. lol. yeahh sure.. like i don't owe THAT many people any dates.
urhhh..
the most obvious is Si 'SHACUTE laaaahh! hahhhaha.. keep pestering me when to go out with her. hahaha. i totally cannot find the time. the only free time i have is today. and next tuesday which, i've already made plans with Aisyah since she's back from Australia.
other than that, i still owe a lot of other people dates. join the queue eh please. LOLZ.
okeh. now that i'm back. my schedule has been set again. nyeeehhh. and believe me, my schedule is tight. and.. i need to do my PP. arghh. stress sia. i don't know how to survive year 3 man. i guess i can work as much anymore. haiiz. suckks ahh.
and to add on, i still to prepare for the Republic Quest. Yeah, a singing competition in school. I need to prepare one English song, and a song in another language. Haiiz. i dunno what song to do. I wanna do Christina Aguilera's I Turn To You. But i'm not really confident about it. That's why i'm still searching for other songs. For the other language, i still don't know what song to do. argh. stress.
and, when school reopen, i'm gonna have to re-start the dikir girls in school.
ok, i'll be a damn busy girl.
heh, wad's new?
howells, i'll update when i have the time okay. haha.. and i wonder when that will be..
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
picking up.
to all my sayangs,
i'm sorry for the lack of updates. been busy, tired and the network's been on and off.
so, last saturday started work at 5.30 pm. zoukout duty 5.30 pm to 8pm. i was suprised that Cik Jamilah told me to work overnight coz usually, girls weren't allowed to. so, was stationed at Harbourfront with Siew Yong, Cik Jamilah and the new guy Farid. Me and Farid were talking non-stop while stationing ourselves near the slope. but then, he had to go in the island, left me alone there. and i saw... Ayul. LOL. i should've known. haha.. he was with Ceety and his friend which, i've forgotten the name.
i took pics. and i realise, i can make a mood story again!
One Day, a girl named ChiCka, who was a Sentosa Marshal, had to work for Zoukout and she was stationed at Harbourfront.
She soon got bored at Harbourfront after 11 pm so she requested to be proceeded to Sentosa after 12.30 pm. Then, after proceeding in, she was placed at the Gateway Carpark Entrance.
she was okay with it until Singh came to fetch her and her friends, to Beach Station. So they stayed there. And at 5 plus, she was like this...
so, looking at her condition, Singh decided to pity her so at 6.45, Singh sent Nazmi and her to go to the office to rest.
She was soooo..
but her happiness was shortlived. So.. she decided to....
Haha that's all..
Today went tanning with Sandy and Josephine. Too lazy to blog about it. Pictures will tell it all.
okeh.
MY REPLIES TO TAGS!
'SHACUTE™: Weiii. Bila Nak Keluarrr ? Set A Date Please. Ajak Orang Ramai Join The Party Too Okey? Oh2, Si Ilah To Pon Alrite. HAHAH! =)))))
==> ChiCka: HAHA. biler ehh?? i also dunno.. Maybe after i come back from Indon k.. Nak carik laki untuk kamu! hahaha.. =p
syasya: i link u alr dear..at last! =)
==> ChiCka: haha.. thanks gal~
Hikerl: relink
==> ChiCka: okeh. relinked already!
LIN: hello DEE! hope everything will turn out fine. i know u will come out of this mess unscathed. i have faith in you for that! cheers! oh, and me lup u. don't forget that
==> ChiCka: hello LIN! thanks for the faith baby.. me lurbb euu too. =))) haha.
Jalilah: its ok honey. you got me! hugs. njoy ur holiday!
Jalilah: eyy afer tuh aku nmpk name aku si ilah. hahaha
==> ChiCka: thanks sweets. haha.. nampak aje eh name kau.. ahha..
'SHACUTE™: A'aah! Nama Ilah Macam Terselit Dicelah Gigi Gitukan Kan Kan Kan. Hahaks!
==> ChiCka: HAHA. terselit dicelah gigi perrr.. LOL. pandai jerr ehh kamu..
Okeh i'm done. toodles~
i'm sorry for the lack of updates. been busy, tired and the network's been on and off.
so, last saturday started work at 5.30 pm. zoukout duty 5.30 pm to 8pm. i was suprised that Cik Jamilah told me to work overnight coz usually, girls weren't allowed to. so, was stationed at Harbourfront with Siew Yong, Cik Jamilah and the new guy Farid. Me and Farid were talking non-stop while stationing ourselves near the slope. but then, he had to go in the island, left me alone there. and i saw... Ayul. LOL. i should've known. haha.. he was with Ceety and his friend which, i've forgotten the name.
i took pics. and i realise, i can make a mood story again!
One Day, a girl named ChiCka, who was a Sentosa Marshal, had to work for Zoukout and she was stationed at Harbourfront.
She soon got bored at Harbourfront after 11 pm so she requested to be proceeded to Sentosa after 12.30 pm. Then, after proceeding in, she was placed at the Gateway Carpark Entrance.
she was okay with it until Singh came to fetch her and her friends, to Beach Station. So they stayed there. And at 5 plus, she was like this...
so, looking at her condition, Singh decided to pity her so at 6.45, Singh sent Nazmi and her to go to the office to rest.
She was soooo..
but her happiness was shortlived. So.. she decided to....
Haha that's all..
Today went tanning with Sandy and Josephine. Too lazy to blog about it. Pictures will tell it all.
okeh.
MY REPLIES TO TAGS!
'SHACUTE™: Weiii. Bila Nak Keluarrr ? Set A Date Please. Ajak Orang Ramai Join The Party Too Okey? Oh2, Si Ilah To Pon Alrite. HAHAH! =)))))
==> ChiCka: HAHA. biler ehh?? i also dunno.. Maybe after i come back from Indon k.. Nak carik laki untuk kamu! hahaha.. =p
syasya: i link u alr dear..at last! =)
==> ChiCka: haha.. thanks gal~
Hikerl: relink
==> ChiCka: okeh. relinked already!
LIN: hello DEE! hope everything will turn out fine. i know u will come out of this mess unscathed. i have faith in you for that! cheers! oh, and me lup u. don't forget that
==> ChiCka: hello LIN! thanks for the faith baby.. me lurbb euu too. =))) haha.
Jalilah: its ok honey. you got me! hugs. njoy ur holiday!
Jalilah: eyy afer tuh aku nmpk name aku si ilah. hahaha
==> ChiCka: thanks sweets. haha.. nampak aje eh name kau.. ahha..
'SHACUTE™: A'aah! Nama Ilah Macam Terselit Dicelah Gigi Gitukan Kan Kan Kan. Hahaks!
==> ChiCka: HAHA. terselit dicelah gigi perrr.. LOL. pandai jerr ehh kamu..
Okeh i'm done. toodles~
Saturday, December 09, 2006
=/
yes i was the bitch.
and i was the liar.
but the last thing in my mind was to treat you like a fool/bastard.
if i was thinking of treating you like that, i would have held a little longer so that it would make u crazy about me. but i didn't. the earlier i leave, the lesser pain you would feel. and it caused me some pain too. you're not alone.
i just can't bear being with someone, while thinking about another. you made me believe in love for awhile. but then, it faded.
i just don't want to lie anymore. not to you. or to myself especially. please don't do anything stupid and take care of yourself. well, that's done. just leave me alone. i'm just not ready for another relationship.
i don't think i'm high-maintenance. but i just want someone average. nice. not rude. not vulgar. haiiz.. someone like, astroboy. like, mr ranger. my 2 favourite guys even though we're not close anymore.
haiiz.. i need to pick myself up again.
and i was the liar.
but the last thing in my mind was to treat you like a fool/bastard.
if i was thinking of treating you like that, i would have held a little longer so that it would make u crazy about me. but i didn't. the earlier i leave, the lesser pain you would feel. and it caused me some pain too. you're not alone.
i just can't bear being with someone, while thinking about another. you made me believe in love for awhile. but then, it faded.
i just don't want to lie anymore. not to you. or to myself especially. please don't do anything stupid and take care of yourself. well, that's done. just leave me alone. i'm just not ready for another relationship.
i don't think i'm high-maintenance. but i just want someone average. nice. not rude. not vulgar. haiiz.. someone like, astroboy. like, mr ranger. my 2 favourite guys even though we're not close anymore.
haiiz.. i need to pick myself up again.
Friday, December 08, 2006
haiiz.
i don't like the feeling of being attached.
i don't like being attached.
how the hell did i get myself into this mess? how can i be someone whom i don't have any respect for? or in the matter, someone whom i don't love?
been crying these few nights.. coz i can't stand being in the relationship anymore. he's so different from me. he's so different from most guys i know. and i just can't take that anymore. the best thing is to leave.
i know i've made a difference in his life in such a short period of time. i know how happy he is when he's with me. but, i have to be selfish for my own happiness. i don't love him anymore.
or, it has never been love but just pure infatuation.
Dear God,
You must have a reason for meeting him and me. But i can't stand it anymore. I don't wanna do the things which you forbid anymore, at least not in that kind of manner. I can't stand hearing vulgarities every single minute, even though it's not for me.
You know what kind of person i am, God. You know he's the exact opposite of me. i'm just not like that kind of person anymore. i've changed. please don't make me go back to my old ways. Give me strength to tell him that i want out.
You do know who my heart is for. Please guide me. I need your guidance.
Amin.
where're you astroboy? i miss you loads.
i don't like being attached.
how the hell did i get myself into this mess? how can i be someone whom i don't have any respect for? or in the matter, someone whom i don't love?
been crying these few nights.. coz i can't stand being in the relationship anymore. he's so different from me. he's so different from most guys i know. and i just can't take that anymore. the best thing is to leave.
i know i've made a difference in his life in such a short period of time. i know how happy he is when he's with me. but, i have to be selfish for my own happiness. i don't love him anymore.
or, it has never been love but just pure infatuation.
Dear God,
You must have a reason for meeting him and me. But i can't stand it anymore. I don't wanna do the things which you forbid anymore, at least not in that kind of manner. I can't stand hearing vulgarities every single minute, even though it's not for me.
You know what kind of person i am, God. You know he's the exact opposite of me. i'm just not like that kind of person anymore. i've changed. please don't make me go back to my old ways. Give me strength to tell him that i want out.
You do know who my heart is for. Please guide me. I need your guidance.
Amin.
where're you astroboy? i miss you loads.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
2nd December!
okay so i know that 2nd December was like, 3 days ago. but yeh.. i'm still gonna blog about it.
andd.. I'M FINALLY 18 LAAAA!
ahakz.. so, my parents planned a pit. and the night before, mummy gave me a green handbag. and inside, there were:
- 1 wallet
- 1 blusher
- 1 mascara
- 1 lipstick
- 1 face pallete
- 1 perfume
- 2 pair earrings
- 3 deodorants
like, omfg!! so happy lahh can.. and they were all from avon. geex.. must've cost her a bomb! then, on my bday, daddy came back home and gave me this plastic bag. he said his friend went to australia so he asked his friend to buy stuff for me lah. so i got a t-shirt and 6 nougats and 2 koalas. =)
and so, about 4 plus, we went to the pit at changi.. about 6 plus went to changi village to pick kak diana and her boyfie. and she gave me a red long sleeve fila top and a pair of earrings which is red and black in colour. i lup you so muchh laah! hahaha..
so the bbq went well... kak diana went back.. den about 12 plus, a guy i got to know, Apai called me.. we talked.. and when i was talking to him, i saw... a white cloth flying at the beach side. lawl...
and guess what, Apai asked me to be his gf! haha.. and i must've been crazy to accept coz we've never met b4..
i guess, it's because, i'm just so tired of rejecting ppl and losing friendships over that. and like i said, if i feel like i wanna accept, i will accept. and i did. will talk about him much later.
so, then on sunday, we went back at about 8 plus pm. siannism lah. my laptop batt flat, hp batt flat. hurhur. so reached home, quickly switched on my laptop..
and i wanna thank all these ppl..
irfan
babaji thana
abg siraj
din
malik
mazlinda
zul
daniel
nouru
songye
abang alias
jalilah
natasha
abg wady kuntare
abg man
tiara and family
jas harlequin
kecik
amir
faizul
kumar
farah
busu ayu
khairul
jumali
jae
ami chelopz
linda
aisyah
sid
leanna
tianchan
'shacute
arip
yida
manboi valentino
shast
ash
afique
krishna
yanyan
juita
sandy
lin
ernest
firdaus
hafidz
and of coz..
mr apairazkal.
god! that was a long list. nyehhh. that shows how much i appreciate all of you for wishing me happy birthday!
so here are some pics...
and lastly...
let's talk about mr razkal.
yesterday was the first time i met him. and shit lah.. he's so damn tall.. i feel so short. but he's okay i guess. i mean, he's not that good looking or the pretty boy kind, but i feel so secured when i'm wif him. and he makes me happy. and i just hope that we can last long.
if only, they don't interfere. and they don't take him away from me.
baby, thanks for coming into my life and for making me believe in love again. iloveyou.
andd.. I'M FINALLY 18 LAAAA!
ahakz.. so, my parents planned a pit. and the night before, mummy gave me a green handbag. and inside, there were:
- 1 wallet
- 1 blusher
- 1 mascara
- 1 lipstick
- 1 face pallete
- 1 perfume
- 2 pair earrings
- 3 deodorants
like, omfg!! so happy lahh can.. and they were all from avon. geex.. must've cost her a bomb! then, on my bday, daddy came back home and gave me this plastic bag. he said his friend went to australia so he asked his friend to buy stuff for me lah. so i got a t-shirt and 6 nougats and 2 koalas. =)
and so, about 4 plus, we went to the pit at changi.. about 6 plus went to changi village to pick kak diana and her boyfie. and she gave me a red long sleeve fila top and a pair of earrings which is red and black in colour. i lup you so muchh laah! hahaha..
so the bbq went well... kak diana went back.. den about 12 plus, a guy i got to know, Apai called me.. we talked.. and when i was talking to him, i saw... a white cloth flying at the beach side. lawl...
and guess what, Apai asked me to be his gf! haha.. and i must've been crazy to accept coz we've never met b4..
i guess, it's because, i'm just so tired of rejecting ppl and losing friendships over that. and like i said, if i feel like i wanna accept, i will accept. and i did. will talk about him much later.
so, then on sunday, we went back at about 8 plus pm. siannism lah. my laptop batt flat, hp batt flat. hurhur. so reached home, quickly switched on my laptop..
and i wanna thank all these ppl..
irfan
babaji thana
abg siraj
din
malik
mazlinda
zul
daniel
nouru
songye
abang alias
jalilah
natasha
abg wady kuntare
abg man
tiara and family
jas harlequin
kecik
amir
faizul
kumar
farah
busu ayu
khairul
jumali
jae
ami chelopz
linda
aisyah
sid
leanna
tianchan
'shacute
arip
yida
manboi valentino
shast
ash
afique
krishna
yanyan
juita
sandy
lin
ernest
firdaus
hafidz
and of coz..
mr apairazkal.
god! that was a long list. nyehhh. that shows how much i appreciate all of you for wishing me happy birthday!
so here are some pics...
me and ayah
me and ibu
me and abang (my kid bro lah actually)
and lastly...
me. heh.
okay so enuff of the birthday...let's talk about mr razkal.
yesterday was the first time i met him. and shit lah.. he's so damn tall.. i feel so short. but he's okay i guess. i mean, he's not that good looking or the pretty boy kind, but i feel so secured when i'm wif him. and he makes me happy. and i just hope that we can last long.
if only, they don't interfere. and they don't take him away from me.
baby, thanks for coming into my life and for making me believe in love again. iloveyou.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
stress
these few days, i've been so stressed up. like, eversince i've got the mail from the programme chair, i've been like, depressed eversince.
it's all because of my high absenteeism and not taking school seriously. okay. this was what she sent.
and that would mean, lesser work. haiiiz.
i'm so blardy stressed up okay! and i havent even finish my PP yet. urgh i need a break from all these.
hmm. it's 2 days to the 2nd December. Maybe that's just one of the things which i've been looking for. Daddy asked me where i wanna go on the 2nd December. i don't know. anywhere which can give me a good break. probably gonna go malaysia.
haaiz... i just feel like crying now lah.. i havent been crying for such a long time. =(
and, not to mention, i'm having some heart problems. Farah once told me, "yes, moved on.. but you haven't gotten over it."
well, yes i've been caring so much for him these few months and when things go wrong, i just try to deny everything. that's just me isn't it? i'm just good at denying.
haiiz... i think i'm ready to open up to someone. maybe i want a relationship now. but if i do, what about my 2 favourite guys? i don't wanna leave them.. *sobs*
howhowhow?
it's all because of my high absenteeism and not taking school seriously. okay. this was what she sent.
If you do not intend to continue your studies here, please download the withdrawal form from myrp, get your parents' signature and bring it to the One-Stop Centre.
and that would mean, lesser work. haiiiz.
i'm so blardy stressed up okay! and i havent even finish my PP yet. urgh i need a break from all these.
hmm. it's 2 days to the 2nd December. Maybe that's just one of the things which i've been looking for. Daddy asked me where i wanna go on the 2nd December. i don't know. anywhere which can give me a good break. probably gonna go malaysia.
haaiz... i just feel like crying now lah.. i havent been crying for such a long time. =(
and, not to mention, i'm having some heart problems. Farah once told me, "yes, moved on.. but you haven't gotten over it."
well, yes i've been caring so much for him these few months and when things go wrong, i just try to deny everything. that's just me isn't it? i'm just good at denying.
haiiz... i think i'm ready to open up to someone. maybe i want a relationship now. but if i do, what about my 2 favourite guys? i don't wanna leave them.. *sobs*
howhowhow?
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
raaa...
abang man was surprised i was home damn early yesterday. i reached home at 6pm. and yes, i've got the much needed sleep that i want to. i slept at 9.30pm last night. and yes, now i'm in school.
it just irks me that my new facilitator kept giving me a C. i mean, i know that my good grades are gonna land me to a C for the whole module after all and they don't mean a difference. but at least, you know, it's a new class and all, just give me some time to work it out.
something's come up.
i just wanna run away and cry.
it just irks me that my new facilitator kept giving me a C. i mean, i know that my good grades are gonna land me to a C for the whole module after all and they don't mean a difference. but at least, you know, it's a new class and all, just give me some time to work it out.
something's come up.
i just wanna run away and cry.
Monday, November 27, 2006
i'm baaackk!
ok so people have questioned my hiatus.
heex.. well.. i've been good. just that i was freaking busy and i just did some soul searching, threw away some feelings, and yeah, i'm back. =) i miss blogging oh so much! heh...
drama has already ended. the show was okay. the technical glitches sucked big time. however, natasha's grp which performed on friday had a much better show. howells, that's just show business.
but then! on friday, haha.. we had the flame awards.. and the theme was retro rock. and there was a party after that. omg.. drama totally rocked the night lahh. heh.. it was crayzeee!!! we owned the stage and we made the most noise eventhough we had a few people. heh.. and i danced for like, 1 hour plus.. wooh. but the songs were a bit boring coz it was retro 70s and 80s songs.
and YES! i came in as a GOTH ROCKER CHICK! hehhh!
yeah well, drama people are camera-hoggers btw. so yeah, while the show was ongoing, with crowds in front, we ran to the front stage and posed and snapped a pic. =)
well, i'm still waiting for the pics to be uploaded to the sharepoint.. then i will upload it here.
but then, urhm.. nevermind. i will only say it when the right time comes.
i've been working like a bitch again. last saturday, i worked for 12 hours.. from 9 am to 9 pm. and to think 12 hours is bad, on sunday, i worked from 7 am to 9 pm! how's that?!! haha.. i swear, my legs were all numb and my focus wasnt as sharp. like wadderrhell. it's been a crazy crazy week.
okay well.. =) i'm back. tag me okeh. hhaha..
withlotsoflove.
heex.. well.. i've been good. just that i was freaking busy and i just did some soul searching, threw away some feelings, and yeah, i'm back. =) i miss blogging oh so much! heh...
drama has already ended. the show was okay. the technical glitches sucked big time. however, natasha's grp which performed on friday had a much better show. howells, that's just show business.
but then! on friday, haha.. we had the flame awards.. and the theme was retro rock. and there was a party after that. omg.. drama totally rocked the night lahh. heh.. it was crayzeee!!! we owned the stage and we made the most noise eventhough we had a few people. heh.. and i danced for like, 1 hour plus.. wooh. but the songs were a bit boring coz it was retro 70s and 80s songs.
and YES! i came in as a GOTH ROCKER CHICK! hehhh!
yeah well, drama people are camera-hoggers btw. so yeah, while the show was ongoing, with crowds in front, we ran to the front stage and posed and snapped a pic. =)
well, i'm still waiting for the pics to be uploaded to the sharepoint.. then i will upload it here.
but then, urhm.. nevermind. i will only say it when the right time comes.
i've been working like a bitch again. last saturday, i worked for 12 hours.. from 9 am to 9 pm. and to think 12 hours is bad, on sunday, i worked from 7 am to 9 pm! how's that?!! haha.. i swear, my legs were all numb and my focus wasnt as sharp. like wadderrhell. it's been a crazy crazy week.
okay well.. =) i'm back. tag me okeh. hhaha..
withlotsoflove.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
know-it-all.
i only had 1 hour of sleep this morning.
i saw her at woodlands this morning.
i havent had my breakfast this morning.
easily said, i am cranky this morning.
and, i'm having my period.
there's just this guy in my class who thinks he's a know-it-all. it's pissing me off. he was even lazy to move his fucking heavy butt to my place because he was in my team. And i wasn't the one who wanted to sit there. The facilitator told me so. And he told the facilitator, Team 3 can be anywhere what. So we can just sit here lah.
WTF. Just move your fucking heavy ass down to my table alright and quit arguing with the faci. And guess what, he's doing all the work and not discussing it with me or the guy next to me because, he was only telling the guy next to him what is right and what is wrong.
sheesh.
fuck. i don't feel like doing anything. i'm in such a cranky mood this morning. blame it on period, not enough sleep and hunger.
so don't any of you dare to cross my way today.
i saw her at woodlands this morning.
i havent had my breakfast this morning.
easily said, i am cranky this morning.
and, i'm having my period.
there's just this guy in my class who thinks he's a know-it-all. it's pissing me off. he was even lazy to move his fucking heavy butt to my place because he was in my team. And i wasn't the one who wanted to sit there. The facilitator told me so. And he told the facilitator, Team 3 can be anywhere what. So we can just sit here lah.
WTF. Just move your fucking heavy ass down to my table alright and quit arguing with the faci. And guess what, he's doing all the work and not discussing it with me or the guy next to me because, he was only telling the guy next to him what is right and what is wrong.
sheesh.
fuck. i don't feel like doing anything. i'm in such a cranky mood this morning. blame it on period, not enough sleep and hunger.
so don't any of you dare to cross my way today.
LONG POST AHEAD!
finally a proper update from me.
been freaking busy these few days. what's new aye? i've been busy eversince i'm in poly. lolz.
hmm. lemme see. My Hari Raya was crazy. The first day of Raya, I went to 12 houses. Reached home at 1 am. And the following day i didnt go for class. Last Saturday went to 8 houses, of which 7 houses, i had to eat coz they whipped up nice food. Lolz. I have a huge family. It's been crazy but, yeah, not as meriah as last time. This year, i think we missed a lot of houses coz my younger relatives havent visited our family yet.
You see, my dad is an uncle who has lots of nieces and nephews who are married. So, if these nieces and nephews have not been to our place, my dad would insist on not going to their place because the young should always go to the elders first. ouhh heck. and anyway, it'll be more difficult because we are not having any open house this year. yeah, that's why.
moving along.
Last Sunday i went back to work. Gawd i missed work. And you know what, it turned out that Cik Jamilah, my I/C was having her off day that day. And the I/C for that day was our supervisor Viknas. The guy don't know how to work. He's just down there like Raffles.
So anyway, i came in at 945 to the office, signed in and everything and called Rose, the other Transport I/C. She was busy with some other stuff. So, guess what, she put me in charge of the marshals. She specifically said, help me for this 1/2 hour.
well guess what, it didn turn out to be 1/2 hour. it turned out to be 1 day. So i had to make sure all the marshals were at their location, everything to be set up and make sure they have their breaks.
and, well.. these new kids made trouble coz they came late. they were supposed to start at 10 but they came in at 12. nevermind. but then, i found out. my boys are also causing trouble. Jimmy and Tian Chan were MIA and were uncontactable. WHY AAAHH?
So then, i was like, totally short of manpower. sigh.
And, you know what? i witnessed an accident. LOL. Right in front of me. Oklah it wasnt that major but it was my first time witnessing and reporting. ahaha.
but overall, that day was crazy. everyone was searching for me for instructions, for situations, Tango Control keep calling for Siloso Point Updates. And lastly, Abang Nazree was like, "Senior Marshal, Senior Marshal Dian come in over." LOL and i replied, "send over" and he said, "well done, good job, good job"
ahahha. and there was also he said this, "WAHH, Dian naik pangkat.. (Dian Promoted)"
i was like, "nooo. " He's not the only one who said it lah. Cik Mashud also said that. I mean, to me, i'm still the same marshal and same Dian that everyone in Sentosa knows. My working style is still the same.
But i guess 2 years working in Sentosa, it really has taught me a lot as a person. It has taught me how to be firm in my decision making, to be patient and tolerant of people of different walks of life, not be afraid of any complaints from anybody especially tour guides and also, complain kings and queens. Yes, working in Sentosa has made me a stronger and wiser person.
Which sometimes, i wonder. If they're saying that i'm a senior marshal, why not Siew Yong be I/C? I mean, he's worked here longer than me. I mean, i am more senior than him by 2 days because we both started at monorail but he was sacked then, which made him transfer to Marshal. And he's a more senior marshal than me, that's why, for that i respect him, even though no other marshals did. The other marshals never liked him but for me, i know him better.
I could imagine the look on some of the new marshal's face when they heard me on the set. I wouldnt say i like them but yeah well, my boys don't like them either. heh. they don't do much. my boys put in their hard work and everything and i really credit them for that. I think my boys are the best marshals i've seen.
my boys?
Nazmi, Faiz, Jimmy, Tian Chan.
They are my boys who worked an average of 10 to 12 hours every weekend. I really credit them a lot. And i'm proud of them because, they know the meaning of TEAMWORK. And they're not individualist. They help each other.
Unlike these new kids. And i don't see the reason why they need to hold the walkie talkie when my boys are not even holding one and the new kids are not even using it. And, when i gave Nazmi the set, so that i can communicate with someone senior at the location, when i came back, the set was with the new kid. HMM.
Look, i don't care if you're a guy, i don't care if you're older than me. I know when i'm right and when i'm wrong. And if you're new, don't act as if you know everything. That seriously piss me off. Don't act like you're some kind of hero. I'm not going to be impress.
My rule is easy.
I do not want people to slack. This job isn't for people to slack. If you wanna slack, find yourself another job. Because when you slack, you are sabotaging your other marshals with more work. It's not fair.
The seniors have taught me good. And now it's my turn to pass down whatever they have taught me. It's not because of the one day that i took charge that i'm like this. I'm still planting my feet down to earth. Like i said, it's not because that i'm regarded as a senior marshal, i've been bossy or fussy or whatsoever. My boys know my style of working. I have passion for my work.
Customer Service, you're in frontline. I do not want people to think we give bad service and bad impression. We have to be the best in everything that we do. And NEVER. And i mean NEVER, give a bad impression to guests.
People hate my guts sometimes. Say anything you want, you can never bring me down. Call me a bitch, a slut, for all i care. You don't know me so you can say whatever you want. I know myself best, my friends know me well. They know what sort of person i am. If you wanna say things about me, go ahead.
It's human nature to judge people. It can never be stopped. I'm not angry. In fact, i classify these people as shallow-minded people for believing what they read or see but not going in any deeper to find out the real meaning of the things that they believe in. So if i dwell in the matter too much, i'll be wasting my time. so why should i?
i've gone through too much to care. so don't bother trying to pull me down.
because i am at my strongest.
been freaking busy these few days. what's new aye? i've been busy eversince i'm in poly. lolz.
hmm. lemme see. My Hari Raya was crazy. The first day of Raya, I went to 12 houses. Reached home at 1 am. And the following day i didnt go for class. Last Saturday went to 8 houses, of which 7 houses, i had to eat coz they whipped up nice food. Lolz. I have a huge family. It's been crazy but, yeah, not as meriah as last time. This year, i think we missed a lot of houses coz my younger relatives havent visited our family yet.
You see, my dad is an uncle who has lots of nieces and nephews who are married. So, if these nieces and nephews have not been to our place, my dad would insist on not going to their place because the young should always go to the elders first. ouhh heck. and anyway, it'll be more difficult because we are not having any open house this year. yeah, that's why.
moving along.
Last Sunday i went back to work. Gawd i missed work. And you know what, it turned out that Cik Jamilah, my I/C was having her off day that day. And the I/C for that day was our supervisor Viknas. The guy don't know how to work. He's just down there like Raffles.
So anyway, i came in at 945 to the office, signed in and everything and called Rose, the other Transport I/C. She was busy with some other stuff. So, guess what, she put me in charge of the marshals. She specifically said, help me for this 1/2 hour.
well guess what, it didn turn out to be 1/2 hour. it turned out to be 1 day. So i had to make sure all the marshals were at their location, everything to be set up and make sure they have their breaks.
and, well.. these new kids made trouble coz they came late. they were supposed to start at 10 but they came in at 12. nevermind. but then, i found out. my boys are also causing trouble. Jimmy and Tian Chan were MIA and were uncontactable. WHY AAAHH?
So then, i was like, totally short of manpower. sigh.
And, you know what? i witnessed an accident. LOL. Right in front of me. Oklah it wasnt that major but it was my first time witnessing and reporting. ahaha.
but overall, that day was crazy. everyone was searching for me for instructions, for situations, Tango Control keep calling for Siloso Point Updates. And lastly, Abang Nazree was like, "Senior Marshal, Senior Marshal Dian come in over." LOL and i replied, "send over" and he said, "well done, good job, good job"
ahahha. and there was also he said this, "WAHH, Dian naik pangkat.. (Dian Promoted)"
i was like, "nooo. " He's not the only one who said it lah. Cik Mashud also said that. I mean, to me, i'm still the same marshal and same Dian that everyone in Sentosa knows. My working style is still the same.
But i guess 2 years working in Sentosa, it really has taught me a lot as a person. It has taught me how to be firm in my decision making, to be patient and tolerant of people of different walks of life, not be afraid of any complaints from anybody especially tour guides and also, complain kings and queens. Yes, working in Sentosa has made me a stronger and wiser person.
Which sometimes, i wonder. If they're saying that i'm a senior marshal, why not Siew Yong be I/C? I mean, he's worked here longer than me. I mean, i am more senior than him by 2 days because we both started at monorail but he was sacked then, which made him transfer to Marshal. And he's a more senior marshal than me, that's why, for that i respect him, even though no other marshals did. The other marshals never liked him but for me, i know him better.
I could imagine the look on some of the new marshal's face when they heard me on the set. I wouldnt say i like them but yeah well, my boys don't like them either. heh. they don't do much. my boys put in their hard work and everything and i really credit them for that. I think my boys are the best marshals i've seen.
my boys?
Nazmi, Faiz, Jimmy, Tian Chan.
They are my boys who worked an average of 10 to 12 hours every weekend. I really credit them a lot. And i'm proud of them because, they know the meaning of TEAMWORK. And they're not individualist. They help each other.
Unlike these new kids. And i don't see the reason why they need to hold the walkie talkie when my boys are not even holding one and the new kids are not even using it. And, when i gave Nazmi the set, so that i can communicate with someone senior at the location, when i came back, the set was with the new kid. HMM.
Look, i don't care if you're a guy, i don't care if you're older than me. I know when i'm right and when i'm wrong. And if you're new, don't act as if you know everything. That seriously piss me off. Don't act like you're some kind of hero. I'm not going to be impress.
My rule is easy.
I do not want people to slack. This job isn't for people to slack. If you wanna slack, find yourself another job. Because when you slack, you are sabotaging your other marshals with more work. It's not fair.
The seniors have taught me good. And now it's my turn to pass down whatever they have taught me. It's not because of the one day that i took charge that i'm like this. I'm still planting my feet down to earth. Like i said, it's not because that i'm regarded as a senior marshal, i've been bossy or fussy or whatsoever. My boys know my style of working. I have passion for my work.
Customer Service, you're in frontline. I do not want people to think we give bad service and bad impression. We have to be the best in everything that we do. And NEVER. And i mean NEVER, give a bad impression to guests.
People hate my guts sometimes. Say anything you want, you can never bring me down. Call me a bitch, a slut, for all i care. You don't know me so you can say whatever you want. I know myself best, my friends know me well. They know what sort of person i am. If you wanna say things about me, go ahead.
It's human nature to judge people. It can never be stopped. I'm not angry. In fact, i classify these people as shallow-minded people for believing what they read or see but not going in any deeper to find out the real meaning of the things that they believe in. So if i dwell in the matter too much, i'll be wasting my time. so why should i?
i've gone through too much to care. so don't bother trying to pull me down.
because i am at my strongest.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
fuh.
luckily i bumped into Arip yesterday. And today.
And with his help, i'm finally going to get the group up and running. Insya' Allah. I'm going to hold the meeting for the girls, discuss, and then we'll be following the boy's with the training. I just hope everything will go according to plan. well, yeah. like, i have a plan like that. =.=
sleepynyer.
ah but anyways. Raya has been crazy. Like really.
okeh. i can barely open my eyes.
good night.
And with his help, i'm finally going to get the group up and running. Insya' Allah. I'm going to hold the meeting for the girls, discuss, and then we'll be following the boy's with the training. I just hope everything will go according to plan. well, yeah. like, i have a plan like that. =.=
sleepynyer.
ah but anyways. Raya has been crazy. Like really.
okeh. i can barely open my eyes.
good night.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Janji Diana
last night i watched one of my favourite malay movies.
Janji Diana.
It was touching lah.. It's about this girl named Diana who can ride superbikes and she anti-guys because something happend in the past and also because of her dad. She went through so much in life. She's like, so not feminine. And then she met this guy Haikal who showed her the meaning of life, and made her change. But sadly, in the end Haikal died because he was trying to get revenge from Ijoy who raped his sister and also Diana.
Then i was thinking, i want a guy who will do that to me. Someone who can bring me down to earth and will help me change myself for the better. Someone who will be strict with me and hopes that i will be a good person and also, someone who will not use me to their advantage (get what i mean in this?)
But then, i thought again. Everytime i get to know a guy, i will be quick to judge. And if it happens that i don't like him, i'll give em the silent treatment. And if the guy ever wants to change me, i'll get pissed off. So, please tell me how the heck can i get the sort of guy i want, when, i'm the one pushing the person away? Lol.. I'm a contradiction.
I admit that I was a, urhm.. Bitch? no. Playgirl? Sounds wrong. HMM.
Let me just have a reflection of my life.
2005.
Chey.. Got internet already. Got to know different kinds people when i entered poly. Chat here, chat there.. Got introduced to Anak Melayu. Lols. It was crazy. I knew lots of guys then. My first chat boyfriend was Farizan. Lasted a few weeks. Then it was Ayul. That was the craziest time i had. 5 months with him. Then after we broke up, it was like, disastrous.
I think i was hanyut already at that time. I've got 3 boyfriends of whom i've never met before. But of course not at the same time lah. Damn2 crazy.
Then i stayed single for a while.
Only when i met someone (you know i know lah horzxz. LOL) in January 2006, Then, i changed a bit. Dunno for the good or for the worse. Haha. But i think for the good lah. I've never felt so loved like that before.
But of course, i couldn't keep up with the relationship because, one thing, i was too busy. 2nd, my relationship was deteriorating. We never have time for each other. It was sad laaaah. Like, cannot meet your boyfriend. But well.. What to do..
i remember, 2 days after we broke up. i cried till i went half insane. screaming and throwing my things, remembering all the memories and the promises. and the i love yous. it really hurt me bad lah. and i didnt go to school for 2 wks some more.
man that was crazy. like, seriously. i don't even know how i ended up like that. but then, i picked myself up again. i have to move on. and I DID!! hehh.
and i fell again. like nangka busuk. LOL.
Because of urhm. Mr Ranger. HAH well, i shan't remember what happened because it was fukken complicated.
then i went through lots of shit. broke down like dunno how many times.
and now, here i am.
it's hard to define the situation or the character i am now. i don't know lah. i just don't wanna fall in love.
firstly, if i get into a relationship now, my relationship with my parents will definitely suffer. i don't like it. i'm just so tired of arguing and quarrelling and lying to them. enough is enough.
secondly, i don't have time. really. tuesdays, wednesdays, thursdays are for Drama. Saturday Sundays are for work. So i'm left with Mondays and Fridays, which, i might just finish school at 5.
thirdly, i'm scared of commitment, hurt, and i'm totally not ready for a relationship right now. i'm just scared.
the fear of it.
but of course, when i went to Nami's friendster profile, i was like, AWWW. SO SWEET. haha. i still have feelings okay even though i'm as Snow Queen as it is. LOL.
okeh lah. going for lunch with sandy bo bandy. =p
toodles.
Janji Diana.
It was touching lah.. It's about this girl named Diana who can ride superbikes and she anti-guys because something happend in the past and also because of her dad. She went through so much in life. She's like, so not feminine. And then she met this guy Haikal who showed her the meaning of life, and made her change. But sadly, in the end Haikal died because he was trying to get revenge from Ijoy who raped his sister and also Diana.
Then i was thinking, i want a guy who will do that to me. Someone who can bring me down to earth and will help me change myself for the better. Someone who will be strict with me and hopes that i will be a good person and also, someone who will not use me to their advantage (get what i mean in this?)
But then, i thought again. Everytime i get to know a guy, i will be quick to judge. And if it happens that i don't like him, i'll give em the silent treatment. And if the guy ever wants to change me, i'll get pissed off. So, please tell me how the heck can i get the sort of guy i want, when, i'm the one pushing the person away? Lol.. I'm a contradiction.
I admit that I was a, urhm.. Bitch? no. Playgirl? Sounds wrong. HMM.
Let me just have a reflection of my life.
2005.
Chey.. Got internet already. Got to know different kinds people when i entered poly. Chat here, chat there.. Got introduced to Anak Melayu. Lols. It was crazy. I knew lots of guys then. My first chat boyfriend was Farizan. Lasted a few weeks. Then it was Ayul. That was the craziest time i had. 5 months with him. Then after we broke up, it was like, disastrous.
I think i was hanyut already at that time. I've got 3 boyfriends of whom i've never met before. But of course not at the same time lah. Damn2 crazy.
Then i stayed single for a while.
Only when i met someone (you know i know lah horzxz. LOL) in January 2006, Then, i changed a bit. Dunno for the good or for the worse. Haha. But i think for the good lah. I've never felt so loved like that before.
But of course, i couldn't keep up with the relationship because, one thing, i was too busy. 2nd, my relationship was deteriorating. We never have time for each other. It was sad laaaah. Like, cannot meet your boyfriend. But well.. What to do..
i remember, 2 days after we broke up. i cried till i went half insane. screaming and throwing my things, remembering all the memories and the promises. and the i love yous. it really hurt me bad lah. and i didnt go to school for 2 wks some more.
man that was crazy. like, seriously. i don't even know how i ended up like that. but then, i picked myself up again. i have to move on. and I DID!! hehh.
and i fell again. like nangka busuk. LOL.
Because of urhm. Mr Ranger. HAH well, i shan't remember what happened because it was fukken complicated.
then i went through lots of shit. broke down like dunno how many times.
and now, here i am.
it's hard to define the situation or the character i am now. i don't know lah. i just don't wanna fall in love.
firstly, if i get into a relationship now, my relationship with my parents will definitely suffer. i don't like it. i'm just so tired of arguing and quarrelling and lying to them. enough is enough.
secondly, i don't have time. really. tuesdays, wednesdays, thursdays are for Drama. Saturday Sundays are for work. So i'm left with Mondays and Fridays, which, i might just finish school at 5.
thirdly, i'm scared of commitment, hurt, and i'm totally not ready for a relationship right now. i'm just scared.
the fear of it.
but of course, when i went to Nami's friendster profile, i was like, AWWW. SO SWEET. haha. i still have feelings okay even though i'm as Snow Queen as it is. LOL.
okeh lah. going for lunch with sandy bo bandy. =p
toodles.
Monday, October 23, 2006
i'm supergirl
i worked like a dog.
no wait, i worked like a female dog.
and yes, i worked like a bitch.
12 hours on Saturday and 10 hours on Sunday. Cik Jamilah wanted me to work another 2 more hours on Sunday.But i said, i really cannot tahan already. I didnt fast for both days. Sheesh. But i wonder why, i mean, it's Deepavali yet there's a lot of Indians coming to Sentosa. Howells..
I didnt go school today. I feel like i'm dehydrated. Reached home last night, i was puking like i was draining water from myself. I puked 5 times last night. Geex. It was horrible. I didnt take UT too. Sighness. And! I skipped this lesson twice. pfftt.
Other than that,
SELAMAT HARI RAYA to all my Muslim friends. Salah Silap Harap Diampunkan. Ku Tau Ku Banyak Bersalah Pada Ramai Org. Dari Hujung Rambut Hingga Hujung Kaki Tulus Ikhlas Ku Ucapkan Selamat Hari Raya.
Jangan Lupa Masak Sedap2 and Banyak2 Ok.. Ahakz.. Faham2 Lah Perut Dee Ni Macam Tong Dram. =) Duit Raya Pun Takmo Lupe K..ahakz..
OUHHHH.
LOOK AT THIS. it's coolness.
HOW COOL IS THAT??!! AHAKZ. Nora Danish appeared twice!
Lols. Okok. Dream On Dee!
no wait, i worked like a female dog.
and yes, i worked like a bitch.
12 hours on Saturday and 10 hours on Sunday. Cik Jamilah wanted me to work another 2 more hours on Sunday.But i said, i really cannot tahan already. I didnt fast for both days. Sheesh. But i wonder why, i mean, it's Deepavali yet there's a lot of Indians coming to Sentosa. Howells..
I didnt go school today. I feel like i'm dehydrated. Reached home last night, i was puking like i was draining water from myself. I puked 5 times last night. Geex. It was horrible. I didnt take UT too. Sighness. And! I skipped this lesson twice. pfftt.
Other than that,
SELAMAT HARI RAYA to all my Muslim friends. Salah Silap Harap Diampunkan. Ku Tau Ku Banyak Bersalah Pada Ramai Org. Dari Hujung Rambut Hingga Hujung Kaki Tulus Ikhlas Ku Ucapkan Selamat Hari Raya.
Jangan Lupa Masak Sedap2 and Banyak2 Ok.. Ahakz.. Faham2 Lah Perut Dee Ni Macam Tong Dram. =) Duit Raya Pun Takmo Lupe K..ahakz..
OUHHHH.
LOOK AT THIS. it's coolness.
HOW COOL IS THAT??!! AHAKZ. Nora Danish appeared twice!
Lols. Okok. Dream On Dee!
Saturday, October 21, 2006
bleargh
ish. i should stop chatting with him. it hurts.
i'm online at 5.50 am. How great is that?? Urgh.. Shit lah.. I wanted to sleep but i know i wont be able to wake up if i slept. Argh.
Went to Vivo again last night and i went nuts at Forever 21. They have really nice tops. And quite cheap too. Whhooo. I rate Vivo City as my favourite shopping ctr! Gosh.. I have no idea though how much i spent yesterday. Okay la.. Maybe not that much. I don't remember. Nyehh.
i'm still chatting! urgh.
Eh ya.. Happy Deepavali to my Indian friends. Sid, George, Vishal and my ex classmates. Whoever they are. Happy Deepavali.
okeh. 6 am. I'll go get ready.
i'm online at 5.50 am. How great is that?? Urgh.. Shit lah.. I wanted to sleep but i know i wont be able to wake up if i slept. Argh.
Went to Vivo again last night and i went nuts at Forever 21. They have really nice tops. And quite cheap too. Whhooo. I rate Vivo City as my favourite shopping ctr! Gosh.. I have no idea though how much i spent yesterday. Okay la.. Maybe not that much. I don't remember. Nyehh.
i'm still chatting! urgh.
Eh ya.. Happy Deepavali to my Indian friends. Sid, George, Vishal and my ex classmates. Whoever they are. Happy Deepavali.
okeh. 6 am. I'll go get ready.
Friday, October 20, 2006
give up ar.
DAH. GIVE UP. I GIVE UP IN DOING PHP.
URGH. I totally didn't want to come to class today. But then i thought, my handphone havent charge yet lah.. Where the heck am i going to find a power pluck. Geex. I so hate Fridays.
This morning, i was shock-en (LOL) when HE msned me. He asked me if i was angry.
And i said.. I've no reason to be angry. And i'm not angry, i'm just disappointed.
And he didnt' reply me after that.
Disappointed ah. How can you believe a rumour about me? Like, HELLO. You know me better than he does. And he's telling you something which is NOT TRUE and you believed him?! Haiz.. And because of her, you know yourself best. I've advised you enough. You're old enough to know what to do.
and u say, u can never understand why we can't be together.
it's okay. like i've said, i'm not expecting anything from you. i never have.
i understand. i understand fully.
i'm drowning myself with these 2 songs. From The Heart and Linger. I don't know lah. I don't know what to feel or how to feel. My heart is numb.
Like what me and Jimmy said to each other.
Me: I don't want to be in a relationship now. My heart is super-glued.
Jimmy: At least your heart is super-glued, you can still open it up. My heart is cemented.
WAHAHA. How funny is that? Lol.
Sigh.
I'm just a changed person. Like someone said, "u're not the same Dian i knew. and yes, that Dian is dead"
Yes, that Dian is dead.
Hmm. Let me see. I guess Dian then was too kind, too soft spoken. She lets people get away with things and lets people take advantage over her.
But now, no such thing is going to happen. i'm not going to bother about any single thing. all i care is the people i'm around with everyday. i don't go out with guys already. it's either i have no time, i will make myself not to have time.
i'm not even home to help my parents clean the house. Okay ah. Don't say house ah, my room is still not cleaned up yet. Hah. It's now all about, school, cca and WORK.
and i'm a workaholic, got a problem with that?
i keep thinking about you and i wonder why. i've said i wanted to take my leave, and i almost did. 11 days. i kept myself away from you for that long. tell me, why do i feel so wrong without you? sigh.. it's not that i love you, i'm trying not to love you because i don't wanna hurt either of us. but, i care for you. that's just it. it just hurts.
URGH. I totally didn't want to come to class today. But then i thought, my handphone havent charge yet lah.. Where the heck am i going to find a power pluck. Geex. I so hate Fridays.
This morning, i was shock-en (LOL) when HE msned me. He asked me if i was angry.
And i said.. I've no reason to be angry. And i'm not angry, i'm just disappointed.
And he didnt' reply me after that.
Disappointed ah. How can you believe a rumour about me? Like, HELLO. You know me better than he does. And he's telling you something which is NOT TRUE and you believed him?! Haiz.. And because of her, you know yourself best. I've advised you enough. You're old enough to know what to do.
and u say, u can never understand why we can't be together.
it's okay. like i've said, i'm not expecting anything from you. i never have.
i understand. i understand fully.
i'm drowning myself with these 2 songs. From The Heart and Linger. I don't know lah. I don't know what to feel or how to feel. My heart is numb.
Like what me and Jimmy said to each other.
Me: I don't want to be in a relationship now. My heart is super-glued.
Jimmy: At least your heart is super-glued, you can still open it up. My heart is cemented.
WAHAHA. How funny is that? Lol.
Sigh.
I'm just a changed person. Like someone said, "u're not the same Dian i knew. and yes, that Dian is dead"
Yes, that Dian is dead.
Hmm. Let me see. I guess Dian then was too kind, too soft spoken. She lets people get away with things and lets people take advantage over her.
But now, no such thing is going to happen. i'm not going to bother about any single thing. all i care is the people i'm around with everyday. i don't go out with guys already. it's either i have no time, i will make myself not to have time.
i'm not even home to help my parents clean the house. Okay ah. Don't say house ah, my room is still not cleaned up yet. Hah. It's now all about, school, cca and WORK.
and i'm a workaholic, got a problem with that?
i keep thinking about you and i wonder why. i've said i wanted to take my leave, and i almost did. 11 days. i kept myself away from you for that long. tell me, why do i feel so wrong without you? sigh.. it's not that i love you, i'm trying not to love you because i don't wanna hurt either of us. but, i care for you. that's just it. it just hurts.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Ramadhan
heh..
i changed my blogskin like, again. i likeee. those of you who managed to get in here and read this post, kudos to all of you. =))
well, what do i blog now?
hmm.. you know, since Ramadhan is here, i've been thinking quite conservatively. Like, i get so pissed when i see couple with their PDA. PDA? Public Display of Affection. Like, especially in school uniform. sheesh. tell me i'm getting old. SHEESH.
maybe the character of Mona Lisa, the one that i'm doing for Sanity Sense and Sex for Playtime, is getting on to me.
She's someone who's very judgemental about guys and also opiniated about sex. Someone who's very boastful, prideful, egoistic and also has high self esteem.
I have this line,
"... you know, what happens in a relationship between a man and a woman gets mirrored to the world.. people are watching us, they judge what they see..."
i find that true, actually.
it's just, i mean, if you wanna do it, fine.. but you don't have to let the public squirm with your PDA.
gosh.
okeh whatever.
i'm not that alim myself.
and maybe, i'm just having one of those moody days.
i need fan fan.
i changed my blogskin like, again. i likeee. those of you who managed to get in here and read this post, kudos to all of you. =))
well, what do i blog now?
hmm.. you know, since Ramadhan is here, i've been thinking quite conservatively. Like, i get so pissed when i see couple with their PDA. PDA? Public Display of Affection. Like, especially in school uniform. sheesh. tell me i'm getting old. SHEESH.
maybe the character of Mona Lisa, the one that i'm doing for Sanity Sense and Sex for Playtime, is getting on to me.
She's someone who's very judgemental about guys and also opiniated about sex. Someone who's very boastful, prideful, egoistic and also has high self esteem.
I have this line,
"... you know, what happens in a relationship between a man and a woman gets mirrored to the world.. people are watching us, they judge what they see..."
i find that true, actually.
it's just, i mean, if you wanna do it, fine.. but you don't have to let the public squirm with your PDA.
gosh.
okeh whatever.
i'm not that alim myself.
and maybe, i'm just having one of those moody days.
i need fan fan.
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