There's so much sadness around me but here i am, happy and contented with my life despite all those family squabbles that i have once in a while. I'm just grateful for this happiness and also with the people who have been with me all this while.
I've never really had close frens or best friends. Maybe Aisyah if she's still in Singapore or in RP. I really realised that the duration of a friendship does not determine the closeness and understanding. I've seen Ash and Sandy suffered because of this. What about me then? I've known Maz since i was 7 and been frens when we were 11. I still dun feel the bond even though i consider her as my best friend. Then again, do i even haf best friends? To me, best friends are just terms ppl use to show how close their friendship is. If they understand each other so deeply, good for them. But to me, i havent found that best friend. Maybe not yet. Maybe i haf. I'm not sure.
But i realise, ppl do change. I mean, me, Maz and Aisyah were really damn close last time. But we've gone our separate ways. And to me, Aisyah is still the same person as she was and i can talk to her abt anything. But thing is, me and her are miles apart and we're always busy. As for Maz, i dun really understand her nw. I mean, i never have understood her much. I guess I'm just experiencing wad Aisyah is experiencing in Sec Sch. Yes, she puts her new found friend first b4 me. But, i cant really blame her for that coz i'm busy with CCAs and stuff. Which leads back to the whole trigger.. What's a best friend for?
Hmmm.... Maybe i wont understand all this. Den again, would i let it a chance? The only frens i haf now are my schoolmates. Hakz. My secondary school frens haf all gone separate ways. Was it my fault to be away from them? For thinking that we haf no common interest therefore, breaking away from the clique? To tell u the truth, i've never really regretted it. But i still consider u guys as frens. Its just that, i hate being in a clique. I want to be free. To be myself and live my own life. I just couldnt go on with u guys. I can never understand y. Farah and Ika.. I really treat u guys as my friends. It's just, i haf no clue on the stuff that u guys talk abt and i noe that this cannot go on. Tts y i broke away from u guys. I hope u guys understand.
Poly life came to me in a different manner. I knew ppl who are more in-depth in their thinking, always supporting each other thru thick and thin and also had issues in life which requires a lot of emotions. Yet, they never give up and always stuck with their principles. This is where i blend in. Still, the term best friend may and may not apply here. I dunno. I'm just a lost soul.
Fret not, i have never regretted meeting the people i've known. No matter how hard it went or how tuff it gets, i have never regretted knowing u guys. I'm just a little lost in friendship. Maybe i cant commit. Or the fear of it. Or i never haf the time to haf frens. I dunno.
But to me, for now, the best friend i haf is my boyfriend. Well, does that count??? I'm not sure though. The endless conversations on the phone that we haf are the only thing that is keeping me happy all this while. I cant even meet him. THAT IS SO PATHETIC. Shucks. Hmmm... He's been thru my ups and downs all this while, be it my family problems or whatever. He's been there. I'm just grateful for that.
Pardon my language for this post. I'm just feeling blue all of a sudden. Haizz... Sorry if i've offended anybody, which i guess i have..
No comments:
Post a Comment