Bloody Bored

Sigh... In computing class now.. Bored la... Haiz...

Aniway yesterday, me and Ayul had a bit of a hard time yesterday afternoon.. Sigh... Dun wish to talk abt it.. But we were nuts again at night... Hahah... We were completely crazy finding trouble wit other peeps on the net.. Hehe..

I was like so pissed off when he told me bout dis gerl hu gave him vks.. shucks.... Den calling him syg and stuff... Damn bloody jealous siakk... Den i search fer her at am and chat wit her on msn... she's ok la.. but still a bit pissed off abt it.. But at least he "told" me bout it... HAHAHAHA.. (*winks* to my syg if u're reading dis.. which i dun think u will be reading it.. hahaha)

So far, i've been quite close to Kak Yaya... hearts her.. she's like a sis to me.. and those guys who broke her heart and damn bloody idiots... Just wish that she'll find someone who can make her happy and can accept her and her son... Cuuuutteee Isaac Qusyairi... Hehe.. Wanna haf one like him.. cute sehh.. so chubby.. Hafiz Daniel.. =) haha.. Would be really nice to have a baby of ur own..

Sigh.. Bored to the max!!!!!

SigH... I'm SoOo SORrY hUnNY...

Gosh... I feel so bad... I havent been myself lately which i dunno y... Been giving Ayul loads of problems.. Its not that i've lost my feelings towards him like i did to every other guy after stead-ing for 9 days and stuff... I dunno wad's up with me.. I love him to bits.. I'm sure of it.. But i dunno y i'm getting too quiet ard him and also keeping silent on the phone.

Yesterday, after school, went to meet him in Sengkang. Then, as usual, went to the Plaza's Mac.. Surfed the net till 7.. Then we walked n he was super hyper.. Kept singing and dancing and totally not paying much attention to me.. *sigh*

In the bus, we sat at the far back as usual.. and i kept having the grumpy face on me (which he totally hates) and also, i had my back turned on him.. I really didnt feel like talking to him but i just wanna be in his arms... I just want his attention..

I noe he's been giving me loadsa attention but i'm getting insecure. He's been telling me bout all the girls who've been smiling at him n stuff... i feel dreadful...

And i totally blew up just now when he told me to go to his msn... Den Fahmy started sending his pictures.. the first was ok.. coz it was a pic of him alone...

The second made me burst... He was on the fon wit me and i totally went berserk... It was a pic of him and dis girl, hugging... i noe tt was in the past.. but somehow, it just hurts to see him hugging another girl... heyz.. tears are rolling out of my eyes... Damn...! what's up with me man?!

When he called me again just now, i was so quiet.. i dunno wad to say.. i mean, it hurts me so bad... Sigh...

I love him too much... Really i do... Never want him to leave me and i never want to leave him..

I LOVE AYUL!!!!!

miSs u sO mUch~!

It's like, 8 am in the morning and I'm already in school.. Talk about being early!

Haha... I really enjoyed myself yesterday.. Skipped Drama Party to meet AYUL!! It was so much fun.. As again, I was late.. Made him wait for me for 25 min.. Shucks!! Sorry Syg... At least this time it wasn't that bad.. The last time I made him wait for like 45 min... Hehe.. So at least this time round I was earlier.. Hehe..

Then as usual, went to the Bukit Merah Central McDonalds.. Surfed the net wit my lappy... Went to his msn and there was this weird girl.. Haha.. Too weird.. Had a webcam and God knows wad she's doing there.. Emo gilerr sakkz.. Hahaha.. Bitch la she.. She wants my hunny to call her... FUCK OFF!!! HE'S MINE!!!... *Evil Laugh* Chatted with Shae, disturbing ppl online, And!! I made him type me a testimonial in friendster.. Hehe... That was fun.. I only read the testi at home arh and on the way back from Mac to Redhill mrt stn, I just couldnt help it but to cling on to him.. I miss him sooo muchh... And he was so sweet enuf to take the train wit me back to jurong east. After that he took the NS Line to Wdlds and then a bus back to Sengkang.. Sigh... Why must he live so far frm me???

Ok so, reached home, first thing I did was to switch on my laptop and read his testi... He kept laughing abt it when we were in Mac... aAAhhh! Must be something bad abt me that he's typed out.. But when I read it, it was super sweet with extra cream on top.. Hehe... REALLY!!! I mean, ok arh, the gundu and selenge (nerd) ones are normal to me already la.. Haha.. But the rest of his testimonial was sooo sweet...

Love him sooo much.. Dunno wad I'll do without him...

gOsH....

Ouhh no... Joel is so stressed up... Got hammered in the concept map presentation... Pity them la... Nvm... Jia You kiddos!

Wahlao ehh... My laptop is lagging again.. Crap la... Sigh...Something wrong with the server again i guess.. Lame la Rp...It's getting slower man... There's there's no prob at home.. Siao la.. I think it's getting jammed up there... Fucked Up... Slow...

Hehe.. I'm using the freshener Ayul gave me.. Haha... Now i got Ayul smell ard me.. Wheeee! I'm nuts... Dunno why la.. I'm like so happy today.. And hyped up.. haha...

I think i'll update a bit later... Got no misery to report at the moment... Haha!

Ayudi..

Went changi just now.. hehe... So funny... Me and Ashrul were trying to locate each other.. haha... siao.. den keep smsing like heck... and in the end we found out that we were at different parts of the beach.. hahah...

Haiz.. Ayul was disappointed with me.. felt so bad.. Coz u noe la, i still keep pics of faizan n me in my laptop... and he was kinda jealous bout it.. and den, to add to that misery, my wallet is kinda full wit pics of me and my exes.. haiz.. sortz...

I really dunno how to explain my feelings towards him... love him soooo much... like i've nv fallen in love b4... shuckz....

Ayudi... hehe.. Ayul n Di

Ellynna Ashira

Eryna Filzah

Ezreen Nazira

Daniel Hakim

Daniel Ilham

Daniel Iskandar

Hahaha... Wheeee!!

I'm Happy Now

I'm happier now... really i am... With Ayul in my life, i've moved on and i'm soooo in love wit him.... Yupp... Ayul is already MY SWEETY HUNNY SYG... haha... It's fast but i dun care.. i am so in love wit him... I mean, i noe that he is kinda very controlled kinda person but i guess that would do me some good... when he controls me, at least i noe that he cares...

he's like, everything to me now.. i dun wanna lose him coz i really2 love him frm the bottom of my heart... i'm sincere abt him and abt our relationship.. dun wanna hurt him in any way...

Deep inside, i'm totally as worried as he is.. he doesnt want any guy to steal me away frm him and neither do i want any girl to steal him away frm me.. and summore, he didnt go clubbing coz of me... so sweet of him.... i'm really2 insecure if my bf goes clubbing... sigh.... its been a long time since i felt loved and in love... He's everything to me now and i just dunno wad i'll do without him...

Its like we're fated to be together... it all started frm the part when i laughed at him in sentosa and he remembered me till nw... omg.. haha.. den we co incidentally chatted at alamak... went to chat at msn fer less then 10 conversations.. tt time he came at the right place right time when i was totally down coz of the faizan thing... and we just got closer and closer... and he's mine now...!!!

ALL MINE!!! hahaha...

Dearest sweety, i love u so much and i dun wanna let u go... wanna make u happy like the way u made me happy... u're the reason y i've moved on and u will always be my will.. I cant explain how deep my love fer is... But i hope u noe dis...

I LOVE U SO MUCH!!!

*muackz!*

For The One I Love

It's the way you make me feel that makes me like you more.
It's the way you speak and say things,
make me feel like i neva have before.

Even just hearing your name brings a smile to my face,
the way you make me laugh is something no one could ever replace.
but i hate to see you upset i never know what to say,
i'd gladly give my soul to take your pain away.

You may not always understand me but you make me feel I'm not alone.
You r the only one who makes me want to breath again,
to stop living a lie you say you still feel for me but I know thats not true.
You know not to hurt yourself cause then you'd be hurting me too.

When I feel down hearted, like I want to lack,
you make me sense you give me my worth back.
You have made me so much happier that I am nothing without you.

This is for the one I love

Te Amo Much!!!

[www.lovelanda.com]

aYuL mY sAviOuR

I'm getting happier and happier by the day. Hehe... All thanks to my sweetie Ayul!! He really saved me from all the heartbreak and tears. The 2 days that i spent with him really perked me up. It's been such a long time that i had fun.

Wednesday was the day i first met him... We just hung out at mac, calling each other names, bullying each other.. haha... nuts la practically.. wheee....

But yesterday i really had fun coz i skipped sch, hung out at mac wit Ash and Joel, played snooker and pool (finally played pool!) and went to meet AYUL!! hehe.. Spent loadsa time wit him..

Sigh.. I reeeeaaallllly miss him a lot arh.. Love him too... aAAHhH.. Love him a LoT!!!

Eversince i got to noe him closer, my life seemed to be going uphill.. It's just wonderful.. I'm loving every second that i'm with him.. I just hope that sumhow, we can last for a while and not weeks..

Love u soo much sweetie...

die of heartbreak!!!!

I am so tired of hypocrites in my life!!! I just feel like breaking down... I can't handle all dis anymore! I am such a helpless loner... With no one by my side to guide me thru my life.. Even my parents are hypocrites!!! Dun pretend to love me when u dun!!!

STOP FORCING ME TO DO THINGS WHICH I DUN WANNA DO!!! Why is the quarrel always abt money??? Is money far more important den my happiness??? Dad, why do you always threaten to make me quit school just because I've got guy friends?? Why can't u understand the pain that i'm going thru?? Why are u still on the topic that i'm a girl and i shld help out more?? Pls stop forcing me.....

Why can't they see that i'm trying to change? I need time.. And how can they claim that they noe me best? With my kinda temper, the more they shout at me, the more i will rebel.. I mean, who likes to be shouted at and to be kept in the dark? They wanna give up on me... Why can't they trust me like other parents trust their kids?

I just want to enjoy my teenage life.. Why is that so hard for u to let me do it? Why can't u trust me enuff to take care of myself? I'm 17 but y am i treated like i'm 7? Why are my movements still controlled???

I'm gonna die of heartbreak soon... People i trust always disappoint me... I'm sick of all the pretence... Please let me go.......

aM i SinGLe?

Oh My God! I can't believe this... I am actually forgetting about Faizan and actually liking Ayul... Gosh! Dis is fast.. I mean, I have the feelings for him but I dunno if that feeling can be considered as love coz its damn early to say.. But I'm definitely feeling it.. Hehe...

But of coz, i'm having doubts.. I mean, I've just been dumped silently and it's been really hard for me these few days. Talking to Ayul made me really happy yesterday.. We talked like, for 3 hrs.. And he surprises me most of the time.. It's weird how i can be feeling dis.. Seriously... I like him.. Really I do... But I'm just afraid that the same thing would happen again.. I just don't want my hopes to be dashed again..It's unbearable..

But honestly, Ayul gave me hope... But, do i give in to my feelings or just have some time alone to think things thru? It's been a week since Faizan contacted me.. I'm clueless...

So, am I single or am I still attached to Faizan?? Hmm... I just want an answer.. I want to move on in my life.. And i already am on my way, moving on..

I really hope that someone would be there for me.. Hmm... Ayul?? I like him a lot, like i've said earlier BUT I dun wanna be cheated again.. It's too early to judge... Sigh...

And wad abt that Ite Bedok guy? Hmm.. All i can say is that i'm not interested.. Coz, his feelings for me are based by my looks and not by personality.. I hate it when guys do that.. The relationship wont last anyway... Wad the heck!

All i want for now is....

AYUL!

What Am I Thinking???

Ouhh wow... Somebody just sound me stead just nw... It's not Ayul... This guy named Fadzil frm Ite Bedok...Lives in Bukit Batok arh... Hmm... My God! I dunno wad to say.. It's just too fast la.. I'm still aching with memories of Faizan... Which I shall now call him Carivano...

I dunno.. I wanna forget abt him but I just cant.. It's hard.. All those stuff we did and the sacrifices I had to make for him..It's just hard la.. But I'm trying.. Really trying.. But u noe that kinda feeling when u just have to cry to let it out? That's wad i'm feeling when i'm alone..

Hmm... Aiyohh... Later at nite, i'll continue.. Stupid la Maz... Baru nak emo jap, listening to Over by Lindsay Lohan.. Which totally fits my situation rite nw...

Wanna Be The First to go

Dun wanna be the last to noe

Honestly Tell me that it's OVER....

Oh MY God!

I can't believe i'm flirting already! Ouhh shoots! Well, not exactly flirting but.. erm, it's ard there... My God! What was I thinking? I mean, it's too fast.. Things are waaaay too fast!

Ok, Ayul is nice and everything but I dun really noe him that well though i've known him like a month already..All i noe is he likes to club... And some other stuff la... Sort la... I shld NOT be flirting now.. I mean, I need to get over some stuff.. Gosh!

Hmm... A lot of ppl have been really concerned abt me dis few days and i really wanna thank them for trying to make my day... Ppl like..

Ash

Eugene

Maz

Ashrul

Joel

Nigel

and loads more...

Thanks for being there for me guys and trying to cheer me up... muackz! Luv u guys loads...!

Honestly, It's Over

I really think it's over between me and him n there's seriously nothing i can do abt it.. I think he rejected my testimonial to him.. I mean, wad is wrong wit him?? I've waited for so long for him to accept my testimonial coz he hadn't been online for a long time and when he was, he rejected my testi.. My heart dropped when i looked at his page.. how could he be so cruel to me??? It's over and i haf to accept that no matter how hard it gets..

I wonder

I really wonder when all this will end.. When my heart can fully face the world with open arms and with smiles that are sincere, i find, that is the time when I have fully regain my happiness and have thrown away my sorrow..

For now, it's still the same.. I'm hiding behind a mask and pretending that life and love ever existed in me.. I just find it hard to love again after all dis.. My heart is completely shattered. I guess reality hurts.

Almost all my relationships in the past has always been me dumping the guys. Now i find that i'm the one being dumped. Hafiz was the guy i really2 like last time and he sorta left me all of a sudden by silent treatment. It just hurts real bad coz i really2 like him..

And coz of him i find it hard to fall in love.. Until Faizan came along and gave me hope of being loved again and i fell for him and gave him my heart. And all of a sudden again silence..

It's as if I'm being killed twice.. I still dun get it.. Where did i go wrong? These few days had been hell for me.. Been crying n crying till i cant cry anymore.. My heart cries each day when i'm in the train, passing by those places really makes me blue.. It's sad that it all had to end like dis... I really2 miss him...

What's My Fault?

Its been 5 days and he's still silent.. It's slowly killing me.. Why is he doing dis to me? After all those stuff we did, he suddenly goes silent on me... What the fuck la.. I'm so depressed... Totally low spirited, it's as if i dun haf the will to carry on in life.. I noe it's stupid to just be depressed about dis kinda thing but... to haf two guys u love to leave u the same way one after the other really kills me...

Baby please... I need You

God please dun let this be the 2nd heartbreak that i have to suffer... Why?? Why now?? I thought that i've regain my strengths in life when HE came along.. But why does he haf to torture me in the same way that i have been tortured b4???

WhY???

Rejected Calls
Unanswered Calls
UnrepLiED mSgs
[[SILENCE]]

WAD IS WRONG WITH MY LOVE LIFE???? Why do the guys i really love treat me dis way?? WHY THE SILENCE????!!!!!

I've suffered enough when Hafiz left me.. Endless tears, flashbacks and memories.. It hurts me so much when he left.. I found it really hard to fall in love again after him..

But Faizan... He cured me out of my pain and my sorrow.. The endless tears became endless laughter with him.. And i loved every second that i am with him... I really need him in my life rite now as my strength... I love him too much...

Please dun do this to me baby... Talk to me... Dun leave me all alone by myself.. I need u.. I really2 do... Pls call me.. Pls text me.. Pls talk to me... It's already bad enuff that I have to deal with the fact that u work long hours... Baby please... Dun leave me alone wondering aimlessly... I'm suffering w/o u... Can't u see it??? Baby please..... I need you... I LOVE U...

Faizan

Went out with Faizan today.. Still a bit pissed off abt yesterday.. I mean, he totally cancelled on me and I took the pains of quarrelling with my parents becoz of him, in the end he cancelled on me.. wth.. And I was nearly knocked down by a bus whilst walking aimlessly, entertaining my feelings.. Aahh! Whatever.. Everything's ok already...

After sch, went to yishun, waited for him den we went to sembawang.. typical stuff laa... hmm...

It's like 2 weeks that i've been with him.. I'm surprised with myself.. And happy... That i can actually last this long with a chat guy.. haha... Totally not been myself.. I mean, where's the girl who said she was afraid of commitment?? He's totally everything to me right now...

I noe it kinda sounds mushy la.. But love is unpredictable.. I'm totally in love with him... Dunno wad i'll do without him... OMG... Most of my blogs r abt him.. Hahakz... Nahh... I will talk abt him less nowadays.. Gotta get other things updated too u noe.. haha..

Nitez everyone...

BoRiNg pArT 2

It's like 3.40 am and i haf nothing better to do and updating my blog. Haha... Just got off the fon with Faizan n my bill is gonna be super sky high man! haiz.... wad the heck!

I wanna meet him but i juz dunno how or wad escuse to give my parents.. It's like.. my life is practically controlled and confined.. I wanna go out with my frens and stuff.. but i'm only allowed to do that when i'm with a girlfriend.. I mean, do u even noe how many girlfriends i haf??? Practically none that i'm super close with.... Ok laa... Maybe Maz only but i can't be going out with her the whole time!! Wahhaha...

Like I said... Life is practically screwed....

Teenage Angst

I am so fucking guilty.... Just went to smoke.. Now my head's kinda spinning.. Not worried about me though.. I'm just being a lil paranoid over some things.. Well.. Dunno if the thing inside me is breathing or not or if its really there but.... Ouhhk! I'm getting paranoid...

Hmm.. These few days are the most crappy days of my life.. I mean, wtf... Just because I have a lot of guy friends, my dad threatened to make me quit school.. What the heck?! It's so unlogical.. I mean, sch is co-Ed, work is co-Ed.. Can't think of anything which is NOT co-Ed.. Ok, maybe if I was a lesbian, then maybe it's ok w/o guy friends.. BUT I'M STILL FUCKING STRAIGHT.. What the hell....

School.. My grades are practically dropping.. Got a C for Communications, just because I came late... That was actually because I went to meet Faizan.. OuHh what the heck!

Shaffie... How do i tell him? Still blur.. I mean, he's totally hopeful of us ans stuff but I can't go on with him.. I'm like, trying my best to be oh so faithful to Faizan.. Shaffie is nice and all but I just dun click with him anymore...

oK... I'm pretty much screwed...

Not Science Again

OmG! I'm totally hating Science.. Have always hated Science and will always hate Science.. It's like so crappy.. I dun even understand a single shit.. Especially Physics... WaLAo!! Hate it to the core man! I mean, I'm taking Business so why the fuck do i need to study Science for? It's always Science this, Science that... I HATE SCIENCE!