Edited Geylang

Like wheeee~

Ahakzz...

Went geylang wif baby and my cousin... hehe... had loadsa fun... den me and my cuzz, kept bullying him and stuff.. haha... so, like we just walked ard geylang and break fast at a void deck nearby... Missh him so much..

This is the first time in 1 mth that i'm meeting him...

*Awwwww*

haha... well, just glad that he could get along wif my cousin ar...

Ok so, met my cousin at 430 at Jurong East mrt stn... den took the train to Paya Lebar.. Met him at Tanjong Katong Complex... Aww.. Could've just kissed him right there and then... Haha...

But then cannot.. Coz later batal puasa.. HAHAHA.... U noe lar all those restrictions and stuff then later ur fast like, wont be counted.. something like that lah.. ahha.. So just kissed his hands, den he kissed mine.. tts all.. hehh..

then the 3 of us went to the bazaar and me and my cousin bought these...

Earrings at only $2 each!!! Like omg.. dey're so pweeety.. but then in the pic, its quite blurry la.. but ITS SO PRETTTYYY!! haha... i noe ash will be veryyyy verrryyy envious.. yesssahhh! haha...

okay then, we went to buy food and we sat at the void deck of a block and break fast there.. was so fun.. i had roti john, baby had burger and my cousin (kak diana btw) had finger food.. and we had fun bullying baby's slowness...

Kak Diana: W-O-L-S siak u...

Baby: W-O-L-S?? Wats that? No such word wad...

I was like laughing and laughing non stop already sia.. den kak diana did something wif her head and he finally got it..

Baby: Ouuhhh~!! Slow..

LOL!

den after that we walked around geylang again.. and he finally hold my hands.. ahha... so we left geylang at abt 845 like that ar... hehe...

reached home at 10..

HAD SOOOOO MUCH FUN~!

So here are some pics...

Like Wheee

Firstly,

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST SHAE~!
luv ya tonnes babe...

Yesh, next...

Uhmm.. Sry Dylaila?? hehhe... Had tonnes of fun wif u girls... Nadia... U're freakkin nuts! haha.. Nunu.. *slaps forehead* ahaha... So in the end, its NanaNunuBabyjr. Geeez! Cikgu tarian uhh.. He calls me Baby.. Dun ask me y.. haha.. i dun even noe.. So, there Wawa and Wawa Jr. which is actually Nawa.. Lala and Lala jr. which is Fadhilah.. And Baby and Baby Jr. Baby is Sue lah.. heh.. And ya.. Rai and Rai Jr. which is Raifanah.. LOL! Dylz madness... Anw, we're having a show in school on the 8th Nov during lunchtime. Debut show~!! YAYNESS!

Fun sia..

Next...

Going out later wif my cousin and my baby!! hehe... Like so happy.. Haiz.. Just hope that he wont cancel on me again... haiz.. still, gg to GEYLANG uhh~! WHEEEE.... I used to hate going there.. but nw, its like, Geylang = Shopping.. Hahaa... But i only haf like, 30 bux on me.. Sigh.. Used up my money on rebonding already.. ahakz... okie.. gonna come back later wif pics... =))

Cya peeps later..

And ouh ya.. more pics.. =)

Conclusion: DEE LOVES JAE'S WEBCAM.

AND DEE LOVES TO CAM WHORE.

hahaha...

Morning..

Geez... Its like 930 am and i'm in school on a SATURDAY!!!

Waddehell....

Sighh... Using the school library com is sucha pain... ahakz... the keyboard is the popped up type.. unlike my laptop which is duhh~ flat... ahaha... okay geee.. haha... in school for MCG meeting which will start in 15 minutes but i honestly doubt so.. ahah.. i'm always early wherever i go.. tt sucks... hafta wait for ppl....

And i haf Sry Dylaila todayy... wheee... gonna audition for karutz... haha... like whee.. i want!! ahakz... but if i dun get it, i'm happy enuff being awokz... hehh...

okay so enuff of the boring stuff...

*10 minutes left*

sighh.. i'm kinda tired feeling suspicious.. do i think too much? i was never like this.. i mean.. wif him... but its just that, i'm scared.. i dun want the same thing to happen again... all those pain and tears... endless nights of crying... its just unbearable... but, if things do get way out of hand, then i gotta sacrifice... i mean, i dunno if its happening again or not.. but i'm just be cautious...

once is okay.. twice is forgivable... thrice?? na ahh... i dun want to be a slave to ya... just hope that wad i'm wondering is not really happening.. like, we've been together for almost 5 months nw... even during that time we broke up, we still called up each other and stuff...

and.. sitting here in the library in the morning, talking abt this.. gee.. i'm just feeling down and need to sort out my feelings...

i just hate his jerk side... when he's jerky, he's soooo inconsiderate... but thank GOD that he's not jerky now... haizzz... its just that... he seems to be going that way again.. i mean, trust.. u cant really play wif trust... haizz....

i feel myself getting stronger.. yet at the same time, weaker... Its seriously tiring me out... and wif busy sched.. suckkyy....

CONCLUSION.

I THINK TOO MUCH.

Why?

He merely sent me a msg, saying... "Syg do u really love me or not?"

and i'm blabbering here....

Tml meeting him... like, finally after.. erm... 3 wks? uhhuh... ya... so just pakat wif my cousin tml and yeah, we're off to geylang tml... hakz.. i guess maybe i havent met him in a long time tt i'm feeling rather insecure. ahh.. gee... wadd the heckk.. we used to not meet for 2 mths..

Me Jurong..

Him Sengkang..

Acks..

Okie.. Chill...

its 10... and there's only me, nunu, azrina, fadhilah and ariff here IN THE LIBRARY. not the room.. coz its locked.. haha... i told u so... *evil laugh* nyahaha....

okayyyy... nunu said dey opend the door.. sigh..

haha..

ciao

Updates

Ah yesh... Havent been updating as much as i wanted to...

Reason being?

Too frustrated and stressed up to blog.

Geeez! School is seriously getting on to me these few days... I had geeks for my Basic Science and Computing Facs... And an *hole for my Enterprise Fac... I so want Dr Alvin Chan back for my Enterprise... This Fac.. He wont allow msn in class and also..

NO FLIP FLOPS OR SANDALS ALLOWED IN HIS CLASS!

-_-""

Like, wad the heckk.. And the RJs are getting more and more difficult.. Sighh.. And my new classmates, well, they're not helping much either by keeping so quiet and doing their own work.. Like, which part of teamwork dun they understand?? arghh.. pissed off about school mann.. like, seriously.. I used to love going to school.. Now, school is sucha dragg.. haizz...

AND I SERIOUSLY MISS MY PANTATS...

Haizz...

Busy Busy Busyyy....
2 performances on the same day..
Hahaha... i'm in tarian and also break dancing item... geeez! haiizzz... Tiringg...

16 OCT 2005.
WOODLANDS CIVIC CENTER.

Anw, yesssahh!!!!

*ANNOUNCEMENT*

I HAVE REBONDED MY HAIR AGAIN!
YESSAHH.

so here are some pics...

TADAHHH!!! hahah....

YAYNESS!!! Soooo happyyyy... hahaha....

Hmmm...

I shld haf met HIM today.. But geeez, he's gotta go to his fren's party.. haiz.. so maybe gg out on sundayy.. wheeee.... havent met him in weeks... sighh....

*so not liking this*
*walking atm*

GEEEEEZ!!!

i spent over $100 on u alreadyy u noeee!!! argghh!!!

fucked up. screwd.

BOHEMIAN

yayness

Geeez.

Waiting sucks. Why the heck did they decide to start tarian (mly dance) at 7? That's like 3 hours after sch ends.. So, i decided to blog while waiting...

*yawwwwnnnnsssss*

First day of school today. Well, not literally first... But yeah, school reopened... And i'm in... PE01-06.. Sigghh... I miss my Pantat 01-02... So fun hanging out wif them during lunch.. and me, ash and sandy went to fag wif the pantatsters.. yesssahh! love u guyss!! (like really guys.. sid, wan, george and alam..)

ok so, enuff of school....

OMG!!!!

He has changed. Yesh he has!! My baby's back!! I so cannot believe this.. He called me up yesterday and he was so gentle in the way he talks... And in the end, he apologised for being a jerk and regretted doing all that to me...

Like, FINALLY!!!

My patience was kinda paid off.. hahaa.... i have my old baby back.. YAY NESS!! And we're meeting up this Thursday to buka (break fast) together at Geylang... Like wheeee!!!! And we plan to wear pink together for Hari Raya... Like, OMG! haha... pink sehhh... hahahha...

Okay, so life is getting better i guess.... i hope....

The sincerity has come back... The love never fades....

Loving him still....

Chances and risks part 2

i found myself lost. Lost in the depths of my own patience. To my own gullible self.
I just dunno how long i'm able to survive. The heartaches. The fear. The anger. I just cant hold on anymore. So i havent been updating for some while. Not that nothing has happend.. Tonnes of things happend.. I'm just getting fucked up about it..

Family. Him.
These two are the greatest challenge in my life.

And yesh, if u guys dunno yet, we patched.. much to the dislike of many i noe...

Why did i accept him back after all that he did?

There i go again. Chances and risks. I thought, he's changed. That he regretted what he did to me.. And so, i gave him a chance. AGAIN. It was rocky at first. Coz he's still he's idiot self. He made me raise my voice at him, something which i never did b4.. Its just hard...

And recently, i found out that he's been exchanging numbers wif girls online. like, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?! That's when i stepped in, and i told him that i didnt like him doing that. and he still did it. and.. i risked losing this relationship again. i was like, fucking pissed off sia.. waddya expect me to do? if u want to change, den fine, leave me. i wont be least upset abt it.

and that nite, i purposely sent a msg i sent to a fren to him. that fren asked me y i accepted him back.. and i said,

"Coz i still want to love him and take care of him.. he may be a jerk at times, but sometimes, he's the closest person whom i can turn to.. He's changed.. A lot.. He used to care so much for me.. and now, i think he cares more abt my laptop coz tts where his girls are.. i never once controlled him, or restrict him from getting to noe ppl.. but its just that, things that he do hurts me.. and me, i nv tell and i just hope that he'll go back to his old self.. the one that he thinks abt how i feel, and that he cares, and also when he can guess that the things that he wanna do might hurt me..he used to do all that.. nw, tts just a memory.. i tot after we break, he regrets wad he did and go back to his old self.. tts y i accepted him back... i dunno la.. i hope too much... "

and then this morning.. he sent me dis.. "haiz.. gd morning sayang.. =/"

and we settled it in the morning. funnily enuff. he didnt blow up. he cant. coz last nite i was kinda sarcastic..
it was like..

Me: i dun even wanna look at it. i'm not even at home. leave me alone.
Him: Whats wrong wif u! Dun be like this can?!!
Me: tts enuff. pls lah.. i dun wanna say anything anymore. u'll probably say i talk back if i do.. if u're angry, u want me to sweet talk to u.. if i'm angry, u scold me more..

tts y he was quite gentle dis morning when he was smsing..

Siggghh.. When will all dis end? I just want the old Ayul back.

Siggghh...

i gave too many chances..

i took loadsa risks...

And now, a friend. Yesh, miss him. Havent been talking to him the past 3 days. and i probably bore him too much wif my probs.. sigh.. i liked him once. for a few days. coz i realize, we can never be coz i love ayul more. but still, i really adore him as a fren.. i'm sorry if i have been irritating u wif my probs.. sigghh...

anw, tt saturday, went to chalet wif my peeps from RPC!!! HIP HOP IG. YESSAH. haha.. we took loadsa pics... these are the pics that has my face on it.. nyahaha...

I LOVE MY RPC CREW!!!

Fuck It (Don't Want You Back)

I'm pissed off. Who do the hell do u take me for? Ur barbie doll??

I'm beginning to hate you now. Seriously. Just one word destroyed it all. Enuff wif toying around wif my feelings.

Fuck wad I said. It dun mean shit now.
Fuck all the presents might as well throw em out.
Fuck all those kisses it didnt mean jack
Fuck u u hoe (bastard)
I dun want you back.

I want u back. U accept?


Gotcha.

WHAT THE FUCKKK?!!!!!

As if its not hard enuff for me to go on with this life.
I'm sick of all the lies.
Tell me the truth for once.

I dun even noe if i can believe u or not anymore.

FUCK YOU!

YOU KILLED ME THE 2ND TIME!!!

Depression

10.45 am.

Okay. 2nd post in 2nd day. Not that i'm bored.. Its just that i need to let go the feelings inside.

Ayul called yesterday and we talked for less than 3 minutes. He just said that he saw me online at Anak Melayu (a website to get to noe ppl ar.. not like chat tho).. And that he gave me a virtual kiss there... He told me to check it out and he was going to sleep already and called me just to tell me that.. Ouhhkayy... After we put down the phone, i checked his anak melayu.. i read all the sticky notes sent and received.. and yeah, he was in that morning and yeah, got to noe other girls ar..

At first, i didnt think much about it uhh.. i was sleepy so, i blogged then slept. THEN,

I DREAMT OF HIM.

And i woke up, i felt depressed, like tears strolling down from my eyes. It sucks.
It's like,

"GD MORNING DEE, REALITY HITS! BAMMM!!!"

It just hurts that he said he was single. Knowing we're both single. It hurts. So much. It just hurts that he doesnt care about me like he used to.. Loved me like he used to.. I cant control my tears. Deep down, i really wanna take good care of him again, hoping that both of us dun make the same mistakes, and just wanna love him on and on and on.

Fate is cruel. Why can't it let us have the people whom we love? Why did it let us go thru all the tears, the emotions and heartbreak? Why let us have all the emotions in a relationship if one day we're gonna fall in the depths of heartbreak??

I tried to control these tears.. But the more i tried, the worse it gets. Knowing i made one stupid mistake, i've lost him. If i had just kept quiet and not told him about it, we could have still be together.

And i realised, that day we met, that Sunday, was 18th September. That, was supposed to be our 4 mths anniversary.....

dedicated to you.

i dunno how u did it but yes, u've put the smile on my face again.
after that 9 hours on the phone, i feel like i've known u forever. it's just amazing. never once was there silence on the phone. u made me laugh like nobody's business. u made me feel so pampered that i felt as if i was a kid again. it was special.

and to meet u this evening. i felt so weak. weaken by ur charms. bowled over by ur looks. melted by ur eyes. enchanted by ur smile. shyness. an obstacle that we both hafta overcome. the heat that won over the coldness of my hands. that comfort. it's just.. unbelievable. the awkward silence was inevitable. but ur presence is enuff for me to feel the specialness of the evening.

i still have no idea how i can click wif u. ur humour. ur patience. ur principles.
ur care and concern. ur experience and ur words.
its the way u think that's attractive.
u're really something.

my heart race each time ur name appears on my mobile.
talking to u makes me not want to put down the phone.
ur singing melts my heart each time u do.


i'm trying hard not to give in. the torment inside. the confusion.
the duration.

hope, fear, chances and risks.

if only life is simpler.

Fortitudinous

i learnt a new word today.

Fortitude - determination: strength and endurance in a difficult or painful situation
Fortitudinous - Adjective for fortitude.

Yes.. I have fortitude. I dunno how i managed to be so fortitudinous.. But yes... I had the strength.. I had the endurance and also the patience... Its just amazing how life can be so sweet at one moment and yet bitter the next...

I met HIM todayy.. Yay-ness.. Met at his place.. I mean, at his block uhh.. And we sat and just.. Lie on each other's heads.. Okay, geez.. He laid his head on my shoulder and i laid my head on his head. And there was just silence... but just being wif him again.. it made me so happy... and feeling his kisses again.. i couldnt ask for more...

I followed him to his bike prac.. geez.. was worried sick.. coz he's sick.. fever, cough and flu.. and summore his prac, he has to go on the roads already... and so i stayed till 6 even tho i told him i hafta leave at 5.. but i didnt get to see him ride.. awww... hehe... den at jrg east, i called him up.. he said he hafta repeat.. geez.. haizz..

So, reached home at 730 just nw... and got to noe that my hp has been ACTIVATED. YESH! hahaa.. My dad paid the bill already.. and i think gonna argue wif them abt the $400 termination fee.. like, wheeeeeeeeeeee....

And so, i changed my sim card and the first person i msg was.. HIM. Hehehe.... And he called me a lil later.. He sounded terrible... Really2 terrible... And, haha.. i nagged at him not to go sch tml.. wheee.. heh... he's the one who usually nags at me... nw its' my turn.. NYAHAHAA...

Okay so, enuf abt him i guess.. huahuahua.. Got a new friend.. *winks* haha.. like, i dun haf a new friend everyday like that... aha.. nahh.. Okayy.. I realize, suddenly i haf a lot of TP friends.. heh.. Really enjoyed chatting wif him la.. I mean, its hard for me to get along wif guys i just got to noe.. but i can click wif him.. whee.. we chat abt loadsa stuff.. we chatted like as if we're such close friends.. heh.. yesh.. close friends.. we can relate to each other, rite Ami? heh... Abt relationships and stuff... Really cool fella...

*another good friend made*

So, tml.. I have tarian.. den, afternoon, maybe hafta to teach dear LiLi Finter History for his N Level.. He's sucha darling also.. hehe.. He's 16 ar.. But he's a nice fella.. Into parkour... Cool stuff..

okayy.. its like 250 am.. still cant sleep.. huahuahua.. hafta do the dishes later.. eeks... haizzz....


I STILL LOVE HIM.
HE'S MINE.
I'M HIS.

Money Issues

The reason why i dun update is so that i dun haf to think abt the stuff that has been bothering me..

Life is getting tougher for me.. Not just in my love life uhh..
Financially.. Yes... Having loadsa problems.. My bill came up to $410.. They charged the termination fee at $400.. Fuck man.. Like, they were the ones who terminated my line.. I wasnt the one who wanted my line to be terminated.. If i was, then the $400 would be reasonable considering that i have another year of my plan to go.. BUT I DO NOT WANT MY LINE TO BE TERMINATED! Like, WTF!!!

And having my line terminated, its so difficult for ppl to contact me.. Esp, for me to contact him.. GEEEEEZ!!! Its so annoying me out man... Anw, him aside... WHO THE HECK IS GOING TO PAY MY BILL MAN??!! 400 IS FREAKING UNREASONABLE. AND ITS NOT EVEN MY FAULT. MY PREVIOUS BILL WAS ONLY 37 BUCKS!!!

Fuck. Sunday tml. Wanna go out.
With HIM.
I NEED TO MEET HIM.
I MISS HIM.
I LOVE HIM.

Like, heck wad Lela says about him.
I STILL LOVE HIM.

i miss him

Its 445 am... i cant sleep... i've been thinking abt him all dayy... i really2 miss him a whole lot...

last week he called me.. and i called em back by my home fon... the conversation was tearful... so, dis is bits and pieces of the conversation...

Him: U went missing the past few days... i miss u alot u noe... cant get to u.. cant sms u, cant call u... ur line kena terminate again... haiz... i really miss u a lot...
Me: hakz... i thought u forgot abt me coz i didnt contact u...
Him: I tried.. But i cant forget u...
Me: Why not?
Him: how can i? u're so gentle, sweet, kind, patient wif me.. it's hard...
Me: its hard for me too.. tts y i tried to refrain myself from mging u..
Him: Do u still cry when u think of me?
Me: Yeahh... I do... I tried to move on... i cant.. i still think of u..
Him: In that case, i shouldnt call u or sms u anymore... if u want to move, i dun want to hold u back...
Me: Maybe i dun want to move on...
[quietness]
Me: anw, there's dis 31 yr old driver in sentosa who likes me..
Him: Gd la.. Go for it..
Me: Nahh... I need to sort out some things first...
Him: What things?
Me: my feelings..
Him: like?
Me: well... i need to sort out my feelings.. i'm hoping for something which i dun think i can ever get... it hurts...
Him: u're hoping that bof of us will patch?
Me: Yeahh..
Him: I dunno... i just need time off now...
Me: Yeahh.. me too i guess...

and guess wad? i heard sniffles from him...

i was close to tears... and i just told him...

"Be Strong For Me..."

I tried to call him todayy... but nobody picked up... msged him, he never call back.. maybe he was outside...

its just so hard for me.. i love him to bits and pieces...
i just miss those times... i miss his care and concern... i miss him being there for me..
he called me during the chalet... he said,

"I'm sorry i cant come to the chalet... You enjoy urself k... Dun smoke, Dun drink..."

And i was thinking, "Wished you would tell me dis earlier..."

i really really miss him... he's been my strength all dis while... and when he's gone, i just felt that i'm weak.. i cant go thru my days, knowing that he's not wif me and he doesnt care for me like he used to... i'm weak without u baby... i cant help but cry when i'm alone each night...

and noeing that... something might happen to me soon... i just dunno how i'm gonna live wif it without his support...

i'm just scared of it... wad if i cant pull it through? will i be weaker physically and emotionally..?? the last time i got admitted, he was there... i had the strength.. i had the will to perservere coz he was wif me every single night...

but now.... its worse... i might be admitted again... this time, may need an operation... its worse.... even though my dad is quite hesitant on the operation, but he may give way for it too... for my own good.. so the doctor says...

i'm scared.. its not just an operation.. there're side effects... i dunno how i'm gonna surveive this without him... i'm weak... i'm just a normal girl... i need attention.. i need love... i need u...

Life's been pretty messed up since u've been gone.... Pls come back and alter this life which u have destroyed...

I LOVE U AND ONLY YOU.

Tiredness

Damn! I'm like friggin tired to blog these few days.. Been fucking fucking busy since last wednesday... Had the Singapore Open thingy for 5 days.. And had class chalet yesterday.. wahaha..

Ok so, Singapore Open is FINALLY OVER AND DONE WIF! Yessah! haha... I totally had no idea abt golf before the Singapore Open (SO). And now, geez.. i think golf is okayy.. And yeahh.. ADAM SCOTT IS HOTT y'all! hehe.. and guess wad?? i haf his autograph!!! LIKE, WHEE!

So this is my Staff Pass...

And THIS IS THE AUTOGRAPH.. back part of pass..

Closer View Of The Autograph...

Hehehe... Love that pass to bits man... I worked for 3 days at The Sentosa Golf Club.. And i saw loads of golfers.. Haha.. Too bad i aint a golf fan.. If not i'd go gaga over them.. Hahaha.. Me and Farhan, another marshall, were the luckiest marshall.. Coz we get to jaga the places where the golfers were at.. Farhan was at Shangri-La Rasa Sentosa Hotel, where the golfers were staying.. Okayy.. I'm like, totally making a big fuss over golf.. haha.. But den i guess.. the pay is gonna be good man! seriously! 37 hrs for 3 days of S'pore Open, 18 hrs of 2 normal day marshall work.. hehe.. i'm finally gonna rebond my hair again.. My hair is disastrous now!! sheesh..

So, enuff abt golf... Still abt Sentosa.. Anw, my last post was abt the 31 yr old driver.. heh.. We're like old chaps now.. hehe.. he'll treat me and stuff.. and he even want to treat me at the new Sentosa attraction called THE LUGE.. Guys, check it out.. IT'S COOL! havent tried it yet.. But it's seriously COOL! haha.. Go carts and stuff la.. Ok2 back to the driver.. I call him Abang Jo.. (abang is term we use to call a big brother in mly)... he said he wants an application form from me.. And i was like, wad application form..? and he said.. "yar lahh.. ppl waiting for u.. u dun want.. application form tt shows ur criteria in a guy la.." hahaha... funny guy la he.. heh... waiting for call to work.. so can meet him and hang out again.. heh...

Okayy so end of Sentosa chapter...

Now... Class Chalet!!! Wheeeee........ i didnt take so many pics coz my cam the flash was a bit weak uhh.. haha.. but these 2 pics are my fav la... haha...

That's me massaging Sandy, Sandy massaging her bf Hong Chuan aka Dear... HAHA!

That's OMFG! ALAM FUCKING WAN! Notty ALAM.. haha...

Whee.. It was so much fun.. And basically, the pantatsters, that's ME, ASH, SID, GEORGE, WAN, AND ALAM, were crazily smoking away outside.. i think we finished abt 5 packs.. haha.. So, Wan didnt smoke.. And yeah, his GF, Liyana, a fren of mine in religious class last time, was there... heh.. *winks* cannot notty2 larr.. Ok so, the Pantatsters.. We smoked, drank and went crazy.. Ok, so i admit.. my first time drinking.. First drink.. Vodka Pepsi.. Nyehehe.. Den it was some tin drink taste of apple juice.. forgot wad it was.. And then it was Vodka Sprite.. And then Vodka Raw (pure).. Lucky thing.. I wasnt drunk.. Hehe.. But my head was spinning by the time i reached home.. And my body was aching... I threw up before i went home.. I threw up again at home... Geez...

But the food were great larr.... THANKS TO THE PEEPS WHO ORGANISED THIS CHALET... Namely, SANDY, JOSEPHINE, SHERLYN and yeahh the whole class lahh basically... I had so much fun... Gonna miss them the next semester... Sighhh.... I MISS YOU PANTATS!!!

Huggies and Muackies!!!

Insanity erks

Hakz... Like, wad the hell.. haha... Things are going soooo weird for me..Ok2.. so, been working like heck these 3 days..

On Wednesday, well... i worked at Underwater World bus stop.. and there was this bus driver... he kept wanting to send me home and stuff.. haha.. it was like, really funny.. he's been asking mesince 3 wks ago.. and i was like, keep refusing.. haha..

and yesterday, i was working at the Golf Club coz of the Singapore Open thingy.. (Adam Scott is HOTT!) and i didnt see him the whole day.. so, i tot after work, i wanna go see him la.. i somehow miss talking and argueing wif him.. so, after work, i asked one driver where tt driver was.. he said, tt guy not working.. Tt guy's name was Joe.. something like that ah.. aha... he's a Woodlands transport driver, so he's not permanently wif Sentosa... so sometimes he might be working, sometimes not...

Anw, just nw, haha.. finished work early.. so i waited for his bus at the VAC... i waited and waited.. ahh.. and his bus came.. so i took his bus.. he finished work at 7.. and it was 6.. ahakz.. so went for 1 trip wif him of the blueline.. and we talked and talked and talked... and guess wad???? he's 31! haha.. i tot he was 26 or smt.. haha.. he's 31.. he's not married yet uhh.. haha..

he's a great guy.. like, we nv run out of things to talk la.. haha.. funny sia.. he belanja me and stuff.. cool huhh.. Well, he's like, a bro.. really cool.. and hakz.. he keeps asking me for application form for the waiting list of my candidates of boyfriend wannabes... LOL!

ouhh well.. wrking tml at 9.. goshh! sleepy.. tired.. meeting him tml at wrk... haha.. finish at the same time.. okayy2.. maybe will go back by his bus.. haha...

INSANITY..

Love Still Exists In Us

Okayy.. So i've found out wad was wrong wif my hp.. My line has been temporarily terminated.. Because my dad hasnt pay the final bill of my bro's account and i havent payed my bill for this month coz I HAVE NO $$$ coz i NEVER WORK! Because of both the accounts are under my dad's name, they terminated both.. only mine seemed to be worse coz my bro's plan ended in July.. Fucckk! Well, my bill is only $37 okayy.... So need to wait till Monday when my dad gets his pay.. well, i dunno if i'm getting my pay this thursday.. if i am, i dun give a shit.. i'm gonna pay my bill and go for the chalet even tho my dad doesnt allow it.. heck care la!!!

Hmpf!

I talked to him yesterday night!!! wheee!!! hehe.. its like, we talked as if nth happend between us.. its like, the same stuff we always do.. We talked for one hour.. and when i msged him at night.. he said he was gonna sleep already..

so i said..

"okayy.. i still miss u.. i still love u.. and nth will change if we dun want them to.."

and he said..

"oh ok.. gd nite.. miss ya"

and i was like, THAT'S ALL??? Sigghh.. i was hoping more than that.. I noe he still loves me.. its just that he doesnt want to show it...

On Sunday night, a guy i knew from chat in March, called me.. His name is Shahrizan btw.. I'm quite close to him in a sense that we can chat about our probs online and stuff... never talk to him on the fon before.. and i was actually quite shocked that he called.. but we talked.. for 2 hrs man!!! goshh!! and then when we put down the phone, it was already 1230 am..

That night, i purposely didnt msg Ayul.. i wanted to msg him like, 11 plus pm b4 i go to sleep.. step touching uh.. like, i wanted to msg him something like, "i tried to go by a day withou msging u.. but i cant help missing u.. gd nite.." i wanted to say something like that.. but since i was talking to Shahrizan on my hp, i didnt msg him ahh..

And guess what.. when i put down the fon wif Shahrizan, my screen showed..

1 message received..

And when i opened the message... HAHAHA! Guess wad? He msged me... He asked me what i was doing.. But that msg cam half an hour before i put down the phone.. so when i replied him, i guess he must've been sleeping already... sighh..

And when i woke up at 10+, i received 2 msges.. One from my former colleague Razak, sending me his once in a while "even tho we nv contact, doesnt mean i forgot u" msges... and the other one.. Well, it was HIM! Heh.. He msged me at 745 am.. And i woke up at 1030... Slept at 4 siakk... haha..

Anw, He said,

"Last time u always wish me gd morning. But nw.. Guess maybe time has changed."

Like wheee... He said he miss me after that.. Hahaha... Ok so anw, i received another msg frm tt girl.. Its too obscene... I wont publish it.. and anw, its in mly.. i tried to translate but my mly suck uhh.. haha... but i noe, in one paragraph of my reply to her, i said...

"Considering the fact that Ayul is on my side nw, whatever msges u send me, i will complain to him.. So, pls pls pls send me more msges..."

LOL! She havent reply me ar.. Sighh..

And i hate it now that i'm single.. Guys in my msn, who never chat wif me b4, starts saying hello and pretend that they care and as if they understand.. its so annoying! geez! i told him abt this guy, who's actually interested in me.. well, he's a nice guy la but its just that i'm not interested in him.. not coz he's not cute or wad.. just that, i'm not ready to commit to another guy.. or better still, i dun want to commit to other guys... and Ayul said.. "Gd wad.. It shows that u're still popular among guys..." sheesh.. and i told him... "i dun want other guys!! i want u.. WAHAHA..."

And just nw, coz i used my mum's hp to msg him, he replied back late, and my mum saw his msg.. she was like,
"I tot u guys over already..Y still contact each other??"

I told him that.. and he said..
"Tell her coz the feeling of love is still there.."

Hehehe... I'm happy enuff knowing that he still misses me and loves me.. *big grin*

Ok2, anw, starting from tml, i'll be working at Sentosa again.. Yesh!! Loving it... =)) yayy!!!

huggies and muackies..

Fuck This Life

GAWWDD! i'm like friggin broke nw.. Completely no money and my 2nd baby needs medication.. Sheesh! My hp... damn! okayy.. my sim card... something wrong wif it.. keeps giving me the SIM CARD REGISTRATION FAILED. DAMNN!! where am i supposed to get money?! my parents wont give me coz they're broke as well.. and i cant rely on my pay coz i havent been working..

WILL SOMEBODY PLS BE MY SUGAR DADDY???

LOL!!

Some People Just Dun Get It, Do They?

I'm definitely moving on.. Well, yeah i mean, i'm smsing him everyday but i'm able to accept tt now.. and i noe that he still loves me but he needs time alone for a while..

abt the other girl, well.. lets just say she cant accept the fact tt he dumped her.. and is still clinging on to him.. Heyy, i'm not gonna be like that okayy?? i have a sense of pride and respect for myself.. i'm not going to stoop myself low just for a guy although i'm really hoping to get back with him again.. but if he doesnt get back to me, den, all the best to him.. i'll be happy for him no matter wad..

he said he's not gonna bother abt that girl anymore.. but.. he dunno if he still wants to be with me.. and i said simply..

"Its all in ur heart.. find the love that u once gave to me.. its up to u and i'll accept whatever decisions u make even if they hurt me.."

DUUHH!! I want u back!! *cries out*

Okayy, so, actually.. dis is wad happened since Friday night..

The other girl was actually jealous of me.. And she didnt want to let him go.. So she msged him at friendster and she said..

hi dian.. i appreciate if u stop entering ayul's account... well.. he told me dat u and him broke up few months ago and pls stop disturbing him... pls do it fer a girl sake.. i dun wanna fight but im ayul gerl... hope u understand wat i mean.. thank u.

Man was i pissed or what! Sheesh.. And i msged Ayul ahh.. I said:

U better call me nw! i'm seriously not satisfied! u're still with her right??! bitch! she msged me at friendster and she said *as above*.. i'm seriously pissed off right nw! u better call me nw or i'm gonna call ur house!

Like, WHOOAAA.... First time sia i used that tone on him.. and he msged me back and said..

Him: I'm not with her! She doesnt wanna let me go!
Me: u noe wad she said.. she saidd *as above* .. What the heck does she mean?!
Him: Dun care her ahh...
Me: Pissed Off sia...
[He nv reply]
Me: What wrong have i done to u all this while that u did all these to me? i have never been rude to u or hurt u.. i love u more than i love myself..
Him: i dunno ah! i was wrong! i'm stupid! pls ah! i'm having a fever!
Me: Ya Sure.. take gd care of urself..
Him: i'm sorry.. i regret wad i did..
Me: the chance that i gave u last time wasnt for fun.. i believed that u can change.. but u didnt.. i waited till nw.. u better get some rest since u're having a fever.. drink loadsa water.. i love u no matter wad..

see how caring i am.. haha.. ok2... back to the other girl.. so she said,

hi dian.. i appreciate if u stop entering ayul's account... well.. he told me dat u and him broke up few months ago and pls stop disturbing him... pls do it fer a girl sake.. i dun wanna fight but im ayul gerl... hope u understand wat i mean.. thank u.

so i replied..

fyi, bitch.. u came into our relationship first, ok! and u noe wad? we didnt broke up "a few months ago" but we broke up yesterday!!! and we were on for 3 fucking months. he was two-timing u all the while. and even after i knew abt it i accepted him back.. screw u bitch. u came into our relationship and now u're asking me to back off?! fuck the hell off...

i was really2 pissed off with her lorr... ok, actually all these while, it wasnt Ayul who has been chatting with her from the start.. It was me.. And back then, she already gave him attitude.. and i was like, wahlao.. i dun even give him this kinda attitude seyy..

ok then, she replied..

wat are u talking abt??? he said u an idiot women with no sense of shame... he called u a asshole and a hoe behind ur back.... and he said to all his frens dat he hate u more than ever...

Well, she's obviously lying.. Like i dunno Ayul.. No matter how he dun like his ex, he would never call them that... he'll only say that she's boring.. or like, gundu or what lahh.. never something like that.. i noe... she's trying to make me hate him so that i could get away from him.. uhh sorry ehh.. i'm not that gullible.. and his frens noe wad kinda person i am.. sheesh! LOL!!!!

so i replied.. (damn long sia)

ouhh well... u just cant seem to let him go cant u.. tell me.. which guy wants to stay wif an over possessive and unreasonable girl.. i quote "bz tgk bola ke gangbang??" (busy watching soccer or gangbang?) "asl u keluar tak blg i?" (why didnt u tell me u going out?) "asl i call u tak angkat?" (i called u but y didnt u pick up??) jeeezz.. spoilt brat.. pls... save it.. whatever it is that he talks behind my back. seriously, wad makes u think i'm gonna trust u? i dun even noe u.. puhhleeze.. i'm not gonna trust any lunatic who doesnt want to let go of a guy..

pls ah ehh.. jgn nak memalukan diri sendiri terhegeh2 dengan lelaki yang tak suka wif u.. (dun embarrass urself by waiting and making a nuisance out of urself wif a guy who doesnt like u) ACCEPT THE FACT. i'm not replying to u because of him. i'm replying dis for myself and my stand. he may have let me go.. but we're contacting everyday and i noe him more than u do.. and honestly, u do not want to noe wad he says abt u.. and msn thing, well.. it makes me laugh come to think of it.. all those times, i've been chatting with u, well.. i didnt like u the first time i chat wif u.. and neither do i like u now..

save it ok. whatever he says behind my back, i dun care. i dun even care what ppl say behind my back. furthermore, if it comes from a 3rd party.. bullshit ok.. i dun believe any of it.. and pls.. ACCEPT THE FACT. FACE THE MUSIC. if somebody is meant to be urs, he'll be urs.. and if u love him, let him go.. if he loves u, he'll come back.. i've done that.. its no use holding on to a person who doesnt want to bother abt u, u noe.. i emphasize on U..

Ouhh well, if u want urself to appear cheap to him, then, carry on with whatever u're doing to us now.. keep bothering me, keep bothering him.. but u noe, u're wasting ur time and effort coz even though we broke up, there is still the trust between us.. its up to u to think.. i can keep replying to u, its fine by me.. u can keep calling or msging him, if he replies, gd for u.. if he doest, U'RE WASTING UR TIME.

think abt it ok.. even tho i dun like u.. u hafta put others in ur shoes.. possessiveness is never the key to a gd relationship.. remember that..


Wahhh!!! LIKE WHOA!! Haha.. Dee power siaa! Hehe.. Serves her right! I noe when i'm wrong and when i'm not... Dun bullshit wif me lahh.. herrhh.. i'm soooo waiting for her reply.. hahaha.. then can shoot her summore.. YAY-NESS!

Although i am waiting for him, i dun want myself to appear that i'm needy.. yes, i need him.. and he knows it.. thats enuff.. i dun haf to show him more... the rest is up to him to decide.. coz i still respect myself as a person.. and yesh,

IF U LOVE SOMEONE, LET HIM GO
IF HE LOVES U, HE'LL COME BACK

Helpless

Thanks guys for all ur tags..

He may have hurt me but he's a nice guy.. Yes, he may be possessive but tt is wad makes me respect him a lot.. The stuff that he said hurts me a lot then but come to think of it, i shouldnt have spur the anger on.. He's already very angry at i made him angrier..

Yes, i shouldnt have lied.. And i shouldnt have told him the truth either.. If i didnt tell him the truth, we could still be together.. It hurts me to think abt that mistake..

It hurts not being able to msg him that i'm going out and i'm home like i always do..
It hurts that i cant talk to him anymore..
It hurts to think that he's going to treat me differently from now onwards..
It hurts to noe that he's going to be with someone else..

Arghh.. Its fucking killing me!

okayy so.. dis is the poem tt i wrote for him when our relationship was gg down... i'm so sorry its in mly...

Tangisan Seorang Kekasih - Dian Farini

Aku dilamun rindu kepada dirimu oh sygku
Aku mengharap kasih seperti dulu
Walaupun aku jarang menyatakan cintaku padamu
Aku menyayangimu lebih dari aku sayang aku

Aku sanggup korban apa sahaja demi kita
Aku tidak sanggup melihat kita dibiarkan begitu sahaja
Airmataku mengalir tatkala kecewa
Namun ia hanya kerana aku cinta kita

Kusedar sekarang ini
Aku tidak rela lagi bersendiri
Aku tidak pernah sangsi
Akan cintaku kepadamu yang abadi

Kaulah satu-satunya sinar harapan diriku
Kau lah tempat aku mengadu
Syg fahamilah aku
Aku insan yang lemah ini waktu

Aku hanya inginkan perhatian
Dan juga belas kasihan
Semangatku hilang dikala kesunyian
Berikan lah daku keyakinan

Tangisan dan airmata menjadi sahabatku
Tiada insan yang dapat mengubatiku selainmu
Tolong lah faham tolong mengerti sayangku
Aku perlukan dirimu seperti dulu

Aku melarikan diri dari kebenaran
Di tiap sudut hatiku terserlah kepasrahan
Tidak pernah ku tetap dengan kemarahan
Aku hanya mengalah di dalam percintaan

Mungkin suatu hari kau akan mengerti
Akan dalamnya cintaku yang tulus suci
Aku tinggalkan puisi ini
Untuk memori yang telah melukakan hati

Aku tidak membenci
Aku hanya menyesali
Peluang diberi
Jangan disia2 kan lagi

Namun engkau telah menghiris hatiku
Engkau tinggalkan aku
Sampai hatimu
Berderailah sudah duniaku

Aku tidak tahu apa lagi hendakku lakukan
Hatimu berkeras inginkan perpisahan
Aku hanya berserah kepada Tuhan
Agar engkau berubah fikiran

Sayang kasihanilah aku
Tangisan kekasihmu ini yang pilu
Berikanlah peluang kepadaku
Aku perlukan dirimu

Akanku menunggu
Pada hari yang kau akan memanggilku sayangmu
Tidak akan aku mencari pengganti dirimu
Cinta tulus dari hatiku hanyalah untuk dirimu

Nightmare came true

I dunno where to start or how to make this post seems decorated with fancy expressions.

All i noe now is that my happiness is gone.

He wanted a break up.

It all started when i skipped school today. I told him that it was a holiday today and that i'll be gg to town with Ash. So i did. And while we were near Serangoon, my mum called me. My parents found out that i skipped school coz they said some guy call home and said i wasnt in school. The person's name was Koesnadi or smt like that.. Fuck la.

And on the way home, i msged him. I told him i got busted. And i told him that i skipped school. And he blew up.

so, our sms session went like this ar...

Me: i'm really2 sorry. its just that i dun like today's sub that i skipped. pls dun make this any worse for me.
Him: i dunno lah. i've been so patient with u till u're stepping on my head nw..
Me: u.. tell me wad wrong have i done to u... i noe i made a mistake today.. i shldnt haf lied. but wad wrong have i done that made u say that u've been so patient with me?
Him: See! Now u're talking back to me. what's wrong wif u? u're not dian farini i noe!
Me: U.. U made me like this. U think i like talking back to u when i noe u dun like it? i may sound ok but deep inside i'm hurt. and i always try to avoid telling u all this coz i dun want u to think too much. if i can, i dun want to be rude to u.. but dis is the only way that i sometimes i try to make u understand.
Him: U lied to me! there are other ways for u to tell me but not dis! u're talking back to me!
[I didnt reply]
Him: I want u to go back nw! take cab back. heck Ash! she pisses me off!
Me: i'm at home nw lahhh... She piss u off but she's my friend. U really noe how to hurt me. ur words hurt me more than my dad's scoldings. Lies?? Patient?? Hmmm...
Him: From now onwards, i dun want u to mix with Ash. u skip sch with her! I forbid u to talk to her. if u still do, goodbye then. u can do anything u want!
Me: Why are u blaming her?? Wad has she got to do wit this? I was the one who asked her out. Dun get her involve in this..
Him: She taught u smoking! Fine! u still side her. 4get me! i wanna break! i had enuf!
Me: u... I started first then her.. thanks so much.. this is how u repay me after u lied to me but i've been very patient with u.. its no use talking abt it nw.. u blamed me as if i did a huge sin to u.. thanks so much!
Him: i'm really mad at u! u smoke! u skip sch! u talk back to me! satisfied?! u're not the dian i noe..
Me: fyi eh, i quit smoking already.. coz i knew u didnt like me smoking even tho u kept quiet abt it. and i fell sick coz i didnt smoke for a few days. but i just held on.. u.. i've never changed.. even when u were mad at me last time, i talked back to u.. i always do that.. i'm angry.. what do u expect? i dunno wad else to say.. its just sad that u gave up on me easily when i always try to understand ur situation..
Him: Whatever lahh! Leave me alone for a while!

I dunno wad happens now.. i may be angry.. but i still love him.. Its not fair... He only cares his side of the story and didnt bother abt mine...

I'm really hoping that he would change his mind..

I'll blog soon. No mood.