it's always been you.

LOL.

Syasya went to take my first line. I wanted to put, *sesungguhnya aku sedang berpuasa*, den i left my blog for a few hours unupdated only with that line. Then at 12 plus, went to her blog, den she went to put that line. LOLZ. and she was sitting at the other side of the room. Hahaha..

But then, i can't say that anymore because i'm not fasting.

i was so angry and so mad and so upset with HIM that i went to the block opposite the school to smoke with Farah. 3 sticks one after the other.

i was close to tears when i typed what i wanted to say to him. it just hurts so bad when he said what he said this morning in the sms.

the discrimination is getting worse on me. about me and abang. and of all people, i expected him to understand. why issit so difficult for you to understand that you are the one that has been in my heart all along?

i find it weird when my friends discriminate me and him and my mum's okay with it. And so are my colleagues. Had a talk with Farah while smoking and we talked about the issue of girls our age dating older guys. not that i'm dating abang man, but yea, like, very close.. and she understood. =) talked to Linda in the morning about it also, and she understood too.. yeah.. so at least, not everyone is against me.

ok. will update about Geylang with bestest mates tonight or tmr. =)

Ramadhan Challenges

So, in another episode of My Life, A Drama.

Work was horrible yesterday. Massive congestions, taxis, buses, cars, mindless people can lead to: A COMPLAIN.

well, what's new right? I pity Faiz and Jimmy. They might be suspended. Who knows? So, after work and buka, I helped them type down their reports at the office while they were still working.

Started off with Jimmy's report. Think it was quite well done, especially when i haven't done report-writing for a while.

while typing, i heard Abang's voice outside. Gawd. I screamed from inside the office. Lolz. Haven't talked to him the whole day. And he came in and sat with me for awhile and went outside to have his break.

Then, when i finished with Jimmy's report, went outside coz i thought someone's gonna fetch me so i rushed lah. Saw Faiz's Sampoerna. I took it.

Then sat beside Abang. I guess everyone knows how close we are.

I called the someone but he never pick up. Msg him also he never reply. Heck lah. Cik Jamilah came and i helped her with her report. Then, helped with Faiz's report. They needed my help coz they said i have fast fingers. Lol.

Left Sentosa around 10. By the time i gave up. Went home with Cik Jamilah, Jimmy, Tian Chan, Faiz and Khairul. But Khairul went to Punggol then the rest of us went to the EW line. And we made loads of noise. Haha..

I love my marshals.

Then at night, i received a voicemail from the guy who wants me to be his gf. He said *blahhh3...*. So i guess, i didn't really wanted him to wait for me. So i told him that i didnt want a relationship now and blah3..

And guess what?

HE BLEW UP.

DUDE, FACE IT OKAY. I DO NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP. ACCEPT THE FACT!!!

and he told me to delete his number, delete his msn and friendster. I did.

and he said this..

"Happy kan? Dah gi jauh2.. jgn tanye diri u yg u tak saketkn hati me. Lain kali kalau kenal dgn org lain, saketkan hati dorg jgn lupe. Me bangge dgn u ah"

wtf.

and blah3. i fell asleep. and woke up this morning wif 4 unread msges. 2 from Pirlo, 1 from him and 1 from the someone.

He said, "Dah la. U kan perfect tak mcm me. Bye"

GEE. THANKS AH EH.

I've said what i wanted to say to you, so freak out from my life okay! I dun wanna care anymore. It's my life and my feelings and if i don't wanna give it to you, IT'S MY BLARDY problem! THANK GOODNESS i listened to my mum's advices and i didnt accept you. Thank you mummy dearest.

Be gone.

And today, someone msged me. I guess he's having his depression once again. And then he talked about friendship and he don't mind if he loses friends.

GEE.

EH HELLO. I just argued with your friend yesterday and you are doing this to me.

Please, i really cherish you as a friend. If not, i don't think our friendship can last this long. 10 months of friendship with someone i know from a website is unusual okay. I really care for you as a friend and i will help you no matter what. you know i will.

Abang called me just now and we talked for a while and i went back to sleep.

Woke up then went online. I AM SO TOTALLY CRANKY AND NOT IN THE MOOD.

And to that someone,

i know you're reading this. i don't blame them for turning sarcastic on you. now i am turning sarcastic on you too.

look, stop telling me who i can be with and who i can't. First Irfan, now Abang Man. Stop it okay. If my mum doesnt mind me going out with Abang Man, what gives you the right to? So what he's 40 years old? At least he does not go overboard in caring for me like you do. He doesnt tell me that i can't mix around with whoever i want to, or not to do this or do that. Coz he lets me be MYSELF.

Don't freaking talk to me that i'm for his money. I can make my own money thank you very much.

DON'T ever criticize any of my friends or loved ones. This is what you get.

I'm happy with the people in my life. I don't need new ones. The people in my life, my mum, my family, kak diana, amy thabri, abang man, my sentosa drivers and my marshals, nouru, jalilah, wan, sandy, sid, george, wan chik, kecik and those who holds good friendship with me.

and yes, i'm egoistic. it's for my own good.

my life. a soap drama.

i know i'm not doing much today in class.

but i'm still stressed up.

and my eyes hurt. either my sleepiness or because i've been crying too much last night. goodness!!

sometimes, i think.. God is being so incredibly unfair to me. The one i love, he turned away, and the one, i'm totally not interested in, is hopelessly all over me.

i'm in dire state of confusion. i do do not want this to happen nor i wish it would happen. but it did. and like it or not, i have to come up with an answer which, i can't think of right now. it's hopeless. i just can't think of anything to come up with.

it has never been you like how it's always been me for you.

i'm sorry you felt disheartened when i went there with him and you were there with them.
i'm sorry for all the things you heard about me and him.
i'm sorry that u've never been noticed all these while.
coz to me there's only him.
he's my world.

and i'm also sorry that i said i've forgotten about him.
coz i haven't.
and i don't intend to.

my life, a drama.
you, me, him.

you love me.
i love him.
and he loves her.

how much of a confusion can that be?

if it's something about me which i hate, i am soft-hearted. i have difficulty refusing people. be it help or advises. and i'm scared that i'll make the wrong choice.

it doesn't hurt to love. but to love doesnt mean to possess.

i love him. and i'm happier with the way things are with me and him, as friends. as long as i see him happy, it makes me happy.

i'm binded by a lot of people, you have no idea. no one has any idea.

Dear God,

Please help me make the right choice. Guide me to the right path in life.

Please.

of love, fate and destiny.

i'm chatting with Tian Chan now..

And i can see myself and JJ in his relationship. Like, i mean, he has this girlfriend who really loves him and he loves her too. but it just so happens that her mum is strict.

sounds familiar?

hahs. yea.. been there done that..

one thing that i've learnt from that relationship was not to go against parents. coz fate will never side you if you go against your parents.

so you may seem that you're ever so confident that the person you're going out with is gonna be The One for you. But you forget, that the Supreme Being is the one who decides everything. you think that The One is The One you're gonna marry. But if He decides that it's not. or if Fate decides that you're destined to be with another, then, the storyline changes.

i've gone through quite a lot in life to know what is right and what is wrong. of course, as human beings, sometimes, we find it hard for us to refrain ourselves from doing the wrong things. but, for me, i am trying very hard to change what i've done in the past.

of love, all i can say is that, i am still young. at 18, i just don't see myself as someone's wife. that's the point of a relationship ain't it. to develop it into a marriage. and honestly, i'm not looking into a marriage anytime soon.

and you should think, what's the point of getting into a relationship now when you know that that person is not gonna be the one for you? so why trouble yourself with the heartache?

and, i remember one thing Abang Azri used to tell me.

Your relationship isnt going to last when you don't have blessings from your parents or when your parents are against the relationship.

Take it from him.

He found his first love at 10 years old and he married her at the age of 22. Still, their parents disapproved of them. His parents disapproved of her. Her parents disapproved of him.

They had their first child at 24. Still, the parents disapproved of the marriage. At age 34, they divorced. But they still loved each other. Because, they had to divorce because of the constant poking and provokations by their parents till they can't stand it anymore. wasted.

so the point i'm trying to make, is that, without parental blessings, a relationship won't last, no matter how hard you fight for it.

take it from me. i've learnt a lot from my past mistakes.

and like i've always said..

"i don't believe in love as much as i believe in fate."

If you believe in fate, it will make you strong. Like, for example, you believe that you love this guy/girl sooo much. but in the end, you guys break up. but to you, it's okay. because you know your fate is not with him/her. you're not destined to be together.

and that your fate is with someone else. and you believe that and that is what makes you positive and strong.

like me. heh.

coz for me, i believe that there is someone out there for me. but it's just a matter of time before i meet him/her.(HAHAHA. jk.) okay.. just a matter of time before i meet HIM. And i don't have to go around looking for him coz i know he will be looking for me too, so why should i waste time looking? That said, we shouldn't be too slackish and should put in effort too. make sense?

Love is just a facade. It can be a beauty or a horror.

it's up to you to judge.

if you think that you cant handle the hurt and the pain, then don't fall in love. its that easy.

then i was chatting with my ex Farizan last night.

he said he found it hard to find someone who can fit in to his schedule.

gee. and my answer to him was...

"let's say u have someone, but you dun have the time for her, not only will u hurt yourself.. u're gonna hurt her also"

see. tell me it's true. yeah it's true! lolz.

that's also partly the reason why i choose to be single. i don't have the time for a relationship. if i'm busy and i'm in a relationship, (like when i was wif JJ), not only will i be hurting myself.. but i will hurt my partner as well..

so, get my drift?

love and being in a relationship are not the most important things in the world.

making money is. =)

booyah.

lolz. the classroom dustbin is full of tissues. and who's to be blame?

yeah me.

my neverending flu is becoming worse due to the sudden cold temperature in the class. urgh.. it's so irritating. and not to mention that my tummy roars in hunger. okay, so it's my first day fasting in school. bahh. feel like not fasting coz of this stupid flu and cough. but, i'll try to tahan as long as i can.

just hope i don't collapse.

lolz.

so cold and hungry can??

RAAAA. makes me sound like some refugee. lolz.

i am so blanked.

LOL. My HUMPS. on my player. LIKE, that is sooo R&J. Romeo and Juliet RP version. Lol. With the oh-so-*fill in the blanks* Cleo.


And Pump It. LOL. So R&J.

Okays. Sungguh keboringan. LOL. i'm typing too much lol.

i am single. but i don't feel that i am.

in a way, there will always be some guy who tries to control me, which, i totally hate - being controlled. and, furthermore, he's not my guy.

firstly, if you feel that i'm shooting you, well, it may be you. if not, it may not be you.

i know that people care about me and don't want other people to take advantage of me and stuff. but then, by restricting me won't make me any happier. look, i know how to take care of myself and if i'm hurt by them, then let me handle it.. jeepers.

i am strong-willed. i am determined and i'm not emotionally weak. you don't have to treat me as if i can't take care of myself. i can do it better than you.

so, leave me alone.

urgh.

Dee punye degil.

Stubborn.

Now, it's not just cough, flu and sore throat. it adds on. i've fever and headache now. geez. thanks ah eh.

and i'm still fasting. mum told me to go and take some medicine but i didnt. argh. heck lah.

gawd.. i hate the haze.

i miss abang.

SICK

i'm SICK of being SICK.

why am i such a SICKly child. i get SICK every few months. Isn't that just so SICK?

Cute Myspace Layouts




Cute Myspace Layouts



Cute Myspace Layouts

missing people

fyi.

ChiCka has become lazy and she's even lazier to update her blog these few days.
ChiCka has some personal issues.
ChiCka has guyS issues.

ChiCka has been MISUNDERSTOOD.

ok. what have i been doing so far?

ooh. okay. Friday, went to Kampung Glam with Kak Diana. And it was soo freaking BORING. We went in and came out 5 mins later. really. And i saw Syed, the tour guide who used to work at Fort/Ticketing at Sentosa. He also said that it was soooo boring. Don't bother yourselves going there.

Then after that, we went to Geylang, which is like, 387274104608147 times better than KampungGlam. Saw a couple of people i know. And, i saw a REBANA and ANAK which cost $300 altogether. ZUL!!! I WANT THAT ONE!! lolz.

ok i got pics for that night.

oooohh i love my cuzzie~!! we're like best friends. finish each other's sentences and think alike. love ya loads!!

ok then, yesterday, started work at 10 am and stationed at VAC. The whole day, it rained like heckk. and it was so freaking cold. And Cik Jamilah called me and asked if i can work till night. So i was like, okay lah. Since i was gonna meet Amy at 9 plus.

So at night was stationed at Ferry. Like, no way am i gonna stay at VDC and see Viknas' face. He underpaid me. URGH. And stil can bodek me that i'm his best worker and etc. That's what he is what. Balls carrier.

So after work, i met Amy at the interchange's control stn. And we went to Geylang to meet my mum. Den my mum jalan2 wif my grandma den i jln2 wif him. Gosh. We were so worried sia coz of a few things that happend the night before. But luckily nothing happend. Thank God!

I was supposed to go back by lorry with my mum and the maternal side. But i was so worried for Amy that i decided to follow him all the way to his bike. Then he searched for his keys den couldnt find it. Den i checked my bag, and the keys dropped from the newspaper that he told me to keep. Luckily i followed him. If i didnt, confirm member cant go back home. Hahaha. So then, i went to meet my mum.

then today work, i was at Imbiah Lookout. Was okay lah. And then, at 3 plus, Abang Man dtg!!! I was sooo happy! I don't know why. Happy to see him.. Hehe.. Sayang abg! I'll talk about Abg Man later. Then, me and Tian Chan were so sleepy so i went to Coffee Bean, only to see Fir Pirlo there. So i told him i was sleepy and i wanted a coffee that can really make me awake but i only had $4.70 wif me. And, it was kinda nice of him to put it on the house. =)

So then, me and Tian Chan went to VAC after work and we were about to leave when i had the feeling that i wanted to meet Abang. Like, suddenly miss him giler babi. haha. Lame sia Dee. So we went out of the bus and waited for Abang. Lolz.

One week of not meeting Abg sey. So i better meet him now lah. And anyway, if you guys don't know, Abg Man is actually older than my mum. Wouldnt say how old he exactly is but he 20-plus-ish older than me. My mum kinda freaked also lah when she found out that i was so damn close wif him. but dunno lei, i don't seem to mind.

AND. Last night he saw me holding Amy's helmet. Then i told him la i going out with Amy. Then today he asked me where we went and i said Geylang uh. Then he said.. "No more eh.." hmmm. Don't tell me he jealous siaa.. I mean, all these while, i only tumpang his bike. Then.. HMM. Dunno laaah.

Then i went back with Tian Chan and Cik Jamilah. Only to be left by Cik Jamilah at Outram Park coz she went in first wif all the banglas. And then, me and Tian Chan got left out. Ahakz. Then i told Tian Chan, i'm so not used to going back from work by train. Coz usually either my mum will pick me up or Abang Man will send me back.

Then Tian Chan said, "They pamper you too much.."

Me? Being pampered?? Hrmmm. I know i'm very pampered with Abang Man but not my parents ahh. And i realise that the drivers also pamper me too. But i dunno le. It's just me i guess, being pampered and stuff. Haiiya..

Anyway, last night, at Ferry Terminal while waiting for the crowd to come out, i called Md Nor and we talked. Haiz. I kinda miss him lah. Then at 4 plus, Astroboy called me. Then talked for a while then Md Nor msged me. Haaaaiz.

That aside,

To Sandy:

i love you too my bitch. but let's face it, there's no more us anymore. ok. maybe us, wifout you-noe-who. but like you said, mayb all of us were caught in our new life that we actually forgot to spare time for the old pals.

TAG REPLIES.

SaNdy
i miss you my bitch~
ChiCka:
i miss you too bitch.

Mud LPB
u said that memories hurt.but u urself most of thetimes tink abt memories...
ChiCka:
yes, i do think of memories. but at least i'm strong enuff to face my hurt and get on with my life.

Nouru
Haish...Life is full of -4stars- things huh?
ChiCka:
Ouhh yes. the -4stars- things. urgh. it's never gonna end.

diana_vanderh
thanks for the chill. wealways have fun. n ya, acicurl says hi! ;p
ChiCka:
No probs darling. yes, we always have fun together. awww. say hi to acicurl and acioi for me. =)

'SHACUTE
Heyh0! Saya Bloghopped.Super Nice Pichas. I LoveYour Smile, Heh. The Song,POWER Laaa. Take Care*<3
ChiCka:
Hey awak~! Ahaaha.. Thankieew. Alerrmak. Power Langsung beb!

Meow___*// Mira
greetings...wus juzblogghopping...kewlskin...linkk me yaa...tcshweets....ciowz x))
ChiCka:
heyloz~ thanks~ i've linked you up.. u tkcre too~ =)

lin
oits. i agree with u abtthe web application codes.seriously heart-wrenchingsia doing it. hurhur
ChiCka:
GAWD! TELL ME ABOUT IT. web app SUCKS.

mizz rai
DEEEE!! bumped into you deother time, lehh. ahaha!!mish you laa!! ehh,anything, update me horr,it might be my lastperformance alr for srydylaila.
ChiCka:
RAIIIII! HEH. i miss you too babe~ ahakz.. dun wry.. i will update you. ASAL EHH!! ALAAAA.

SaNdy
y cannot b anymore us ? I mSTILL here nor... (=
ChiCka:
Coz US as in 6 of US died. there's no more spirit.

till then.

die die codes die.

STRESS.

Web Applications is killing me. PHP codes are worse than JAVA. Gosh i miss Derek's class. At least he makes me understand. Frank DOES NOT. He talks like a bullet train, and his voice is so booming that it has become an irritant to my ears. urgh. Now that Juita is gonna leave, MORE stress for me and Syasya. I dun wanna walk out of class lah.. I mean, i'm TRYING to be a good girl this sem. heh.

ok. let's put web aside.

last night, Amy came down to my place and we lepak2 at the void deck, listening to songs and he was smoking ah. I tried gulung but didnt like it. AH anyways, i'm trying to quit smoking ah. Like, really2 trying to.

So then, he wanted a guitar. So, i went up and took the guitar and we sang all sorts of songs, melayankan perasaan la katakan. It was fun ah..

And he told me what she said to him and my first thought was that, "confirm. he's really hurt like hell."

hais.

sometimes, i really don't understand. Like, why issit difficult for some people to just console themselves when they're hurt? Or why do they still hang on to memories?; when memories are the things that hurt you the most.

i really don't understand.

howells.

i've really given up hope on relationships. i mean, not that i'm looking for one, but, after him (not Jayjay), i seriously think that, no one can shut the ego in me. yes, i admit that i'm egoistic and stubborn. no one can shut me up except him. and yes, i respect him. coz he's not the typical jackass of a guy.

somehow, today, i'm feeling kinda depressed. aftermath of last night? maybe. with all the jiwang2 songs. haish.. i talked to Jas Harlequin last night before meeting Amy. And i said this, i'm happy with the people around me. I don't really need anyone new. With whoever i'm left with in this life, i'm happy.

Which, reminds me.

I read Sandy's blog about ex-bestfriends. Well.. i think you guys (and also, girls) should know who you people are. ex-bestfriends, it was nice while it lasted. but i guess the time has ended for us. we've met new friends, new people. i appreciate your presence. but there's no more us. can never be anymore 'us'.

and, i should really strike this pic out.

i guess, i'm a tad disappointed. but, well, life has to go on.

bye friends, hello strangers.

ouh. don't mind me, i'm still period-ing, and my temperaments are bad.

Sentosa.

you know, sometimes, i feel like my life practically revolves around Sentosa. Like, my mum and dad used to work there. And my mum met my dad there and got married. AND i was nearly given birth at Sentosa.

heh gee.

and plus,

Like, My RELATIVES used to work or are still working at Sentosa.

Example:

The Cik Oja (my mum's cousin) Clan:
Kadir (her son)
Cik Zailani (her ex-husband)
Cik Othman (her bro)
Cik Asmah (her sister)
Uncle Zul (her bro)
Tahir (her nephew)

My Clan:
Mum
Dad
Kak Comel (my aunt)
Abang Madi (my aunt's husband)
Nek Busu (my aunt's mum)
Tok Busu (my aunt's dad)

ok mind blank.

friends whom i've recommended to the job.

1st: Amir
2nd: Louis
3rd: Linda

Amir bastard siaa. Keep absenting himself from work. Luckily Louis and Linda stuck to the job. hahs..

so my mum said i might find a husband there since most of our relatives found their husbands at Sentosa. I was like, wtf. shut up. hurhurhur. whatever.

So anyways, last Wednesday, like, the last day of holiday, me and Linda went to, of all places, Sentosa. Like as if we're not sick of that place. heex. dunno lah. i just love that place a lot. it's like my 2nd home.

okeh well, i'm too lazy to type. so just look at the pics lah k.

Ok done! Tired sia. Puasa today! Just done wif Sahur.

I'm having high hopes that i will try to change myself this puasa. I just wanna change for the better.

Howells, i'm sleepy. 4.55am.

and ouhh ya.

Happy 20th Birthday Roy aka Astroboy. =)

back to school

should i blog first or do rj first?

haha. ok. RJ first.
brb.

ok back. haha.

first day of school was kinda okay i guess. my class is also okay. but i guess we need to get to know each other more. alah.. first day of school, everyone's shy. i had to whisper to talk to Syasya, my teammate. nyeehh. well, u can't expect me to talk in my proper tone when the class is so quiet right? but hopefully, this class will be as fun as my e35c.

i miss you crazy people.

okay. first day of school over and done wif. 11 more weeks to go. =/

bah~ i'll be in the same class as Nawwa and Vicky for my A112 Class. At least there's something to look forward to in that class. Kinda excited about it actually. haha. Gotta start going to school and not skip any single day. Haish~

i swear RP's network is being a bitch today. Hurr. It always happens on the first day of school. SHEESH. Fed up seh. Can't do work properly. I want an A! =) Feeling a bit motivated now lah.

ARGH! I SO HATE RPNET.

ok lemme see.

dunno what to talk about already.

i'm hungry. like, again.

why are you doing this to me? i wanna forget about you, can? i HAVE forgotten about my feelings about you and i don't wanna remember them anymore. but, at the rate that you are msg-ing me, gee. i just.. i don't know. i don't wanna be hurt anymore. i'm scared. can't you see that?

u've got her. so msg her. why msg me? urgh.

but i've missed you. haiz. why issit always so contradicting. GAWD!

shoot me.

crap.

the moment i saw my 2nd year sem 2 class, i was like, wtf.

of all PODS and LEVELS, it had to be E2, LEVEL 4.

ouh, and if you would remember, E2 LEVEL 4 was the place that they had the Ghost Trail during Cypher Camp. -_-" And it was on the night when all hell broke loose.

and i chatted wif Linsy Giler. Her class is also gonna be at E2 LEVEL 4. GAWD!

and now, i'm kinda scared to go school. ouhh geez! but of course, if you'd seen my GPA (which is.. 1.85) AND the fact that i have to repeat my A112 Module, haiz.. i have to start going to school. I'm in the same class as Nawwa and Vicky for my A112 module. haish.

ouhh whatever.

I went SHOPPING today. Spent like, $100 today. Bought a Giordano top (not black) and a skirt (not black too). And i bought a Body Shop perfume. =) and i also bought a top for my bro. heh.

And, teehee.. I rebonded my hair. Pics will be uploaded tomorrow since, I'm going to Sentosa tmr wif Linda. We're like the DWOs. Daughter of Warrant Officers. Haha. Gee.

Haiz.

I hate you yet i Love you. How contradicting can that be?

another day wasted

it's been such a while since i last had a proper update.

let me see. i woke up at 3.3opm today. yes, i finally replenish my sleep and rest. been sleeping late these few days.

on Saturday, marshals overnight again. <3

only this time, i managed to sleep. and it wasnt as fun as the last one because, firstly, there was no Shulhul to crack jokes and make you laff like heck. Secondly, they shifted the divider and the meeting table. so, it was quite squeezy.

so, anyways, Terry Fox run started at 8 am on Sunday but i started at 6am. Dengs. And by 7 plus, the queue was right in front of the mrt station, like LITERALLY, in front of the escalator of Harbourfront Mrt Stn.

and i was at the end of the queue, trying to organise the queue properly.

okay.. so that's that.

i'm just happy that a friend of mine has found someone he love so deeply. yeah.. lucky her.

for me, i love someone that bad. but it's just that, i can never have someone who love me as bad as i love them. ouhhk. no wonder cant find. i love him bad. ok i love him good and love me as good as i love them. yeah.

haish~

but i was chatting with a friend who was lost for 6 months for ns, about relationship and stuff. and i realise that, i am just afraid of getting into another relationship. because, i don't want to hurt anyone else like how i've hurt JJ wif my busy-ness.

yeah, i'm a freaking busy person, i know. and now that school is gonna re-open, i need to do something about Sry Dylaila.Republik. And plus i'm in the commitee for IFTAR. And plus, Sry Dylaila.Republik is gonna be featured in RP's HRC. AND. Playtime. So yeah.

I will never have the time. Not unless someone understands my busy-ness.

but, i guess, i don't really want anybody right now. i just don't feel like committing myself to another relationship.

and anyways, i have Abang Man. heh. =)

yadayadayada.

A SAGITTARIUS LADY.

A tall slim and graceful woman who walked proudly
like she is walking in a
beauty pageant competition. If she slips or nearly
falls, she will nicely
covered it up and continue with her graceful and
impressive walking step.
She knows how to use make up to enhance her
beauty. She looks at the world
positively, so her face always seem so happy. She
will not get up set
easily.

Self confident woman who belief in her own style.
She will not follow
fashion, but standing in between simplicity and too
modern. She is a very
open person, sometimes can be too blunt. She is
an honest person and never
try to cause troubles for any one.

She likes to say something that you do not want to
hear and yet she can say
something so pleasing at the same time. Example
she may say "I wish you
could make more money, so you could afford
better cloth, but anyway it is
better this way. If you make more money you could
be thinking of money too
much and become greedy". She can say such
thing and make you wonder if you
should get up set or love her more.

She is also a free spirit and does not like to stay
home. She likes to be
protected, but not to give her orders. She has no
respect to a weak man. If
she try to over powered you, then you have to calm
her down and try to
control her to be in a limit by doing the same thing
too. She will listen if
she respect you. She likes to be herself and likes
her guy to be himself.

She is a no nonsense woman, so you will not hear
she says " Guess what I
will do next", or "Guess what I am thinking"
because she always say what she
is thinking out loud like a guy. If you do not
understand her in this
matter, you could easily break up with her. She
sees problems in her love
life as another funny story.

She is clumsy and it is in her nature. You may
think it is cute, but for
some neat guys this could be so unbearable. She
is very friendly, so she can
easily turn her enemy to be her friends. She has
good taste in fine cloths,
good food, first class and first services. Even a
poor woman in this Zodiac
will struggle to afford such good taste. She could
spent lots of money as if
she can not understand how difficult it is to make
money. If you think of
let her borrow money, think again.

She is a paranoid. If she thinks you like her, she
may already think about
getting marry and lost her freedom and so on and
on. A jolly woman who loves
sports. She is an ordinary woman who could dress
like a tomboy. She has more
guy friends and sometimes could act like one of a
guy. She does not care
about rumors, so she can get home very late and
couldn't careless what her
neighbor will gossip about her. She thinks either
good or bad, you will know
it yourself , so you should not bother what people
think.

Her wit and innocent look are her charms. She is
often hurt from love, but
never afraid to look for a new one as if she is
singing "Do that to me one
more time". She likes going straight and being
straight forward. She will
not go around to get what she wants, or beat
around the bush just to say
something. If you meet her and tell her straight
what you think, she will
admire you.

I HAVE BEEN TAGGED BY NOURU TO DO THIS. BLEARGH.

1. full name: Dian Farini Bte Rusli

2. name backwards: ilsuR etB iniraf naiD

3. were you named after someone: Not really. Just that they call me Rin and that comes from a Jap drama serial.

4. meaning of name: Dian = Lilin = Candle

5. nickname: Dee, Dian, Rin, ChiCka, Deedee.

6. screen name: ChiCka

7. D.O.B: 02.12.1988

8. place of birth: SGH

9. nationality: Singaporean

10. current location: In My Room.

11. star sign: Sagittarius

12. religion: Islam

13. height: 1.64 m

14. weight: nyeh… =p

15. shoe size: 9

16. hair colour: Brownish black

17. eye colour: black.

18. who do you look like: my parents? Hahaha. Like, duh.

19. innie or outtie: innie? Outtie? Urh.. I don’t get ya

20. leftie or rightie: righty

21. gay, straight, bi or others: gay. Hahaha. Gee.

22. best friends: mummy, shafiq, abang man.

23. best friend you trust most: mummy

24. favourite pals: anyone uh

25. best friend of opposite sex: nouru, muddy, abang man, amy.

26. best buddies: next.

27. boyfriend or girlfriend: boyfriend. =)

28. crush: it has always been him, will always be him.

29. parents: okay lahh.

30. worst enemy: BALLOONS.

31. favourite online guy: noone for now

32. favourite online girl: noone for now.

33. craziest friend: my lovely marshal babies. =)

34. advice friend: abang man.

35. loudest friend: Urh, there’s too many of them. haha

36. person you cry with: none.

37. any sisters: None

38. any brothers: yeah 3. GEEEE.

39. any pets: none pls.

40. any disease: low blood platelets

41. pagers: gee.. so last time.

42. personal phone line: Uhhhuh

43. cell phone: Nokia 7260

45. pool or hot tub: I SO NEED A HOT TUB NOW!

46. a car: Nissan March pls!

47. your personality: temperamental, don’t like to be controlled, hot tempered.

48. driving: MYSELF NUTS.

49. room: don’t ask. hurhur

50. whats missing: my happiness

51. school: Republic Polytechnic

52. bed colour: Wooden colour

53. relationship with parents: Close with my mum.

54. believe in yourself: Usually, yes.

55. believe in love at first sight: Never

56. good listener: yeah, good at advising too.

57. get along well with parents: can lah.

58. save email conversations: some of em

59. pray: that I can sort out my life.

60. believe in reincarnation: don’t know

61. make fun of people: No.. that’s mean

62. like to talk on the phone: Yeah.. the longest I spent was 9 hours plus. Heh.

63. want to get married: one day.

64. like to drive: I can’t even drive, how would I know if I like it?

65. motion sickness: not really lar.

66. eat stem of broccoli: GROSS.

67. eat chicken with fork: Urh no laaa.. I use hammer. -_-“

68. dream in colour: I can never remember my dreams

69. type with your fingers on home role: i type with my toes.

70. sleep with stuff animals: nopes

71. next to you: my make up stuff

72. on the walls of your room: 1 avril lavigne poster

73. on your mousepad: I don’t have a mousepad.

74. dream car: nissan march

75. dream date: sigghneess

76. dream honeymoon spot: maldives?

77. dream husband or wife: NEXT!

78. bedtime: nowadays, 9 plus

79. under your bed: nothing

80. single most important question: why?

81. bad time of a day: morning

82. your worst fear: balloons, drowning and cats

83. the weather is: horrible these few days

84. time: 02.30 am

85. date: 15/9/2006

86. best trick did on someone: that I was getting engaged on 29th Feb

87. theme song: Can’t take that away by Mariah Carey

88. hardest thing about growing up: having to worry about things

89. funniest experience: Loads~

90. scariest experience: being chased my a cat

91. silliest thing you have ever said: too many!!

92. scariest thing while you are with your friends: ouh gotta be during cypher camp

93. worst feeling: when ppl pull you down each time you wanna be strong

95. best feeling in the world: feeling loved

96. AND NOW THE SABOTAGING BEGINS!!! CHOOSE EIGHT TO DO THE QUIZ!!!

JAL, SANDY, IKA, FARAH, IRAH KENET, HAIQEL and whoever who wants to do this.




now i know how painful loving someone who love someone else feels.

End Of Singapore Open.

11 September 2006.
-End of 9 days straight work.
-End of Singapore Open.

-No more taking 2nd and 3rd trains to work.
-No more kopis and pratas at 6.45am.
-No more Sentosa Golf Club.
-No more gaga-ing over meeting Chan Song, Gerry Norquist and Chris Rodgers.
-No more Abang Wan to share the fan with.
-No more chit chats wif Chap and caddies and the golfers.

Okay so the list goes on.

This year's Singapore Open proved to be another success and with the new title sponsor, Barclay's, more money being put in and more top players are playing. 1st prize S$3m. With the likes of Adam Scott and Ernie Els and other major players, this year's sales were more than last years'.

When the actual tournament was on the 7th, i was already there on the 4th. Covering the Player's Entrance, the SLG Office Carpark and the Sentosa Golf Club.

I remembered one of the days which i was covering the Player's Entrance, i saw this very cute golfer. He looks Asian. And He asked me if i had my lunch yet. I said not yet. I didnt know his name. But he was hott. And then, there's this caddie, who asked me for my number. His name is Aaron.

So, on the 7th, the day started at 730 am. We were kinda late coz as usual, Lala and Wawa came late when we were supposed to meet at 645 at Harbourfront. Then was placed at the Golf Club. =)

Met lotsa new people this year. And some, of which i remembered from last year. =) And I saw the golfers. Lucky me.. Heh.

And there was once, on one of the tournament days, Gerry Norquist, the golfer, actually turned to me and said, "Hey! I remember you!"

I was smiling like mad. =))

There's this Golf Course guy, Chap, a Caucasian who started talking to me. He's based in Hong Kong. He's really friendly and we talked about Cable Cars. haha.

And i keep seeing the cute Asian golfer which, i then know that his name is Chan Song, and he's a Korean but he stays in the US, considering his American accent.

Then there was this golfer who has blonde hair, blue eyes.. cute too.. I didnt get his name until I searched like mad online. He's Chris Rodgers. He's super friendly and would say hello each time. And i was supposed to take a pic with him but he didnt want to on the evening on the 3rd day coz he said he was sweating and not that good looking. So he said the next day.

Then Chandra came to relieve me but i had to teach him how to do Golf Club.We saw Gerry Norquist teaching some Amateur golfers how to swing at the Driving Range.

So then, when i was done, I saw Chris Rodgers again. And he came to me, and said, "Hey babe!" and hi-fived and lo-fived me. so, high-five and low-five me. haahaha. Chandra was like, o.0 stunned.

Last day of Singapore Open, I felt relieved and sad at the same time, to leave all those fun people. So, i brought my camera along.

Nazmi and Dian


Linda and Dian

Linda squeezed in between Dians.

Pics taken on the morning of the last day of Singapore Open. My lovely marshals. <3

And i was talking to some caddies and they explained about Golf and i finally understood it. They're the best people to ask about golf. Don't underestimate or look down on caddies okay.

And guess what, one of the caddies whom i talked to, was actually Chan Song's caddie!! And he took a pic of me and Chan!!

I was sooo excited! Heh.. Like I met Gerrard Way or something but only that this is Chan Song! Okay, i'm a big fan already. =) And if you wanna see a close-up of Chan Song, browse through his sister's webbie, http://www.areesong.com/about/e_family.asp


Anyways, that afternoon, it rained and the game was suspended for a while. Then it resumed at 1.40. And in the evening, there was a storm. Adam Groom's caddie, whom i didnt know at first and i told him to call for a cab instead of waiting for one, asked me when will the storm stop. How would i know right? Haha.. So i said not sure coz it was really a heavy downpour.

So in the end, round 4 was cancelled and Adam Scott won again. -_-" Not that i'm not a big fan of Scott, but i was hoping someone else would win this year. Like Ernie Els or someone else.

So anyways, players were already heading to the airport by 4 plus onwards. And i saw Chris again. And i told him, "U owe me a pic dude.." Hahaha and his caddie, Franky took the pic for us, and i realise that the quality of my cam sucked. -_-"

HURRR..

So Sue came and relieved me at 5.30 and i left the Clubhouse with a heavy heart. I'm gonna miss the good people there and i'm gonna miss the golfers too. Everyone of them who has made my journey thru the Singapore Open a pleasant one.


`BACK TO REALITY.`

work.

I AM SO IN LOVE WIF MY HAVAIANAS CAN??

ahaha..

I bought it with my own money okay.. Hehh. <3 Been eyeing it for a while. After work went to the Cathay wif Dian and Mazlinda and i went to buy the trekkers. Then we went to eat at Long John. And walked around the Dhoby Xchange SC. And i pierced my ear again. =) After that went home straight. Here's a pic of 2 botak drivers @ Sentosa. Haha..

Been working my arse off these week. Thursday cheong till Sunday. Everyday 730 from tomorrow onwards. And tmr, start of Barclay's Singapore Open 2006. Die. Nonono. Cannot say die. I've done it last year and I can also do it this year (hopefully).

Golf Club again this year. Howells.. These past few days i was exposed to the different locations like the Player's Entrance and the SLG Carpark aka The Sentosa Office Carpark.

So today my job was to teach the guys, as in Roger and Chandra how to do there since Siew Yong off today.. Then after that went back to office wif Dian and Rose, meeting at Pantry.. Then relieve break for Mazlinda and Kah Chong and then I relieve break for Chandra and den my break and back to office for me.

Seriously, i dunno what i job i was doing today. Ouhh whatever. As long as the money keeps coming in. And i met Mr Ranger just now. Coz i didnt want the ciggies that Uncle gave me so i gave it to him. I don't feel like smoking so much now la.

Ok that's dat.

Gotta iron my Barclay's shirt and go to sleep. Long day tomorrow.

GONNA BE THERE TILL THE END.

p/s: the 2 new mly express guys are keeeiuuut.. Hahahha.

complicated.

why can't someone just shoot me?

i don't wanna get to know you. or you. or your brother or even your uncle.
or any of the male species that does not interest me any bit.
i'm happy with the people i know now.

sighness.

if only you knew how much you meant to me, then maybe u'd have sympathy.
but then again, you never had any.
think for yourself why i never msg you anymore.
think why i'm not the same around you anymore.

Tts because YOU changed.
You're too caught up in your own hurt that you hurt the people around you who cares for you.

Ouhh fine.

You mean a lot to me, you know that?
You're not just a friend to me, you're a brother, like i've said before.
Sigh.
You're just complicated to understand.

Change Topic!!

Muddy miss ME! wahahaha... Sorry laaa.. Me no time now larr. Dun wanna repeat it again But you should know why right?

Ok. Need to leave home at 6 am tmr.

Good Night Good People.

tired

dun ask me where i've been.
if you've read my schedule, you'll know that i have no time for anything else.

i've dedicated my holidays to WORK.
And soon will be meetings for IFTAR.

sometimes, i feel that i don't have a life.
it's always been Sentosa, Home, RP.
even if i'm out, he'll be chasing me to go back home early.
geez.

and, in case you guys don't know, i'll be repeating my Year 1 sem 2 module, Maths and Computing.
It's because of my poor attendance in Yr 2 sem 1.
sometimes i feel like quiting school too.
but of course, ridiculous.

Singapore Open has started.
For us i mean..
Sighness.

Been working for 5 days straight, and 5 more days to go.
No Off.
Shld be good right?
But i guess i'm just kinda tired dealing wif all these shit.

And being the senior is not helping much either.
sigh.

sometimes, i get disappointed.
i don't show it.
i'll never say it.
and you'll never know it.
it could be you.
or you.
or even you.

i like that person so much.
but i just feel like hating him.
and i have no idea why i like him too.
and i get pissed.
i know deep inside that i like him.
but i just don't want to admit it.
coz i know he disappoints me a lot.

but my mama said..
i will marry someone from Sentosa one day.
coz it's heriditary.

gawd the heartache.

i just don't wanna think about it.
not now.
not about love.
coz it hurts too much.

i'm just not ready yet.
my heart's not open to anyone.

for the time being, the only confidante i have, is Abang Man.
he's the one who've been wif me all these while.
call it, in the hiding.
i just don't feel like being in contact wif anyone at the moment.

i need my time alone.
hence, working.

no time for me so what makes you think i have the time for you

swingy.

I was thinking of updating about Winnie's Birthday Bash but i havent ask Fion about the pics yet. And to update about today would be a little boring since, it rained all day long. BRRR~

gee. wad was it that i wanted to update on??

ouhh yaa.

it's about the break up of the once-famous gay couple. i usta read their blog and it was like, so touching on how they were so devoted to one another. gee.. sad uhh. i mean, being gay also does not make you escape being hurt. so wad' s the point of being gay right?

in the end it's still your choice. the difference between a human being and an animal is that God gave humans intellect to think wad is right and wad is wrong and humans are given choices.

howells...

my friends have been telling me to quit smoking. i want to. but.. sigh. i just need to get the right motivation first uhh. sighhness. geexzxzxxz.. HAHHAHA. wth.

It reminds me how Lin Gilerness would always mock these people.

slitzxzx moii wristzxzxzxzx... euuu dunch lubbb miee aniimoree.. miee hatexzxz euuu..

wth. why cant you all be happy wif one 'x' or 'z'. gee. seriously, i wonder what your teachers have been teaching all of you in school.. No i mean, seriously. Why do you torture yourself typing those extra letters?

ouh gee, it never made sense to me.

ouh try dis webbie.

http://museum-of-twits.blogspot.com.

heh. you'll laff der horxzzxzxzxzx

*rolls eyes*

EMO.

current mood: lost

updates.

I woke up at 4.15 pm today.. Quite reasonable since i slept at 4.30 am this morning. Dunno why i couldnt get to sleep even though i was kinda sleepy. Howells.

I've been letting my feelings get the better of me. I just don't know what the heck i want.

I was on my way to work yesterday morning and i was suprise at the fact that i teared when i was closing my eyes whilst listening to Only One Accoustic by Yellowcard. Picture: Song started on my mp3, i closed my eyes. And all the memories seems to be rushing back and i vividly saw each and everyone of them. And i began tearing in the train without realizing it.

Memories as in: Me and JJ.

Shit lah. I thought i've gotten over it.. But i havent. Sucks ar. But he knows and i know that we can never be because of our parents. That sucks more. I have to sacrifice my happiness so that he wont get screwed by my dad anymore. Sigh. I miss being with him.

OH NO. Tears rolling down. I miss him so bad. It sucks knowing that you love someone that you know you can't have ever again. Gawd! Like A Rose by A1. The song that was our background while we were at the Fountain of Wealth on the night that both of us got into trouble wif my dad.

SIGH.

But for me, break means break. I don't have the habit of asking my exes for patch.

Which, reminds me that my ex of a year ago msged me at Friendster. I unblocked him and we chatted for a while on msn. Gawd it hurts. He apologised and stuff uh.. And we're kinda okay.

Then, there's Him.

He used to be there for me in times of need. He used to be the one who would always cheer me up when i'm down. I used to like him.. And after that things change.. He changed. And his attitude just pisses me off. I don't like him like i used to anymore.

But then, he came back in my life again and he said things which suddenly made me feel that i should hope again. But then again, his attitude. Urgh.. I know who i am to you.. I am neither wanted nor needed. I'm just a friend, like i used to say to you. But you don't have to say what you did that night and made me hope for you. I'm gullible. I trust people easily. And i trusted you.

And now, i'm just trying to shun every person in my life. I just wanna be alone and sort my life out. And figuring how i should let my heart free of hurt and sadness.

I JUST WANNA SCREEEEAAAAAAMMMM!!!

SIGH... I figure that i'm not ready for a relationship yet. Well, partly because i still havent gotten over bof HIM and Him. But mainly, it's because i don't really have the time to be in a relationship.

A relationship needs time, money and love. So what if you have the love, but you don't have money to spend when you're going out and stuff. What do you do if you don't have money? And time. For people like me, i never have free time eversince i step into poly life.

I'm always busy in some kind of things. Be it Drama, Dikir or Dance. These 3 Ds. Either that, work. And since it's the holls and i dun have any Drama to think about, I'm gonna work my ass off to get the things i want. My parents are in a state where *her* jewelleries are getting lesser and lesser. Ok. I'll shut up now about my family's situation.

Sigh, so you see, i don't have the time to be in a relationship coz i dun want my bf to feel ignored coz i dun have the time for him. Haiz..

2months single and wad did i learn?

A lot. All thru hard ways.

if only i know how i'm feeling now. coz inmy mind, there's always our memories haunting me back. but in my heart, only God knows coz i too dunno. HAIZ.